Okay, I'm glad you all loved the comedy chapter so much. If only this one were as funny…oh, and the official names for the couples I hinted at last chapter are now 'Leafshipping' and 'Beakshipping.' Thanks Story Weaver1!
Geniusboy, it's all right, nobody cares if shipping was pronounced wrong in your definition. And your Misty/Shedinja team-up is funny but for two things. First, I don't think Misty hates May. She may have initially for taking her place, but they seemed to get along when they first met (unless Misty was hiding her true loathing or something.) Second, Misty's seen a Shedinja before. And even if she hadn't, she'd know it's a Bug-type. She's not that stupid. Then again, I suppose that's why the idea itself is so funny!
Emotionally endeared, Alex? Aww, how sweet! I was hoping you liked me! (Or the story) And I am aware of the mummy-to-zombie thing, let's forget about it. Does May desire Ash? I haven't seen anything (or maybe I'm not looking hard enough or just don't want to see it) but I'd like to think there's nothing like that between them. And if there was, I thought she might have become more interested in Drew anyway…And I hear Ash might catch a Swalot (Or not) but I have my own idea for his sixth Pokemon here… And his friends didn't know about the Butterfree thing either, it's not widely known, he only found out by looking in the Pokedex one day. I honestly don't know what I was thinking by making Wobbuffet a Goth…I thought that it was funny at the time. Igglybuff do know Sing, but to quote the Pokedex, Igglybuff can't sing very much because its vocal cords will expand too rapidly and it'll explode. At least, that's what Ezna said.
By the way Alex, a couple of questions: One, what do you think Pokemon food and normal food is made of? Two, why do so many people hate Togepi? Ash is hated because they think he's a cocky overconfident brat, Brock because they think he's a bit of a lecher, Misty because they think she's a loudmouthed bitch (Their words, not mine! I love Misty!) And so on, but why do they hate poor, sweet innocent little Togepi? Is it because taking care of her caused Misty's attitude to change a little due to her constant need to nurture the poor thing? If so, tough, because that's part of what parenting is all about. So like I said, what do you think?
And one more thing: Kudos to Ezna for being my 100th reviewer! As a prize, you get a Mystery Egg! What's inside? Even I don't know! Hatch it and find out for yourself!
Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything in this chapter other than Team Cipher's lame new motto. Like last time, Pokespeak will be in English, though you readers are the only ones who'll really understand it.
…
After their 'harrowing' battle against Team Cipher and May's 'capture' of Igglybuff, our heroes reached one of the numerous towns throughout the Hoenn region between them and Mossdeep City. As always, they headed for the Pokemon Center to check in for the night, since it was getting late and May was whining about how she wanted to sleep indoors for once and have a shower. (Despite the fact that they had done just that the night before.) And as always, Brock immediately rushed over to the Center's front desk, terrifying a dozen years off of poor Nurse Joy's life with his usual routine. "Ah, Nurse Joy! My days have been dark and lonely without the light from your beautiful, radiant face!"
Max jumped up, grabbed Brock's ear, and started dragging him off, muttering "Maybe they'd be less dark and lonely if you opened your eyes for once."
Nurse Joy blinked in surprise when she saw Ash and May, (along with Max, who was struggling to keep Brock restrained.) "Oh my. Are you Ash Ketchum, Brock Slate, and May and Max Maple?"
Brock's eyes turned to hearts. "SHE KNOWS MY NAME!" He wrenched his ear from Max's iron grip and started racing back to the desk, scaring another dozen years off poor Joy's lifespan.
Ash immediately stuck out a foot, causing Brock to trip and fall onto the floor face-first, cracking it. "Ow…" he moaned.
"Um…why do you want to know?" asked May.
"I have messages for all four of you. First, this is for you Ash." She handed Ash a Pokeball.
Pikachu sniffed it. His ears shot up. "Hey, I know who's in here!"
"Professor Oak finally got a new Pokeball teleporter and sent this ball over after checking to see which town Pokemon Center you were most likely to come to today. He said the Pokemon was very enthusiastic to see you, so thought it should get the first chance to do so out of all the others," Joy explained.
"Huh!" said Ash, surprised.
"Open it up, let's see what's inside!" said Max eagerly.
