Chapter Fourteen: Lonely Heaven
"Did we come together at masked palatial balls. In silks and flesh and leather? Or did we come at all? Our rites of sin have long fathered a hymn; to burden him, whom by slip of after whim. At genesis, dressed her like the wind. In Autumn gowns that pinned her down to be my mannequin. Be my mannequin."
-Cradle of Filth 'Mannequin'
Kagome blinked curiously. Her second visit beyond the gate was turning out to be completely unlike the first. When they'd visited the last time it was during the battle between Sestran and his father and the place had seemed diminished and dark, tarnished somehow. Now there was a feeling of peace that eased some of Kagome's apprehensions, there was a light energy that was positive as opposed to the war effort happening when Sestran had been forced to kill his father.
Unlike the garden she'd appeared within when she came with Byakuya through the gateway in soul society she now found herself standing in an elaborate hallway. Apparently Sestran wasn't limited to traveling through the gates other spirits were. The building they were inside of seemed made of marble from floor to ceiling though there was a rich carpet beneath her feet that ran the length of the hall itself. Light seemed to come from no specific point, yet everything was perfectly visible, there were a few arches in the hall, though none of them had doors so she could see a long bath that was roman styled through one, a dining hall through another, and then bedrooms through the others that were in view.
"You'll stay in here." Sestran gestured lightly to one of the bedrooms. Kagome eyeing him a long moment before following the graceful motion to the pretty room. There was a large canopied bed, a desk, a dresser, end tables, a closet, even a small couch, all the usual things you'd expect save for a clock or lamp anywhere. There were hangings and pieces of art here and there but most of them were abstract. Kagome found her eyes returning to Sestran after a moment.
Whatever the spell was that made her want to like Sestran despite of anything else that was the largest change. Where as during her first visit that spell around him had seemed quite weak this time it was overpowering. She wanted to watch him, to pay attention to his every slight motion and movement for fear of missing something. If possible he seemed even more flawless here than outside the Gate.
"What do you do here?" She had to admit she was curious, and she needed to make conversation before she turned into one of the drooling masses. Kagome was determined not to let that happen.
"Right now, I work in the archive much of the time." Sestran replied. "You've seen it once before."
"The room with all the blue glyphs all over the walls, where you…were a jerk," Kagome replied…hesitating to discuss the torment she'd suffered there. It had felt an eternity but had only been a few moments. She wanted to stay annoyed at him more than ever. Sestran's force of personality though was making that a battle she was losing. "So…is it supposed to be even harder to be angry at you here? I don't remember your weird 'like me' magic being so strong last time."
Sestran grinned at her and she had to bite her lip to keep from smiling back at him, it was like seeing his teeth suddenly brightened the world and made everything all right. "Things change over time Kagome, the Gate has had more time to resonate with me and accept me as the new ruler. I apologize. I cannot suppress the effects of my presence as easily here as in the soul society."
"I thought you told me before that you couldn't do anything about them at all." The girl said dryly, wondering when he was ever honest with her.
"At the time I couldn't, I have practiced since that time. You wished to be able to act more freely so I've worked on lowering the effects of my presence when I wish it. It is difficult however; I never had a need to do so before so the progress is slow."
"He's suppressing them at all? Do I want to know what I'd act like if he didn't?" Kagome thought with a mental sigh. "And here I thought I was the one adjusting to them over time. Or that my priestess abilities made me special… Was it all just him trying to affect me less and never me gaining some sort of ability to resist his charms? This is going to be harder than I thought."
"How long do I have to stay here?" Kagome looked away from him, pretending to be interested in one of the colorful paintings. It was so unfair! He was like walking perfection and standing next to him it was as though all her own misgivings were given a new form of clarity. She felt like an ugly clod whenever she was looking directly at him.
"Time here can be deceptive, I wouldn't dwell on it. If you care to accompany me I can speak to you while I work." Sestran kept a light smile. "It would be a nice reprieve from working alone."
"Sure…" Kagome nodded lightly. It felt comfortable here but after all she'd been through the last week she didn't want to be alone. She also didn't want to disappoint him, since he seemed to want her there. The warm fuzzy feeling was only made worse when he touched her, his hand was only on her shoulder a moment before the world changed and she stumbled a step away from him, catching herself on the glimmering wall now nearby.
It was dizzying being sent from one place to another in an instant like that. It wasn't even like flash step – which she was finally getting used to – it was as if he teleported effortlessly to wherever he wanted to be. The place he called the archive was different as well. The glyphs were more common than during the last visit, they blended together in so many layers that the room on just a glance looked as though it had a gentle glow in a sky blue color.
