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Chapter 14: Of all the Schools in all the World...
"Here Aeris I got you a lucky dip bag," Quistis passed her a bulging shiny plastic bag.
"Thanks." Aeris dipped her hand into it and rummaged around. "What'd you get?" she nodded towards Quistis.
"Some hemorrhoid cream, a coupon for a barbers and some dental floss among other delights. And you?"
"A coffin key ring and a free autopsy." Aeris threw the items back into the bag and jumped as Reno came up behind her.
"You'll make good use of those," Reno nodded. "Here have this as well." He handed her a 'Make out one will and get another one free' voucher.
"What is your problem?" Aeris stuffed the voucher into Reno's pocket and pushed him away. "Honestly I wish I'd never gone into you."
"You can't fight fate," Reno whispered in a pseudo-mystical voice and a shadow seemed to pass over his face.
"That seems to happen a lot around me," Aeris commented.
"I know. I'm gonna get it looked at." Before Reno could impart any more portents of doom Goodgulf's voice bellowed out and a thick smoke came from his tent. "This magic is just a taste of my powers! Come gaze into your future! My mystical abilities will reveal your destiny! Only one gil and customers may experience electric shocks." He waved his arms about to get rid of the smoke that was engulfing him.
"Was that really necessary?" Vincent kicked the wizard's still belching smoke grenade away from his coffin-fitting stall. "You must be hard-up if you're going into the fortune telling business."
"Come on Aeris, let's get our fortunes read." Quistis took her friend's unwilling arm and walked towards the tent where Goodgulf ushered them in then sat down at a table on which was a snow globe and a pack of greasy tarot cards. "First you must cross my palm with silver." At the girls' blank looks he said, "Just give me a gil will ya?" They duly obliged and Goodgulf settled more comfortably into his seat. "Who's first?"
"I'll go," Aeris said and Goodgulf started waving his hands over the snow globe. "Soon some images will appear that will give you a clue to your future." Aeris leaned in and after a minute a skull, graveyard and the letters RIP appeared. "So?" she inquired of Goodgulf.
"Well it's pretty clear don't you think!" Goodgulf said. "But never mind," he added quickly as Aeris narrowed her eyes, "let's try the tarot cards." He shuffled and cut them with the ease of a card shark and placed them face down in front of her. "Pick the top one and lay it face up." Aeris dutifully did so and laid the card 'Death' on the table.
"Oh for fu…" she began but Goodgulf cut in hastily, "Don't worry. Death also means change and new directions." He replaced his reference book 'Tarot for Dummies' back under his cloak. "Pick another one."
With a sigh Aeris did so and placed another Death in front of her. "You know, Aeris it's getting a bit weird," Quistis said.
"Oh don't you start."
Goodgulf was eyeing the cards nervously. "You said the card doesn't necessarily mean death?" Aeris demanded.
"Yeah but there's only supposed to be one in the pack."
Aeris at this stage was fed up of Goodgulf's two-bit carnival show, "Let me see those cards, fork them over." She started reaching across the table but Goodgulf snatched the cards from her grasp and glinted at her from under hairy eyebrows. "Don't touch them!" he hissed, "You'll destroy the ancient mystical bond I have forged with them over eons…."
"Then why do they say 'Property of Gandalf' on the side?" Quistis said pointedly.
"And they look like blood stains..."
"They say and look nothing of the sort! Go get your eyesight checked." Goodgulf fixed them with a glare, looking as menacing as a hairy old man could. "Enough about the cards," he said with finality, tucking them away beneath his robes next to his 'magic wand'/backscratcher and a can of mace. "Come, let me squint into your future as clearly you can't see anything at all. Put your hand on the table, palm up." He motioned at Quistis who with a sigh and a look at Aeris carefully removed her glove and placed her hand on the table while trying to avoid the cola stains.
Stealthily he pulled 'Palm reading for Dummies' onto his lap while looking at Quistis' palm. "So am I going to meet a tall, dark stranger on a moonlit beach or what Merlin?"
"No but you will get entangled with an evil grey-haired Gary Stu soon."
"Ohh entangled. Sounds salacious." Quistis winked at Aeris, "So what he'll get a knot in his hair….Wait, hold on…you're not talking about Sephiroth are you?" She gulped and pulled her hand away before looking at the offending hand. When the lines in her palm didn't rearrange themselves in Sephiroth's likeness she glared at Goodgulf who held his own hands up in innocence. "Hey I'm just repeating what the book, I mean my superior psychic intellect said. But if things don't work out with Mr. Meteor then I'll be there for you on the rebound." He wiggled his eyebrows are emphasis.
Quistis stood up so fast the table overturned and was debating on whether or not to sock the aging codger before settling on a resounding "No!!" and storming out of the tent a giggling Aeris following. "You know where to find me," Goodgulf called after in forlorn hope. "The dumpster next to Bahamut's!"
Outside Quistis rounded on Aeris indignantly' "Can you believe that guy!?"
"Don't take it seriously," Aeris said gently, "He's probably just lonely." Though lonely or not Aeris privately thought that Goodgulf could do with a swift kick up his fake magical behind.
"No not that. He insinuated that I have a thing with Sephiroth!" She waved her hands about as if batting away the idea.
"And you don't?" Aeris couldn't resist asking.
"No! And stop looking at me like that. Besides all that mystical stuff is a heap of mumbo-jumbo anyways. It's not going to happen." She laughed nervously.
"But the way this fic is going it's looking fairly unavoidable," Aeris pointed out. Quistis didn't like the sound of that and suddenly wished a plot-hole would swallow her up but just shrugged. The girls stood in silence taking in the carnival for a minute before a heavy, depressing feeling overcame them. Turning around they came face to face with Vincent who was rubbing his hands with glee and glinting at Aeris.
"Word around the school is that you're going to be worm food. No wait let me finish. If you would be so kind as bring your lovely and soon to be deceased self over to my fitting stall I'll fix you right up. And give you a low, low price too! Matter of fact it's so low it's six feet under. Ha ha ha. Ohh, laughing hurts. I've got the perfect one for you. It's dusky pink with a fur trim and flowers engraved…"
While Vincent was prattling on, caught up in his sales pitch Aeris was grinding her teeth and turning as red as her waistcoat. Quistis, seeing the warning signals retreated to a safe distance but Vincent who was now extolling the virtues of pay-per-view coffins and sneeze guards didn't think anything was wrong until Aeris foot connected with his jaw and he felt a few back teeth loosen.
"Owwww! Aeris look, I'll throw in the sneeze guard for free," he pleaded hopelessly. Aeris, still enraged launched a pile driver, drop kick and nutcracker on the would be salesman while shouting 'I'm not gonna die!' at the top of her lungs. Her mentor Tifa called out encouragement from the gathered crowd. However just as Aeris was picking up and preparing to hurl Goodgulf's snow globe Vincent suddenly bent over double, his arms wrapped around his middle.
