AN: …..Man I have no excuse other than writer's block, no lappy, getting' married (quite suddenly :shrug: what can I say? I can plan real quickly if given a reason to), and moving. Still in the process of it, but Phil wanted me away from the Geriatric Quad (Quintet if you count mom), and since he's Army he can't live off post unless he's married. So we did that on the fly. Nice place, even has a garden bathtub which I wallowed happily in this afternoon after all that heavy lifting of the last two days. Still have some more of that lifting and lots and lots of putting stuff away and settling in. And then? Then he and I can finally get putties! YAY! CIVILISED CREATURES! Woot! And after we recoup on the money spent from the move and wedding I can have my very own laptop once more.

Thank Fuckin' GAWD.

So to hold ya'll over I'll post some more of the already written stuff. Which I still wound up havin' to dig for in my email. Thank goodness I save emails and found the copy of the chappies I sent to Cbarkins.

Also as I'm rereading (for the umpteenth time) this story from the beginning, I seem to have noticed something. Raizo talks all Yoda-y. Except in proper word orders. But it sure seems Yoda-y to me.

XXX

Wake Up 14

XXX

Mika didn't particularly like manuals. Well that wasn't exactly true. She just didn't like non-American muscle cars that were manuals. There was something about driving her father's old '69 Chevelle that made her happy, the connection to her father aside. But the Volvo wasn't half bad. The clutch was too close to the break, cramping Mika's legs close together which was it's only major drawback. They were nearing Prague and it was nearly time to wake Raizo. Hesitant to actually do so, Mika delayed until the sign that said they would be in Prague in five kilometers.

Reaching out, Mika rubbed Raizo's tummy in wide circles, "Hey Supe-baby, time to wakey-wakey."

"Take the third exit and go left at the light," eyes still closed. "There will be a petrol station, at which you will pull over."

Mika had to stretch, but she shifted so that she could maintain the stomach rubbing until she needed to downshift. Beneath her palm, the ridges of Raizo's stomach at first stood in stark relief before easing. Good, at least he wasn't being that withdrawn again. Earlier had been frightening, his face utterly blank, so unlike Raizo, that Mika wanted nothing more at that moment than to find a hole, drag in an unlimited amount of supplies and zip it shut with she and Raizo inside, blocking out everyone so she could take care of him.

Raizo may not be expressive in the normal sense, but if one paid attention Raizo would give many things away. While he would never be an open book, there was much that Mika could pick up on. If she were patient. Which, Mika wasn't, she was tenacious, but most definitely not patient. It was a struggle, because Mika could see all these things that Raizo needed, and she wanted to do for him, but if she just came out and did them he would only shut down. So far he had surprised Mika with how much he allowed, which she thought he may justify through the logic that it was meeting her needs and desires rather than his own.

Disappointed when she reached the gas station, Mika parked. She would have to find a way to touch Raizo in a non-invasive way when he took over. When he was stretched out and drowsy rubbing his stomach was all well and good, but driving, Raizo would need to pay attention to the road. So long she was sitting there mulling it over that Raizo had exited and come around the Volvo to open her door.

"Mika?"

"Hmm?" head popping up, eyes refocusing.

Tilting his head, "Time to switch."

"Oh," swinging her legs out the door, Mika remained seated, "Raizo?"

"Yes Mika," when he said it like that, it was like Raizo was only saying 'I'm here Mika.'

She kind of liked that.

Steeling her resolve, "When we get wherever we're going, can we lay down for a little while?" Clarifying, "Both of us."

"I will have things that must be done," shifting uncomfortably, Raizo stepped back allowing her to have the room to leave the car.

Poorly hiding her disappointment, "Will you lay down with me soon, so I can hold you?"

Raizo didn't say anything. It wasn't a flat out no, probably as much of a 'maybe' as she was going to get. Maybe Raizo just needed to examine her when she wasn't paying attention like he had last night. When she couldn't incite the heat she received in the Palace Berlin. Sighing, hoping not to sound forlorn, Mika buckled up.

