Part XIV:

Kenshin refused to wait around like an invalid at Kaido and Aimi's home. He knew he was sick, he wasn't a fool. He wouldn't be wasting time waiting for permission to see his own family. He had to speak with Kaoru, hold her in his arms, and will away the nightmare that had become his life. He hadn't believed Enishi, but could he ignore Yahiko, Megumi, and Aoshi? Sanosuke had tried to warn him, but Kenshin had ignored those warnings.

His son, Kenji, was a relative stranger. An hour in the company of his son, the mirror image of himself at that young age, educated Kenshin on how important a role Enishi had in the raising of his own child. While Kenshin was off on a quest for penance, Kenji and Kaoru had found a new life separate from the one created with him.

Kenshin couldn't believe it, he refused to believe it. He knew exactly where Kaoru was and wouldn't stand for these interlopers keeping him away from her. He'd scaled the wall to the second story of the mansion and perched himself at her window. He opened the window and saw her sleeping with a newborn in her arms. The image struck his heart, because it was how he remembered her before he left four years ago — exhausted with a baby in her arms.

However, this baby wasn't his red-haired son Kenji, this was Kaoru's dark-haired daughter, Tomoe. A daughter she shared with Enishi Yukishiro. The reality slammed into Kenshin like a ton of bricks and he could feel a deep seated rage build up within his very core. Battousai was emerging and Kenshin couldn't risk hurting Kaoru, or her daughter.

So, he left.

He wandered for what seemed like years, but it was only a few days. He didn't stop for food, but he would stoop over the streams he crossed to sip at the cool, mountain water. He could do little more than take a few precious sips, for his mind would transform the clear, refreshing water into crimson blood-stained water. The blood of the men he slaughtered over the years spilled into the waters. The blood from his first night with Kaoru, staining their bedclothes added to that carnage as did the blood from Kenji's birth.

The afternoon light faded as storm clouds gathered and the temperature began to drop. It rained frequently in the mountains and especially this time of year. Lightning flashed, immediately followed by a clap of thunder.

"My idiot apprentice, what have you done to yourself," the deep, resonate voice of Hiko Seijuro called from behind.

Kenshin turned around, his movements dulled by his hunger and depression.

Hiko inhaled a pained breath between his teeth. "You look like death warmed over." Hiko's massive hand clasped around the back of Kenshin's neck and in spite of his renown reflexes, Kenshin was nothing more than a kitten in the maw of a mother leopard cat. "Come inside, idiot. It's about to rain."

Hiko's home was warm and littered with the shards of dozens of broken pottery. A few pristine vases and bowls were displayed on a shelf on the back wall. "Sit down, Kenshin." Hiko gestured towards a bench in the small, single room cabin. It was covered by thick furs from Hiko's hunts. "And cover yourself. You have so little meat on your bones, I'm surprised if you can hold any body heat."

Kenshin did as his master requested. Hiko set a bowl of some sort of stew in front of him in one of the nicer bowls. Kenshin ate the stew slowly, holding the bowl to his lips, and felt his faculties sharpen. "Thank you," Kenshin murmured.

"What happened to you?" Hiko asked. "It's been years since I've seen you."

"I have been on the mainland," Kenshin answered. "China. Serving penance."

"Again with this penance?" Hiko sat at his pottery wheel and started on a new piece. "If you had listened to me when you were a kid instead of running off to do your part in a war you had no business with, none of this would have happened."

Kenshin's head dropped. He should have known his master wouldn't be sympathetic.

"That said, you saved this country from that madman Shishio and countless others. You've paid your dues," Hiko said. "Now, what the hell were you doing in China and not with your wife and son?"

Kenshin set aside the empty bowl and rubbed his fingers over his cross-shaped scar absently. "As long as this scar marks me, I will find no peace."

"Idiot," Hiko said with a long suffering sigh. "You would have found peace with your family, if you bothered to stick around." He started working at his pottery wheel again. "So given the direction you were leaving, I take it your little reunion didn't go well?" He narrowed his dark eyes. "How long were you gone?"

"Four years," Kenshin said.

Hiko started to laugh and messed up the bowl he was making in the process. He wadded up the clay into a ball and started again. "Idiot."

"You said that already," Kenshin said. "She's remarried and had a baby."

Hiko shrugged. "Well, that's the law in this Meiji era. You abandon your family for three years and the wife gets to divorce you." He focused on the bowl. "So now you're running again?"