"It's different too…" Kagome managed, sinking down to sit on the floor so she could deal with her dizziness from there.
"I've been working on repairs with much of my time since you were last here." Sestran replied, smirking a bit at the way she waved him off when he offered help. "You seem more flustered than usual Kagome."
"Shut up Sestran…it's not fair." She managed a frown at him but it didn't last, it was too difficult to remain angry with him here. "I…do you know what happened to Byakuya? Why is he so different after visiting the gate?"
"I am still researching that when I can, much of the archive was lost during my grandfather and father's time as the rulers here." Sestran replied, he wasn't looking at Kagome. He was looking at the wall, his hands moving over it so swiftly they were hard to follow. There were gentle sounds coming from the wall when he touched it, he seemed to be moving things around and arranging them as though making a harmony. It blended with the musical tenor of his voice and made him even more pleasant to listen to.
"Focus Kagome!"
"You said they destroyed things, but I didn't think it would take you this long to fix them." Kagome commented, realizing for the first time just how much Sestran actually did as she looked around the strange room he called the archive. The last time he'd explained this place as a sort of control of all the worlds and he spent his time fixing it. A little overwhelming to consider how much power was truly at the fingertips of the man she was sometimes so quick to abuse.
Of course, he'd also tossed her into a fire to fix a problem without even having asked her. She still remembered the torture the archive had inflicted upon her during her last visit. It wasn't something she could easily forget. Still, it had been to save the souls of all of the priests and priestesses that had suffered similar torment for centuries. Kagome was never sure where she honestly stood with Sestran, she considered him a friend and wanted to be fond of him but she didn't know if that was her or just the spell around him.
"It is my duty to re-arrange the gate; I have to fix everything I can, though parts of the archive will never be retrieved after the destruction caused by the insanity of my family." Sestran said, speaking offhandedly as he worked. It was nice to have someone else in the gate, though he had grown too accustomed to speaking freely. Used to only having his ears for the sound of his voice. "I wonder sometimes if I have a child if they'll have to kill me as I killed my father and he killed his."
"Sestran that's awful, you aren't like your father. I'm sure you'd manage to keep your kid from being too much like you." Kagome said it with a slight smile. Teasing him was the only way she could manage to keep him at a distance even if part of her didn't want to do that. The idea that he thought his son would have to kill him was more depressing than she cared to admit.
When he didn't answer her she decided it would be best to change the subject. "Where are the servants or assistants? I think you should introduce me before nightfall."
"There's no one else here Kagome, just me, and you for the length of your stay." Sestran flickered through a few more things and then glanced over to her. "Also, night does not fall within the gate. As I said, time doesn't change here; there are only different parts of the day. The lowest the sun will get is twilight, even as it rises on the opposite horizon doubling as the dawn."
"You're all alone here?"
"Do not concern yourself with it. It is a part of what I am now. I knew what I was getting into when I took over." Sestran replied, looking back to the wall with a dismissive gesture before continuing to work. "My being alone is penance in its own way."
"You had to take over. Your father might have killed you if you didn't kill him Sestran. You shouldn't punish yourself for that. Don't you think with such a large area to take care of you should have some sort of help?" Kagome asked curiously.
"Many people's souls cannot survive within the gate. Priests, priestesses, the strongest of soul reapers, but that is all. I've read things that indicate that at one time priests and priestesses lived here as well, but that was before even my grandfather's time. Whatever happened to change it, why he put the law in place to remove priestess' from the normal cycle, I don't know, they are records that were too damaged for me to salvage." Sestran explained to her as he continued to work.
"But…you can't want to be here all alone." Kagome said, frowning still. She never realized that Sestran was by himself here. What good was heaven when you were in solitary confinement?
"You've lived in the world a long enough time to know that fairness is not anything anyone gets to expect. Royalty perhaps much more than many people would ever realize." Sestran replied. "It is not as though I didn't have time to prepare myself for this Kagome. Also, I will not always have to keep the gate closed."
"You're deflecting," she commented, "hard to have a conversation that way."
"Should I say 'woe is me' and cry on your shoulder?" Sestran grinned a moment at the slight pout his sarcastic reply inspired. "You do not need to concern yourself for my sake. I knew before you were born that I would eventually be in this position. Centuries allow someone a long time to come to terms with their future."
