Chapter Fourteen: An Accident of Birth
Azula is summoned to her father.
"So, little princess," Fire Lord Ozai says as she kneels before the throne. Venom is in her golden eyes, but she keeps her mouth shut. Someday she will kill him. Someday she will be strong enough, "you love making choices. But I think you've never truly dealt with the repercussions."
Azula looks up at him. "This is about the baby."
"This is about your little girlfriend, and your nation," he corrects viciously, although they both know he is lying. Azula slowly stands up, daring to make eye contact. "Do you want me to spare her?"
"What's the price?" Azula asks coldly, but her voice cracks slightly. He knows he has her pinned.
"The price is you making a little speech for me, without going off of the script." It does not sound nearly as bad as Azula assumed. "And after the speech, you will personally oversee the executions of the insurgents who wanted you on the throne."
"You want me to betray my supporters and endorse you."
"Very good job repeating back to me what I just said," Ozai remarks snidely and Azula's neck tenses. "Yes, that's what I want. But it is your choice. You can be a martyr or your girlfriend can live. You can be beloved by the people more than they've loved anyone. Or you can be loved by her. Take your time. They're all only rotting in prison with execution orders signed."
Azula weighs her odds. She cannot fight back. No matter how many times Mai screams in her ear that she has all the weapons she needs against her father, she knows that she will always lose. Whatever it is that curses her, he will always be more powerful and he will always exert that power over her.
She is bold, brilliant and powerful. But he manages to strip away all of that and make her less than human, less than royalty. The love she had for her father that kept her from losing it is gone. He destroyed it himself. Azula looks at him and sees her greatest enemy, but one that will defeat her over and over and over again, unlike anything else she has ever faced.
And suddenly, she gives up. If he will always win, she might as well fight.
As Ozai waits for her to speak, she touches two fingers together and before he can lift an arm the room is blinded by blue light and the deafening crack of lightning. As the smoke clears, Fire Lord Ozai lies dead.
"Azula, I can't wait all day," and father's voice breaks Azula out of her reverie.
Headache. She looks up and the only smoke in the room is from the burning throne. Hallucination. She imagined it. Her fingers are touching behind her back, tempting her to bring him down with a bolt of lightning. But if she were to miss, or if he were to live like Zuko... the repercussions would be too much. It isn't worth it.
She lowers her hands.
"You promise to spare Ty Lee?" Azula inquires feebly. She can see his corpse in her mind but he sits there regally and overly proud.
"Yes," he says with a smug smile. "You just read the words I tell you and let the public know you won't stand for insurgents. I'm sure the new face of Princess Azula will... well, you'll overcome it by the time you're mentally ready to be Fire Lord."
Azula inhales slowly.
She is weak.
The event comes more quickly than Azula would like it to. She stopped eating days ago and feels faint, and her father has forced her to the long lonely dining room table to eat breakfast. She stares at a plate of food and cannot summon the willpower to put it in her mouth. He examines her, looking for a weakness to exploit.
At least he wants her to eat. That's a sign that he may be her father and not just some nightmare.
"I'm sure it's nerve wracking. But, little princess, you can't say good morning without lying twice. The speech is no different, and your teenage love will be saved," he says and Azula feels nauseous. "It's just another lie to get what you want."
"I want you to show her to me," Azula says, pushing her food around on her plate. "I need to see that she's alive; I'm not stupid."
"That's a fair request. Eat your food."
Azula obeys. She hates herself for it, overwhelmed with a twisting feeling as she forces it into her mouth. It was a foolish protest, starvation. Is she that childish and desperate? She has grown into a woman in her time as Fire Lord and her life in the Water Tribe. Little rebellions against her father are a waste of time.
And Fire Lord Ozai complies to Azula's request. Azula sits in the throne room beside him, at his right hand, uncomfortable. Her clothes are pinned in such a way to cover the bump on her abdomen, as if people will not find out eventually. Her hair is washed and tied up. It was riddled with so many knots that a servant nearly cried when she tried to get them out. But, honestly, in the Water Tribe, topknots were not exactly practical.
