You and Me: Chapter 14
"I'm tripping on words"

"You look great, trust me. Don't be nervous tonight," Alice cooed as she brushed my hair for the umpteenth time.

"Do you brush Edward's hair this much," I joked lightly, even though my nerves sat in the pit of my stomach like a pile of bricks.

"What if I get booed off the stage," I groaned, "What if people hate me?"

"Auden, don't touch the mascara," she chastised before returning her attention, "Silly Bella, you're too cute to hate."

Ugh, there's that word again, 'cute.' I thought Max had said that Hollywood ate up cute.

"On set in fifteen," Jasper called from the other side of the door.

The reality of this still hadn't sat in with me, and here we were in the backstage of the club and preparing for 'Cover Night.' After being snuck in the back, nobody was aware of my presence. It hit me then that this would be the last time I would be 'just Bella.' Now I was stepping out into the limelight, and every person who had ever listened to the band Hour Glass Shot would know about me.

I would be exposed.

I had already done voice warm up before, but I swore I felt my throat begin to close. What if I couldn't hit the note again? I'd been able to get it the past few practices, but to say that I was comfortable with it was an overstatement. Sometimes I think I hit it out of pure luck.

Alice had agreed to leave me alone after minutes of convincing her that I would not die within the short period of her being gone. She also threatened to kill me if I cried out the makeup. Eventually she left, for which I was grateful. It was not that I didn't want Alice with me; it was just that I needed a moment to myself.

I stroked the braided bracelet that I had found in the bottom of my jewelry case earlier this evening. I couldn't believe that I had actually taken the cherished article off of me. The wave of emotions hit me once again, pulling me back into old Bella. No matter how depressing it was, there was one piece of me that my (hopefully, soon to be) fans and paparazzi could never touch. And that was the gnawing grief that made me who I was.

Three beads were on the bracelet; one blue, one yellow, and one brown with green specks of paint. Originally there had been two in the bracelet when Jacob had given it to me. First I stroked the yellow one that represented Renee's bright personality, and love of the sun. My thumb then traveled to the blue one that represented the color of my father's Forks Police uniform. Last, but definitely not least, I felt the grooves of the brown bead that had been dirtied with green paints. This bead was my addition, seeing as Jacob could not have known to have put in on there. This bead represented my Jacob and his brown skin. The green reminded me of the moss that grew on the rocks where we'd sit on La Push beach.

They would all be proud of me, I stifled the sob that threatened to pass through my glossed lips.

"Bella," Alice peeked in the room, "We're all meeting in the room sweetie. One more performance until we're on."

I nodded as I took a sip of my lukewarm water, "I'm coming now."

"I love you Mom, Dad and Jacob," I whispered for exiting the room after Alice.

For the next few seconds I was still a 'nobody' as I waltzed through the halls down to the band room. To those unknowing, I flashed my backstage pass until I met the secured door of Hour Glass Shot. The security guard flashed me a smile before allowing me into the room. I made a mental note to ask for his name later.

"Hey Bells," Emmett cheered. I smiled immediately. I didn't think I'd ever met someone so enthusiastic to see me, "Come take Eddie's seat. He's busy cussing off the babysitter."

I winced, "What did she do?"

"Nothing," Emmett shrugged, "He's just worried about Auden."

I nodded, "Are you nervous," I asked Jasper.

He chuckled, "If you haven't noticed I'm always a relatively calm guy. Don't worry so much Bella, you'll be fine. If not, I'll just pants Emmett. That'll keep the tabloids off 'ya."

A nervous giggle escaped me, "Thanks Jazz. But I hope you know that if you don't follow through with that, you're up for grabs."

He mocked fear as Edward stomped into the room.

"We don't need negative energy, Edward," Alice reminded him, "You're not helping Bella."

"Don't get your balls in a twist," Rosalie scoffed, "Auden's fine."

"You're both right," he sighed, "It's just that Kelsey couldn't make it tonight so she sent one of her friends that she 'highly recommends.' Is that supposed to comfort me? I asked for Kelsey, not Amanda, who by the way, gave Auden chocolate. What if he was allergic? What if it had peanuts and we didn't know he was allergic to peanuts? Does anyone know how long it takes to have an allergic reaction?"