Ash shrugged and popped open the red and white sphere. A bolt of white light shot out and coalesced into a small blue elephant with red stripes on its nose and ears. It blinked and noticed Ash. "DADDY!" The elephant immediately tackled Ash, knocking him over and started thumping him on the head with his trunk repeatedly while chanting, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy…"
"Oh my! Your Phanphy seems to be very happy to see you!" said Nurse Joy.
"Phanphy?" May took out her Pokedex and pointed it at Phanphy. "Phanphy: The Long Nose Pokemon," said an emotionless feminine voice as Phanphy continued to whack Ash affectionately. "Phanphy is powerful enough to knock over trees and smash boulders with its trunk, but usually does not know its own strength."
"You can-ow-say that-ow-again," Ash said, wincing as Phanphy's trunk hit him again.
Pikachu hopped over to Phanphy to assist his trainer. "Phanphy, I know you're happy to see Ash, but could you please stop hitting him?"
Phanphy blinked and turned to Pikachu. Then he got all happy again. "Uncle Brother Pikachu!" He tackled the startled mouse and started thumping him on the head too. Phanphy, like his elder sister Togepi, referred to Pikachu as their 'Uncle Brother' because he was close enough to Ash to be his brother, making him an uncle, and acted as a big brother for the both of them, hence the second part of the name.
Pikachu gritted his teeth and reflexively let loose a Thunderbolt, but being a Ground-type and no longer fresh from the egg Phanphy didn't notice. Then Brock moaned and started to get up, catching Phanphy's attention. "Lusty Uncle Brock!" he cried, tackling the older and unprepared trainer and showering him with little love taps from his trunk.
"Ow! Ow! My Nurse Joy, save me!" Brock cried.
The nurse sweatdropped. "Um, I think I'll stay out of this."
"Wow, who'd have thought a little guy like him could be so strong?" asked May, examining the bruises already forming on Pikachu and Ash's heads. She was already thinking up what she could do with her coordinating routine with a cute powerhouse like Phanphy in the act. Maybe she should try and catch one.
Phanphy heard her and stopped pummeling Brock. "Mom-" He stopped in mid-charge. "Wait…you're not Mommy!" he said angrily. He glared at Max. "And you're too big and ugly to be Big Sister Togepi!"
Without warning, Skitty suddenly popped out of her Pokeball in May's fanny pack, appearing before Phanphy. "Hiiiiii!" she said cheerfully.
"And you're not Idiot Brother Psyduck!" said Phanphy furiously. "I've seen people like you on Grandma Delia's television shows, you're trying to steal Daddy from Mommy and us!" He charged at Skitty with a Take Down. Thinking it was just a game, Skitty giggled and rammed into him with a Tackle, causing both of them to get knocked back by the impact.
"Aww, how cute! They're playing!" May cooed.
Max adjusted his glasses as Phanphy tried to ram Skitty into a wall, but she slapped him with her tail and ran off giggling. "Um, I don't think they're playing."
Ash quickly grabbed Phanphy and held him off the ground before he could attack Skitty again. "Phanphy stop, she's our friend!"
"Let me at them! They're trying to steal you!" Phanphy growled, trying to pull himself from his 'father's' hands.
Pikachu ran over and quickly tried to calm Phanphy down. "Little Brother, stop! They're not trying to steal Ash!"
Phanphy blinked and stopped struggling. "They're not?"
"No! Ash-er, Daddy still loves Misty-uh, Mommy very much and calls her every chance he gets to tell her that. May and Max and Skitty are just friends. JUST friends," he said emphatically.
"Oh…okay!" said Phanphy, calming down.
Seeing the little elephant was okay now, Ash put Phanphy down, and he immediately rubbed against Ash's leg, wanting to go up again. Ash chuckled and picked Phanphy back up. "Nice going Pikachu, not sure exactly what you said but it worked." He frowned, trying to match the words in Pika-speak he had learned over the years with what Pikachu had told Phanphy. "Did you say something about Misty?"
"What about Misty?" asked Brock, coming over.
"Oh, uh…I was just saying how misty the weather's been!" Ash said quickly.
Confused, Brock looked outside, where the sun was shining brightly. "No it's not."
"Well what do you know!" Ash said loudly, laughing nervously.
"Excuse me?" said Nurse Joy, getting everyone's attention. "I said I have messages for all of you, not just Ash!"
"Would it happen to be from a secret admirer?" May asked blushing.
