Warning - LOOOOONG A/N ahead!

JakeisNessiesBitch, THANK YOU for recommending my story to your friends. AlexandraCullen1901, thank you for giving me an amazing review when I really needed one. Most of all, thank you to AbsolutelyCullen for helping me through panic attacks/RL issues, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY today, doll.

God, there are so many more people to thank for the support…literally, so many. I have unchecked PMs right now, reviews that I haven't responded to…I am generally a mess. I didn't even ask my beta to help me w/ this chapter. I just wrote it and posted it out of anxiety, or else it was never going to happen.

I will be back now as frequently as possible. I had NO IDEA the bar exam would be this awful, or else I wouldn't have made the promise to update in May. I am sorry I broke that promise. Thanks to those who have joined this story and to those who have stuck w/ me. There is a lot left to this story, and I will update more and more as I get my RL shit together.

And, here we go (S Meyer owns Twilight)! -----

Bella and I stayed in the meadow for several hours, kissing and talking. She hadn't been lying when she said she had a million questions, and I did my best to answer them. Although I could've stayed there forever with her, I insisted on taking Bella home as the sun began to set. She was yawning every few minutes, and I could tell that her temperature was a little higher than normal. More than ever, I needed Bella healthy.

"Edward, are you sure you can't come up?" she asked while we held each other.

I kissed her slowly and frowned against her lips. "Yes, I'm sure. You need to rest, and I need to make an appearance at my house. Besides, we'll have other nights…" I trailed off and kissed her again, letting her draw her own conclusions from my suggestive comment. "Your dad is a heavy sleeper," I added with a grin.

She laughed. "It also helps that you can hear him before he ever reaches my room. You have no more excuses, Edward Cullen," she teased. "I expect you there at 10PM sharp, every night, to tuck me in."

"Of course, Bella. If you insist, it's the least I can do."

After another passionate kiss, I reluctantly left her at her doorstep and, predictably, took my raging erection with me for the night.

I probably would've still snuck into her room and rode the high that I felt, except that I wanted to give her time to process this afternoon. She was so accepting of everything…too accepting. There was a strong possibility that, with some time to reflect, she would realize the gravity of her situation and change her mind about us.

I needed to give her the space to reject me if she wanted. Of course, I didn't tell her that; she would've gotten beyond pissed if she knew what I was thinking.

Besides, having the evening alone would be good for me, too. I was entirely incapable of coherency in her dizzying presence, and I needed to get my shit together so I didn't fuck this up.

Against all logic, I had done exactly what I wasn't supposed to do. I'd told Bella that I was a vampire, and I'd further agreed to continue dating her, all the while confessing my newly-discovered love. My whole world was at stake now.

My family wouldn't be home for another hour, so I exchanged my Volvo for the Vanquish and left for Seattle, letting Forks fall farther and farther behind me. I thought most clearly when playing piano, running or driving. I wanted to avoid my family until I got myself together, so piano was out. If I ran, I'd probably run straight to Bella's house, so that was out, too. The Vanquish needed to stretch its legs, and Seattle was in the opposite direction of everything, so driving was the clear choice.

With each mile of highway, my thoughts became clearer. Above the engine's purr, I heard the resounding knowledge that yes, I loved Bella. Watching Bella fall out the window, and then making the decision to save her, solidified the realization of my love for her. I was certain.

Even still, it amazed that in a short amount of time, my feelings for her had become about so much more than sex. Initially, it was easier to want to fuck Bella than to feel love for her, but I knew the truth now. She had eclipsed my entire existence, and there was no life without her. I couldn't return to the restlessness and monotony that I'd endured before her; she had shattered that part of me forever.

I also didn't regret telling her that I loved her. I would just do my best to navigate the heavy consequences of my actions. Before meeting her, I'd started to doubt the possibility that I could find both love and lust in one person. For decades, I believed with all of my being that love would accompany attraction; that's why I hadn't had sex with Tanya long ago. Finally, I felt vindicated. I couldn't regret it.

I pushed the Vanquish faster in my euphoria, but my happiness was not completely free of anxiety. After everything I've seen of humans, I wasn't naïve enough to think that Bella really loved me the way that I loved her. I saw how women viewed me; I couldn't read Bella's thoughts, but she was most likely infatuated. I was her first real boyfriend, after all. Of course she would fancy love for me. Within our week of whirlwind romance, we'd already done so much physically, thanks to my persistence. Bella wouldn't do those things unless she thought she was in love. I just happened to be the lucky bastard, working with an unfair advantage, who ensnared her. Perhaps when she realized just how frightening I was, she would fall out of lust.