Kagome frowned at him, she wasn't convinced but it was hard to argue. She forgot so easily that Sestran was actually over a thousand years old; he only looked to be around her age.
"Well." She decided to change the subject again. "I think it's nice that despite your shortcomings (not that she could think of any right then) you try to do good things."
"I try to keep a balance Kagome, that's all. You more than most should be aware as to what I will do to keep a balance in the world. You certainly seemed quick to attack me for it." Sestran replied with his usual indefinite mirth.
"Yeah, but I guess once I was done being tormented and had time to think about it I should consider it a compliment that you thought I was pure of heart." Kagome said with a laugh to herself. "Though, I'm still angry at for faking my wedding just to catch someone that was bothering you."
"Aizen was proving to be a real threat to other members of the soul society and you presented an opportunity that I didn't expect to see again. Not only are you a miko, but you have a protector that's rumored to be the strongest demon alive. Though as I have told you before, eventually you will likely grow tired of me as most do, one day I'll hatch a plot that you cannot forgive."
"Or you could stop using me like a pawn." Kagome pointed out, rolling her eyes at the royal. "I do consider you a friend you know."
"Friends use each other all the time. I'm just more open about my willingness to do so." Sestran replied, frowning and running his hand along the wall before pausing and leaving it there, his stormy gaze seeing things Kagome could not.
"That's sort of a dark way to look at it. But I guess I should thank you for taking the time to teach me and letting me stay here, even if it's sort of quiet." Kagome said. The silence despite the peaceful feeling the place gave off still made her ill at ease. Honestly she didn't want to be here at all but that wasn't Sestran's fault, Byakuya had asked that she come and as much as she wanted to repeatedly stab Naraku she couldn't deny him the chance for revenge.
"I'm afraid electronics don't function properly within the Gate even with batteries. I attempted a decade or so ago to bring over a walkman to no avail." Sestran explained. "There is a piano in my room."
Kagome giggled at the idea of Sestran in headphones. "I can't quite picture you with a walkman; wouldn't it mess up your perfect hair?"
"Nothing would do that." Sestran replied, still focused on whatever he was doing.
"I forgot that all the men in my life have ego's that could crush a country." Kagome rolled her eyes again. "You play the piano?"
"I play several instruments, my parents insisted on it when I was quite young. It is considered normal to have some form of art mastered if you are a member of nobility or royalty." Sestran shrugged as though it wasn't a big deal. Of course he never seemed to think things impressive that many others might.
Kagome stayed quiet as he seemed more intent on his work, and he didn't continue speaking so she assumed he needed the quiet just then. Whatever it was he was working on was beyond her. Looking at the floor she could only watch the various runes and symbols fly by. Rarely would she recognize a word, and once she thought she saw a small phrase.
"Is this really all Sestran does all day? He's been working on this for nearly half a year? Yet he sounds like he's far from having it finished." Kagome thought to herself with a frown. "I know I shouldn't trust him, particularly as I know my feelings are influenced by his unnatural charisma. Must be part of what makes him such a good manipulator, people want to trust him even if they know they shouldn't. Would I have forgiven anyone else for the things he's done to me? Still consider them a friend despite that?"
"Yes." She answered her own question.
Kagome rarely held grudges, and as much as Sestran irritated her, he'd also helped her. He was helping her now; he's agreed to keep her here at Byakuya's behest after all. Even if she didn't like it, she couldn't tell him not to go and rescue his own sister. Rukia was now family to her as well. Not wanting to disturb Sestran she found herself lost in thought as she watched the shimmering chaotic field of letters just beneath her seat on the floor.
"Kagome." Sestran's voice drew her eyes up from the floor. She canted her head at him standing nearby, blinking a few times.
"I'm fine. Don't let me get in the way of your work, it's important." Kagome was looking at the hand he was offering her. She'd seen that too much from him lately and didn't really want to touch him again. "I just don't really know this place and I don't want to feel alone."
"Which is understandable, I am ready to leave however, we have been here for a while Kagome. As I mentioned, it is easy to lose track of time here; it is a part of the gate." Sestran explained, not withdrawing his hand. "You should eat, I do not require it often, but you'll grow weak if you do not remember it."
"Oh…" Kagome nodded, blushing and glancing away as she took his hand and accepted the help up. It was uncomfortable the way it made her heart race when she watched him. She knew she'd always been impressed by him and always would to some degree. She wasn't willing to consider him as more than a friend though, much as the ambience around him pressed on her consciousness to do otherwise. She loved Byakuya and that wasn't going to change, this was going to be a taxing visit.