"No."
"Oh," she said disappointed.
"Is it my dad, sending me my first Pokemon?" asked Max eagerly. "Oh, I hope it's not a Slakoth…"
"No…" said Joy.
Brock shoved Max out of the way and grabbed the nurse's hands. "Are you telling me you finally want to stop playing these games and admit your eternal and undying love for me?" he asked hopefully.
Before Max could grab Brock's ear, Joy's assistant Chansey saved the terrified nurse. The egg Pokemon grabbed Brock by the collar, pulled him down to her level, slapped him vigorously, and tossed him away, all with a smile on her face. "Um, no," said Joy, thinking to herself that the sooner these people were gone the better. A serious expression formed on her face. "Max, May, Brock…I regret to inform you that your fathers are in the hospital!"
This caught everyone's attention. Brock snapped out of his usual love trance in shock. "WHAT?!" Max, May and Brock cried at the same time.
Joy looked down. "At approximately ten o' clock this morning, Flint Slate was admitted into the Pewter City hospital. Less than an hour after that, Norman Maple was admitted into the Petalburg City hospital. Both of them show similar symptoms: they are comatose, with virtually no heartbeat or breath, yet seem to be hanging on firmly to life. Neither shows any signs of injuries or wounds of any kind, they simply froze where they were and fell into comas. It is unknown why these two men have the same affliction, but what is known is that both of you are needed home by your families immediately. There's a helicopter waiting to transport you to the nearest port, and ferries have been arranged to take you back to Petalburg and Pewter right away."
There was a stunned silence as the three most affected by Nurse Joy's message stared at her in disbelief. "Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!" said Ash unexpectedly.
The others looked at him in surprise. "Ash?" asked Brock.
He frowned. "Hey, you guys practically dropped everything going for you at your homes to come with me on my journey. It's only fair if I return the favor. Family is more important than badges any day, and I know that if my mom were in the hospital you'd come to help me out right?" He grinned and gave them a thumb's up. "Maybe it's time for me to be the tagalong and moral support for once."
Brock was stunned that Ash was so willing to quit his journey to help them out. "Are you sure about this Ash? You might miss your chance to enter the Hoenn League."
He shrugged. "Like I said, family is more important! Besides, if I stayed here I'd be kind of lonely. Pikachu and all my other Pokemon are great, but it's not the same as having a human companion beside you, you know?"
A smile came onto May's face. "Thanks Ash."
"Are all of you coming, then?" asked Nurse Joy. They nodded. "All right! Follow me!"
The nurse and her Chansey led the heroes out through the Center's back entrance, out to a yard where a helicopter was waiting. The pilot was reading a magazine, but when she saw the people running towards her she put down the magazine and began the chopper's start-up procedure. Brock's girl-senses went off, alerting him to the pilot's gender, and he started running faster towards the helicopter, hearts trailing behind him.
Suddenly, several small orbs fell from the sky and exploded in front of them, startling them and bringing them to a stop. Surprised, the helicopter pilot almost broke a lever off in her hands. "Oh my! What's going on?" asked Joy.
The heroes groaned in unison when they heard an all-too familiar laugh and a Meowth-shaped hot air balloon lowered from the sky.
"Prepare for trouble!"
"And make it-"
"You guys already said the motto today!" Ash snapped.
"Hey, our contracts with Toei state we have to do it whenever we make a big appearance, so there! No interrupting!" snarled Jessie. "As I was saying: To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite-" started James.
"Look, we don't have time for this!" said Brock. "My father and May and Max's father are in the hospital!"
"If you found out something bad happened to your parents in the middle of a fight, we'd let you go! Why can't you do the same for us?" asked May.
Jessie rolled her eyes. "Because we're evil."
"Duh!" added James.
"And besides, my parents are dead," Jessie mentioned.
"And mine would probably just be faking an injury to force me to come back and get married to my awful fiancée Jessiebelle," said James. "Though I am somewhat sorry to hear about your parents. I'll send them get-well cards later."
"And my parents…" Meowth paused. "Hey, I don't even know my parents! I'M AN ORPHAN!" He burst into tears.
Jessie whacked him with a fan. "Be quiet! Now, on with the motto! Ahem: To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend-HEY! They're getting away!" cried James.