Stowing those painful thoughts away for later, I wondered if Alice knew the extent of what was happening to Bella and me. Had she known I would come to love Bella? And what did Alice see for Bella's future? How long would Bella want me? How would this end? I had so many questions, but I now understood why Alice had stayed away. Admittedly, I wasn't prepared to know the answers to those questions yet.

I slowed down as I hit Seattle city limits and tried to tune out the onslaught of emotion and thoughts coming from those around me. Although it was a Sunday night, downtown was bustling. I hadn't been here since the 1920's and much had changed. Certain sights, like the Olympic Hotel, were still standing, but so many other aspects of the city had been modernized. Despite this, the energy of the City felt the same. The smell of ocean salt, pine, fish and condensation hung in the air and clung to every surface.

I doubted Bella had been to Seattle. I knew she missed city life, and Seattle was the biggest city that this side of the US had to offer. Maybe she and I could come overnight and get a hotel. I started thinking of all of the ways I could deceive Charlie but stopped myself. I had enough deceit to handle for now.

I was finally ready to confront my family as I pulled onto my long drive later that night. Although it was risky, I would lie to my family at a time when I was just earning back their trust. Carlisle was my father and closest confidant apart from Alice, and I would keep him in the dark. I didn't even have to think twice about it.

I had to bet on Alice. She knew what I was doing. She told me to listen to Bella.

I parked the Vanquish and prepared myself for my performance. I was an exceptional liar when I wanted to be; I could hear their thoughts and adjust my body language and story accordingly. Just to be on the safe side, I was armed with flowers for Esme. They expected me to be in a good mood, what with my new romance and all, so I played the part. I couldn't afford to fail at this.

I walked into the house with a lopsided grin and a distant look in my eyes. Rosalie was sketching something mechanic while Emmett played video games. Esme was researching horticulture on the internet, and Carlisle was in his study reading a medical journal. It was a typical night, albeit it was after 1:00am.

Esme looked up with a huge smile. "Edward! Welcome home. How was your day?" How's Bella?

I grinned widely, answering the silent question, because we both knew my day would be good if Bella was in it. "Bella is wonderful. She says hello, by the way. I got these for you." I walked over to hand Esme the Stargazing Lilies. They were her favorite.

"Thank you, Edward," she gushed.

Rosalie didn't look up but spoke from the couch. "Someone's in a good mood. Where are my flowers?"

"Emmett, where are Rosalie's flowers?" I asked innocently.

His annoyance was evident as he glanced at me and pounded on the game controller. "Don't try to get me in trouble, Eddie. Your pussy-whipped ass already screwed me over once today. When you ditched me, I had to explain to the real men playing basketball how you were just an eager virgin without any courtesy whatsoever. It was a sad moment for the Cullen family."

"Emmett, watch your mouth," Esme warned from the other room.

"Whatever," I said with a scowl, "I'd rather hang out with Bella than play basketball with you and your human brigade."

"Speaking of humans," he began pointedly, "are you still an eager virgin?" He assassinated someone in the game and shouted in happiness. He needed a new hobby.

"That's none of your business," I huffed.

He chuckled. "Yup, that's what I thought. Well, better luck next time." He and Rosalie laughed while I headed up the stairs to speak to Carlisle. They were such assholes, but at least they didn't suspect anything.

Carlisle stopped reading his journal and looked up with a sympathetic smile as I entered the room. He knew how moody I could get, and he didn't want Emmett to ruin my seemingly positive demeanor.

I smiled to reassure him that I was fine. "I miss Jasper and Alice," I complained.

He laughed freely. "As do I, son." I scoured his mind, and Carlisle didn't suspect anything. Why would he? Alice wouldn't say anything, and I was playing my part with no hint of deceit. He was, however, going to ask me about Tanya.

Carlisle saw a flicker of anger pass over my face, and he knew I'd read his thoughts. He spoke to me through his mind. Was it that bad, Edward? She still hasn't returned to Denali.