Then Sestran was pulling a chair out for her in the dining room she'd seen earlier. She sat down as the dizziness hit her a second time, she wasn't sure if there was any adjusting to teleportation. The table was empty and after a moment she glanced up to Sestran who had sat at the head of table just next to where he'd sat her down.
"If you don't have anyone here, and we're both sitting down, who's going to make food? You want me to do it? I guess it would be fair since you're letting me stay here." Kagome offered, it was harder not to want to please him than usual and after she was teleported it made resisting the urge nearly impossible.
"Kagome…are you sure you are all right? The gate could be getting to you; you are less perceptive than usual." Sestran nodded to the table. There were already plates in front of them. Kagome blinked curiously at the vegetable curry in front of her. It was just what she was craving and thinking about making if the ingredients were here. Sestran had a plate in front of him as well. She blinked at it then looked back at him with a delighted, though surprised, expression.
"There have never been an exceptional amount of people living in the gate and it reacts to our needs in some minor areas. Is it so impressive?" Sestran seemed genuinely curious. Kagome doubted he'd ever attempted to cook before.
"Of course, you know how much I work to make curry when I do it at home? You know how many people wish they could just wave a hand and have whatever they wanted?" She picked up her fork and mixed some of the rice with the curry, taking a bite and closing her eyes. It tasted like it belonged in heaven, she opened back up her eyes after a moment to find a curious Sestran still looking at her.
"What?" Kagome asked after swallowing her bite. She could feel the flush rising in her face again. Suddenly thinking about how her chewing must seem a little like a mannerless cow compared to how the royal would eat.
"I don't think much about food. It is interesting to see how positively you react to it." Sestran answered.
"With food like this I think meals will be my favorite part of being here. You don't have a favorite food?" Kagome asked, she figured she was stuck here she might as well make conversation, it was better than staring and blushing like a preteen. Instead of looking at Sestran she watched her plate, still mixing curry with the rice.
"I always just have what I've seen others have. I don't eat often so perhaps it doesn't mean as much to me as many." Sestran commented thoughtfully. "I only eat once or twice a week."
"Still, food is important, I don't think I'd manage without milkshakes when I feel really down. Everyone has comfort food." Kagome replied with a shake of her head.
"I see no reason for it to be something to focus on." Sestran's reply was general, it was certainly not nearly as important to him as many. "I enjoy it well enough, but there are other things that are more important to me."
"Like the piano?" Kagome wasn't sure what else to suggest. "Do you have other hobbies?"
"When I have extra time I enjoy playing, though I paint sometimes as well. I have to keep my own records in the archive. I watch the other worlds, when there is a problem I keep the balance as best I can." Sestran explained thoughtfully. "That is when the gate is locked off. When it is not, I often circumvent my guards outside of the gate more than they are aware or would like but it is easier now than when I was Prince."
"Why is that?"
"Some things I'm better off not giving answers to. When we're done you should get some rest." He suggested, speaking between small bites of his meal.
"Oh?" Kagome looked around. "I can't really tell the time, is it late here?"
"Yes, for you it would be." Sestran nodded. "If you need something else to eat it should appear for you if you focus on it. Your room is down the hall on the right. I should return to my work now that I've had a little to eat."
"You don't sleep?" Kagome raised a brow. His plate was gone so she had no way of knowing how much he'd had.
"I do, but again not with the regularity that you do." Sestran answered her honestly as he got to his feet and pushed the chair in. "Rest well."
"I see. Well I guess that's convenient. Good night Sestran." Kagome nodded. Eating her meal quietly after that since he'd left. "He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep, and he doesn't have anyone else here. How does he stand it? Is he really just so different that he's telling the truth and he's fine with it?"
Kagome finished her meal, it was tasty but she was full and couldn't keep eating. The plate vanished as she went to pick it up and that got her to perk a smile before she returned to her room. Changing into a pair of pajamas, Kagome was used to living out of her backpack. She closed her eyes and pictured tea, grinning some when she saw it on the table. She pulled out the spice given to her by Ukitake. A spoon appeared a moment later and she started blending some in with a smirk. The food just appearing whenever she wanted in the format she wanted she could really get used to. She sipped at the tea, glad that the spice seemed to take off some of the bitterness. She crawled into the canopy bed when she finished and noticed that once she dropped the curtain it was dark enough within that sleeping would be easier than she expected.