Rosalie slapped him hard upside the head, something I realized was signature move for her, "Edward. You need to go on in about three minutes. Calm down, stop spazzing out, and let's get this crap done with."

He nodded before closing his eyes rubbing his temples, "Anyone want to say anything before we go on?"

"On behalf of the Hour Glass Shot family," Jasper said, "We welcome you officially Isabella Marie Swan." The group hummed in agreement.

I blushed at the sound of my full name; it always seemed so flowery, "Thanks you, guys. Even though I might not show it ninety-eight percent of the time, I really am grateful to be here."

"We ready to pray?" Alice said, "We're tight on time."

We all nodded as we joined hands and met in the center. I could feel Edward's pulse beating against the back of my hand through the hot skin of his thumb. The comforting feel of his callous fingers against mine, stirred a feeling in me that I couldn't place. There was no time to really identifying seeing as the prayer was short and we were meant to head on stage.

You know the pile of bricks that had been in my stomach earlier? Yah, well, I must have crapped that and swallowed an elephant because my stomach just got impossibly tighter and heavier as I walked onto the pitch black stage. Thankfully, Edward was leading me on, given my coordination. I felt an odd sense of loss when the cool air hit my hand.

The thrum of the audience was so loud that I was slightly hoping they wouldn't hear me. Of course, I was proved wrong when the club silenced to strums of Jasper's Johnson acoustic. The lights came up on Edward and would remain on him until I finally sang towards the end. During the song, my only parts were to add quiet harmony to Edward's solo.

She's been running through my dreams,

And it's driving me crazy it seems…

The second verse and chorus seemed to fly by as I focused on my respectful parts. My pulse quickened and thumped so loudly I wondered if the microphone would pick it up. Edward crossed into the bridge leading to our corresponding parts. You're going to be fine, Bella…show them what you've got.

Edward picked up on the electric guitar, which brought out a flurry of screams from girls in the crowd. I could hardly see their faces seeing as I was still in the dark, and I hoped I still couldn't see them when the spot light came up.

"And out of my mindkeeping an eye on the world,"I sang as the spotlight began to brighten on me as well as the whole band. "So many thousands of feet off the ground…I'm over you now I'm not home in the clouds…towering over your head."

"I guess I'll go home now"
"I guess I'll go home"

What I thought was worse than booing was the silence that followed our performance. This silence that lasted for what seemed to be endless hours tore through me, and turned me inside out. This in itself was criticism, and in this moment, I wasn't sure I could take it. That is, until the criticism was turned into praise.

It started like an avalanche. One lone drop of snow would fall, followed by the dangerous blankets crashing afterwards. It was in this way that our storm of applause began; one lone clapper testing out the sound, and then the entire club, joining in.

I literally could not stop smiling as Edward yanked me off of the stage. Five pairs of arms wrapped around me in congratulations. Though I did hesitate, I returned the hug with full meaning, the elephant finally having been crapped out.

"That was," I looked for a word, "exhilarating."

"You got it," Alice said, "A little hoarse on the quiet ending, but that's just to the trained ear. You were magic Bella.

"Absolutely marvelous," Max stalked in backstage, "Dinner's on me afterwards ok?"

"Max you don't have to do that, I can cook," I offered.

"No, no, no," he clucked, "Tonight is your beginnings to a star. A big, cute, freckle faced star who's going to rake me in plenty of money. You, deserve a night –and tonight is yours!"

I knew that my red cheeks were still noticeable through the caked on makeup. Sure my throat felt a bit raw from all the practicing and my final blow out, but it was all worth it. Max was right. It's my night to enjoy. And I planned on enjoying it.

That was until Edward got a call.

"I don't give a damn who you are to him, he's my son," Edwards angry yells came from the bathroom, "No matter how many times you call he will remain my son and mine alone. I've no obligation to you."

"Oh God," Alice whispered. I looked to see her eyes wide with worry, "Carmen and Eleazar."

"Leave us the hell alone," was Edward's final words before he stormed out of the bathroom. He passed us completely, and slammed the backdoor as he went out.

It wasn't my place to, seeing as Edward and I didn't have the connection that he and his siblings –Rosalie and Jasper included –had. But for some odd reason, my legs turned on autopilot and led me after him. I was able to hop into his car before he managed to speed off.

