Dear Switzerland,
Hello! Kumusta? (How are you?) This is Philippines speaking. I've heard a lot about you from the other nations. They say that you're a trigger happy recluse who lives in the Alps and shoots whoever enters your territory. I think they misunderstood your behaviour. How's your economy? Mine has been doing better ever since the new boss arrived. But the issue about the Spratlys is making everyone tense, especially between me and Kuya Yao. I don't want another war. Do you have anything to say on the matter? I hope I can visit you soon and I heard that Liechtenstein is your little sister so, is it okay for us to meet and get to know each other?
Sincerely yours,
Jose Carriedo Dela Cruz (Philippines)
Dear Philippines,
I am very well, thank you. I seem to be immune to the sickness that has befallen some of my neighbours, and other than that, there is nothing wrong.
That is actually quite a fitting description... and no, they haven't misunderstood my behaviour. Shooting intruders was a habit I started during times of war and have continued on to this day. I have had to cut some slack obviously (I regret ever having signed the Schengen agreement) but I still open fire at anyone who dares come unannounced.
My economy is doing as well as ever. My idiot neighbours are not having much luck themselves since their collective currency is falling. I keep telling them that the EU was a huge mistake and I think now they are finally catching up to the idea. Far too late if you ask me...
The Spartlys? You all are after the natural resources I assume... idiotic if you ask me. I have no natural resources, yet I still manage to shame larger countries in wealth. If you are asking for advice then here it is: back down, stay neutral. Wait for them to tear each other apart and then claim the islands if you still need them. It has worked for me that way before... and since the Spratlys are not even a semi-independent country, I do not have a problem with you taking them over. However, I do tell you that oil and gas have no future as energy sources and you should make the islands a national reserve instead.
If you want to visit us, you can of course, but if you want to meet Liechtenstein then I will be present as well. I already have Prussia to look out for so I am a little tense, and my right index finger has been itching more than usually lately... so I warn you; try anything funny and you will experience first hand just how trigger happy I can get. I do not recommend the experience.
I have a lot of countries asking to visit me lately... I am not planning to make it a habit of mine.
With confidence that you will do the right thing,
Switzerland