Chapter 14 - Night Lights

Paul usually always answered the phone on the second ring, but tonight Dawn was annoyed to find that he wasn't picking up. She rolled her eyes impatiently and called again.

He answered this time, on the fourth ring, and begrudgingly too, if his irritated tone was any indication. "What, Dawn?"

"Nice to hear from you too, asshole," she greeted somewhat snappily. "Have you forgotten about my existence at all?"

"I have been busy," was the curt reply, but even through the phone she could detect the twinge of guilt in his voice.

"Yeah, well, tonight you're busy with me," Dawn informed him jubilantly, grinning as she heard his aggravated groan from the other side. "Did you get my text?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure how to reply to "Pack up for an adventure, Sunshine. Tonight we leave The Shire."

Dawn scowled. "So, what? You decide not to reply at all?"

"Generally I tend to ignore such little annoyances until they go away. Usually works, plus I heard it's a real healthy thing to do."

"Well, I'm one little annoyance that won't go away, no matter how stubbornly you ignore it."

"How comforting."

"Pack your shit, Bilbo, and come pick me up."

"Actually, I was planning to sleep tonight, if you don't mind."

"The thing is, I do mind. Come pick me up."

"You're joking, right? It's nearly eleven already."

Dawn sighed exasperatedly. "You must know by now that I never joke about an adventure."

"Dawn…"

"I'll be down on the porch in fifteen minutes and you better be there with a vehicle in tow. Forget packing, God knows you'll take forever, and we don't have that much time. Just bring your precious self, your truck and a blanket, if at all possible. I think it's going to be a cold night."

There was a pause and then a decidedly defeated sigh resounded from the other side. "Someday I'll stop involving myself in your crazy schemes."

Dawn smiled cheekily into the phone. "You and I both know that today won't be that day."

"I hope you're aware that I'm expecting some sort of reward in return for this slavery."

"Ah, but then it wouldn't be slavery."

"I'm hanging up now."

"Fifteen minutes, Sunshine."

"…"

"Paul?"

"That was the sound of me ignoring you, in case you couldn't tell."

"Oh please," Dawn snorted mockingly. "You couldn't ignore me if you tried."

"Tch. You're annoying."

"Love ya too!"

There were a few seconds of silence on the other side before the call ended.

Paul could make out the contours of her small figure, waiting in the dark driveway with what seemed to be a big-ass picnic basket in hand. She was wearing an oversized hoodie that he recognized as his, which she'd claimed as her own a while back and simply refused to return.

(And he didn't really have the heart or the desire to ask for it back. Maybe, just maybe, a very small part of him kind of liked seeing her wearing something of his, but that was something that he'd never admit to himself, let alone aloud.)

Her hair was casually braided back and she looked effortlessly beautiful as always, angelic exterior matching the kindness beneath.

Paul sharply drew a breath as his fingers twitched on the steering wheel. To think of her as physically attractive is one thing, but thoughts like these you need to push out of your head. Self-control, Shinji. You can't afford to lose even more of yourself than you already have. Not to this girl. Not to anyone.

He exhaled and turned down the volume of the radio, currently blasting Hotel California, as he pulled his Jeep to a stop in front of the dark house. Illuminated by the weak porch light, Dawn looked surreal, almost like a mythical being, like a siren hidden in the shadows, calling to him, leading him towards his sure demise. The first feature that he could make out were her eyes, shining like two bright gemstones with the reflection of his truck's headlights.

How did she talk me into this? I'm losing my mind already.

Dawn smiled at him widely and flipped her braid back as she tried to fit both herself and the huge carry-on she brought in the passenger seat. He eyed the big basket with the nicely folded checkered blanket on top, willing himself to look away from her face. "You're not carrying a murder weapon in there, are you?"

She regarded the basket with a contemplative look for a second. "A bit tricky, beating you to death with a sandwich. But we can give it a try if you want."

"Hm. It would be wrong to waste food."

Dawn laughed. "I completely agree. Okay, let's see... Here, take this!"

She held out a brown paper bag with triumph. Paul took it from her and examined it suspiciously. Big black hand-written letters read: PAUL'S ADVENTURE SWAG BAG.

He raised an incredulous eyebrow at Dawn, who was grinning at him gleefully. "Paul's Adventure Swag Bag? Seriously, Dawn?"

"Look inside!" she urged like an impatient kid, giggling childishly.