Princess Azula looks like a corpse of herself, and that is the first thing Ty Lee notices when she is taken into the throne room in handcuffs. Her first thought is that this is her execution, Azula's hollow eyes looking broken.
"You didn't lie," Azula says to her father. Her words don't have enough breath behind them.
Ty Lee gazes at the floor. Azula tries not to move her face at all. She cannot give her father the upper hand, even if he is already winning.
"Then I suppose you can get to practicing your speech," the Fire Lord says and Ty Lee is taken away as quickly as she came.
Azula wraps her arms around herself. She is getting in too deep. Far too deep.
The next day, Azula wakes at sunrise, as she always does. She spends most of the morning vomiting, tears trickling from her eyes as her stomach convulses. She washes out her mouth and still cannot rid herself of the taste. Today she is forced to sacrifice her reputation as a leader for her relationship with Ty Lee.
It is not what Azula would have done years ago. Too much has changed for her liking and she does not know how to process it.
Later, she stands in her room, being fitted into clothes like something her father can show off. It is something she would have tolerated as a child but is degrading now. Maybe she is only sixteen, but she might as well be an adult.
"Make sure you cover up that bump," Fire Lord Ozai remarks in passing, causing one of the four servants making Azula presentable to break out in even more of a sweat.
Azula gazes at herself in the mirror with a thousand yard stare. She seems vacant, Ozai notices, and he does not know if it is to spite him or if she has genuinely given up. He has never seen Azula defeated, not against any foe. Fighting five men at once because he demanded it or fighting against his own fleets and nearly winning. Tactically brilliant.
And he has destroyed that. If she only weren't so broken mentally, she could be great. He contemplated many times the part he played in breaking her down and reducing her to ashes and fragments, but his doubts are easy to sweep aside and chalk it up to her losing her mind.
That could not be because of him. He has done too much for her.
As Ozai walks past the bedroom where Azula is being decorated for her speech, he feels slightly dizzy, thinking about his mistake, his secret that Azula has. That she could use against him in numerous ways. She is too devious, too conniving to trust with... whatever is inside of her.
He pauses at a dusty parlor and looks inside. A shelf with pointless relics of children; from his childhood, from Iroh's, Lu Ten, Azula and Zuko. Each one of them have been casualties of Ozai's rise to power. It is... unfortunate, he supposes.
Walking inside, intrigued by a knife of Iroh's that Ozai once stole, he picks it up and examines it. A small smile he hopes no one will see.
He turns with the sensation that someone is behind him. A little girl, slightly distorted by the shadowy hallway and the sunlight from behind the curtains in the parlor. He looks at her, walking towards her without wondering who she is.
She clutches something in her hands, a ruby sphere that looks incredibly expensive, or like an unwanted present.
The girl turns and is gone, raven hair flowing behind her. Ozai looks around the corner and realizes in his gut who the girl was.
He turns at the shelf and sees the ruby sphere glittering next to drawings and trinkets of Azula's childhood accomplishments.
It is not the first time his daughter has haunted him since she was thirteen; but it is the first time he imagined she was there when she was not.
He leaves the parlor, shutting the door behind him and abandoning the room, and goes to take care of more important arrangements than his daughter's hair.
Azula stands on the balcony of the Royal Plaza where she started a riot over half a year ago. She has memorized the speech, one she helped write, which killed her pride. She looks stunning, the bump is covered. She touches the cold stone of the guardrail and looks at the gathered people.
She announced here the death of her brother. After Sozin's Comet. And she announced that she had become Fire Lord as her father had intended before his untimely death.
How Azula wishes those things were still true.
Azula gives her speech and it is riveting. It is all a lie that is propaganda for Fire Lord Ozai, but the people believe it when they hear it from her. The people of the Fire Nation love her like they have never loved before. The only person she cannot control, the only person she cannot convince, is the man who exercises his power of her with disregard for her health.
