And you know, I'm not holding my breath but you know how to find me.

And you know there's a knot in my chest, only you can untie me.

When you're ready for love, cause you know all along, I'm the one that you wanted, Baby.

All your reasons are wrong. Now I know why you run, and I'm not leaving.

Before I got that you're just lost, I used to think that I wasn't enough.

When you're ready for love, cause you know all along, I'm the one that you want, Baby.

It's never too late to put the past away.

It's never too late to quit the masquerade.

When You're Ready

-Kate Earl

Lunch was over quickly. Clem didn't want to sit still longer than she had to, and Cassidy seemed eager to kick Sawyer out of the kitchen again, so the food was eaten with little discussion.

"Thanks, the food was great." Sawyer said as he finished his last spoonful of soup.

"Thank Julia Child over there." Cass nodded her head at Kate and Kate rolled her eyes. "She made the soup, and it's pretty damn hard to screw up grilled cheese."

"Daddy tried to make grilled cheese once." Clem piped in, mischievous smile in place, as if she knew a really good secret.

"Well, how about we go give Ophelia her lunch." Sawyer interrupted his daughter as he pushed back from the table and Kate and Cass both laughed. Ophelia picked her head up, from her spot on the floor by Clem's feet, at the mention of her name.

"Did your daddy ruin it?" Kate asked innocently enough, but Sawyer could see her intent and the evil she hid behind her sweet tone.

"Son of a bitch... Once. Ok." Sawyer groaned as Clem nodded. Cassidy burst out in laughter and Kate joined her.

"The bread was stuck to the pan and the cheese got out all over the place. And there was lots of smoke and the smoke detector went off too!" Clem tattled in a rush, wide eyed and altogether thrilled at the idea of embarrassing him. She was learning the evil ways of her adult counterparts early it seemed.

"Traitor." He muttered under his breath. Clem giggled as she climbed down from her seat and walked over to her father's. She grabbed his sleeve and tugged.

"Come on, Daddy. Ophelia's hungry." Sawyer stood and patted his leg to get Ophelia's attention. She stood and followed the two of them as they left the kitchen.

"Yeah, just don't try and make her grilled cheese sandwiches. I like my house, and I'd prefer if you didn't burn it down." Cassidy called after them, causing more laughter from her evil twin.

"Grow up!" Sawyer shouted back, his pride obviously wounded as their laughter died down.

Kate shook her head as she stood and started gathering dishes. Cassidy rolled her eyes and began to help Kate clean up.

"He's changed." She said as she stepped up beside Kate next to the sink. Kate nodded as she turned on the water and started filling the sink with a soapy mixture. "When you told me he was different, I didn't believe it was possible. But you were right."

Kate didn't answer for a moment, simply paused and watched as Cassidy took Clem's plate to the trash can and scraped the bread crust (It seemed she still refused to eat them.) into the trash.

No, she really hadn't been. Cassidy had been right, Sawyer had pretty much confirmed it when she approached him on the island after. He had told her they never would have worked, basically confessing what Cassidy had already claimed.

He jumped to get away from her.

And yeah, he was different now, but she had nothing to do with it.

"That was all Juliet's doing." She said slowly as she began to scrub a plate with unnecessary force. She didn't know why that bugged her so much. But it really had. Knowing that all that time they were together hadn't been enough to get him to change, but then Juliet came around and he was shacking up and playing house with her.

It shouldn't still sting, she should be over it. She left him, Juliet probably loved him more than she had ever been able to do. They were happier together. Those were the facts, even if they were cold and hard and left her with no comfort.

Cassidy watched Kate attack the dish and wondered how Kate could get it so wrong. What had happened on that island to change her mind about things so much? True, she had never met Juliet, but she knew Sawyer. And she knew that Juliet was not the only woman on his mind, if she even still was on his mind at all. She had seen more emotion from him in relation to Kate, his friend, than she had ever seen in relation to Juliet, his one time love.

"No." Cassidy objected. "He changed himself." She stood facing Kate with her arms crossed. Kate pretended not to notice, but Cassidy had caught a flicker of something as it crossed her face. Something almost hopeful. "If he had changed for a woman, he would have reverted back as soon as that woman left his life." She continued. "Maybe he was a different man than he is now when he was with Juliet. But, Kate, he is still a different man now than he ever was when he was with me."

Cassidy's voice was forceful, as if tone alone could convince her. Kate wanted to believe it, but there was just so much... She sighed and let the dish slip from her fingers back into the sink. Watched it disappear under the bubbles, pulled down by the weight. Talking about it always made her feel like that dish. Too heavy.