"I'm dying," Kenshin said.

"We're all dying," Hiko protested. "That's why it's so important that you remember to live while you still have a chance."

Kenshin felt his temper rising at Hiko's nonchalant responses. "It's so easy to sit there and preach about absenteeism, isn't it? Where have you been? You hide away in these mountains ignoring the rest of the world."

"I didn't go and make a place in that world," Hiko reasoned. "Get some sleep, idiot. You'll think more clearly now that you've had a decent meal and after you've had a good night's sleep."

Kenshin agreed to stay the night, but he didn't agree with Hiko. One calm evening amongst a lifetime of turmoil would do little to calm the storm brewing in his mind. As the wind howled angrily outside Hiko's quaint cabin, he could feel Battousai's rage and bloodlust pounding in his veins. If he stayed, he might endanger the people he cared for most.

He had no choice, but to go.

He would return to Kyoto one last time and leave flowers for Tomoe. He'd apologize to her, because he would not be able to keep his promise of atonement to her.

OoO

Six months passed since that rainy evening with his master. Kenshin had traveled throughout the mainland in search of a doctor that might help him. It was becoming harder and harder to control the Battousai. The peace he once felt helping the outcasts eluded him. His dreams were of Kaoru and Kenji. He had to get better so that he could return to them. He would win back Kaoru and Kenji.

"Doctor Chang is ready for you," the nurse said, leading Kenshin into the back of a clinic in Shanghai. The doctor was said to be the expert practitioner in cases such as his. Over two years ago, Megumi had diagnosed him with syphilis, which only confirmed his suspicion.

"So how long have you been feeling confused?" Chang asked.

Kenshin blinked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you've been in this room with me for ten minutes and have repeated the same statements four times. It's a clear sign of dementia," the doctor stated. "You said you were diagnosed with syphilis. When do you believe you were exposed?"

Kenshin thought back. There had been a woman in one of the villages. It was after Enishi sought him out and berated him for being such a terrible husband and father. Kenshin had seen the determined love in Yukishiro's dark eyes. It was a passion for life that Kenshin no longer had. That passion included Kaoru and Kenji. So he had chosen to stay away and leave opportunity.

"A couple of years ago," he confessed.

"Well, you're in luck! It's not like the old days when you'd have to worry about your nose rotting off, or other such unpleasantries," Chang said. He held up a cedar bottle and rattled it, shaking the pills inside. "Take these mercury tablets and you'll be better in no time!"

Kenshin took the bottle and stared at it warily. "I don't know. What about acupuncture?"

The doctor's eyes grew wide and held his fingers to his lips and shushed Kenshin. "We don't speak of such things," he said. "Ever since the British brought their Western medicine, we don't talk about the old ways."

"Look, I appreciate these, but I know these pills aren't the cure," Kenshin said. He set the bottle on the counter. "It was a mistake to come here." He felt his anger rising and he struggled to control the Battousai's rage.

"Meet me in the morning, at the temple of Buddha. I know a man that still practices the old ways. He can help you with your request," Chang said. He glared at the cedar pill bottle. "That stuff's poison. I'm sorry for suggesting it. But, there are always people watching. Take it with you, but don't take it. It will make you more," he gestured towards his head and twirled his fingers. "Confused."

"Eight o'clock?" Kenshin asked.

"More like five thirty, before the sun rises," the doctor said.

Kenshin left the clinic with a little bit of hope in his heart. He ventured towards the dock yards, a favorite past-time of his since entering the city was watching the ships make berth at the harbor. He enjoyed watching the families disembark from the vessels in all their finery. He'd create fantasies about their lives.

He did a double take upon spying a family of four with the man with shock white hair, woman with raven black hair, dark-haired baby in her arms, and a young boy with unusual red hair. Kenshin weaved through the crowded street and drew closer towards the quartet.

It couldn't be Kaoru. Why would she be so far from Tokyo? There was no way she'd take such young children abroad to such a dangerous city as Shanghai.

He stopped behind a horse cart and peered at the family. It was Kaoru! His throat grew dry at the realization that his wife was here with her new husband and children. Kenji held her hand and was pointing into the distance. Enishi stooped down to explain something to him and the two shared a laugh. Kaoru smiled absently as she adjusted the baby on her hip. She gazed about, eyes lingering at the cart, but apparently not seeing him. She turned abruptly and Kenshin was surprised to see Misao and Soujiro join the family. Soujiro also held a young baby in his arms.