"When it is safe," the concession coming as a surprise, "before I take my rest. Then you may do as you wish."

XXX

"Mr. Langdon, it's been some time," English heavily accented, clear gray eyes stared out of a sallow, dissipated face. "And you have a friend," ascetically thin, and not terribly tall, brownish-blond and balding, he looked like he was in his forties, but was probably younger. "And such a lovely looking friend," sucking hard on a cigarette, the tip glowed, "I am Alois, since Mr. Langdon is short on words."

Raizo spoke before Mika could, "Everything is in order?"

"Ah," another harsh drag reduced the cigarette leaving a precariously hanging line of ash, "of course. You'll be wanting to watch out for your new neighbors. I've had noise complaints. But," shrugging, "what can I do? I'm just a simple building manager."

One of Raizo's eyebrows bounced up, "Is there a problem you wish me to look into?"

"Ah, ah," shaking his head emphatically, "no. The last time was enough. It is just, their television – it is too loud. And the husband and wife fight often. The usual."

Raizo grunted, then went up the stairs, forcing Mika to follow. Which she did, the way Alois had looked at her made her skin crawl, like she was some exotic animal in a zoo. Most of the places in Europe Mika had been in, she had been fortunate that blacks weren't completely uncommon, but the Czech Republic even with it's border jutting up against Germany, was more backward than she had a desire to think about. It was why Ryan had cautioned her against going by herself the one time she mentioned wanting to see some of the cathedrals and castles in Prague. He had warned her that the white slave trade was very active, and that someone like her would be very tempting. So Mika had canceled her trip, upset that something so stupid as that would keep her from a place steeped in history with beautiful scenery.

In Germany, Spain, France and the UK it hadn't even been an issue, she had forgotten she wasn't viewed just like everyone else to others, no one in Berlin even noticed, and hell she was just like everyone else. Part o f why Mika had stayed in Europe had been because there hadn't been any strange looks, or if there were any, they were simply because they thought her attractive, nothing more. How must Raizo feel, who was so clearly Asian that there was no way to hide it if he wanted to, and they were probably even more rare around these parts.

After all white slavery wasn't limited to only women.

The cello case was set down, resting on the wall beside the green door, as Raizo pulled out his keys. This place was almost a tenement, it couldn't be up to code and smelled of turpentine and mildew, once white washed walls a faded gray, with dark brackish brown stains near the corners of the ceilings, and dusty, cracked windows in the halls. Some crime boss probably kept the residents locked in a perpetual cycle where this was their only option, and reaped a killing off of each flat by cutting corners. Door unlocked, Raizo entered then motioned for her to follow.

Inside it was pitch black, and Mika almost stumbled, catching herself at the last moment. Hardwood floors clicked under her shoes, and then she was shocked by what the single hanging light bulb reveled of the apartment as it flickered on.

A bed, shoved off into the corner, with sterile white linens but abundant pillows, and bare amenities for the kitchen, two sets of doors that might be closets and a bathroom, otherwise the place was barren, stark blue walls almost black in the dimness that the single bulb couldn't dispel.

"Make a list of what you want, and I will give it to Alois," Raizo was behind her, having locked the door and set his own burdens down.

"How do you live like this?" blurting without intending to. Waving a hand, "Raizo, what do you do here?"

He shrugged, "Sleep. Eat. Bathe. Train."

"But," shaking her head, uncomprehending, "but how do you live? It's so, empty."

Cello case opening with a snap when Raizo squatted, "I travel light."

Mika was about to shoot off at the mouth again, until she saw the contents of the case. Inside there were two swords, but beside them, broken down into several pieces was a sniper rifle. It was the sort used by the military when taking out distant enemies. Or in assassinations. Not only that but there were implements that could have came out of Torquemada's dungeon. Glancing up she realized Raizo had been watching her, expression veiled.

She didn't say anything, she couldn't summon up a single word to say. Not at all. But she desperately did want to know what to say, anything would do. All Mika could do was stand there frozen, looking over thumbscrews, rifle sights, boxes of ammunition and dully shiny blades.