"Dammit!" He yelled as his fist punched the steering wheel.

I flicked off the car light as I gave him a chance to cool down.

"What did you do that for," he grunted.

"Just in case of paparazzi," I shrugged. "Are you ok?"

"Do I look ok to you," he snapped. The verbal slap left my eyes stinging with tears.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Bella, just, get out of the car –I want to be alone," he commanded as he started the ignition.

I ripped the key out of the hole, the car was eerily quiet at loss of the engine sound and our voices, "First of all, don't speak to me as if I'm a child. You are two years my senior, not twenty. And second of all I don't believe you. You don't want to be alone."

"Yes, I do, hence me leaving."

"No, you never truly want to be alone," I whispered, the words having more meaning for me, "Talk to me."

"I am, and I'm telling you to get out of the car," Edward barked.

"Just let me help you, you help me all the time," I tried to reach for his hand.

"Get. Out."

That was enough for me to retract my hand. I rushed out of the car before Edward was able to see the damn break and the gush of tears betray how hurt I actually was. True, I had probably been overbearing, but it wasn't to annoy him. Even if all I did was nag about how I felt, I cared for Edwards feelings too. He had become a friend to me, a comfort.

I found myself taking a detour from the club as I tried to sort through what had just happened. My limbs carried me further and further away from where I was meant to be. The journey consisted of random turns and crosses, leading me past coffee huts, antique shops and designer outlets.

A building with a cross in front of it caught my attention. The cross had a thorn crown placed around it, wound out of gold wires and pearls. Carved on the cross was a rose, its petals falling and it's thorns menacing and sharp. A church, I sighed as I continued passed it. It was the marble stones that drew me closer.

The continuous rows of stones looked like crooked teeth in the mouth of the world. Again my feet worked on their own accord, ushering me through the rusted gates and into earthly home of the dead.

I sat before one gravestone that had brought me to my knees,

Beloved Mother of three,
passed away from breast cancer. May she lie in peace,

I watched as she breathed, the only thing hinting that she was alive. Her hair was gone, her skin was paler than natural, and her lips were grey lines that protruded from her sunken face. This was not the mother I had known.

"Mom," my twelve year old voice wavered.

"Honey," the nurse said softly, "she can't hear you."

"Yes she can," I said defiantly, "I know she can."

The nurse nodded as she left me in the room with Renee.

"Luke Davidson asked me out today," I told her with a soft giggle, "he nearly peed himself with I told him yes. Dad spazzed, of course, I think he almost had a stroke. I had to get him to sit down with one of his Stags. But you know Charlie, he always over reacts."

"I still think you look beautiful," I whispered, "Just remember that when you wake up and look in the mirror. At least you lost that ten pounds you wanted," I joked lightly, "Just don't lose anymore ok? You don't want to make Dad look bad."

I stayed there, talking about complete nonsense with her until I knew I had to leave, I recited to same thing I said every time I left her.

"I love you mom. You always told me you would be listening –and no matter what they say, I know you are. Somehow I know that even when you're gone, you'll be listening to me," I pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I love you."

That was the last time I saw my mother alive. Within minutes of me leaving, she had passed away.

I traced the letters of the headstone with my fingers seeing as my tears and taken my vision. I don't know how long I stayed there watching the stone and sitting above the loved one of a family. All I knew was that by the time I had gotten up to head home, I realized that I was a long ways from home.

Walking by myself didn't bother me. What did bother me was the rain.

Like the slow starting avalanche, the rain announced its presence with one single drop before starting to pour. My tears meshed with the water that ran from my hair and into my face. Nothing seemed that bad until the lighting began to flash.

Ever since Jacob had died, I had a fear of storms. I pictured myself getting struck my lightening, or getting swept away in waters…or worse falling somewhere no one could find me. In Forks I would cower under the blankets as every flash of lightening brought the picture of Jacob's mangled body. I pictured my own body in the same way. The idea of walking home seemed very stupid now that I was trying to run through a fully fledged storm.

I was in hysterics by the time I had reached the Cullen's house. I ripped my keys from out of my soaked jeans pocket and stumbled into the mansion.

"Oh my God, Bella," the gasp sounded from Alice as she dropped her phone. Rain water and all she pulled me into her arms. I could hear the tears in her voice; "Don't ever do that to me again."

