Title: One Hand, One Heart
Rating: T
Warning- indirect mention of rape.
Summary: Rachel Berry never saw it coming. But then it happened. Now, alone and frightened she tries to continue with normal life. Then she meets a certain, curly haired boy. And everything changes.
Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Glee, if I did Jesse would still be there and St. Berry would be alive and kicking. But he isn't. From this we can conclude that I don't own Glee.
xxx
He found her in the choir room.
Everyone else would be in the cafeteria, grabbing some food before coming to the choir room. Rachel normally joined them, Jesse had pressed into her how important it was to keep eating now. She was usually very good at eating at the correct times, she had once told him that it was practice for when she was a star- that way the press couldn't work up a story that she was anorexic.
However, this time she hadn't been there and he had immediately set out to find her.
She had been playing with the piano, tinkling her finger up and down the ivory keys, tapping out a sweet, chopstick type tune whilst humming gently to herself.
"Did I inspire you to learn to play?"
Her head shot up at the sound of his voice and she returned his smile, watching as he came to sit beside her on the piano stool.
"Always such a high opinion of yourself, St James." She laughed, scooting across to give him more room.
"I just see myself clearly," He shrugged, his eyes dancing with laughter. "What were you playing?"
She smiled and shrugged. "I Dreamed a Dream, it seemed appropriate."
"How so?" He frowned, curiously.
She shrugged, glancing away. "A guy came into our class to talk about dreams."
"Dreams as in aspirations or dreams as in nightmares?"
"The first," She looked thoughtful for a moment, staring off to a space a little to the left of Jesse, before seeming to snap out of it and collect herself. "Fortunately you and I both know ours."
He looked at her for a moment before shrugging. "I don't know…"
"What?" She turned to frown at him. "I thought you knew your dreams? Raoul in The Phantom, Melchoir in Spring Awakening, Fiyero in Wicked and Roger in-"
"That's not what I meant," He interrupted. "You singing Don't Rain on My Parade in front of a sold out crowd isn't a dream it's an inevitability."
She smiled at him, reaching over the squeeze his hand gently.
"A dream is something that fills you up, the one thing that you know, if it came true, it would make all the hurt go away."
She frowned at him, "Why are you pushing this?"
"Because you're my… friend," He stumbled slightly over the word and put a gentle arm over her shoulder to cover his mistake. "I want to make your dreams come true."
She shrugged, awkwardly as his arm was still around her shoulders. "I don't know Jesse…"
She glanced away and he recognised the conflicted expression on her face. Cupping her chin he pulled her softly to face him.
"Hey," His voice was soft and gentle, almost caressing the words that he spoke. "You can always talk to me, you know that."
She looked at him for a long, tense moment. Both were completely silent.
"No, I really didn't mean it!" Mercedes voice cut through the silence and Rachel jerked away, looking up at the group of Glee clubbers coming through the door, continuing their conversations in loud voices. Jesse's hand slipped quickly away from her cheek and his arm, which had been tensed around her shoulders, became slack and casual.
Finn followed the group of laughing students, and glanced towards the pair of them on the piano bench. Rachel looked away, down at her knees and Jesse fixed Finn with a hard stare, giving him a curt nod of greeting.
Finn didn't return the greeting, looking away from them and walking stiffly away to his chair, where he threw himself into a conversation with Mike and Matt, determined not to look at them again.
Jesse gritted his teeth and forced a natural smile onto his face as Rachel glanced up at him, a smile growing on her face as she saw him. She may have fooled the rest of the world, but to Jesse it was as clear as if she'd had it tattooed on her forehead. Rachel may give out the pretence, and it was a very good pretence, that she was happy, but Jesse could see it in her expression, the worry and fear reflecting back at him.
That wasn't to say that she wasn't at all happy, only that she wasn't as happy as she seemed.
"Hey guys," Mr Shue moved swiftly into the room, and Jesse was snapped from his reverie. "Sorry I'm late; I had a meeting with Miss Pillsbury."
He turned to Rachel and Jesse, "I hear that you guys have something to show us, something you cooked up over the holiday?"
"Yes," Rachel beamed up at him.
"Excellent," He stepped towards the audience, taking a seat beside Finn, "Take it away,"
Rachel glanced at Jesse and then turned out to talk to the group.