He sighed and rolled his eyes with pronounced irritation as he opened the paper bag and took out an object. "A headlamp? What are we, going mining?"… "A 'Dora the Explorer' lunchbox? You ran out of originality there, didn't you?"

Dawn just sat there and watched him, smiling.

He reached inside again and this time pulled out a small notebook with a pen attached to it, covered in obnoxious pink glitter. "In case you get inspired," he read the little label aloud and felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"I customized it myself! What do you think?"

"I think that you're insane," he responded quietly, glancing at her with a hint of fondness in his gray eyes.

"Well, I think that you could definitely use a dose of glitter in your life."

"Please tell me the ink itself isn't pink and glittery."

She just raised her eyebrows pointedly. "You insult me." She reached towards her seatbelt. "Now, I'd appreciate it if we started moving already. Don't want to be late."

He gave her a side glance as he pulled out of her driveway. "Late for what," he probed, but her only reply was a mysterious smile. "Care to tell me where we're going, at least? I kind of need a direction."

"Pull to the highway."

They drove in silence for a while. The landscape was getting more and more rural as the jeep glided further down the road. Paul was starting to get suspicious that Dawn was guiding them out of the city and decided to try again. "Am I taking an exit sometime soon or are we relocating to another town?"

"If you must know, we're going to the airport."

Paul furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What?"

"You heard me."

"You should have said so a tad earlier, dumbass." He snapped at her, irritated. "We missed the exit already."

Dawn looked outside the window. "No, we didn't."

Paul's eyebrow twitched. "Yes. We did."

She rolled her eyes. "Relax, you nerd, we haven't reached our destination yet."

He struggled to keep his voice calm, "Dawn. We passed by the airport a few minutes ago. This might come as a surprise to you, but those big lights you saw on your right weren't just floating in mid-air."

"Relax, would you? Our exit is right up ahead. There, you see it? Turn right here."

Paul was unprepared for the lumpy little road the Jeep turned on, and cursed under his breath as it hit a particularly big bump. "Is this it?" He growled grumpily and glared ahead through the windshield. "Is this the place where you murder me?"

"Don't worry, the sandwich is still in the basket." She opened the window on her side and peeped outside. "We're here," she chirped contently and Paul brought the truck to an abrupt stop in the middle of the dusty road.

Dawn closed the window, unfastened her seatbelt and sat up with her eyes aglow in excitement. "You can leave the car here."

More than a little bewildered, Paul gave his companion a quizzical look, as if saying 'What now?' Instead of giving him the clarification he expected, the girl checked the contents in her enormous basket hastily and asked, "What time is it?"

"Ten minutes to midnight."

"Shoot, we're going to miss it!" She quickly jumped out of the car and hastily put on a headlamp around her head, urging him to hurry up.

He frowned as he took his Adventure Swag Bag and locked the Jeep. "Miss what, a flight?"

She smiled slightly. "Sort of. Come on!"

His confusion only grew when he saw her take off on a small beaten track, almost hidden from view because of lush, unkempt grass. He hurried after her, hearing her shout "Hurry up! And put on your headlamp, so that we don't lose each other in the dark!"

Paul grumbled dejectedly and did as he was told, breaking into a jog in the process, trying to keep up with the moving light strapped on Dawn's head. She turned around and waited for him, urging him to hurry. When he reached her, she grabbed his arm and started running again, cutting through the grass and leaving the little path behind.

"We're almost there," she breathed out as she adjusted the basket in her other hand.

"Where the hell are you taking me," Paul protested as he blindly followed her, unable to make out anything of his surroundings. "There's nothing here."

She stopped all of a sudden and chuckled lightly. "I think we made it on time. Here, spread this blanket right here."

He looked at her in bewilderment, but obliged without a word. They sat down at the foot of a small hill, which would be more appropriately described as a swell in the ground. Dawn checked the time and sighed happily. "A few more minutes until it starts." She lied back and Paul followed silently, knowing she wouldn't reveal what the mysterious "it" was.

She turned her head towards him and smiled shyly. "I've wanted to show this to someone for a long time. Thank you for coming. Here, take this off." She reached out and removed the headlamp from around his head, brushing his bangs away from his face in the process, before getting rid of her own.

"Now what," he asked quietly, his eyes trained on her, set with a strange twinge of tranquility.

"Look up. Just wait for it."

They lied in silence for a few moments, before Dawn whispered almost inaudibly, "Do you hear it?"

Paul frowned in confusion. "Hear what?"