And so they were. The heroes were making a break for the helicopter while the ruffians were reciting their rancid motto. "Oh no they don't! Go!" Jessie tossed out a pair of Pokeballs.
They popped open and sent out two Pokemon, which materialized in front of the heroes' path. They were a light purple moth with green wings and a big dark snake with purple stripes and gold plates, a barbed tail, and red fangs. And something was wrong with their eyes…
"BLOOD!" yelled Dustox.
"DEATH!" hissed Seviper.
The heroes stopped in their tracks. Pikachu, Phanphy, and Skitty all felt uneasy. Something seemed terribly, horribly wrong with the evil Pokemon. Skitty yelped and pawed at May's fanny pack, pulling out her Pokeball and locking herself back inside. Phanphy whimpered and hid behind Ash's leg. Pikachu growled and started emitting sparks. He wasn't a Psychic-type, but he was still in tune with nature enough to know that something was wrong.
"What's wrong, Pikachu?" asked Ash, worried. He had no supernatural senses, but after all the wild and crazy adventures he's had it was unsurprising that he felt something was wrong too.
"Didn't you three send Dustox and Seviper away?" asked Brock.
"Yes, but we just got them back after we went blasting off! They finished their training and went through the Shadow Pokemon process with flying colors!" said James happily.
"Now they're one hundred percent pure evil, totally obedient, and stronger than ever before!" said Jessie.
"And all we had to do was have some scientist guys close the doors to their hearts or something like that," said Meowth.
Joy gasped. "That's horrible! If you close the door to a Pokemon's heart, it becomes filled with rage and turns into an unstoppable fighting machine!"
"How do you know that?" asked Max, impressed.
"I'm a nurse, it's my job to know all I can about what might affect a Pokemon's physical or mental health," she explained.
"Nurse Joy knows everything!" said Brock dreamily.
"The nurse is right, Dustox and Seviper are more powerful than ever and with Cacnea by their side, along with all our other Pokemon, Team Cipher will be unstoppable!" James said. "Go, Cacnea!"
A small green ball-shaped Pokemon covered in spikes with a shock of yellow hair, stubby legs, long arms, and holes drilled in its face for eyes and a mouth appeared. Cacnea emitted so much malice and hatred that even the helicopter pilot, safe in her cockpit, shivered from fear. "Murder…" Cacnea purred, perched on the rim of the Meowth balloon's basket.
James laughed and pointed towards the heroes. "Now Cacnea, show them how powerful you and the others have become! Get that Pikachu!" Cacnea didn't budge. James blinked. "Cacnea?" The cactus slowly turned around and looked James in the eyes. He took a step back, frightened by the anger in his Pokemon's eyes.
"Murder…" Without warning, Cacnea pounced at James, knocking him to the floor. He screamed as she started pummeling him over and over again, smashing her spiky fists into his face and drawing blood. Everyone else watched in horror.
"Cacnea, stop!" cried Jessie. Cacnea ignored her and kept beating James. "I said STOP!" Cacnea paused and narrowed her eyes at Jessie. She backed away to the edge of the basket in fright. "Th-that is, if you want to, do whatever you want…" Cacnea stayed frozen on James' chest for several seconds. Then she hopped off, leaving her trainer alone. Jessie helped her partner up. "James, are you all right?"
He shook himself from her grip, staggering to the edge of the basket. "Huh? Oh, I'll be all right. Getting shocked by Pikachu every day hurts worse than that," he said reassuringly, wiping blood from his face.
Cacnea pointed at James. "Murder. Murder murder. Murder murder murder."
"What's it saying?" asked Jessie.
Meowth shrugged. "I dunno, just sounds like a lot of 'murdars' to me."
"It's saying that if I want it to do something I'd better ask politely or not at all," said James.
"How do you know that?" asked Jessie.
James pulled out a small booklet. "It says so in the pamphlet we got when they sent us our Pokemon. Apparently there was a glitch when they performed the Process on it so it's permanently stuck in something called 'Hyper Mode' causing it to have some element of free will left and will beat to death anyone who doesn't treat it with proper respect."
Jessie's eye twitched. "Then why didn't you ask Cacnea to get Pikachu instead of commanding it?"
James shrugged. "I forgot." That earned him a whack from Jessie's mallet.
"Daddy, Uncle Brother Pikachu, I'm scared," Phanphy whimpered.