He wasn't justifying it, "I use what I know," it was merely an explanation.

"The warrants are real," a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"No," removing the weapons and tucking them into hideaways that came right out of a spy movie, modified drawers, loose floorboards, and even a flip out section at the foot of one wall. "They are not. I cover my tracks too well."

It was an almost open admission. He was the same as the Ozunu, an assassin, who killed whenever there was pay. The bottom dropped out of Mika's world, and her knees failed. Plunked on the floor, Mika stared, not quite sure how she had gotten there. Above her Raizo stood, a towering figure in this position, making Mika feel very tiny and insignificant. Head tipping back, eyes wide, Mika drew her legs up, knees close to her chin, arms wrapped around her shins. She wanted her Daddy suddenly.

"Write down a list of what you need, it will be stocked," it was the same low rumble it always was. Head cocking, the black shag of his hair swaying with the motion, "What sort of computer do you prefer for your research? I will obtain it later while you rest."

Mika still couldn't bring herself to say anything. What had she thought Raizo did for a living? Why hadn't she thought about it? And why was he turning away? Lunging forward, Mika caught hold of his ankle and hung on tight.

Muscles and tendons bunched under her grip, shifted, then Raizo was turned partially back towards her, "Yes Mika."

'I'm here Mika.'

Scooting closer, Mika wrapped herself around his leg, pressing her face in the vicinity of his knee. It was broad and hard, the way an athletic man's often was. Ryan had been right, Raizo was a murderer, and worse a torturer. Mika had to find a way to justify it, maybe the only targets Raizo took were bad people. But honestly, Mika knew Raizo was expedient. He would take whatever paid.

"It's just a job," quivering, tremulous, "it's just a job, right? Like, like being a trash guy, or-or the guy who does dishes. You're just the guy who," shivering, "who takes out a different kind of trash, washes a different sort of dish clean. It's just a job..."

"No," resigned, "it is my life. It is what I know. It is," a finger brushed one of her curls aside, "what works." Raizo leaned down, leery of touching her she thought, "Do not justify it or make it clean Mika. You can't, not and stay yourself."

Mika didn't want to cry, she wanted to scream. Mainly at herself for having ignored the warnings, the signs. Scrunching her eyes closed, Mika pressed her face even tighter into Raizo's leg, and without realizing it bit down to strangle back the shrieks of pain. This was like how she would feel if she found out her father had been crooked, or if Maslow had sold Raizo out to the clans. Not betrayed, but hurt right down to the root of her soul.

Overhead, Raizo didn't even react to what had to be painful, other than to touch her cheek, "Lay down, I will go get whatever you require Mika.

Croaking, "No. No."

"What?" muted shock obvious.

"Don't, don't go, please don't go," the words barely intelligible to her ears around the mouthful of denim.

"As you wish," starting to straighten up, remaining in place otherwise.

Stretching out a hand, Mika tugged on his jacket, "No." Going to her knees, Mika used Raizo like a rope ladder to climb to her feet, "No."

He stood there, stoically, "No what, Mika?"

"No, you-you can't pull away like that, I," scrabbling at his shoulders, Mika wrapped a leg around one of his, wanting to crawl up him, "I-I don't know."

"I'm here Mika," that basso rumble, the timbre, it was still the same, saying clearly what he normally did in veiled terms. Exactly the same. He was no different than he had been ten minutes ago.

Clawing at his shoulders now, Mika hopped, and Raizo caught her, "Hold me," wrapping her legs around his waist. "Hold me," weak, Mika thought her heart had stopped. It felt like it. She felt so cold. "Hold me tight," hands thrust into his hair, forcing his head back, "don't let go."

Raizo's only reaction was to do as she begged him to. Corded muscle flexed under her bottom, a hand planted there to provide support, nothing more, and an arm about her waist, keeping her pressed close. The word that wanted to pop out of Mika's mouth was 'monster', and it almost did.