"Well, over the holiday I was talking to Jesse and I was like 'there's this song, and every time I hear it I think of you and of us and our friendship.' So he was like, 'what's the song?' and I told him and he said 'oh! Every time I hear that song I think of you and us…' So, this is our theme song…" She laughed a little and there was a ripple of unwilling laughter throughout the Glee Club. It wasn't often that Rachel Berry made jokes.
She turned and smiled at Jesse and he willingly started playing the sweet tune out on the piano. Slowly she waltzed around to the other side of the piano, leaning across the top to watch him as he sang and played, effortlessly.
"Do you hear me, I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying."
Taking a deep breath she replied, a smile playing on her lips.
"Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard…"
Together they turned and sang to each other, their voices merging into a harmony that rose through the choir room, almost drowning out the band as they began to play.
"I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh…"
Turning she walked smoothly closer to him, skirting around the edge of the piano and allowing her hand to trail across its' smooth shining top as they sang together
"They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this…"
Together they sang again, launching into the chorus as he pulled her down to sit beside him, swaying a little as he continued to play, glancing up at her every once in a while. She tried to ignore the way her heart was fluttering, a strange blush lighting her neck and cheeks as he looked at her with that unfamiliar intensity which seemed to follow him nowadays.
"And so I'm sailing through the sea," He turned, smiling as he sang.
"To an island where we'll meet," She joined in as he stared at her, his hands still playing the now familiar chords.
"You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair," Her breath caught in her throat as he gently pushed her hair behind her ear, her heart stumbling and then picking back up at a thrumming pace.
"Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see,"
He suddenly pulled away from the piano stool, allowing the band to pick up his slack, which they did easily, and pulled her up, into the middle of the room, spinning her gently as he sang the next line.
"As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now,"
He pulled her flush into his chest as they sang the final chorus, swaying a little and looking up at each other, Rachel's cheeks flushed and her eyes shining with genuine happiness.
As the song came to an end, Rachel was barely aware of the cheers coming from her classmates. Her whole being was focused on the heat she could feel radiating from the boy behind her and how it made her feel so weak that she was sure she would fall if he wasn't holding her so tightly.
The bell ringing pulled her from her thoughts and she sighed inwardly as Jesse pulled away.
"Well," He was turned away from her, grabbing his book bag and slinging it over his shoulder. "That went well; I've got to go Berry. I'll see you later."
With one smile flung in her general direction he took off out of the room, following his team mates with unusual haste, leaving a flushed and flustered girl behind him.
xxx
Now Jesse really did feel like banging his head against a wall. It didn't really matter which wall, any wall would do. Hopeful if he hit hard enough he could smack some sense into himself.
He had been afraid to look at her after they had finished singing, afraid that she would see the love reflecting in his eyes.
It was getting too hard. He had though, earlier that morning, that he could handle it, that he could keep himself under control, but he had been wrong, so catastrophically wrong that it hit him almost like a speeding truck.
The minute he had seen her he had felt the stirrings of something that he couldn't even call want any more. It was more like need, a need acute to the point of pain.
He didn't know how long he could go on with the friendship pretence.
He had no idea that, at that very moment, Rachel was sat in her history class thinking along the same lines.
xxx
Getting up in the mornings was no longer a chore to Jesse St James. During his time at Carmel High School he had pulled himself out of bed at the ridiculous time of 4: 30. Rehearsals for Vocal Adrenaline had started at 6:00 and if he had wanted to get out for a run and get to school on time it had been necessary that he heave his protesting body from the warm confines of his comforter.
Now it was a lot easier, McKinley started at 8:30 so he didn't need to get up until 6:30 at the latest. He still liked to get his runs in, around two miles every morning. Not that he didn't like New Directions, but their dance routines were hardly strenuous. Shelby had always pushed them hard and Jesse had watched kids faint from exhaustion before now.
He had started at Carmel at fifteen and even then he knew of the Glee clubs' infamous reputation. And Jesse St James wanted a piece of that. So he, along with ten other kids from his year, had auditioned. Only he and two others had made the cut.
Even as a freshman he had dominated the club, something that he felt no shame about, In his mind it was clear. He was a cut above these people and if they really wanted to make the grade they obviously had to either practice and rehearse harder or just give up.
After around two months of being in Vocal Adrenaline, Shelby had pulled him to one side and informed him that he was the new lead soloist. She knew that he was young but she had confidence in him. So she was giving him this spot so that he could prove himself and he'd better not mess it up, or she wouldn't hesitate to kick him out of Vocal Adrenaline for good.