Her speech is over as she can only think about memories long gone. Her descent started the day the Fire Nation lost at the North Pole. And she will lay waste to any fleet her father sends at her like the Avatar did that day. She will take her throne will blood and fire, if she can only get to Ba Sing Se.
And now she stands at the execution. Her eyes are fixated on the platform.
"These are accused of high treason, and rebellion in your name," Ozai says with a hint of melodrama. Azula's stomach twists as she detaches from this world. "Do you want to see them die?"
And Azula says with conviction that only a great liar can present, "Yes, father."
She does not close her eyes as they look at her with confusion and betrayal in their expressions. And they are killed one by one, by a firing squad of flames.
Azula is returned to the palace and locked in her room once more. She lies on the bed and wonders where she went wrong. Where she lost her way. She needs to win. She needs to defeat him but she... she can't. She doesn't know why but she can't.
The door opens and someone is tossed inside. So Ozai did not lie; he has given her Ty Lee in exchange for what she did.
"You look angry," Azula says, caressing the side of Ty Lee's face. Her hand is brushed away and Azula's jaw juts out in rage.
"I don't know if I'm angry or not," murmurs the acrobat, shrugging softly. She glances at the locked door and wonders if her situation has improved at all.
"I just saved your life," Azula says quietly, looking offended. She is offended. It killed her to sacrifice her following in the Fire Nation for her girlfriend, but she did it and Ty Lee should be grateful.
Ty Lee says nothing in response. Azula gazes at her, at the betrothal necklace against her neck. It throbs with her pulse as she seems to be in a staring contest with the doorknob.
"How am I supposed to live with myself?" Ty Lee asks, her voice strained. Azula is confused; she has just given her a perfect gift and she looks wounded. "You traded all of those people for me. You gave yourself to your father for me."
"You should be flattered, not angry at me," Azula says harshly, offended to the core. It hurts Ty Lee to hurt her but she cannot imagine why Azula would do such a thing. They are both so bad at loving.
"I'm not angry. I'm just... disappointed or something," Ty Lee replies weakly, trying to distance herself from her feelings. That is the only way to handle this with Azula.
"What do you want me to do?" Azula demands, throwing her arms up. She walks to the side of the room and leans against the wall as if she needs it to keep standing. "I'm trying to do what I have to."
"You didn't have to cave in. You just decided to lie down and let all of this happen," Ty Lee says, sitting on her knees. "You're hollow and different and we built his beautiful life and you didn't care about it at all. All you could see is what you wanted, and it's never what you already have."
Azula purses her lips. She has no response, so she averts her eyes. Ty Lee stares at the bedding as if it can give her answers.
"Your father doesn't control you," Ty Lee says, looking up.
"It certainly looks like it," Azula replies sharply and Ty Lee's heart skips a beat. She touches her chest and takes a slow breath. "I haven't given up. But right now... there's nothing I can do and you all seem to assume I have the magic fix."
"I've done everything I could for you." Silence. "Apparently it wasn't enough."
Azula punches a flaming hole into the wall. Ty Lee flinches, and then lies down, her hands folded atop her stomach.
"Love is jealous, petty, cruel and manipulative," Azula tells the mirror. She is half-dressed and in disarray. Her thoughts are still strongly on the loss of her virginity, and the girl she lost her virginity to. "Love is not desirable."
Her words sound like things her father would say.
Maybe she is just running on her father's wisdom. Though, what else does she have? Everything she is, he taught her to be. And he has been right.
He made me a weapon. Trained, carefully honed and sharpened. I...
Azula shakes her head and the train of thought disappears. She finishes getting dressed and walks to the courtyard to train. She struggles at first, keeping slipping up. Cursing at herself when her feet don't move the right way, when the flames are uncontrollable, when she has a hair out of place. The only time the thoughts go away are when she feels the hum of lightning surging through her body.
She blasts a tree in two with a single bolt.
Better? Sort of.
