Okay, so then, that ugly brown haired chick said, "You can't update My Immortal! If you make Ebony stronger, you could destroy our entire universe—she can bend reality to her will and she's a lunatic, not a good combination!"
And I was all, "God, Hermione, you're such a fucking bitch. If two bitches fucked and had another bitch, that bitch would be less of a bitch than you."
And then her ginger boyfriend punched me, so I punched him back and broke his nose and kicked him in the balls and—
Okay, okay, hold it, missy! You didn't punch Ron back. You cried for fifteen minutes nonstop while Jenny, Draco, Ron, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna all ignored you. Just like I would love to be doing right about now. And for the one millionth, five hundredth, sixty seventh time: GET OUT OF MY SPINNY NARRATOR CHAIR!
God, you're such a terrible narrator. So after I finished clobbering Ron—
Read: "After I finished sobbing uncontrollably over nothing."
-I printed out the next chapter of My Immortal and gave it to them to read. It was, like, total and complete and genius, you guys! Stephenie Meyer would be proud. In fact, I like it so much, I've decided to let you mortal scum see it, too. Embrace this privilege, because I may never extend it again.
YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THIS FANFICTION. CLICK ON SOMETHING ELSE. SAVE YOURSELF! RUN! HIDE! WATCH PORN! MAKE A SANDWICH! SMOKE WEED! ANYTHING! ANYTHING BUT READ THIS!
Voldymorte withrefd in angony 4 a few minutz, then dropped ded. Draco cheered all gothically and diepressed (geddit) and sensitive and eilly and he and Vampyr threw der arems round me in praze. even wile killin da Dork Lard and savin da world I lookred hhen—a dark purpl leatha corset with a mini skirt that was light back and had "I Luv MCR" written on the butt kinda like my Simpl Plain skirt ony betta cuz it's My Chem Romacye, duh.
PLEASE! THERE IS STILL TIME! RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS! GO READ ANOTHER BAD FANFIC! WRITE ONE FOR ALL I CARE! BROWSE DEVIANTART! ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU JUST DON'T READ THIS FANFICTION. IT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH! JUST TRUST ME ON THIS, OKAY?
Drake lookd at me with his snesativ yello eyes (he changb hiz colur contactz from deep goffik read to a pale yellow lyke the eyz of a basilisk witch I'm immunte to si ive seen it eyez and survesd) and sayed, "U okay Enobie?"
PLEASE RUN, OH JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST, RUN! IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOUR SANITY! RUN! HELP! And Tara, I swear to fucking God, if you don't get out of my spinny narrator chair, some seriously bad shit is about to go down.
"Yah of courz, why wouldn't eye b?"
BECAUSE YOU JUST KILLED FUCKING VOLDEMORT YOU WHORE! SHOW SOME SHELL SHOCK! SOME SURPRISE! SOME RELIEF TO BE ALIVE!
he puiled me in all close like and kizzed me. R tongues started frenching wit eech othur and—
THINGS ONLY GO DOWNHILL FROM HERE, FOLKS, PLEASE, OH PLEASE, RUN! I MAY HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH THIS BECAUSE I WAS KNOCKED OUT WITH A FREAKING BASEBALL BAT AND TIED TO A (NON NARRATOR SPINNY CHAIR) CHAIR, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ IT! JUST CLICK ON ANOTHER WINDOW!
-he started to ndou da corset which had orange ribbony corset stuffz on it that read, "Teenagers scare the livin shit out of me they could care less as long as someone'll bleed," as he started to kiz my neck.
"Oh, Druco, oh!" I moaned, even though Vampire and Voldy's ded bodie wer stillz there, watchin us.
"fuk me ebony," he begged, feeling ip my tits and takin off ma lacy black bra.
IT ONLY GETS WORSE FROM HERE, FOLKS. PLEASE. RUN. I AM BEGGING YOU, PLEASE, THINK OF YOUR MIND, THINK OF ALL THE DAMAGE READING THIS COULD DO. Tara, do not make me bring in reinforcements! I got reviews, too, you know! GOOD ones, too!
he pulled down his ripped black capris with a lot f angly silver belts with Marilyn Manson on em and his you know what was reeely hard and beg and stuff and I pinned him against the dead boody and we started to fuck all ver the forbidden forced floor.
See. Told you it would get worse. Now if only I could reach my cell phone and call for some help…
Oh, GOD, there's more story.
Vampir leaned down and lye on Sako's back and poot his throbbing gthingie in my butthole. "ahhhhhh!" I screemed . (A/N: don't worry, elony's not a slutt or nythng—she was just so happy to defeet voldymore dat she agree to a 3some.)
I can feel my IQ dropping while I read this. Is anyone else feeling it, or is it just me?
vampore beghan to thrust hrder as we al did it when I began to get all hawt and stuff. I was begin to get an orgazm when I saw Britteny and all those other fucking preps watchin us, jarkin ff to eet.
Sooo… Tara couldn't decide whether to use "jerking off" or "jacking off?" Why didn't she just say "whacking off" or, you know, "masturbating," or, in her case, "masticating."
You… you know what. Fuck it.
Fuck being tied up.
Fuck letting Gilesbe take over.
I AM THE GODDAMN NARRATOR.
I can do whatever the fuck I want.