Aeris dropped her weapon and ran over to the hunched form, "Vincent? Are you ok?" In answer he started glowing and pulsing with red light. Within a few seconds the light had consumed him with only a shadowy human shape perceivable in the middle.
"Woohoo he looks like my lava lamp!"
"Why couldn't he do that down in the Crypt? Then I'd be able to find my way to the toilet and not have to…"
"Hmm it's usually pink chocobos I see when I'm drunk."
"It's about time he turned into Chaos again," Cid whispered to Reno.
"Yep. It's always fun when that demon comes to town. He can hold his drink a lot better too…There he goes!"
In the middle of the gawking students Vincent was barely visible in the red glow, which had intensified. After a moment the light vanished and everyone craned forward to get a glimpse of the terrible Chaos.
"How cute!"
"That's just lame."
"Kimarhi coughed up scarier things than that."
"I think we all have."
Instead of a great winged beast a small black kitten wearing a red bandana and with its back paws in Vincent's shoes was mewling sadly. "I guess I'm a little out of practice," the kitten said in Vincent's voice. "Okay people nothing to see here, move along." When the crowd didn't move he said more loudly "Move!" and tried launching himself at the nearest gaping students but only succeeded in tangling himself up in his cape. This elicited more cries of "Ahh! How cute!" from the crowd.
Cid, though enjoying the sight of the once cool gunman humiliating himself so spectacularly and adorably decided it was time to take the situation in hand before furious feline Vincent accidentally neutered himself in anger. "Lulu. Tifa. Ye guys go in there and rescue the furball."
"And ruin the show?"
"He might be a pervy depressive but he's still ye're boss," Cid shot back, chewing his cigarette. "Get to it."
"Tch fine," Tifa shrugged her shoulders and started worming her way through the crowd. Lulu sighed and followed to where Vincent was trying to get his bandana, which had fallen over his eyes, off with his little paws.
Tifa bent down and waggled her finger in front of the kitten's nose. "We're here to rescue you itty bitty kitty."
"You know Vincent, that's a good look for you." Both women gazed down at their fuzzy boss.
"Please don't make me kill you," the kitten hissed but let Lulu pick him up gently. He immediately snuggled into her chest, mewling happily. Lulu though was less than impressed. She hauled him by the scruff of the neck to meet her eyes. "Does little moggy want to go play with the Moogles?"
"No," Vincent squeaked.
"Calm down Lulu," Tifa said throwing a wink at Vincent, "Baby animals always go for the warmest part in a body. It relaxes them."
"Yeah that's right….My animal instincts overpowered me." Bracing his paws against Lulu's shoulders Vincent reached up and pressed his nose lightly against her mouth then mewled. This had the desired effect as her face immediately softened. "Okay, but don't get too comfortable. And tell me if you need to use the litter tray."
"This is so humiliating."
Cid squinted after the students who were now all relocating to the Crypt, no doubt intrigued as to how Vincent could run a bar and serve drinks with no opposable thumbs. "I have no idea how he managed to transform into a kitten. Maybe it's his Limit Break when he needs to charm the ladies."
"Man it'd be great if I could transform," Reno said wistfully.
"Maybe you could transform into something with a work ethic."
"Only if you turn into something with morals."
Cid laughed loudly, "That'll be the day. Sephiroth will end up sending Aeris to the great flower field in the sky before that happens."
"Actually I wouldn't mind turning into an ant. They have a work ethic and…"
"Shut up Reno."
Since their spectacular meltdowns at the end of the last chapter Squall was still nowhere to be found but Sephiroth was lurching around the school halls trying to remember his way back to the dorm after downing the contents of Rude's hip flask. "It's about time this clothes did something for me rather than make me look like I shop at Hot Topic," he muttered while leaning against a doorjamb and rearranging his coat. While he was slightly inebriated Beatrix predictably tried the moves on him. He was saved from her hand going lower than his belt buckle by his metal cummerbund, which had snapped off in her face. He had fled leaving her with a bloody nose.
"Would it be so hard to give me a freakin' shirt?" He had lately taken to wearing a long silver scarf that Loz had knitted. Not only did it keep the heat in but also prevented Mario from staring at his pecs like they were some sort of religious icons. Straightening he made his way towards a voice that was coming from a nearby rooms and poked his head in the door.
"Listen there's someone I need you to take care of," Squall whispered down the phone. On seeing Sephiroth at the door he quickly backtracked. "Yeah that'll be two pepperoni pizzas, a garlic bread and a tub of vanilla ice cream. You have my details." He slammed down the phone then turned and glared at the silver haired man. "The counseling office is closed."
"Could you get your friend to do a job for me and make it look like I did it?" Sephiroth smiled and sat down on the desk. Squall crossed his arms and turned his back, looking out the window. "Or maybe you could give me some advice?" Sephiroth continued, ignoring the chilly reception but thinking about kicking the little upstart out the window. "Every minute I spend here is fraught with danger," he started dramatically. "Between getting harassed, molested or restyled most of my time is spent trying to kill a flouncy flower girl with no battle abilities yet who bests me every time." He paused for dramatic effect and pulled a 'woe is me' face. "And, and this is the important bit, my so called 'nemesis' makes falling out of bed look difficult…I guess that's what I get for being the best character ever." He sighed heavily then laughed smugly while Squall rolled his eyes and thought about telling the pompous ass to go jump off a high building.
"Are you listening to me…?" Sephiroth asked, miffed that he was being ignored but stopped when he saw the teen's shoulders shaking. Before Sephiroth could ask whether he was having a seizure Squall suddenly spun around and pushed his face into Sephiroth's.
"You think you've got it so bad! Huh? Well at least you don't have to deal with Rinoa! That crazy blue wearing… thing…You just don't understand at all you crazy black wearing…thing!"
"Um Squall, maybe you should calm down." Sephiroth backed away in alarm. "I think Lesley left something lying around here." The teacher had recently switched from Prozac to Valium after deciding he was getting sick of the latter.
"I am calm!," he shrieked. " That's me! Mr. Strong but Silent. I have to be! Through the whole damn game! Ohh they all say she's a little high spirited, a little high-strung. Yeah, well I'd to see her high-strung from that tree over there! Guess how many times I have to save her? Go on guess!"
"Uh…4?"
"No…lots! Lots is a number isn't it?" He bent over and slapped his thighs hysterically. "And you know what I have to do at the end? I have to..ki…ki…KISS her! Isn't that super? Isn't it swell?"
"I guess so…"
"And you have a super special awesome day with knobs on it too!" Taking a running start Squall jumped and leapt out the window in a shatter of glass while Sephiroth watched open mouthed. "With knobs on it!" he shouted as he fell. "I'm Batman, come fly with me!" Sephiroth stood at the window as the teen raced across the garden, hurdling bushes as he went and shrieking like a chocobo in heat. A knock on the door made him turn and a man in a balaclava carrying two pizzas and a paper bag came in.