If Raizo was a monster, then it wasn't because he made himself that way. That skirted dangerously close to the sanitizing he warned her about. Mika's heart was screaming 'liar' at Raizo too, not because of the weapons of his trade, or the very fact of what he traded in, but because Mika would still be herself if she used logic to wipe the title away.

"Lay, please, lay," shaking.

Again her garbled request was instantly honored. Why was he doing this? He looked like he was taking all of her reaction in, memorizing it. Why? The bed whispered against their clothes, and Raizo lay down, taking Mika with him. Shifting her legs so that he wouldn't lie on them, Mika watched him watch her.

"What do you wish of me?" he sounded remorseful, ready to do whatever she wanted.

Mika wasn't sure what she wanted him to do, other than what he was, "Just hold me tight. Really, just hold me tight as you can."

Scooting down so she could tuck her face into the side of his neck, Mika didn't let go of him either. Pieces started to slowly click into place. Raizo had avoided telling her anything about himself. Avoided giving her any factual information. And now, they were here, in Prague, and she was a captive audience. Then he hadn't even told her flat out, only shown her. He had shut down, withdrawn, it wasn't the incident at the hotel, it was this that caused it. On top of that, Raizo expected her to reject it, reject him, or to try and polish the tarnish off of what he did.

"You don't listen to music," whispering, nose smashed into the corner of his jaw. "You don't have an opinion on anything almost. You avoid everything, all signs of living."

Raizo didn't reply but he did respond, one broad palm began rubbing circles in her back, like she had done to his stomach. Did he even know he was doing it? The gesture provided a needed anchor, giving Mika further strength to draw on.

"You stay withdrawn, you don't talk except for the absolute minimum, if you think anything, feel anything," Mika's death grip loosening, "you keep it bottled up and tucked so deep inside that few would know that anything's there but a blank slate."

He turned his chin so that the small amount of stubble on it scrapped Mika's forehead, "It is how I am."

"No, it is how you survived," raising herself on her elbows, "you don't even know who you are Raizo. Are you a ninja? An assassin? A man? My friend? Or, are you all of that and more? You don't know. You don't know how to put all of it together." Forging ahead, seeing she had his full attention, "You deny yourself a home when it's offered. You hover at the fringe, drawn to and afraid of friendship, companionship."

"You're here," stating simple fact, one of his weaker attempts at deflection.

"Yes, I am," strength pushed aside the shock. If Mika had only let herself think about this before, if only she had any time to think about it before, everything always seemed to happen so fast with Raizo, "And even then you still tried to separate yourself. Why? Is it some kind of punishment you wreak on yourself to prove that you're... you're what? What do you want to prove to yourself Raizo?"

Swallowing audibly, "Pain breeds weakness. Weakness compels strength. Pain exists because there is weakness. I am... weak."

'I'm in pain.'

"Why?" genuinely curious. "Because you're human? Not perfect?"

"I have..." visibly Raizo struggled, then ground the word out with obvious cost to himself, "desires," he was clearly not talking about simple physical ones either, but deeper needs and wants.

Frowning Mika sat up, while Raizo made no move to shift or change position, "You're human. Everyone has desires. Everyone, everything has a heart."

Beneath her Raizo jerked, flinched like she had thrown boiling water on him, a full recoil of his upper body. Except Raizo didn't try to get away. Expression agonized, Raizo's arm came up to cover his face, leaving only the underside of his jaw visible.

"I... shouldn't," his voice sounded wet and strained, like something that could possibly be tears were waiting in the wings, "I do not... deserve to have one."

Smacking the center of his chest once, "So you set yourself up for pain? Because you think you don't deserve to have feelings? You're a masochist, but you don't seem to get that you're not hurting just yourself but you're hurting me too." Grabbing his wrist, Mika tugged at the arm that kept her from seeing his face, "Okay, so you're an assassin. You kill people. I don't like it, but I like you. That leaves me in a moral quandary Raizo, and dammit, stop trying to hide!" He was resisting, going so far to even place his other arm over his head, "Raizo so help me God, I will start trying to find out if you're ticklish, and if that doesn't work I'm going to have to do something drastic. Like yank your pants down or something. I'll think of what I'll do when I have to. So stop it!" Finally he relented, and Mika framed his cheeks gently, "Now look at me. Open those beautiful slanted eyes of yours and look at me." He made a tiny sound, lids scrunching tighter, "Raizo, stop being a baby and look at me."

