Chapter 14: Shadows
Wanda loved not having to hide her relationship with Vision from the other Rogue Avengers. It meant instead of sneaking off to see him for a few hours at a time, she could spend two or three uninterrupted days with him on the occasions when they were in one place for a while and Vision could get away. He'd told her Tony knew about them. That worried her because it meant Tony could find her by tracking Vision's movements. But Vision trusted him, and that also allowed them a little more time together.
It had rained that morning in Roseau, but now the sun was out, and raindrops sparkled like jewels as they dripped from trees and flowers in the Dominica Botanical Gardens.
She held Vision's hand as they strolled along the path. Wanda loved the simple physical contact of his touch. He didn't feel human: his skin was too smooth and hard, he didn't sweat, and his kisses were dry. But she loved the differences. She couldn't imagine any human would feel as good to her as Vision felt, and she took every opportunity she had to touch him, toy with the hem of his clothes, play footsie under tables. Simply holding his hand was beyond compare. When she was in a good mood, pure happiness seemed to flow from the touch of his hand into her. When she was in one of her gloomy moods, it was comfort.
If only she could always have him with her. But remembering their time together was fleeting kept her from taking even a moment of it for granted.
"It was quite a comprehensive and scholarly analysis," Vision was saying, speaking quietly to avoid being overheard by passers-by, or startling the birds.
"At nine hundred pages, it better be comprehensive."
"Nine hundred and fifty-seven," Vision specified. "It was originally intended to be published on the first anniversary of the Sokovia Accords, but research tends to take longer than people anticipate."
"I wouldn't know. Think it will help?"
"The book took pains to include expert opinions on each side of the issue. Some legal scholars wrote essays saying the Accords didn't go far enough. One philosopher argued for enhanced humans to basically operate above the law, that they should be allowed to police each other. Most of the opinions were in between, believing there should be some system in place to keep enhanced humans in check while still allowing them to respond to threats. There was widespread consensus that labeling the Avengers criminals—particularly Captain Rogers and Ms. Romanoff, who unquestionably saved the world from the Chitauri invasion and the HYDRA plot—is proof in itself that the Sokovia Accords are a failure, that they must at the least be revised. One chapter was devoted to exhaustively detailing the events that led to the Avengers schism, which concluded that the so-called Rogue Avengers had been legally and ethically in the right, as they were attempting to protect the world from what they believed could be another potential cataclysmic threat. Their actions should be legally protected under the 'Good Samaritan' doctrine."
"You didn't answer my question," she said with a small smile.
After a moment, he admitted, "There is a great distance between academic analysis and official policy."
She nodded. "Still, it's nice to know some people are on our side."
"True."
They walked quietly for a minute.
"Oh, Steve may have a lead on who was behind the attack in Tel Aviv. There's a secret international reform movement that calls itself the Cobra Conspiratorium. They use similar methods and wear disguises that match the descriptions of what we saw. He won't tell us who his source is. That and where Bucky is are the only things he won't share with us."
"It's unlike him to be so secretive," Vision observed.
"He must have a good reason. Have you heard of this Cobra group?"
"No. But with the current pace of technological advancement, we should not be surprised that organizations such as this one and HYDRA are multiplying. I'll look into it."
"Thank you."
She stopped to smell a lily-like flower she didn't recognize. Vision smiled fondly at her enjoyment of it. They continued along the path, quietly basking in each other's company.
And then she sensed Vision's mood suddenly turn melancholy. She stopped and looked at him. "What is it? What's wrong?"
He was watching a family they'd just passed, a man and woman with two small children.
"Do you want to have children, Wanda?"
She looked at the young family for a moment until they were lost to sight around a bend. "Under other circumstances, in another life, yes, but I've accepted I can't."
"Because of me."
"No. Because of me."
He looked at her questioningly.
"I decided a long time ago that if I did have children, I would want to adopt. Being an orphan, I thought it was almost cruel for so many people to work so hard for biological children when there are so many children in the world without parents. But it was something distant, something that felt almost impossible with my life the way it was. And now..."
"You're a fugitive, living on the run. It's not a situation one would want to bring children into."
"It's not just that." She swallowed, not wanting to admit some unpleasant realities. "I have thought about this. You would make a great father, Vis. The best. But me, with my powers? I have lost enough in life to know what it does to me, to understand what I can and can't take. With you it's different; you're practically indestructable. But if I had someone I loved that much who couldn't defend themselves? If someone got their hands on my children, imagine what they could make me do. And if something happened to them... If they were killed, it would break me. And if I break, I might break the world."
The look on his face and the flicker of fear in his mind told her he was imagining it. She knew he realized she was right. The risk was too great.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I knew when I volunteered for the HYDRA experiments that I was giving up any chance at a normal life. It's a choice I made, and one I can live with. But I'm sorry."
"It's alright." He ran his hand over her hair. "We have each other."
She smiled through the sadness they both felt. Her past mistakes had cost them both so much, but the path that had led them here was so tangled it was hard to separate out mistakes from miracles. If she had never volunteered for the experiments, she never would have given Tony the vision, and Ultron might never have happened. But then Vision would never have happened. The only way she could deal with it was by rejecting entirely the question of whether it was worth it, and accept the past and present as simply reality. What happened happened, and she would deal with it as it was.
And she could deal with it. She could live with her past mistakes, accept their consequences, and manage the chaos of her powers, as long as she had Vision.