"Wow! This place is so crowded!" Misao held her hand shielded over her eyes. She turned to Soujiro and the baby in his arms, kissed the baby's head, and then laughed. "We're traveling abroad! It's so exciting!"

"How far is the inn?" Soujiro asked.

"Not far," Enishi answered. He wrapped his arm around Kaoru's shoulders and hugged her against him. "What's wrong, Kaoru?"

Kaoru smiled on reflex. "Nothing, it's just, I felt like I was being watched."

"Of course you were," Enishi said. He used his free hand to touch Tomoe's nose gently. "This little beauty has been gazing up at you in complete adoration for the last ten minutes!"

Kenshin turned away from the sight. He crouched behind the cart with his hands on his knees trying to calm his breathing. It was too much. He peeked back over the horse as the group began walking away. He started to follow.

OoO

Kaoru laid Tomoe into the crib at the inn. Misao smiled at her from the rocking chair in the corner, her own son in her arms. "You're sure you're okay with watching them?"

"Go on! You and Enishi deserve your night on the town," Misao said. "Soujiro and I will watch the children. Kenji is such an obedient child and he does half the work in watching Tomoe anyway."

"I doubt if Kenji will be awake for long. He's worn himself out with exploring all of Shanghai!" Kaoru said with a laugh. She smoothed her hands over the folds of her lavender yukata with fireflies embroidered upon it. She wrapped the silk shaw Enishi had bough for her at the market earlier around her shoulders. "Megumi would be jealous of this," she murmured.

"She's probably upset about being left behind in Japan!" Misao smiled. "She brags about her travel, but this time we're the ones having the adventures."

"That's true," Kaoru agreed. She looked down at Tomoe's sleeping form one last time. "I leave you to it then. I'll go downstairs to meet the boys and send Soujiro and Kenji your way."

"Have fun," Misao said. "Remember, tomorrow night, you return the favor!"

Kaoru closed the door behind her and started down the stairs. She could hear Kenji's laughter drifting from the first floor. She started past the window when a gust of window caught her hair. She reached up to pat her hair down when her wrist was caught.

She was jerked around with another hand over her mouth. Kenshin stared back at her, his eyes a blazing amber. He released her wrist and pressed his thumb against her neck. She felt her vision fade until she lost consciousness.

Kaoru awoke some time later. She was no longer at the inn. She was in a small, cramped apartment. It was a barren room, but it was clean. She was sitting on the only piece of furniture — a cot.

"You named your daughter Tomoe?" Kenshin asked. He stood leaning against the wall across the room with his arms folded over his chest. His hair was loose, halfway down his back. His clothing was well worn, but mended carefully. He'd lost so much weight over the years during his absence.

"I did," Kaoru said. "I saw the flowers. You were there a few months ago."

"I was," Kenshin said. His arms fell limply to his sides. "I tracked you down. They wouldn't let me see you."

"Kenji told me," Kaoru admitted. "He wondered why you left again. So did I. They were just overly concerned because of the difficult labor." She rose from the bed and started towards Kenshin. She touched the tip of her fingers to his scarred cheek. She wanted to ask why he left her all those years ago without any letters. "When was the last time you've eaten?"

"The other day," Kenshin said, staring at her. "Though, I'm not even sure what today is."

"Where have you been?" Kaoru's eyes filled with tears and in spite of her trepidation she wrapped her arms around Kenshin and hugged him tight.

His arms wrapped around her slowly. "Away," he whispered.

"Why didn't you write?"

Kenshin's muscles tensed and he leaned back to look at her directly face to face. "How long did Enishi wait before he started pursuing you?" Kenshin asked, his lavender eyes flashing amber for a moment.

"He was concerned. He made sure I was okay. Unlike you," Kaoru added. "Even Sano came back after Enishi tracked the two of you down. Why didn't you? I waited so long for you."

"But, you're not waiting any more," Kenshin stated sadly.

"I still love you, Kenshin. I always will. But, I needed to be loved too. You loved your guilt more than you ever loved me," Kaoru said quietly. "Why now? Why are you here now?"

"I'm dying," Kenshin confessed. "In one of the villages, I picked up a blood disease. I'm in Shanghai visiting with a doctor that specializes in it. I saw you with him."