"I am not ticklish, and I do not advise yanking my pants down," but at least he was looking at her.

Mika hadn't been about to do anything with Raizo's pants, but he didn't know that. Besides this was serious, so she ignored him, "Now, what should I do about my problem and yours Raizo? I don't know. I'm upset, not at you so much as myself. I mean, c'mon, what sort of job would give you enough money and flexibility to go after Ozunu that you knew how to do? Logic would dictate that you'd use what you know."

"I said that already," his voice was still thick, and very off.

"Shush, I'm talking," laying a finger over his lips, "and then I will ask for your thoughts after I'm done, and you're going to tell me them. The clans aren't the only enemy out there, you know." Raizo looked like he was about to speak, but thought better of it. Nodding once, "You're an assassin, it's bad. But it's what you know. And you knew that I'd have a bad reaction, so you thought that maybe I would beat you up for it. Okay, I find the idea of killing people... repugnant. But I've seen you do it, right in front of me, multiple times. I've even shot at people, again, something I don't like. But I did it. Does that make me bad?" When he didn't say anything, "That wasn't a rhetorical question Raizo."

Shifting, "No. You did what you had to."

"That's right, I did what I had to," preternatural calm had settled into Mika's bones, she had come to her decision, now she just needed to convince Raizo that it was a good one. "Chances are, I may have to shoot at people, maybe even kill them, at some point. If I hadn't made you swallow the tracker, then a whole bunch of people wouldn't have died. Soldiers died, and ninja too – because of what I did. A whole lot of people died. I may not have pulled triggers, or sliced and diced anyone directly, but I'm responsible for their deaths."

Snapping, adamant, Raizo half sat up, "No you're not. Ozunu is, the founders of the clans are. Not you."

"Really? What about the people in cartels that got killed in take downs because of information I found for Ryan?" poking him. "Again, people died because of something I did indirectly."

Now Raizo was growling flat out, a strange sound that stopped almost as soon as it started, "Not your fault. They should have known better than to be in gangs."

Rolling off of Raizo, Mika tucked herself into his side, "What about the ninja? Did they chose to become ninja? Or did the clans chose it for them?"

Shrugging, "The clans kidnapped them."

"They had no choice then, now did they?" digging deeper, leading Raizo in the direction she wanted him to go.

He snorted, "Of course not."

"Did you choose to become a ninja Raizo?"

Clearly perturbed, "No. But it isn't the same."

"Yes it is, don't be stupid," laying her head back on his shoulder, Mika slipped a hand underneath his shirt to stroke the line of scars on his stomach. "How is it different Raizo? You were a child, taken, and made into a ninja. You left somehow, and decided to go after Ozunu for your own reasons. Of course, you made the choice of going after Ozunu, but if you hadn't and you went to try and be a 'normal' person, what would you have done? Ozunu would have found you, and you would be dead. And they would keep killing and kidnapping. You chose life, or at the least survival." Air filled and exited Raizo's lungs at irregular intervals, his heart stopping and restarting in a stutter, "I'm glad you chose to live. I'm glad you're holding me, and I'm glad you're listening. But, I'm not sure if you're hearing me Raizo." Skin was warm beneath her hand, and Mika slid her hand up higher under his shirt until it rested over his heart, "If I could offer you a way to live after the clans are gone that didn't involve killing for money, would you consider it?"

Nothing further was said, and Mika gave him time to digest it. Eventually Raizo moved onto his side, the arm she was laying on curling protectively around her, and his free hand pressing hers tight to his heart. It wasn't exactly an answer, and there was still heavy doubt in Raizo's face and in her own mind. For now, it was enough.