"Got your stuff," he said then placed it down on the table when Sephiroth just stared at him.
"Wait you're the assassin," he said finally.
"Yeah, I run a pizza delivery service on the side. Assassinos, not affiliated with Dominos by the way. Here's our card." Before Sephiroth could react, a throwing star zipped across the room and landed in the wall by his head. By the time he had extracted it the black clad man outside and speeding away on his revved up mountain bike. Seeing as Squall had offered him no advice, lousy or not he decided to help himself to the pizzas. He was midway through the second one when he realized he forgot to ask the assassin what would the likelihood be of a certain flower girl pushing up daisies rather than selling them.
"Get your hand out of the till!" A furious Vincent shrieked and launched himself towards Rude.
"Ow, jeez okay" Rude extracted his bloody hand. "Just making sure I got the right change."
"You have a tab Rude," the kitten hissed.
After a few initial hiccups the novelty of Vincent trying to run a bar as a cat had worn off and the students were settling themselves down to the important business of getting completely ossified.
Surveying the scene, glass in hand Cid was struck by an idea. "Maybe I should forget about all those boring, tedious exams. And settle their grades at the end of the year with a drinking competition. Wha' do ya think Vinny?"
"I think you're trying to get out of doing the paperwork," he said while cleaning out a glass with his tail. "But it doesn't matter what I think, you're going to go ahead with it anyway. After all nothing says 'I'm a Final Fantasy character' like irreversible liver failure.'
"I knew you'd see things my way." He watched Vincent clean out the glass for a moment before adding, "You could call a drink Flea and Tonic."
"Very witty. Here, Lulu fill this up. Cid can have the first taste."
"Ahh thanks Vinny." He took the drink, which had tiny black specks floating in it and drained it, smacking his lips. "Mmm chewy."
Loz glanced around the packed room from their seats in the snug, "I wonder where he's got to."
"Who? Sephiroth?" Yazoo rolled his eyes. "He can take care of himself. Look he even managed to beat up a girl." At Loz's blank look he nodded towards Beatrix and her red nose. "Nothing says 'I'm so macho' like socking a girl on the nose."
Loz stared at his brother, who sipped his drink airily, and passed a drink to Kadaj who because of the crush was relegated/forced under the table. "'Bout time," he moaned. "Yazoo, you mind not using me as a foot stool?"
"That's not gonna happen anytime soon. Your bro' is having a bit of a hissy fit."
"What a drama clone. Oww watch it! Last time I checked I needed my spine."
Yazoo stopped kicking Kadaj long enough to turn and glare at his older brother. "Hissy fit? I badmouth Sephiroth once and you think I'm throwing a wobbly? Please. Does everyone around here kiss his Vaseline covered ass?"
"Since when did he start usin- Gah!" Kadaj's voice was cut off by Yazoo's boot but he piped up a moment later. "Maybe you should borrow some too. That trench and thong combo isn't doing your legs any favours."
A shout and a scuffle later and the entire student body were afforded the view of Kadaj flying dart like out the door. "Oh for the love of Titan's loincloth," Vincent cried over the breaking of gnomes.
Back in the snug Loz sighed heavily. He was beginning to get the feeling that it was his duty to keep his brothers from knocking the Jenova cells out of each other. "Methinks you are a little bit jealous of Sephiroth," he said gently to Yazoo hoping to placate him but of course his brother immediately bristled.
"Methinks thinking is not a good look for you. And my problem with our girl haired older sibling is own of your business so you keep your nose out of it and you…get to…keep your nose…Yeah that's right."
"Hmm you nearly had me there Yaz, fell apart a bit at the end but a worthy impersonation none the less. And you'd want take note of your own glossy, flowing locks before you insult someone's hair style." Loz leaned back and surveyed his petulant brother. Either Hojo must have added one of Diana Ross's hairs into the mix or Yazoo was taking after school lessons with Miss Alex in how to be an insufferable diva.
Flushed, Yazoo went on the attack, "You think you're so manly with your sideburns and big chest and deep voice and looking like a man. Well you'll never know the hard ship that comes with been mistaking for a girl."
"Give it a rest," came Freya's voice. "Most of the guys in this room couldn't grow a moustache."
"Mind if we squeeze in?" Without waiting for an answer Garnet wedged herself in beside Loz squashing Yazoo into the dividing between the snugs. He yelped and fidgeted as his underwear was going on a forbidden pilgrimage up his ass.
Aeris came over dragging two stools. "It's a bit packed at the bar," she said by way of apology. "And here isn't?" Loz asked.
"You don't mind." A black-gloved hand placed a measure of toxic stuff on the table. Loz glanced up at Quistis. "I can sit on your lap," she said in a voice that commanded not requested. "Eh okay," he wheezed and Yazoo sniffed pointedly.
"Isn't it nice having a drink without having to worry about being impaled?" Aeris sipped her drink daintily and smiled at Quistis who was wedged onto an uncomfortable looking Loz's lap. She appeared not to notice this and carried on an animated conversation with Freya.
"Is that for me?" Yazoo enquired hopefully and pointed at the glass Quistis had set down.
"Nope," Garnet answered, "So get your beady, dilated eyes off it. I'm thinking of giving it to Beatrix. She looks like she needs it."
"She probably got too enthusiastic kissing a wall," Freya cut in.
"Yeah it's the only thing that doesn't run from her," Aeris giggled.
"Actually Sephiroth did that," Yazoo said casually, hoping that it'd shock them.
Immediately his face fell when Freya said, "Good for him. Somebody had to put her in her place."
"Where is Sephiroth? I haven't seen him in awhile come to think of it. Tifa taught me a new move I wanna try out."
"Maybe he finally took my advice and jumped in the lake. Though I doubt it. He'd never do us the favour," Quistis said heatedly causing everyone to stare at her.
"Harsh Quistis, harsh. I thought you liked those verbal tête-à-têtes with my brother."
"You can cram your tete-a whatever Loz," Yazoo sniped. "Here you can sit on my lap if you want." He wriggled a bit and made to draw her over then stopped. "Maybe not," he gasped a bit painfully.
"Oh she's just a bit antsy because Goodgulf predicted she'd end up with Sephiroth," Aeris blurted out. Ignoring the daggers her friend was shooting at her she continued, "I told her not to worry but personally I'd think they'd make a good couple." She beamed at Quistis as if she'd just given her the greatest present in the world. Quistis for her part looked like she'd rather be on the business end of a Tonberry's knife than here and was silently contemplating what to do with her sweet but tactless friend. Freya and Garnet wore expressions of interest and alarm respectively and Loz was looking embarrassed. Yazoo was struggling to swallow the bile in his throat. He finally broke the awkward silence by leaning over and taking her hand. "Listen Quis, I'd do anything, anything to make sure to don't end up with him. Murder, blackmail, kidknapping. I'll…"
"Um, yeah thanks…Yaz," Quistis replied, slowly easing her hand out. The earnestness in his voice unnerved her.