Ash seemed to pick up on Phanphy's fright. "Don't worry Phanphy, we're not going to let anything bad happen, right Pikachu?" Pikachu nodded in agreement.
James had recovered from the mallet attack and was pointing towards the heroes. "Okay Cacnea, please help your teammates capture Pikachu!"
"Murder!" Now willingly compliant, Cacnea hopped out of the basket, landing next to Seviper and Dustox.
Ash pulled out his Pokeballs. "Guys, get to the helicopter. I'll hold them off."
"What?!" cried Max.
"You can't! We'll stay and help!" said May.
"No!" insisted Ash. "Your fathers need you. Getting to see them is what's important now. Pikachu and I'll handle these guys!"
"I don't know…" said Brock uneasily.
Ash winked. "Hey, if I can survive nearly drowning several times, electrocution, burning, and a heck of a lot of other near-death experiences, one more can't hurt right?" He nodded. "Don't worry. I'll be all okay."
"…Okay," Brock said finally.
"What?!" May protested. "You can't be serious!"
"…Ash'll be fine. Come on." Brock and the others started running towards the helicopter as Ash released all his Pokemon, who looked uncomfortable at the sight of the three evil Shadow Pokemon.
"What's wrong with them? They look all weird…" muttered Swellow.
"They've been turned into Shadow Pokemon, whatever those are. They're stronger than ever and meaner too. Cacnea practically beat James to death. Be careful," cautioned Pikachu.
Corphish laughed. "Ha! I eat cacti for breakfast!"
"Along with everything else," said Grovyle, chewing on his twig.
"Hey, I heard that!"
Torkoal shook his head, chuckling at the lobster's antics.
Jessie scowled. "Hey, no fair using all your Pokemon at once!"
"You do it all the time," Ash pointed out.
"…Oh yeah, good point! James, send out Chimecho and I'll use Wobbuffet! Then we'll clobber him for a team victory!" Jessie said.
"Um, all right," said James, uncertain that this was a good idea. He threw out Chimecho, who happily wrapped his tail around James' head. "No Chimecho, get them, not me!"
"Chimecho!" The chime Pokemon happily floated down to the battlefield, not seeming to notice the Shadow Pokemon at all.
"You go too, Wobbuffet!"
Wobbuffet popped out next to Cacnea, who growled at him. "Bite me bitch," he grumbled. Furious, Cacnea tried to punch him but was repelled by the Goth blob's Counter attack. She was about to attack again when James called out for her to please stop fighting her teammate. Reluctantly, the cactus stood down.
Meowth hopped out of the basket and landed next to the other Pokemon. "I'll join too! I've been training and I've got a few new tricks I want to try out!"
Trembling a little, Phanphy stepped forward. "I-I guess I'll fight too. It w-won't be fair if it's not even, right?"
Ash and Pikachu both looked concerned. "Are you sure you want to do this, Phanphy? You don't have to fight if you're afraid," said Ash.
Phanphy shook his head. "No! I have to do this! I won't let you down, daddy!"
Meowth sneered. "Awwww, how touching, the little baby elephant doesn't want to let his daddy down," he said sarcastically. Ash blushed at this. "You'll be letting a lot more than your father down when we're through with you, kid!"
"Blood!"
"Death!"
"Murder!"
"Chimecho!"
"Whatever."
"Ha!" said Grovyle around the twig in his mouth. "We've never lost a fight to you guys before, and we won't start now!"
"Yeah!" agreed Swellow.
"I'm gonna rip you apart!" threatened Corphish, clacking his pincers.
"We won't lose," promised Torkoal.
"Everyone's counting on me. I'm not gonna let you guys down!" said Phanphy.
Pikachu grinned, sparks flying from his cheeks. "You guys ready for a butt-whooping?"
"Always! Wait, that didn't sound right…" muttered Meowth.
"Get them!" cried Jessie.
"Please!" James added before Cacnea could rebel and kill them all.
"Let's go guys! We're not gonna lose!" said Ash.
Both teams of Pokemon charged at each other as the battle joined.
…
Suspenseful, huh? I added Phanphy because I like the idea of him thinking of Ash as his father. You can thank Mr. Warlorn for that idea. Okay, tune in next time for the big battle between the heroes versus the pumped-up Shadow Pokemon! (And the losers like Meowth, Wobbuffet and Chimecho.) Please review!