I ran a hand through my hair and sat down in one of Carlisle's plush leather chairs. I liked the smell of polished leather, so it soothed me a little as I prepared to talk about Tanya. "She put me in a horrible position, Carlisle. I told her about Bella, and she still threw herself at me. When Bella showed up unexpectedly, it was disastrous. I warned Tanya to stay away from Bella, but she still came out and tried to give Bella the impression that I was being unfaithful."

I was starting to seethe at this point, remembering Tanya's little stunt. "I wanted to tear her head off, Carlisle. She's supposed to be family!"

"She's also been infatuated with you for decades," Carlisle reminded quietly.

"That's hardly an excuse! Besides, her thoughts are nothing more than just that – infatuation."

Carlisle was disappointed in my lack of sympathy, so I tried to rein in my anger before continuing. "I know that she was hurt by Bella. I saw how frustrating it was for her, to pursue me for so long, only to be refused by me for a human. And I do feel badly for even deciding that I'd give her a chance. She really, genuinely thought that I was finally interested. I never should've called her." Before Bella, my plan had been to screw Tanya, and I felt guilty about that now.

"No one's heard from her. What exactly did you say?"

"I told her that I never wanted to see her again and that she'd disgraced her family. I said our friendship was over."

"Edward," Carlisle hissed disapprovingly, "Did you have to go that far?"

"Yes, I did! She told Bella she was here to fuck me, and that my bedroom was getting lonely. She even had her skirt hiked up and everything. You should've seen Bella's face!"

He sighed deeply, still unhappy with my harsh response. "I guess there's nothing we can do for now. I know she upset you, but I do expect more compassion from you. She is family, regardless of how you may feel at the moment."

I didn't want to disappoint Carlisle, especially because I needed to talk to him about my physical relationship with Bella. "Just give all of us some time to cool down. I'm sure Tanya's fine. She's probably just embarrassed. Those were the emotions I heard in her thoughts before she took off."

"I take it you were able to smooth things over with Bella?"

"Yes, thankfully." Relief colored my face, and I went back to lying to Carlisle. "Bella was shocked and initially upset, but I convinced her that I wasn't involved with Tanya. Other than her suspicions about me being unfaithful, she didn't suspect anything after meeting Tanya. I'm certain of that."

"How are things progressing with her?"

I smiled lazily again; this part didn't require any lying. "Wonderfully. She's amazing in every way. I'm still drawn to her physically, but it's more than that now."

Carlisle was genuinely pleased, but I sensed some worry in his mind. I'm so thrilled, Edward. But the closer you get to her, the more of a risk that the situation presents that she'll discover what we are…

I cleared my throat, deciding to change the subject. "I'm aware of that. Actually, I was hoping to discuss another kind of protection for Bella…."

If I was able, I would've been blushing like Bella right now. Damn it, this shouldn't be so difficult. I'd known Carlisle forever. We talked about everything.

He smiled knowingly, getting my hint. "Ah yes. What would you like to know?"

"Isn't it obvious? Can we, uh, be intimate?" I decided to use 'intimate' and save harsher language for another time.

"You've been able to kiss her, right?"

I saw where he was going in his thoughts, and I was surprised by the simplicity of it all. "Yes, I can swallow back the venom. I just have to be very careful, so that when it floods my mouth, I don't let it near her." Anticipating his thoughts, I spoke again. "Is that all I have to do?"

He entered 'doctor' mode and leaned back into his chair, a practiced human habit. "Venom is but one weapon in our arsenal, and it can be controlled. As you've learned firsthand and already knew, our saliva is not naturally venomous. However, because most vampires cannot control their thirst, their saliva often becomes inundated with venom. We forget that the two – venom and saliva - are distinct fluids. Most vampires couldn't exercise your self control to keep the two separate, but you've always been stronger in that respect. In fact, Bella has been the greatest testament to your self control."

I snorted. I'd hardly been in control when I jumped her in the gym.

"Edward, anyone else in your position would've exercised far less control than you've demonstrated. You've swallowed back venom to kiss her. That's incredibly difficult. You should be proud of yourself."

He continued when I stopped looking the part of a martyr. "Anyway, seminal fluid is not venomous, just like your saliva isn't naturally venomous." Carlisle chortled. "Until we start hunting with our penises, I doubt semen will ever turn venomous. There's no evolutionary need for it."