"Everybody get their skinny asses to the field!" Cid's booming voice jolted them. "The fair's ready," he shouted over the groans of dread. "Better kiss yere fingers goodbye because chances are a few of ye will end up as statisitics. Every ride except the ambulance is free."
"Woohoo, I want to go on that first!"
"You heard the man! Let's move." Quistis stood up quickly, knocked over a few drinks and pelted out the door towing Aeris. "Ow Quis. Bye guys!"
"You coming?" Freya asked at the door. "If being around you is always this entertaining I'm forcing my way into your group.
Loz smiled ruefully, "It's your funeral. We'll catch up later. Gotta locate a certain someone first. See ya."
"Ohh goody."
"Could you not be a whinger for 5 minutes? Maybe we should take Kadaj to the infirmary first." Loz picked him out of a pile of smashed gnomes and slung him over his shoulder.
"So you want to kill him now?"
"Meee momo me mo," Kadaj said.
"See, he's fine. And the fall improved his vocabulary."
Loz rolled his eyes but decided not to pursue the matter further. "Okay. So we look. Where do you think Sephiroth would be? And don't say 'Hopefully in a better place."'
"Well after getting the hands on treatment from Beatrix he's probably want to go moan and whine to someone."
"The counsellor's office?" a fully recovered Kadaj piped up. "Can't remember where it is."
"I know where it is. Yesterday Reno and Rude got me to dump a golden fleece, a sword, a ring and a copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail in there."
"Okay so we go there. One question Loz though. Where in the name of Odin's droopy chest wig did you learn the word 'tete-a-tete'?"
"The janitors Word a day calender bro'. Got loads of long, complicated words on it."
"Yeah well don't use them anymore. It's scary and a hazard to your brain if you use words that are bigger then you are."
"I love you too Yaz."
In the counseling room they found a very unhappy and bloated Sephiroth surrounded by pizza debris. Beside him was a pepperoni encrusted Masamune. And across from him was his metal belt. Judging from the crack in Rudes fake heart surgeon diploma it had pinged off with some force.
"You're some pig," Yazoo said disdainfully. "All your fangirls would go off you if they could see you like this." He slapped his palms to his cheeks in mock horror, "And what a shame that would be!"
"It eases the pain," Sephiroth moaned causing his brother to roll his eyes. "My tummy hurts."
"Your tummy hurts?" Yazoo at this stage was thoroughly enjoying his brother's pain.
"I mean my stomach, I mean abdomen…I mean the area of disembowelment."
Loz picked up the belt and handed it to Sephiroth, "What are we going to do? I don't think Cure is the right spell for this and we're expected at the fair."
Kadaj, who was reading a pamphlet entitled 'How to perform laser surgery on your own eyes', looked up, "Big deal. We miss out on getting our teeth knocked out and our coccyx broken," he added with a sidelong glance at Yazoo.
"We also miss out on getting our social interaction mark and having to spend another year here," Loz explained. "What a load of Moogles pompoms," Kadaj muttered viciously at this news.
"How about we dump Mr. Blobby in a wheelbarrow and parade him around the school, making sure everyone gets a good look?"
"I'm going to kill you later Yazoo."
"I fail to see the threat."
"How about Esuna?" Kadaj pointed at the article. Loz pulled a dubious face while Sephiroth started moaning again just in case they forgot he was still on the floor. "You are so incompetent. Mother would never let me suffer like this."
"Yeah well Mother isn't here…" Kadaj began only to be immediately cut off by Jenova's voice. "Yes my dear child? My greatest accomplishment, my favourite son?"
"We're right here Mother ya know," Loz said.
"And you are?" Jenova cackled. "Now my Sephykins what do you want?" Sephiroth threw his brothers, who were gagging at the pet name, a smug look. "Mother, my tummy hurts."
"Your tummy hurts? Oh my poor boy…my poor boy." Sephiroths smugness was replaced by shock when Jenova started screaming in his mind. "Your tummy hurts! No wonder you fat git. You always were a chubby child. Like an obese hippo in a romper suit! And you ran like a fat gazelle!" With a final flourish she slapped him resoundly, sending him shooting across the room, smashing into the empty bookcase. Yazoo, Loz and Kadaj stood stock still, not daring to breathe less Jenova turn her ire on them. After a few moments they realized she was gone and went across the messy room to their eldest brother who was again moaning pitifully.
"She hit me. Me!"
"So we noticed. And she is an evil alien you know. C'mon Loz, cast Esuna I'm getting a bit sick of this."
"Yeah," Kadaj agreed, stifling a yawn, "Funny."
Loz thought for a bit then waved his hands in a stupid way around his head. After a moment green sparkles materialized and landed on Sephiroth. In a few minutes he stood up, slim again and buckled on his belt. "Thanks Loz."
"You can buy me a drink. Let's go."
"It doesn't look half bad," Tifa said with surprise as Aeris, Quistis, Lulu and herself gazed at the fair in the sunshine.
Lulu looked around, taking in the smoking and shaking contraptions. Cid had spared no expense, hiring nearly legal Moogles from his sweatshop out back who assembled the whole thing in a day. There was Yojimbos comedy shack,which was one of the few things that wasn't smoking but Lulu had a feeling that by the end of the day it would be. Beside that was 'The House of Horrors' which appeared to be a tour of Odins and Vincent's rooms with a few pictures of Cid in his underwear for extra shock value. At the back Leviathan's pool was being used as a water ride without the summons permission and a 'Tunnel of love. The 'Whirlpool of Death' was Bahamut's toilet and a creaking rollercoaster looking like it was made out of ball bearings and duct tape sat next to a few stalls manned by the teachers. The centre piece however was a giant rattling construction called 'The Decapitator'. "What are you on about?"
"I was expecting a smoking hole in the ground considering the janitors were the chief engineers of this."
"When you say it that way."
Tifa grabbed Aeris's arm and started hauling her towards a ride called The Spinner, "I wanna have a go on that."
"But that's just Shiva's washing machine..."
"You know the drill," Quistis called after them, "any sign of You-Know-Who and you tell me, okay?"
"Are you always this paranoid when you're stressed?" Lulu asked pointedly.
"I'm just taking precautions. Sensible precautions."
"I think the lady protests too much. Ohh I think I hear something!" Lulu laughed as Quistis dived into a nearby bush only to roll out again immediately after.
"Squall! What are you doing?"
Squall stood up, his clothes tattered, his face covered in mud and his fur trimmed jacket wrapped around his head turban style. "I'm Batman. Come fly with me!" He hurdled the bush and started running towards Bahamut'a house "To the Batcave Robin!"
"I knew he'd crack someday." Sephiroth's voice came from behind the open mouthed girls. Quistis quickly recovered and jumped headlong back into the hedge. "I know you're in there Quistis. Shall I just ignore you?"
"Yes please." Quisitis couldn't see him but it sounded like he was smiling. She suddenly felt very stupid and vulnerable but her stubborness made her stay in that damn hedge.