I jumped as the thunder banged, giving a shriek at the loud noise. If this wasn't enough to get me to fear God, I wasn't sure what was.

A new pair of arms wrapped around me, "You scared me," Jasper pressed a kiss to my forehead, "Where the hell were you?"

I couldn't answer him as I cowered into his arms at the new sound of thunder, "I need to go to bed."

I felt Emmett's large arms replace Jasper's thin, but toned ones, "Bells, what happened."

"I-I just need to go to bed," I choked, "I'm sorry for keeping you up, I just got angry and then I got lost and it started raining and I h-hate storms…"

"Ok, ok, come on," Rosalie's firm voice contrasted her soft hold on me as she led me up the stairs to my room.

Why was it that I always seemed to be in this position? That it was me, the wimp who had to be tended for? I had tried to step into the role as the comforter earlier, but look where I had ended up; stripped of my clothes and dignity in front of Rosalie, and with nothing to show but a snotty nose and a fear of loud sounds.

"Do you want me to stay with you," Rosalie asked as she flickered off the lights.

I honestly did but I couldn't keep Rosalie up any longer. It would be selfish of me, "No. Thank you Rose."

"No problem, Bella," she replied, "Goodnight."

"Rose?" I asked before she could leave, "Are you angry with me?"

She sighed, "I'm worried about you," she admitted, "no one is angry."

I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see the action, "Goodnight."

I wasn't positive about how long I was under the blankets, but all I knew was that I would stay huddled under the duvet wide awake until the storm passed. The circulating heat underneath the blanket created a sheet of sweat on my forehead and lower back that would remain there until I gained the courage to get from underneath the blankets.

I could see the flash from the lightening even through the cover as the next one struck. I could hear a tree collapse in the distance. What if one collapsed through the window? Oh God, I prayed, please protect me and put me at peace…

The bang of the thunder followed within the next few seconds of the lightening strike. Jeez Bella, you're such a wimp…Jacob would be laughing at you now, I chastised myself as the tears returned. My heart thrummed at an irregular beat, yet it matched my shallow breathing.

"Bella,"

I screamed at the proximity of the voice.

"Sh," he comforted as he let himself under the blanket. I could feel his presence beside me but refused to turn over. Despite the circumstances, I didn't want to talk to him, not yet at least.

"You don't have to be here," I told him. "I'm fine."

"You're shaking," he noted, "I don't think you're that fine."

I rolled over, facing him under the blankets. I could hardly see his face in this darkness, but the outlines of his features were slightly visible. I couldn't tell his expression and I wondered if I wanted to.

"Tanya's parents, Carmen and Eleazar Denali, don't want Auden to live with me," Edward whispered, "And not because they think I'm incapable of providing for him, but because they hate that it's me alive with Auden, and not Tanya."

My breath caught in my throat, "Can they do that?"

I could feel his head nod, "They can fight for custody…and if they push the right buttons they can win."

My hand traveled across the small space of the mattress to wear his hand lay. My finger tips touched his, barely brushing them.

"Is this ok?" I whispered. His hot palm slid onto mine.

"I should have never spoken to you like that," his minty breath tickled my face, "I didn't want you to leave."

I took a few seconds before answering him, "I want to be there for you, just like you're there for me."

Thunder sounded behind us, making a tear slide down my face. Calloused yet smooth fingers brushed at my cheek, capturing the crystal droplet.

"Why are you crying," Edward whispered.

It took everything in me to keep the sob from coming out of my chest, "He was killed in a storm,"

I had been expecting a round of questions as to who 'he' was and how 'he' was killed. To my astonishment I was met with silence. For some reason, this made the tears flow faster.

The palm that had been heating mine pulled away from me and replaced itself on my back. My pulse raced at the feel of his hand against my bare back and the touch of his fingers right beneath my rising tank top. I realized, with slight panic, that I liked this more than I should. It took me a few seconds to register what had happened, but I was now pressed against Edward's body, his arms wrapped around me. One hand stayed against my back as the other ran through my hair, "Don't be scared," he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

It was in that moment that I realized I was starting to have feelings for Edward Cullen.

Thanks for reading!

~Christie Hart