I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous image in his head. "So, it won't hurt her if it…touches her?" I had to be sure.

"No, not at all. Your bigger concern is making sure that you kiss her without venom. That, and of course that you don't accidentally pulverize her or drink her blood."

I cringed at his words. I didn't want to hurt Bella, and there were so many ways for me to make a mistake. Those were just two of many ways to hurt her…

Carlisle softened his voice at my pained expression, all teasing gone. "Son, do you have any other questions?" Maybe about how to please her, or anything along those lines? You can't read her mind. Maybe I could help you?

"No, no," I said quickly. "I'm okay in that department. I do read minds, even if I can't read hers." I wasn't going to Carlisle that I'd already made her climax… twice. "I thought there'd be more to it," I admitted.

"There is," he said matter-of-factly. "The emotional aspects to all of this could keep us here for days talking, not to mention the other ways you could hurt her if you're not careful." I assume she's a virgin, which adds an additional dimension to everything…

"I know that. So am I."

He laughed again, finding that amusing. "Then you understand some of the emotional implications, but not necessarily the physical ones. If you do have sex with her, you'll be her first. And it's different for women. That's a tremendous honor."

"Yeah, I know." I'd heard enough in the minds of women to know how big of a deal this was. I wasn't a child.

We sat in companionable silence for a moment longer until I stood up to go. Carlisle didn't even once picture me having sex with Bella, which I appreciated. It was a refreshing change from all of the pervs around me.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I appreciate your, er, support." I couldn't think of a better word.

"You are welcome, son." Be careful with her.

God, I knew.

---------------------

The next morning, I found myself in a familiar position – anxiously standing by the school building, waiting for Bella's truck to come rumbling onto campus. This time, Rosalie stood with me, smirking at the students who unabashedly stared at us and saying hello to those who'd been lucky enough to receive her approval last week.

Per the usual, I ignored them, and I tried to ignore my cocky sister. When she didn't take the hint, I made my wish explicit. "Go away, Rose."

"Nope. I want to know your plans before I leave." How are you going to be a normal boyfriend and not a selfish…

I cut her off and stuffed my hands in my jeans to keep from strangling her. "You and Emmett sure are overly concerned about matters that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Besides, what makes you think I have a plan?" In actuality, I didn't have a plan. First, I had to make sure that Bella still wants me. Plans would come later.

Bella knew what I was now. Would I still be expected to act normally? I realized that, yes, I would still have to put up the façade, now more than ever. As long as Rosalie was around to hound me, I would have to put on a front for her, and for everyone, really.

Rose pulled her coat tightly around her body and flipped her hair, drawing attention from a group of passing guys. "Edward, remember what I said about normalcy? Are you going to do anything normal for this girl? Everyone is already talking about how you're just fucking her. If you care about her, you'll have a plan to be a good, normal boyfriend."

"I know what people are thinking, Rose," I said, stating the obvious with a roll of my eyes. "Besides, since when the fuck do you care about Bella?"

"I'm not a heartless bitch, despite what you may think." Her voice grew quiet, almost imperceptible. "And I know how pivotal first love can be."

Suddenly, she was thinking of her human life and drowning in memories of betrayal. Her first love hadn't gone so well. She wanted nothing more than to have another chance, to experience it all again with Emmett… this was a routine pain for her, and I knew it well from her thoughts. She was far from embracing this immortal life, and I understood that sentiment better than she realized.

I had been so absorbed in Bella, Rose's sensitivities on this subject never got through to my preoccupied, sex-addled mind. I felt guilty as her grief washed over me.

"Shit, Rosalie. I know you're not a heartless bitch." I stared at my shoes, feeling like a douche bag. "I know you mean well. And I am going to heed your advice. I want Bella to have a good experience, too. I just need some time to figure this all out. It's only been a week…"

Just then, I heard Bella's ancient truck fighting its way up the road. Rose heard it, too, and sighed.

"Can we talk later?" I asked desperately.

Another sigh, but my words had reassured her for the moment. "Yeah, Edward, we can and will talk later. Oh, and the next time you talk to Alice, tell her to stop avoiding my phone calls."

I laughed, realizing that I wasn't the only one looking for answers from our little fortune teller.