"The fair doesn't look half bad," Loz said.
"That's what Tifa said too."
"Where's Aeris?" Sephiroth was hoping that he could coerce her onto the Decapitator. Then he'd stab her while she was trapped in the seat.
"None of your business," Lulu said harshly taking in Sephiroth's evil grin and slightly glazed eyes. "And whatever you're hatching forget it. Try anything and I'll do the unimaginable."
Sephiroth snorted in disbelief, "And what would that be?"
"I'd refuse to serve you at the bar. And I'd tell the others to do likewise," she said with superb disdain. The look of utmost horror on his face at her words put her in a good mood. "Let's go enjoy the fair shall we everyone?" She hauled a red faced Quistis out of her hiding place.
"C'mon Kadaj," Loz called back as the group moved off. Yazoo fell into step with the girls while a sheepish Sephiroth followed behind.
"Hang on. Will you just sign this will for me?"
"I had a such an awesome time at the fair yesterday!," Yuffie said around the breakfast table that morning. "Hey Rikku could you pass the butter? My bandages are in the way. Oh and could you also spread it on my toast and then feed me?"
"I don't know," Cloud commented from a nearby table. "I thought it was kinda boring."
"Yeah nothing happened," Tidus agreed nodding his head stupidly.
"Nothing except uh maybe the FAIR BURNING DOWN!" Paine shrieked.
"And Vivi getting sucked into the Whirlpool of Death," Amarant added.
"And some strange man following me around," Rinoa said in confusion. "He kept pointing a gun at me. It wasn't shiny at all!"
"Maybe some stuff did happen I guess," Cloud conceded.
"Let's not forget Lucy turning up." Auron shook his head, downed his morning shot and shivered.
"Kimahri not forget that for a long time."
"How many Mothers do they have?" Freya asked rubbing her temples.
"I...don't...know," Yuna said sceptically. "She...didn't...look...like...an...alien."
"Whatever or whoever she is I thought Cid was going to have an aneurysm when she showed up.."
Up in the esteemed Principal's office Cid was having not one but several hernias. Not only was some strange woman turning up a major breach of protocol but after he realised she wasn't a reporter or health inspector he would be obliged to let her stay until transport to get her the hell away from the school arrived. He'd instructed the Turks to hide any incriminating evidence. The school had never looked to clean or empty in years. But all this paled in comparison to finding out that this dreadlocked, bead wearing, strange smelling creature was the brothers mother. One of them anyways. "Ms Lucrecia could you please sit down?" he asked as gently as he could. He was sure she was the alien one and was making sure he wasn't giving her any excuse to probe him. If she was better looking it might have been a different story.
"Oh of course," she said breathlessly. "I was just realigning the cosmic influences of the room and pushing out all the negativity." She plonked down on a chair and carefully rearranged her patchwork skirt which to Cid's eyes looked like it was made out of sacking cloth and dog hairs. "And please call me Lucy. The boy's always do." She beamed at them fondly with a lopsided grin.
'The boys' however did not return the grin but shifted further away in their chairs. The arrival of Lucrecia didn't auger well. They were all thinking 'If she's here does that mean...?'
"I think it'd be better if you put Lucy up in your dorm for now," Cid said. He was going to stuff her in a closet as soon as Reno and Rude had finished spraying for bugs. "Try not to draw too much attention to her if ye can."
"Are you serious?" Yazoo asked in disbelief. "Attention follows us everywhere and you think our mother turning up is going to..."
"Just shove her in the bathroom or something." Cid was pissed off and wanted to be rid of the dysfunctional family circus as soon as possible. "Now scram!"
Out in the hall they quickly started herding Lucrecia towards their dorm. "Wow this is great," she beamed as they dragged her along. "I finally get to see your rooms! You always kicked me out at home. I think we'll have a real spiritual connection and I shall unwind your chakras and we shall become..."
"What the Hades is a chakra?" Kadaj asked. "Sounds like a disease."
"Lucy, shut up a minute," Sephiroth said gruffly and ducked his head as they passed Quistis, Aeris and Tifa in the hall. But she continued talking,"I feel that your life will end soon," she said to a bewildered Aeris as they rushed past.
"Mum just be quiet for a second and don't touch anything." Loz quickly unlocked the door and they all pushed inside. As soon as the door closed the brothers leaned gratefully against it.
"I think I need to feng shui," Lucy said seriously gazing around.
"The toilet's that way," Loz pointed to the door on the far wall.
"Oh no silly! I mean..." Her words were suddenly cut off as the intercom crackled into life and Cid's voice, shaking with rage roared over it.
"Could those girl haired poncing bishies go to the front of the school now!!"
"So what do you think they've done now?"
Aeris chuckled. "At this stage it might just be another relative turning up."
"You don't think…"
"I mean what are the chances."
"It's probably Mario trying to put up a shrine or something…" Quistis shrugged and waved her hand towards the stairs, "But just in case… Maybe we should just go see."
Aeris grinned. "You're right I've never heard Cid so pissed before. What if they have a sister???"
The pair started laughing hysterically, that was then when Tifa sprinted into the room with an out of breathe Yuna behind her.
"You –gasp-… are… not… -deep breath- gonna… believe… it…"
Both Quistis and Aeris looked at Freya and Garnet who ran in after Tifa and Yuna looking as if Vincent had decided to give out free drinks for the rest of the year.
Just as Yuna took another lungful of air Aeris turned to Tifa. "Explain."
"Their Mother is here!!"
Quistis quirked an eyebrow, "We know she turned up last night handing out love beads."
Tifa smirked even wider. "Their other Mother."
Aeris' hand smacked against Quistis' arm, "No way. This is too good. This I have got to see."
"You should see Cid's face he looks like he's going to explode." Garnet was grinning so widely her molars could be seen.
Freya was hopping from foot to foot. "What are we waiting for!?!"
With that all six ran to the front of the school.
"He doesn't sound too happy."
Yazoo groaned and shoved his hands through his hair. Sephiroth strode to the window and peered out. "Why is everyone else out there?"
"Who knows? Are we allowed to bring Lucy with us?"
Lucy looked up from rummaging through her bag. "Why wouldn't I be allowed?"
She began to rummage again as the four brothers shared an uneasy glance with each other. The last thing any of them wanted to do was have to introduce Lucy to the rest of the school. They began furiously pointing at each other to see which one would have to stay behind and mind one of their Mothers. Just as they were about to draw straws Lucy's cry of "Eureka! I found it," surprised them all.
Loz put a hand on her shoulder. "Found what?"
"My aura cleansing kit of course." At their dumbfounded looks she smiled widely and continued. "Your principal is so stressed out I knew it was only a matter of time before he ended up getting angry. So I'm going to help return his aura to a nice neutral state… or maybe if I choose the calming effects of…"
"No…" Lucy turned her wide eyes towards Yazoo. "No. And don't even start with those puppy dog eyes either." Sighing he turned to his brothers. "Can we just get this over with… They've already seen her at least it's not… you know who…"
"Voldemort! Yazoo Dumbledore always says… muffle megwaahhhhh…" Kadaj nearly choked on the pillows thrown at him.