"I'm apparently not good enough for you," Azula says, solely to hurt Ty Lee; she does not believe a word of it.
"I'm going to sleep, Azula," Ty Lee whispers, not wanting to fight. Azula wanted a screaming match, but she just stares out of the window and digs her fingers into the sill.
"Do you really believe that we'll win this war?" Ty Lee says, sitting up and crawling close to Azula.
"Of course I do. I always win," Azula says softly, not sure where this night is going. She thinks of the kiss that should not have been. The dance of sexual craving and odd romance that permeates what once was platonic.
"Your confidence is inspiring. When you say it... I guess I believe too. Or maybe I believe that you believe. And... I guess that's good enough," Ty Lee says, and Azula does not see the fear in her eyes. "What if these are our last moments?"
"We've beat them time and time again. And we're going to burn it all to the ground anyway. That comet, I mean, these aren't our last days─"
Azula's monologue is cut off by Ty Lee kissing her. It was her this time who initiated, although she took the blame last time. Azula kisses her back.
They latch onto each other in the hot summer night. They kiss again, more frantically, tongues in each other's mouths. Azula slips off her ruby nightgown, Ty Lee's eyes following it every as it is discarded onto the floor. She looks at the princess's body, blushing. She is intoxicating.
Legs interlocked. A thousand burning kisses. Ty Lee takes off her own clothes, struggling with them. They have awkward limbs, discomfort. Azula breathes out smoke at some point, as Ty Lee's fingers slip up the inside of her thigh swirling along the way.
Azula does not know how to do this, but she moves like some kind of creature risen from the sea. Ty Lee feels her heart beating far too fast as Azula touches her neck and pushes her down. On top of her she is in control, she is not caving in to desires she is not allowed to have.
With the brush of tentative hands against breasts, Ty Lee moans and Azula decides she does not care anymore.
She gives herself to her raw desire like she was taught never to do.
Azula lies down, close to Ty Lee but far away at the same time.
Maybe she really was Azula's downfall.
And she is attracted to her in some sick, self destructive way.
Maybe she should have let her die.
Time passes. It does. Even when it lags endlessly. Zuko plots every day, in his cell. He has no idea how like his uncle he has become. But he does not think the retired general would be proud of him. Zuko has tasted failure and slept in these cells before and he does not handle it as well as he could.
Zuko needs to get out. And he will take his friends with him. Grab Korra and make a new Team Avatar. He thinks about it when he goes to sleep, when he wakes up. He scratches marks into the walls to try to keep track of the days and it has been at least two months.
The door opens and a new guard comes in. He must have just started, or transferred cell blocks.
"The traitor prince, huh?" he asks, his voice high enough to still be young. Zuko does not respond to him. "People have hated you for so long now it's almost boring. We shouldn't be turning on our own even if they're traitors, in my opinion."
Zuko raises an eyebrow.
"The guard I replaced said that every time he takes you out of your cell he changes the scratches on the wall." Silence. "I don't approve of beating prisoners or any of that bullshit. None of you are worth my time or my fists."
"You're cocky. Born rich? Went to school but had to drop out because you couldn't keep up with grades, and your father got you into the military? You're serving here because you're too afraid to go on the front lines in the Earth Kingdom, but you just make excuses about it and say you're waiting for the right offer to come up," Zuko says slowly, his voice hoarse from lack of using it. The guard looks frightened and Zuko feels an awful lot like Azula.
"Well, what screwed you over?" the guard replies huffily, although he looks unnerved.
"An accident of birth." Silence. Zuko shrugs and stands up, walking to the other side of the cell.
As Zuko contemplates the fact that he was screwed from the moment he was born, Azula is hung up on what exactly is going to happen to herself and her vengeance.
"You really need to stop calling it your vengeance. It's a baby," Ty Lee says, trying to pry open the window. She managed to open it a crack yesterday with the arms that can support her entire body suspended off of the ground, but today it is as if it is bolted shut.
"It's not like I'm having it to do baby things."