"It's lovely here but I can't help but remember how forlorn Sestran looks sometimes beneath the cheerful exterior he puts off most of the time." Kagome thought to herself as she laid down to rest. The downright forlorn expression that had flickered across his face earlier that day when he'd wondered if his own child would kill him as he killed his father wouldn't leave her mind.
Sestran…
The King sighed as he appeared within the archive, suddenly quiet as speaking to himself seemed much less sane when there was another visitor within the gate. Closing it off again had been a difficult decision, given what he knew of Naraku, what Naraku had done to his mother…
"It is not my place to get involved on a personal level. I barely knew my mother, she rots in hell for her trechery…." Sestran knew the justifications were needed. They helped him keep from getting involved himself. This was a threat to the gate, so he had to remain here regardless of what he would like to do. At the very least he could keep Kagome safe and allow the honor of the kill to Byakuya.
The Captain would eventually discover what he'd done when his mind was manipulated. When that happened there would be very little that could help him come to terms with those mistakes. Sestran hoped killing Naraku would be of some minor comfort whenever his memories fully returned. Still, there were further dangers, Naraku had taken a friend of Sesshomaru, he'd taken Rukia, he wanted the pair of them to come against him at the same time. There was little other reason to take the two women…
Sestran only agreed to take Kagome in after the other kidnappings and disappearances – soul reapers were turning up dead or missing and soul society was busy trying to catch whatever traitor was in their own midst while the rest of this morbid little play was going on.
This Naraku had a web of deceit so thick even Sestran was having difficulty seeing what lead where. Certainly it was a more dangerous opponent than he expected. Generally Sestran was the master when it came to manipulation but this was troublesome. He hadn't left the Gate before this, when it was clear he wanted to then. Now that Kagome was here and safe, the one subject that might get him to walk away was safe. So what game was Naraku playing? He clearly still had something in mind.
He leaned away from the wall disgustedly; he couldn't concentrate enough to work at more than a snail's pace. This was merely a waste of time. He needed a distraction to get his mind away from this plot. He knew just the thing…
Kagome…
Kagome was having trouble resting, between continued images of Byakuya stabbing her there were other nightmares that would haunt her the moment she really neared rest. She couldn't remember them, only that they were harrying her every attempt at sleep. She grit her teeth in frustration, at this point she was so tired after days of this she was more angry than frightened by any of the harrowing dreams she couldn't remember. So much for help sleeping…
A light touch on her forehead banished the negative energy curling through her mind and she opened her eyes to see a concerned stormy gaze looking at her, Sestran's hand was on her forehead as if checking for a temperature. Just that small contact seemed to remove all of the apprehensions she'd had until then, she reached up to hold onto his hand when he started to draw back not wanting to return to the discomfort just yet. She tried to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat when he offered her a gentle smile, closing her eyes again to help her not think about it.
"Are you all right? You're warm…you were crying out in your sleep." There was light concern in Sestran's voice though he allowed her to hold his hand against her forehead. Kagome could feel the mattress move as he sat next to her, feeling her cheeks.
"I'll be fine; I've just been having nightmares a lot…" Kagome muttered. She hoped he wouldn't press her for information; Sestran wasn't really someone she wanted to discuss her fears with when it came to Byakuya.
"I would have done more if it was possible Kagome…" There was a sad edge to his voice that got her to open her eyes again, but he wasn't looking at her. His misted gaze instead looking beyond the curtain he must have opened to sit on the edge of the. Kagome only then realized that he was actually guilty about not being able to do more…
She bit her lip; it was touching that he actually cared about her that much. Then she leaned over and started to kiss his hand, the distractions of his new presence and the tiredness were catching up to her or she'd of realized what a mistake that gesture was.
End Chapter
Less cliffy than most of my chapters I suppose. Still semi-cliffy XD, silly Kagome letting herself get all comfortable. I hope people still remember what her kissing Sestran means. Mostly drama's for this chapter. It gets better XD (well I think so anyway)
-Aura
To my reviewers:
Sugar0o – Heh she did say Jaken didn't she? I'm over here grinning at all your plottings, it makes me smile. Yeah Sesshy and Byakuya aren't exactly best buds and this won't help. Sesshomaru is like 'you fail too much' XD. Poor Byakuya, it wasn't his fault…it'll be sad writing for him when he remembers. More grinning at your plottings but I figure I'll get an explosive review for this chapter and then definitely for 15. I still just hope it doesn't go all ( at that point. One chapter left until possible hate storm.
RebornRose1992 – LOL Glad you like it.