Lucy frowned at the other three. "Now boys play nice, you are brothers. Kadaj are you alright? Would you like me to…"
The sound of a trusty pellet gun going off by the front of the school told the brothers that whatever was out there was bad enough to hurry. Sephiroth grabbed Lucy's arm. "C'mon this does not sound like good news. Not that anything in this godforsaken place ever does."
The sight that greeted them when they got to the front of the school made them want to see the inside of Bahamut's intestinal tract with Yojimbo as the tour guide and entertainment.
"Seph…"
"Yaz we're going to die aren't we?"
"Looks that way Kadaj."
"Boys! It seems I'm not the only one who missed you. Look who else came to visit?"
Sephiroth grimaced at the sight before him. "Mother."
Standing in all her high-heeled designer suited glory, with her hair slicked back in a tight bun and her suitcases stacked neatly beside her stood Jenova. Slipping a cigarette from her platinum holder and striking a match off of Rude's head Jenova lit her cigarette.
One breath and she had smoked the entire thing she smirked. "Boys… prostrate yourselves at least. Now aren't you glad Mother has come to visit!"
Everyone else present started hacking on the smoke that accompanied her sentence. All except for Cid whose habit allowed a tolerance and a certain awe for the master chain-smoking alien before him.
"Jenny!! I didn't know you were coming too? If I did we could have cycled together. I've always wanted a tandem bicycle but you know Hojo he's got no time for anything outside of the lab." Lucy chuckled and smiled brightly at Jenova.
Sephiroth wanted to be anywhere but here. Glancing around at the slack jawed faces of the rest of the school's inhabitants he had a feeling it was about to get much much worse. He could only hope to distract Jenova before she tried to kill Lucy. He could see the vein in her forehead pulsing, her eyes had begun to glow and a snarl was forming on her lips. One glance at his brothers and he knew they were thinking the same thing.
"Mother how kind of you to stop by. We were unaware that both you and Lucy wished to visit us."
"It's like being home again… except we're not in the lab and the smell of chemicals is non existent here…" Lucy cast a glance in the direction of Bahamut's hut and wrinkled her nose. "… Well almost non-existent."
Sephiroth dragged the other three to stand before Jenova.
"Mother"
"No more 'tummy' problems. Suck it up and grow a pair. You've gotten soft."
"She must have heard about Barrett's medical treatments." Loz whispered to Yazoo and Kadaj.
"Mother."
"Yazoo. Effeminate as always."
"Mother."
"Kadaj. Still too puny."
"Mother"
"Lozzy. Mother's thirsty. Does this cess pit have a place for me to get anything besides a bad case of ecoli."
The brothers glanced at the school and sighed. Sephiroth wearily rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Yes Mother."
Jenova snapped her fingers in Reno's face. "You bell boy take my bags."
"Listen lady… err… alien lady. I'm not the bell boy." Jenova's glare made Reno gulp. "But I've worked as worse so…" Reno, Rude and Auron grabbed Jenova's bags and looked helplessly at Cid for where to put them.
"Listen I'm not running a hotel here. This is a damn school do you lot not fecking well understand that! I hear there's a nice hostel down the road, not too many bugs and a good rate so… why don't we just put you up in the staff section. There are rooms free and I'm too sober and my nicotine intake is too low to be dealing with crap like this."
Jenova stopped glaring at Cid and her eyes' stopped glowing. She smirked with satisfaction as she looked at the terrified faces of the students, enjoying the fear rolling off them in waves. She pointedly looked at her sons, "And that my boys is how it's done."
Cid turned to the brothers, "Get ye're other ma's stuff and lump it in the room next to hers." He jerked his thumb at Jenova. "You got any other bloody relatives I need to know about."
Sephiroth winced as he thought about Hojo and the creations that came from his lab. "You're better off not knowing." He turned and offered his arm to Jenova and escorted her inside.
Lucy took hold of Yazoo's arm. "We should have a picnic. Now that most of the family is here." She continued to prattle on as Yazoo dragged her inside and Loz and Kadaj had gone off to get her bags.
The rest of the school stood outside and just stared after them. Cid rubbed his face wearily. "That damned bar better be opened." With that he turned and disappeared into the Crypt. Most of the staff joined him.
Mario turned to Fabio and Miss Alex. "When the first one turned up, I was worried. I'll admit it, she looks like she barely even knows what a brush is… but this one… can you say FAB-U-LOUS!!! The entire package, immaculate suit and hair."
Miss Alex nodded. "Mmmhmmm and did you see those shoes?"
"She's definitely not the type to spend all day at home in a robe with curlers in her hair." Fabio chimed in and all three laughed at the idea before heading back to their section of the school with Edie and Rinni.
The students however still stood there blinking in shock but once the teachers had left they turned to each other and started talking all at once.
"I can't believe it."
"She is scary. Did you see when she got mad?"
"Woohoo scared and unshiny."
"But her eyes were shiny."
"Like really shiny and bright. I wanted them."
"Her suit needs glitter."
"She needs some clips for her hair too!!"
"She could teach those how to be a villain classes in her sleep."
"Does evil sleep?
"Kimahri so scared Kimahri nearly wet Kimahri!"
"That… was… unbelievable…"
"She was just so so…"
"Compared to their other mother I'd take love beads and dreads any day."
"Uh-huh. She's way too freaky."
"Can you imagine growing up with that???"
"It explains them a bit better though."
"With mothers like that there was no chance any of them were going to be even close to normal."
"Makes you wonder what the father is like!"
"Is it only one father or are there more?"
"Now that's a scary thought!"
"Right so anyone else care to drink this day out of their memories too?"
With those words the students followed the staffs' lead to the Crypt to drink in sympathy of now being stuck in a hellhole of a school with a hippy mother and a freaky alien mother who looks ready to kill at any second.
Having spent the evening convincing Lucy that it would be better to leave Jenova rest rather than trying to help her feng shui her room, the brothers returned to the task of finding out exactly what to do with both of their mothers. Once Loz had sufficiently stocked Jenova full of martinis and she was lounging about the room in her robe and curlers thinking up ways to enslave the world they felt safe enough to return to their room. As they passed the Crypt they were sorely tempted to join the oblivion but felt that a plan to rid them selves of their mothers was more important, it was one of the hardest decisions to make of their lives.
"So Seph what now?" Loz glanced at his older brother while Yazoo buried his head in a pillow and screamed. Kadaj just stared fearfully at the door and jumped at the slightest noise knowing that either mother could be there.
"We phone the one person who has the most experience with both of them."