"Maybe you'll want to do baby things when you have it."
"My father is going to steal it from me. I know he will. We'll have to rescue it," Azula says for the thousandth time.
"He isn't going to steal it. We're prisoners here. It's not like we're going to walk out the door the moment you give birth," Ty Lee says with a roll of her protuberant eyes, Azula shuddering visibly at the last two words. "I can't believe you're putting yourself through this just to punish your dad. I think a lightning bolt through his face would be less... messy."
"We need every weapon we can get," Azula says, trying to find a comfortable position in her bed and failing.
"I think you secretly want it."
"I think you should mind your place."
"Mind my place? We were getting married." Pause. "You're a traitor like me, you're locked up like me and you've been knocked down to my level pretty hard." Pause. "I'm sorry. That's a terrible thing to say. I'm just sweaty and I haven't eaten all day and..."
Ty Lee trails off. Azula clearly is not listening, or is pretending not to listen. Ty Lee sits down at the foot of the bed, near Azula's feet, and examines her face. She looks pale and on the gaunt side. Ty Lee looks no better when she sits in front of the mirror and tries to attempt braid upkeep.
"He has to die sometime," Azula says softly, her mantra. "Rulers reign. They reign and then they die. That's the natural order of things."
"I don't think Fire Lord Ozai plays by the rules," Ty Lee whispers and Azula swallows. Her mouth feels dry and she does not want to admit that she is weak and the only way she holds on is by pretending her father cares.
"He loves me," Azula says, her voice barely a breath. "He's always loved me and we wouldn't be alive if he didn't. I was his choice, his... replacement child."
"Replacement child?" Ty Lee has never heard of this, and she imagined she would hear a lot of it from Azula. "You never talked about that."
"I've never talked about a lot of things," Azula says and Ty Lee supposes she is right. The princess keeps secrets far better than her girlfriend. "He had me because he thought Zuko was so disappointing. My mother didn't want me. It showed."
"That's why you and Zuko blame each other for your problems, " Ty Lee says and Azula shrugs. "Because you were born to hate each other. That's so sick!"
"I don't think we hate each other," Azula corrects, but it is futile. She and Zuko may get along now that they've both been scorned by Ozai, but they still blame each other for each fault.
"Do you think he's alive?" Ty Lee asks, touching Azula's ankle. The princess does not react to her fingers.
"Probably. I think my father would make a show of it if he killed the traitorous Fire Nation Prince."
"Korra?"
"He has no idea she's the Avatar. I think she'll be indoctrinated into the Fire Nation because she's young. We've done that with prisoners plenty of times. Only to send them off to die in war but... hmph." Azula shrugs and sighs.
"Katara?"
"He also would show that off. They're both probably in prison. Mai visited them up until a month ago," Azula states as if she is commenting on the weather. Ty Lee cannot help but be perturbed by how detached Azula has become in her nearly three months of captivity.
"Can I ask you something?" Ty Lee inquires, running her fingertips up and down Azula's leg. She can feel the bones.
"We have lots of time," Azula replies bitterly, making a strange face.
"Why do you break down for him? You've killed people stronger than your father. Your bending is way more powerful than his. If you wanted, I bet you could kill him. You've had chances and... I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." Ty Lee stops moving her hand.
"He's more powerful than I am. My bending doesn't matter in this case. I've tried to fight him and I've always regretted it. I can't challenge him unless I have an army."
"He can't control you anymore."
"Yes, he can."
"Why, Azula? Why do you just shut down at the sight of him? Why didn't you take him out at the South Pole?" Ty Lee demands shrilly, her eyes swelling with melodramatic tears.
"Don't ask anymore," Azula says forcefully, closing her eyes and pulling up the blankets around herself.
"You are not weak. You are brave and beautiful and..."
"Don't."
And Ty Lee doesn't.
The scratches on the wall are too confusing by the time Zuko is removed from his cell. He has been occasionally for basic healthcare and the occasional brutality, both opposite ends of the extreme. But the current guard, as they change every week or so, tells him his father wants to see him.