That was Shelby all over.
She didn't believe in easing people into something. With Shelby, you were thrown into the deep end and you had to learn to go with the waters pretty quickly, or you'd drown.
Three months later and Jesse had led the club to success in their Regionals and Nationals.
Since then, his position at the top had been unshakeable.
Smiling at the thought of his Vocal Adrenaline days he pulled up beside Rachel's house, turning to see the girl herself leave the house. He knew that she had been worrying about how her father would react to the baby news when she saw him last night and he examined her expression careful to see if she'd been crying.
Fortunately she was smiling and as she looked up to grin at him and wave he felt the usual trembles running through him at the sight of her smile. Her lips were so plump that he could help imagining himself kissing them, pressing them against his own and pulling her close…
"Hey there St James," Her voice pulled him from his thoughts and he turned, fixing a smile on his face.
"Berry, come on in." She grinned and clambered into the car, sitting next to him and pulling out her lip balm, adding a thick layer and pouting in the mirror. He glanced away as the trembles ran through him again and asked, in a voice that he hoped was smooth.
"What's that?"
She raised an eyebrow, "You don't know what lip balm is?"
He shrugged, "Sort of."
She laughed a little and handed his the small tin container, still warm where she had been holding it.
"Cherry flavour?" He asked, cocking his head.
"Yes," She laughed again, taking the tin from his hands and tucking it back in her bag. "Drive St James."
He obediently started the engine as she muttered. "How you got anywhere with girls I'll never know."
He ignored the comment, deciding to come back to it later and asked instead. "How did things go with your dad?"
Her smile dropped slightly, but she answered. "It was okay, he's not exactly thrilled and he's annoyed that I didn't get a…. you know… get rid of it…. when I could. But I think he'll survive."
"That's good," Jesse nodded, taking her hand and squeezing it gently, regretting it immediately when the sparks shot through his arm.
There was a comfortable silence, filled by the slight hum of the engine before Rachel said, slowly.
"I was thinking about what you said yesterday."
Jesse frowned out at the road, confused. "What?"
"About dreams," she prompted him.
"Oh," He waited, anxiously, for her to say something and when she didn't asked, "And?"
"You were right," She confessed as they stopped in the school parking lot. "I think I know what my dream is."
"Really?" He turned in his seat, to look at her.
"Yes," She bit gently on her lower lip as she stared out of the window, almost as if she didn't want to look at him.
He waited quietly, sure that she would tell him when she was ready.
"I want to find my mom," She turned to him as she said it.
He was stunned into silence for a moment, before finally asking. "Your mom?"
"Yeah, my surrogate mother," She hurried to add. "I wouldn't need to meet her or anything, just to know her name… maybe see a picture of her."
"Don't your dads know?" He took her hand, more gently this time, ignoring the way the hair on the back of his neck rose when he touched her.
"Yeah, but I never asked them and I don't want to do it now. I don't want to hurt their feelings." She shrugged, looking awkwardly away.
"I'll help you find out," He promised her, "Don't worry, Jesse's got it." he laughed a little at his corny joke and she laughed softly too, glancing up at him, appreciation burning in her eyes.
"Thank you." She said softly, her voice reverent.
There was a moment of tense silence as the weight of her thankfulness hung in the air between them before he pushed open the door.
"Any time squirt." He grinned, and she stuck her tongue out at him, laughing.
And just like that, the awkwardness disappeared.
Xxx
Well, I'm ill. Again. So I figure there's nothing better to do than write, even when I should really be studying.
I'm hoping you all know that song, after all, Glee did cover it, but just in case you don't it's called 'Lucky' and it was on Glee, that should be enough for y'all.
So here's my update, my brain isn't really functioning enough to write a working A.N. I promise I'll make up for it next time.
Thanks for the reviews! Thanks to: northstar61, Arnie-Rocks, Fritzicles, MissRe, MissD0rk3y, twilight2892, nanuvamp, Kkaty, Ali Amnesia, Lynn and MissMandyPandy! You guys make my day so much!
Nine to ten reviews would be great thank you! They would seriously make me feel better.
Also, quick note, I have lost my voice, sad times, and I have a singing exam on Monday, so here's hoping my voice will return by then :/
Okayy, much love, as always!
Ray
xxx