"It's getting louder," Dawn's voice was filled with anticipation. "Listen."

He heard it then. A dull roar was getting louder and louder with every second, and he felt the earth underneath him vibrate.

All of a sudden, he felt something warm touch his skin and it took him a second to register that Dawn had grabbed his hand in hers. "Don't close your eyes!" She shouted, but her cry was quickly drowned by the incredible noise that now reverberated in Paul's bones almost unbearably.

He felt her squeeze his hand tightly and a second later he was momentarily blinded by an ensemble of bright lights, which quickly flew overhead. He kept his eyes wide open and felt a cry rip from his chest as the plane passed over them and the roar reached its peak before steadily dying out.

The plane gained more and more height with every second that passed and soon enough it was a small twinkling light, barely visible in the distance.

Paul felt high on the adrenaline which had abruptly flooded his body mere seconds ago and heard Dawn's resonant laughter as a distant echo. "That was…"

"I know."

"That was fucking amazing," he whispered, still staring at the sky saucer-eyed.

"A few more are going to pass. Any minute now."

They didn't say anything after that, but as the next plane passed over them, and then the plane after that, their hands lay on the ground tightly entwined together, as though if they let go they were going to float away in opposite directions, ripped apart by the earth's vibrations.

"Thank you," Dawn spoke softly long after they had lost sight of the last plane that had passed overhead. "For sharing this with me," she sounded breathless. Paul dared a glance towards her and the image before his eyes was permanently imprinted in his visual memory.

Her cheeks were flushed red, her hair splayed out in the grass like some sort of elfin halo around her head, her eyes were alive with something and she was staring at him, as if trying to communicate words that the lips couldn't yet say.

"You're the one who brought me here," he murmured. "You did the sharing, not me."

"I know, I'm just…" she closed her eyes for a brief moment and then smiled at him beautifully. "I'm just really glad that I did."

He held her gaze for a long moment, before looking back towards the cloudless sky above. "How did you find this place anyway?"

"I…" she sounded hesitant. "I used to come here a lot with a friend of mine when I was younger."

"Kenny," The name unintentionally rolled off his tongue before he could stop himself, more like a statement than a question. He felt Dawn freeze beside him on the blanket.

She slowly sat up, as if unable to comprehend what he'd just said. "H-how did you…" she seemed unable to voice the end of her question as she stared at him in shock. He suddenly became very aware of her hand's absence by his side, and felt a dull ache in his gut.

"How did you know," she asked finally, in a quiet but firm voice. Even if it stung her to talk about this, he saw that she would do everything to keep herself controlled and collected, to keep him from finding out how close to home he had really hit.

"Something he said to me once," he replied evenly, trying to read her expression. Nothing. "In between insults during a brief encounter." It astonished him how easily the lie came to him. The ache got stronger.

Dawn averted her gaze and sighed with something akin to resigned sadness in her eyes. She looked almost melancholic and Paul couldn't tell whether her guard was up or down anymore. Abruptly, he realized that she didn't necessarily want to shut him out; it was the unpleasant feelings and memories that she wanted to protect herself from and this was the only defense mechanism she was familiar with.

"Were you close?"

"Yeah… At least I think so. I have no idea what went on in his head," Dawn murmured as she rested her chin on her knees. "It's so weird, you know. Trusting someone, having them know you, inside and out, and then the next moment they're just… gone. They don't care anymore."

Paul didn't know what to say for a second. "But in the end didn't you become stronger because of it? More independent?"

"Maybe," she looked at him and the sadness in her eyes was so intense that reflected through them he could see something broken inside from long ago. "But if the choice had been mine, I would have preferred being weak instead of lonely."

Paul studied her face closely for a few long moments. He suddenly felt the urge to share a piece of himself to her, to remove at least an inch from the stockpile of untold stories between them.

"I… I never got over my dad leaving us."

Dawn's eyes widened a fraction. The blue orbs were immediately flooded with compassion and understanding, as she silently prompted him to continue. And somehow that gentle, waiting look was all the nudge he needed. He exhaled sharply.

"I was so angry with him. I still am. Sometimes I feel the anger even stronger than it was back then. It's…" He paused and closed his eyes. "It's exhausting." It felt liberating to talk about his father after years of denying everything that had happened in his early childhood. He knew he was leaving a very important detail out, but the complete story was better left for another time. He glanced at Dawn again with a mirthless half-smirk. "Did I ever tell you how Reggie conned me into going to a therapist?"