As Rose walked away and I waited for Bella, I gave serious consideration to Rose's admonition. Bella would only have one youth, and I had to give her all of the experiences she deserved. As long as Bella didn't reveal my secret, there's no reason I couldn't play the role of boyfriend for her. I would try my hardest. That is, if she still wanted me.

After a small eternity, Bella arrived. I marveled as she climbed out of her truck. Each time I saw her was somehow more potent than the last. She was utter perfection, all silk and heat, curves and ivory.

My mouth watered and my dick twitched, but I kept it together and prepared myself for possible rejection.

Once her eyes fell upon me, I knew that she hadn't changed her mind about us. Euphoria coursed through me as she stumbled across the parking lot and flew into my arms. At the contact, I rejoiced and suppressed a groan, having missed being enveloped in her scent.

I ran my fingers through her hair and rubbed the back of her neck. As we held each other, I sensed no hesitancy or fear. There was only Bella...and my threatening erection, but that was nothing new.

After a few heavenly moments, she turned her brown eyes on me and smiled, being the first of our union to speak. "I thought maybe you wouldn't be here today. I was worried…" She stopped in frustration and predictably bit her lip, trying to reformulate her words. So beautiful. "What I mean is, I'm glad to see you today."

I stroked her cheek, feeling freer than I'd even been in my entire life. Bella knew all of me, and yet she wanted me. And it was so Bella to think that I'd be the one to change my mind. We worried about the same things when it came to one another.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be. Don't be silly." I tried to make light of the situation, but we communicated volumes in our unspoken words. Looking at her, I knew we could do this. She would keep my secret, and I would worship her. Even if she did only feel infatuation, I would take her infatuation and prize it above my own existence.

I bent down to kiss her, and she eagerly returned it as we headed off to class, her hot hand in my marbled one.

Unfortunately, my happiness at our reunion was short lived. As I took my seat next to Ben, I listened to the thoughts of my classmates and confirmed what Rosalie had forewarned. People's thoughts about Bella were less than kind. A once inconspicuous girl, Bella was now an object of lust and ridicule after our PDA last week. The girls were generally jealous, and the guys…well, let's just say that my interest in her had thrust her into the center of several male fantasies.

The thoughts were worse than they had been in the gym locker room, and I started to seethe with jealousy. To see Bella so objectified in their minds, to witness one hormonal boy after another wonder if he would get the chance to fuck her once I grew bored…

The bell finally rang, and I took Bella's hand, storming out of the room with a tight jaw. She looked at me curiously, so I tried to smile, but I was enraged.

Just then, the worst possible thing happened for my already dark mood. An asshole junior named Casey who had it out for Bella walked by with some of his delinquent friends. He smiled at me and then looked Bella up and down like a perverted douche. With a cocky smirk, he gave me a thumbs up after his assessment of Bella. Under his breath, he called Bella a whore, and his useless friends snickered.

I could take no more. Bella was not, and would never be, my whore. If anyone was subservient in this relationship, it was me. She held my secrets, my heart and my libido. I would be her whore, or whatever else she wanted from me. I may have had the discipline to tolerate a ton of shit, but I didn't have the discipline to overlook this asshole calling Bella a whore to my face.

Before I could think it through, I pinned Casey up against a locker, adjusting my pressure just enough to cause a few bruised ribs. I couldn't blow my cover by doing much more, but I had to do something, anything, to defend Bella. I barely noticed the crowd gathering as he gaped at me in fear. His friends did nothing to help him, and I ignored Bella's pleas for me to stop.

"Fuck you," I said with complete fury. I lowered my voice for the next part, so that only he could hear me. "Don't even think of calling her a whore again. Don't even look at her. I promise that if you do, it will be the last fucking thing you ever do."

He gasped in agreement just as a few faculty members arrived in time to see me pinning the douche up against the lockers. Unfortunately, Rose got there just in time for my outburst, too. I let him go, but the teachers were already screaming at me to get to the office. Most everyone was confused by what had happened, and Bella looked somewhere between pissed and mortified. Not surprisingly, Rosalie was entirely pissed and screaming at me in her mind.

I couldn't face Bella's disappointment, so I started walking to the office as the faculty dispersed the crowds for class. I could hear that they were going to call Carlisle, but all I really cared about was the strong likelihood that I'd just made things worse for Bella and me.

Once again, I was fucked.

Thanks for reading! Be back soon.