Kaoru knew a little bit about blood diseases thanks to some of her conversations with Megumi. She stepped back a couple of paces. "How exactly did you pick up this disease?"

Kenshin had the decency to look ashamed. He shook his head and narrowed his eyes. "Much the same way that you ended up having a daughter." He walked towards her, reached out, and brushed his fingers along the shoulder of her yukata. He traced one of the embroidered fireflies. "Do you remember the night with the fireflies? Before I faced Shishio in Kyoto?"

Kaoru nodded and tears filled her eyes. "Of course, I remember. That was the first time you told me goodbye." She closed her eyes and calmed her emotions. "Yahiko and I came after you that time and brought you home."

"I never loved anyone as much as I loved you," Kenshin said.

Kaoru opened her eyes, the tears fell against her will. "And yet you left again. You abandoned me and Kenji. Except, this time I couldn't come after you. I had no idea where you were and my responsibilities were to Kenji first."

Kenshin grimaced. "I'm sorry about that."

"Sorry?" Kaoru scoffed in disbelief. "After all these years, you kidnap me away from my family and all you have to say is 'sorry'? I was broken!" She pushed against his chest and Kenshin stumbled back under the force of her anger, hitting the wall behind him. "I could hardly function. My depression was so great after you left. I thought I would die!"

A dark laugh escaped Kenshin's mouth. "You seem to have gotten over that." He reached for Kaoru's cheek and brushed a dark strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear. "You look very much alive."

Kaoru jerked away from his touch. "Kenji and I continued to visit Tomoe's memorial every year, just like you and I promised. You weren't there to continue the promise, but I still did. One day, Enishi saw me at the memorial. He was greatly concerned when he saw you weren't there. He came by to check on me and then we started visiting Tomoe's memorial together. In four years, you couldn't send a letter. Even after Enishi tracked you down, told you of my situation, you refused to come home." She rubbed the tips of her fingers over her forehead hoping to appease the sharp headache. "What did you expect me to do?

"I suppose I expected you to welcome me home with open arms after I found peace," Kenshin said. "I thought you loved me."

"If it was only me, I would have waited until the end of days for you, Kenshin," Kaoru whispered. "I would have been able to accept your neglect, but Kenji needed a father."

"And Enishi offered to fill the void in both your lives?" Kenshin accused angrily. "He decided to steal my family away? You betrayed me, Kaoru."

"I followed the Meiji laws that you helped establish, Kenshin. You abandoned your family. Our friends warned you, tried to reason with you, but you put your promise to Tomoe above the promise to your living family." Kaoru wrung her hands together, nervously twirling her wedding ring. "It was Tomoe that brought Enishi back into my life."

"You should have waited. You should have kept your vows," Kenshin whispered, his voice broken by emotion.

"What about your vows? To become infected with a blood disease…," Kaoru trailed off. "How long before you slept with someone? Did you meet someone in China? Is that why you never returned for Kenji and me?"

"I messed up Kaoru. I shouldn't have left." Kenshin touched his cheek. The cross-scar was still there, but it was lighter.

"Tell me, if you weren't dying, would you have come for me? Would you ever have returned to the dojo later or was it just happenstance that we crossed paths in this city?" Kaoru asked.

Kenshin remained quiet. The amber in his eyes faded as the lavender of his calmer persona took root. "I did go to the dojo, you weren't there. I found you with Enishi after you gave birth to Tomoe."

The days following Tomoe's birth were mostly a blur for her. She spent most of the time sleeping with the help of Megumi's medicinal teas. "Like I said, I heard from Kenji."

"He's so big." Kenshin gestured towards his chest. "I am but a sickly man. I want him to know me as a hero, not as a father that abandoned him and his mother. Enishi is the hero to him — I realized that when he came and found me in China. For what it's worth, Kaoru, I'm so sorry for the pain I have caused both you and Kenji."

Kaoru shook her head sadly. She reached out and touched her hand against his scarred cheek. "I love you, Kenshin. I wish you peace." She drew her hand back and the scar was gone.

Kenshin raised his hand and felt his unblemished cheek in shock.

Kaoru stepped back, her eyes trained on his flawless cheek. "If you'll excuse me. I need to return to my family."