She shook her head, her eyes trained on his.

"Anger management issues, that's what he said," Paul laughed humorlessly. "He told me that I needed an outlet for my feelings. And that writing would help."

Somehow her hand had found its way back to his. "That's how you started writing?"

"Yeah," he was looking at their hands on the blanket in contemplation. When he looked up, he found her looking at him with wonder. What do you see, Dawn? What do you see that makes me worthy of being here with you at this very second?

"It's very personal, isn't it? What you write," she inquired softly.

"It is. Privacy means nothing to Reggie, though. Knowing him and his big mouth I really shouldn't be surprised he told you." Paul paused, unsure. "You did find out from Reggie, right?"

"Yeah. How else could I have found out?"

He looked away and cleared his throat. "I don't know. Don't mind me, I'm just being paranoid."

"Hm." Dawn stared at him in hesitation. "Will you… show me sometime? Let me read something of yours, I mean."

Paul struggled to hide his shock. The silence was heavy and as it stretched on and on, Dawn was beginning to panic, wondering if she had pushed too far.

Everything was still for a moment, until Paul suddenly reached for his 'Dora the Explorer' lunchbox and took a sandwich out. "I'll think about it."

Dawn smiled to herself, immense relief washing over her. We've really come far.

She took a sandwich as well and adjusted herself in a comfortable sitting position.

They ate in a comfortable silence under the starry night sky, both feeling the distance they had walked to get here and the long way they had yet to go.

The surrounding world was quiet and peaceful. Two planes flew overhead one after another, seemingly headed in the same direction. Paul and Dawn followed the twinkling night lights with their eyes.

Neither knew what their own exact destination was, but both were excited for the journey.

Paul frantically wrote before the words could slip out of his mind. The surge of inspiration had been so sudden that he'd had to excuse himself to some nearby bushes, undoubtedly leaving Dawn with the impression that he needed to pee. He narrowed his eyes at the paper in front of him; the obnoxiously white light of his headlamp was making him see colorful spots. He took one final critical look at the pink scribbles and put the pen and the notebook back in his Swag Bag with a sigh.

Squinting in the dark, Paul took steady steps towards the blanket, fully intending to insist on going home already since the night had gotten, as expected, mighty cold. To his surprise, he found Dawn lying on the ground, curled up like a kitten, fast asleep.

He noticed that she had rolled over away from the thick blanket and was sleeping unperturbed on the cold hard ground. He didn't want to wake her, but that didn't leave him with many alternatives. Quietly, he folded the blanket and put it in the big basket, looping it around his arm. He paused for a second and tried to shield himself with apathy, before approaching Dawn's sleeping form and picking her up gently.

She was almost weightless, tiny and light and his arms, and he tried not to pay attention to her scent or the softness of her hair as it brushed against his skin.

Paul focused on his surroundings, doing his best to retrace their steps back to the Jeep and soon enough he could make out its contours in the dark. Setting the basket on the hood of the car as quietly as possible, he turned his gaze to the sleeping girl in his arms and felt his heart race at the sight of her. She instinctively snuggled closer to him and released a sleepy sigh of contentment and he struggled to keep the last of his self-control. He clenched his jaw and occupied himself with the task of opening the door to the passenger seat.

Leaning down, he deposited her gently in the limited space and lingered with his face close to hers for a few long moments. She stirred a little and he stiffened, horrified that she was awake and aware of his shameless staring, but she merely turned her head without waking.

A strand of hair fell in her face and before he could stop himself, he reached out and brushed it away, his fingertips lingering on her face decidedly longer than what he deemed appropriate.

Dawn didn't stir. Instead she leaned into his touch and he watched as her pretty lips tilted in the smallest, sweetest of smiles.

And Paul knew that the battle was lost.

He couldn't love her.

The terrifying reality was, he already did.

It was near four a.m. when they drove back into the city. Dawn was sleepy, curled up in the passenger seat and staring into the darkness outside with half-lidded eyes, and Paul was almost reluctant to leave her in a house that he knew was empty. The car ride was silent, a strange atmosphere of serenity settled around them, which he knew would disperse once he dropped her off, and that was all the more reason to drown in it while he still could.

The Jeep moved smoothly on the road ahead. In it two people, as different as day and night, but still shockingly similar in the most unexpected ways, created a vivid contrast even in their silence.

Dawn was close to falling asleep. Paul had never been more awake.