This resulted in ten minutes of trying to understand the latest creation of Hojo's that he invented as a personal assistant. He forgot to make it intelligent enough to have a conversation which made it rather difficult to get their message across. Eventually Hojo got annoyed by their constant ringing and the phone was answered to a barrage of swear words. Once they had explained exactly what happened and how they were now stuck with both of them the only response besides Hojo's hysterical laughter was "Best of luck. You're going to need it!" With those words of wisdom he hung up on them.
Yazoo looked aghast. "Well this is just bloody marvelous. How wonderful!! Not only are we now stuck with both of them the one person that normally manages to get them to abide fairly peacefully under one roof has just washed his hands of us!"
Loz sighed. "We're screwed. Lucy we could have dealt with but Jenova…"
"Now it's both of them." Kadaj whimpered from under his bed.
"We'll figure something out. I'm loathe to say this but my favorite part of this school was being away from home."
"Hello boys."
"Mother we are in the same building. Is something wrong with your legs that you can't walk."
"My little Sephykins is all grumpy!! Don't you dare take that tone with me again boy. Now I just wanted to let you all know I expect you to sleep we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. I want to know everything about this place –slurp- Lozzy have a fresh round waiting for me in the morning. You all know what I'm like without my drinks in the morning."
"Night Mother."
With that all four looked at each other and sighed tomorrow was going to be excruciating.
When the alarm went off in the morning the usual hung over curses and death threats resounded throughout the school except in one of the students' room.
"Yazoo move it or loose it. I have got to get the olives into the glasses you know what she's like."
"Oh shove it you don't walk around with a permanent wedgie do you… no so don't you start on at me about bleeding OLIVES!!"
Loz glared at Yazoo. "I know you're not a morning person but one word should remind you… MOTHER!!!"
Yazoo's head snapped up so fast Kadaj had red welts from where Yazoo's hair whipped across his face.
"Ow. What the…?"
"You mean it wasn't a nightmare… It's real… I don't have a massive hang over and I imagined the whole thing."
Loz had moved passed Yazoo once he found enough room and ran to serve Jenova as the alarm was bound to have woken her. Unless Cid had grown a brain cell and… Loz ran faster.
Yazoo was still muttering to himself when Sephiroth decided to haul him up by the collar and shake him vigorously. "Pull it together. Now of all times is not the time to loose it."
Kadaj who was blinking rapidly from Yazoo's hair lashing stared blearily in the direction he thought his brothers were. "Seph what exactly are we going to do about both of them?"
Sephiroth dropped Yazoo ungraciously to the floor and just as he was about to answer Loz came bursting in. "We have to hurry, Lucy and Mother are awake and are hungry." Looking at his brothers' faces, Loz groaned. "That means breakfast… in the hall… with everyone else."
All four looked at each other before making a mad dash for the hall. All they succeeded in doing was getting caught in the doorway.
"Move your ass out of my face."
"You'd think with the amount of Vaseline we use to get into these damn things we'd slip out."
"Let's not talk about being greased up and slipping over each other. Although it should get us out of here."
"Pass the Vaseline."
"Lucky everyone's still in their rooms…"
With that one of the nearby rooms opened.
"You just had to say that didn't you?"
"Not them anyone but them."
"We're never going to hear the end of this."
That morning Tifa woke up head first in her duvet with the buttons closed. "What the heck?" She tried to open them with her toes but that was as effective as Rude sober. With some serious wiggling she managed to right herself but not before rolling right off the bed and onto the floor. A floor that happened to be soft and groaned in pain when she landed on it. Once she had managed to get out Tifa blinked at the toes of the person she was still lying on.
"You mind getting off me." Quistis croaked and tried to pry her eyes open. Unfortunately her mascara had glued her eyes together.
"What are you wearing?"
As she had managed to get her eyes open Quistis glanced at her body. "Apparently everything I own… what's up with your face?"
"Is it still there? I can't feel it."
"It's purple!?!"
"Huh!!!" Tifa stumbled towards the mirror and ended up tripping over her own feet and found herself sprawled across Aeris' lap. "What the??"
Aeris jerked awake. "Fluffy lumps… potted rivers… uhhh… Tifa? You're purple."
Tifa extricated herself with the grace of a drunken elephant. "Seems to happen a lot this morning." She then continued on her trek to find the mirror and managed to hit every object in the room on the way.
Quistis giggled then clutched her head in agony. "I don't remember ever being this hung over, we really overdid it last night."
"I concur. Why am I sleeping in a suitcase on the floor and not in my bed?" Aeris glanced over at Quistis. "Quist, what are you wearing?"
"All my clothes." She pulled off a pink bow and a white top with two very obvious dents in the front. "Yours and Tifa's too it seems. As to why we're on the floor beats me."
Tifa crawled back into the room. "It appears we generously allowed our guests to stay in our beds."
"Guests!?!" Aeris struggled to get up.
Quistis didn't even try as she could tell bending in the amount of clothes she was in was impossible. "Who's here?"
"Well I shared my bed with Ultimecia, Freya, Garnet and Lulu." Pointing at Aeris' bed she continued, "Zell Tidus and Cloud are spooning there while Seifer and Irvine are in the wardrobes. Your bed Quist is occupied by Squall, Baralai, Nooj and Gippal all wearing tinfoils hats and oven mitts." Glancing up she waved at the cocoon shape. "Yuna made a hammock out of the curtains and Kimahri and Wakka are asleep in the bath tub, while Zidane is curled up in the sink."
Aeris blinked while Quistis tried to raise an arm. "A little help for the overturned turtle."
Tifa pulled Aeris out first and then they rolled Quistis upright.
"So how do we get this lot out?"
A whole lot of swearing, poking, kicking and sneaky photo taking and video taping for blackmailing purposes and everyone was up making their way back to their own rooms. The girls then went about putting their room to right and getting ready. Once they had managed that the alarm went off.
"You mean we were conscious before that went off? What time is it?"
"Breakfast time, which means coffee." Quistis grinned at the thought of caffine.
Aeris snorted. "With the schools latest visitors this should be interesting."
The three heard a commotion and then some raised voices. They stepped outside their door and gaped at the sight before them.
"Morning. Sleep well?"
"I knew you guys were messed up but still rubbing each other with Vaseline and puppy piling in a doorway is a bit kinky, especially this early in the morning."
Four glares were shot Quistis' way as Tifa and Aeris dashed back into their own room. "You and your harpy sisters could help!"
"Ever the charmer aren't you Sephiroth?" Taking a peak at what the girls were doing back in the room Quistis smothered a smile before turning back to the brothers. "Besides my fellow harpies and I have a better idea about what to do in this situation."
Catching the camera tossed to her the girls proceeded to document the brothers' humiliation. Catcalling them to "Work it," "Pose for me" and "Mario will sell his soul for these!" was met by death stares from all four.
"If you vultures are finished we have to hurry."
Aeris cocked her head at Yazoo. "What's the rush? This display of brotherly love is endearing?"
"Lack of air supply." Kadaj wheezed.