This cannot be good, is the only thing Zuko can think as he is guided in a prison carriage to the palace. He is dizzy and faint as he leans against the hot steel walls and realizes that it is summer. It's summer. Two years have passed since his failure during the comet.
Almost one year has passed since he joined forces with his sister against a common enemy. Two years since she defeated he and Katara. His time in the South Pole was short-lived compared to his time behind bars. He has been in and out of prison more than a kleptomaniac. But he is hated a lot more than the common thief.
When he arrives at the palace, he is escorted to his room. It is so permeated with dust that he coughs, phlegm rising in his throat. Servants handle him very carefully, not speaking even when he addresses them. Father must have ordered that.
He looks... almost like a prince when they are finished. It takes until the sun is setting for him to be groomed like some kind of poodle-monkey for his father's amusement. But he does not mind being out of the filth and squalor of the prison.
As the sun dips below the horizon, he is led to the dining room. It is as cold and dark as it has ever been. Only three chairs are at the overly long table, and Zuko tries to remember a time when it was full of life and a large family. But they have been picked up one by one by Ozai's lust for power.
Zuko is seated directly across from his father. He meets Fire Lord Ozai's eyes without fear of retribution. He won't submit, no matter what they do to him.
"You asked for me?" Zuko inquires as his father studies him closely.
"I just want to have dinner with you," father says and Zuko can tell there is more to it than that.
Candles are lit and Zuko wonders if he could seize control of them, but his thoughts are squashed by handcuffs. His firebending has grown in strength since he last saw his father; he practiced at the South Pole. But even he can't do anything with his hands and feet shackled. The shadowy servant doing this sets his hands on the table as if he cannot do it himself.
Free enough to eat, not free enough to fight. Typical of his father.
They are joined before Zuko can say another word.
"You look awful," Zuko says, neglecting the fact that the Fire Lord always speaks first.
"Thank you. Just what every girl wants to hear," hisses his sister.
She does look terrible. Zuko spent a lot of time imagining how much better off she was. Probably living in a palace and getting her hair washed by servants and free from any repercussions. But she was hit as hard as him. Maybe worse; he heard about her forced speech. The people she claimed to execute who were her supporters. Prison might have been better; at least Zuko could see the bars.
"Well, we're all here now," Fire Lord Ozai says and Zuko looks up at him. Azula doesn't; she stares at her gilded, empty plate. Zuko finds it incredibly odd; he has never seen his sister so... hollow. "Look at me, Azula." She doesn't. "Look at me." She doesn't and Zuko struggles against the handcuffs. It is killing him to see her this way.
It is like the guards that took pleasure in beating Zuko and making his life as miserable as possible. As punishment for betraying his Nation. Except this is her own father trying to make her pay, and that is sick. And Azula still loves him, Zuko is certain.
"Zuko, turn your sister's face towards me," Fire Lord Ozai says and Zuko twitches towards her. But he stops. The worst Ozai can do is kill him... and that wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen to Zuko.
"No," Zuko says and Azula's head pops up.
She glances between them, looking startled. Yet vaguely dazed. From her shoulders up she looks like a starved prisoner in one of the old places where grandfather held waterbenders. They were treated more harshly than any other group imprisoned or executed. And Zuko was told all about it when they took Katara to one. People seem to be under the impression that she is his girlfriend, but that does not mean he doesn't care about her.
Azula looks far, far more pregnant than when Zuko last saw her. He was forced to watch her speech some time ago and he could barely see a bump, and Azula did not look like she is made of bones and bones alone. He cannot believe how much has changed.
And that he did not stop it.
"Let's attempt casual conversation. Or have you become uncivilized so quickly living among the Water Tribe?" Fire Lord Ozai says, almost kindly. As if putting on a show. But nobody is watching but slaves.
Azula takes a breath, feeling relatively inspired by her brother saying no to their father. This is her time, her time to hurt him.