Kenshin swallowed thickly. "I will take you back to them." He closed the distance between him and Kaoru and wrapped her tightly into a hug. "I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused. I understand that Enishi is now your husband, but I want to be part of your life again. Of Kenji's life."

Kaoru patted his back hesitantly and then allowed herself to relax against her first love. "I can see your struggle with the Battousai. We share a son, Kenshin. You should be part of Kenji's life."

"I wish to speak with Enishi," Kenshin said, loosening his arms and allowing Kaoru to step out of his embrace.

The door to the room was kicked open. "That won't be very hard," Enishi said. His intense eyes fell upon Kaoru and he looked her up and down assessing for injuries. "You're okay?"

"Enishi," Kaoru said, rushing to his side and throwing his arms around her husband's waist. "I'm fine. Where are the children?" she whispered in his ear.

"With Misao and Soujiro," Enishi said. "They are safe under their care," he assured her. He draped his arm around Kaoru's shoulders protectively and looked across the room at Kenshin with obvious loathing. "What is it that you would tell me, Himura?"

"I'll step outside," Kaoru said, slipping out from under Enishi's strong, muscular arm. "Just, don't hurt each other. There's been enough pain."

Enishi wanted to protest, but his words fell silent under Kaoru's pleading gaze. He let her walk outside into the hallway.

"Thank you, for watching over Kaoru and Kenji," Kenshin said quietly.

"I love them," Enishi stated. He leaned against one of the support pillars in the room. "Frankly, I'll always be grateful for your mistakes. I would never have found happiness with Kaoru otherwise." His expression softened. "It's a priceless treasure to see your child's first steps, hear their first words, and hold their first bokken." He pushed away from the pillar and stalked closer to Kenshin. "I hope it was worth it, Kenshin, helping those strangers at the expense of the people you should have protected. Kaoru was so lost that first year after you left. Her brokenness moved even me — a selfish man. Her and Kenji's affection made the lifeless lump of coal in my chest return to a loving heart."

"Do you want to know the real reason that I stayed away?" Kenshin asked quietly.

"I'm listening."

"It was my intention to return home that year when you found me, in time for Kaoru's birthday. I missed her terribly and hated that I was missing so much of Kenji's life," Kenshin said. "But that day you showed up. You tracked me down. Not for revenge, but because of your concern for Kaoru. I could tell that you loved her and I realized that my staying away would give you two a chance."

Enishi stared at Kenshin in disbelief. "She loved you. She still loves you. How could you make her suffer like that?"

Kenshin grit his teeth. "I had a medical visit with Megumi. She told me what I already knew. I wouldn't live for very long, not after all the trauma from past battles that I put this body of mine through. This was before I picked up the ailment that afflicts me now. Kaoru deserves someone that can grow old with her. Someone that could give her many children." He paused. "You named your daughter Tomoe?"

Enishi sighed, feeling pity for the man he spent most of his life hating. "It was Kaoru's idea. As Tomoe is the one that brought the two of us together. She kept her promise to visit Tomoe's memorial. That makes two women that loved you, that you betrayed. Die well, Himura. I'm afraid there won't be many to mourn your death, as they all mourned for you years ago." Enishi turned his back on Kenshin and started for the hallway where Kaoru waited. "Kaoru simply has no more tears to shed at your expense and Kenji can't miss who he's never known."

"I would like to know him, for a little, at least," Kenshin asked. "Please. Kaoru said she would welcome me back into her life for Kenji's sake."

Enishi's jaw flexed. "Of course she would." He took a deep breath. "I do not trust your sanity, Kenshin."

"I'm in Shanghai because of a particular doctor that has effective methods against the ailment," Kenshin confessed. "I will only return after he has deemed my mental state stable."

The door to the room opened. "Kenshin, you work on your health with this expert doctor," Kaoru said. "I'll have Aoshi track you down and bring you back in a couple of months if he thinks you're safe. You'll stay with us for a few weeks and get to know your son."

"You were supposed to wait outside," Enishi said, shaking his head. "I can't say I'm surprised though."

"You've always been brave and headstrong," Kenshin said, a fond smile crossing his lips.

"You have two months, Kenshin, to get your act together," Kaoru said. "Aoshi will decide whether or not you're safe to be around Kenji and Tomoe." She gestured towards his blemish-free cheek. "If the absence of your scar says anything, it is that we should be optimistic."

"With you, life always seems optimistic," Kenshin said.