Loz rolled his eyes exasperatedly, "If you three don't remember our Mothers are here. Both of them… one who wants to promote alternate lifestyles and the other an alien hell bent on world domination and the murder of our other mother and Aeris."
"Me? What did I ever do to the old bat!"
Yazoo grinned, "Besides beat up Seph here, who knows? Ow, deal Seph the girl has handed your ass to you more than once."
"Children now is not the time." Loz winced as Sephiroth's elbow hit him and not Yazoo. "Some help…"
The girls looked at each other before shrugging. Tifa clambered over them. "We got what we wanted anyways."
Quistis and Aeris grabbed some random body parts and began to pull as Tifa did the same from the other side. They kept tugging and a sudden pop was all the warning they got. Tifa found herself halfway across the room with Loz's head firmly embedded in her cleavage. While Quistis and Aeris both found themselves acting as pillows for the second time this morning, for Yazoo and Sephiroth instead of Tifa.
Tifa peeled Loz's head from her chest. "You mind?" His grin was all the answer she got.
Kadaj took in a lungful of air. "Sweet oxygen how I have missed thee!"
Quistis grunted "Why am I always the pillow?"
"Preaching to the choir." Aeris said and then proceeded to try to move the pair off of her and Quistis. "What do the pair of ye eat, you're both so heavy!"
Both brothers decided to help out and climbed off them. "It's not our weight it's the bloody leather and metal. I'll have you know we keep ourselves in shape."
"The least you could do is stop preening Yaz and help some ladies up."
Sephiroth snorted. "I don't see any ladies." He stared at their glares and offered a hand to Quistis who was closer, this resulted in a scuffle with Yazoo who decided to help her up too but Qusitis had hauled herself up.
"What the heck am I?" Quistis pulled Aeris to her feet.
Kadaj looked at her. "Neon pink."
Aeris growled in return. "Don't you lot have some Mother's to deal with."
All four looked at each other and then sprinted for the hall.
"Aww man, I'm gonna have to change I'm covered in Vaseline!!" Quistis tugged at her dress.
Aeris sighed at her own clothes and then started laughing at Tifa's top. "Looks like you made someone's morning."
All three laughed at the imprint of Loz's face on Tifa's shirt. "Let no one say I've never done a nice thing for him." With that they went to change before breakfast.
On their way to the hall they dragged everyone else out of their rooms and with them. They would have arrived sooner but Tidus had tied his and Cloud's shoes together and they kept tripping over each other. The scene that greeted them when they arrived was a rather tense one. Jenova and Lucy were sat as far apart at the same table as possible. The teachers sat at their own table, chatting quietly as Cid had threatened them with Bob for talking above a whisper due to his hang over. The janitors were throwing cereal into Rude's open and snoring mouth and Reno was currently asleep in his bowl sending up milk bubbles every so often. Vincent was nowhere to be seen, but seeing as he was a tiny kitten they figured the walk was too tiring for him.
"So where to sit?"
"How about breakfast al fresco?"
"Woohoo fresh food woohoo!!"
"Uh they get dumber by the day."
Aeris, Tifa and Quistis grabbed their breakfast and snuck past the brothers to a different table. The others followed them and sent pitying looks at the four who were currently trying to get Jenova to release the knife and point it away from Lucy who was staring at the ceiling with rapt attention.
Lulu shuddered as Jenova made a grab for Masume. "Boy am I glad I am nowhere near her. She's vicious."
The others agreed.
Turning their attention from that table they started into their own breakfasts. Quistis took a large gulp of her coffee and sighed happily. "So does anyone remember anything from last night?"
Tifa crunched her face up thinking, while Aeris shrugged and continued to wolf down her scrambled eggs. Cloud, Tidus and Zell were arguing over the answer to the riddles on the back of the cereal box. Squall blinked at her while Garnet yawned.
Freya paused. "I think I remember there being a new drink in the Crypt but I can't be sure. Something about desperate times and Cid downed the first lot from then on everything is lost in a purple haze."
"Purple haze… purple haze why is that so familiar…" Tifa tapped her finger against her head then she glanced up at Lulu. "He wouldn't Lu that stuff is toxic it even has that hazard sign on it."
Lulu stared pointedly at Tifa, "So does everything else in that place. I'd say we now know what happened." At everyone's look she began to explain Vincent's latest drink to them and the story about how it was invented. It involved a plane, Reno, Rude, Cid and the Janitors. Bahamut winding up lost in a jungle and a rescue mission in which they ended up needing to be saved too.
Kadaj glanced wistfully at the other table as he heard them laugh at a story Lulu and Tifa were telling.
Lucy beamed at the other table. "Are those your friends boys?"
"Eh, sure why not?"
"That's nice. Why aren't you eating with them?"
Loz, Kadaj and Yazoo were at a loss for words as to how to explain that leaving her alone and unprotected with Jenova would mean her death.
"What and miss the chance to spend some quality family time together." Sephiroth sarcastically replied he was still smarting from Jenova trying to touch Masume.
Jenova looked at him. "Aren't we just pleasant this morning. Kadaj eat everything on your plate, you need to build up your strength, you've gotten punier since last night."
"Humph 'snot my fault I was almost squashed by those lugs this morning."
Jenova raised an eyebrow at the snarky response. "Looks like someone's grown a backbone. It's about time. I knew Hojo should have added more arrogance to the mix but after Sephiroth's dose he was running low."
Yazoo sniggered, "That explains the God complex and holier than thou attitude."
Sephiroth shot him a venomous glare. "Well maybe he should have upped the dose of testosterone for you, femmeboy."
Loz chuckled at Yazoo's indignant look. "You're one to laugh he took one look at you and realized he put too much in. All brawn and no brains."
Lucy cut across Loz's reply. "Now boys be nice you're brothers you should all get along."
Jenova's lip curled. "Leave them at it woman. You and your lovey dovey crap always softening them up. My boys need to be strong. They're soldiers not pacifists."
"Jenny there's no need to put me down in front of the boys. I've told you before it hurts my feelings. Not to mention promotes feelings of hostility and negativity. That takes a while to crystal cleanse..."
Jenova rolled her eyes. "Don't listen to her boys. Keep fighting it keeps you on your toes. Stupid hippy."
"Mother please. She is our other mother."
"She was always too soft on you. Don't think I was unaware of her letting you out of your rooms after I had punished you."
"… so it's best if we just think calming thought and breathe deeply to expel and and all bad thoughts."
"Silly woman. I don't know what he saw in her."
"Mother…"
"She's still alive isn't she? Your father made sure I signed a damn contract so I would not kill her."
The brothers all sighed, this was only the beginning. Both Jenova and Lucrecia were more alike than they thought. Each possessed a stubborn streak that was impossible when you were against it. Their only hope was to keep Jenova happy with Martinis and Lucy from spending any alone time with Jenova, it was going to be a very long visit.
-Insert hopeful smiles- Please Read & Review.