"He held her while she died. It nearly destroyed him." She whispered, images of that day, of Juliet bloody and broken... Of Sawyer destroyed... She shut her eyes tight, as if they could be blocked from her mind by the action. Took a deep breath and turned her head away. "Did you know, he has a framed newspaper clipping with her picture in it on the table by his bed?" She questioned then turned back to face Cassidy, met her eyes. "She isn't gone for him."

"And you still have a framed picture of Jack by your bed." Cassidy delivered right back, not missing a beat. "And how do you know what is on his bedside table, anyway?"

Kate smiled. She didn't have a picture of Jack by her bed, not anymore. When she had stumbled across Sawyer's clipping it made her think. It had been passed time to take it down, most of the time she didn't even remember it was there, just one of those things she looked at everyday without even acknowledging it.

So she had placed it carefully in a box in her closet with a handful of other things she had left from her time with Jack. The ring; she tried to give it back but he wouldn't take it. An old dress shirt; it had been at the cleaners with some of her clothes when he left and she had never gotten around to returning it. A handful of pictures; some candid shots with him and Aaron, a few of just them. The traditional trappings of a relationship gone bad. Those meaningless things worth holding onto. Things she didn't ever have with Sawyer.

"No. I don't, actually." She confessed. "And I've been in his room a few times for things. It isn't a big deal." She shrugged it off, it wasn't. Hunting for his keys, or retrieving his cell while he finished up something was no cause for excitement. His bedroom wasn't restricted, and neither was hers, though he never had reason to enter it. In fact, there wasn't much of anything that was restricted between the two of them.

Except that damn notebook he scribbled in all the time.

"Look, just because he still has her picture... It doesn't prove anything." Cassidy interrupted her thoughts. "He is still different with you than he has ever been. I knew instantly that something good had happened to him that weekend he met up with you again. He's happier than he has been in a long time, Kate. Give yourself some credit." She paused and Kate simply shrugged and moved on to the next dish, refusing to make eye contact.

What Cass said, made sense, but there was really no indication that it was her that was the difference. What if he had bumped into Hurley instead? It would be a difficult feat for certain, but still it could happen, and wouldn't he be just as happy to see his old friend?

Cassidy sighed and moved back to the table. Gathering the last of the dishes, she deposited them on the counter next to Kate and waited a moment before speaking again.

"What else happened on that island? Why are you so determined to think you had nothing to do with the change in him? You left here trying to convince me that he was a different man, and now it's like you don't believe he was." Her tone was soft and gentle, like it was some big secret. Kate wished she would just drop it.

"He wasn't. You were right. He jumped to get away from me." In all honesty, Kate didn't know what she believed on the matter. Some days it was easy to claim that he jumped to save them all. Others that he was scared of being with her. Today was one of those days. Neither way mattered much in the end, though. Just that he had jumped and they could never take that back.

Cassidy grabbed a dish towel and started drying the dishes that Kate had set in the drainer before she answered.

"I don't believe that anymore."

It made her angry. So unbelievably angry. She was sick of talking about it. Sick of reliving it in her head for Cassidy's benefit. It was over and done, and it didn't matter what she said anyway.

Cassidy was never going to believe her.

Kate dropped the dish she had been washing in the sink and yelled back.

"He told me he did!"

She didn't want to feel this way about it. Ugly, as if something dark had taken over the happiness she found with him now. Hurt, as if he had taken her broken heart out and trampled on it. This was why she didn't dwell on their past. It tainted everything.

"What exactly did he say?" Cassidy asked, that honest inquisitive look on her face that always made Kate feel guilty. Cass was just trying to be helpful, like any friend would. She shouldn't have yelled, but she was just so tired of it. It was pointless.

"That we never would have worked out. That he wasn't anymore fit to be my boyfriend than to be Clem's dad." The words rushed out as she returned to the dish in the sink, a new little twinge in her heart as she remembered that conversation. How high her hopes had been, how awful it felt to have him step on them. Even if she knew he would.

"Bullshit. You've seen what a great dad he is. How can you believe that?" Cassidy called her on it. There was no way that Kate could believe that, not after seeing him with Clem. And if he had been wrong about Clem, then it was possible he was also wrong about Kate.

"He also said he had done a lot of growing up in those three years I was gone. And he did. He was a different person." Kate explained.

He was an excellent father now, but he was right back then. As hard as it may have been to hear, they needed that time apart. If she had stayed with him, if she had jumped after, then they would have torn each other apart. Learned to hate each other instead. She was grateful that if nothing else came from those three years apart, it was that now she could be his friend.

It still sat wrong with Cassidy.

"Still bullshit. He was with Juliet then, when you asked him?" She questioned, pausing dish in hand, as she turned to face Kate with her question.

"Yeah."

"That explains it then." She smiled and set the dry plate on the stack of clean plates on the counter next to her.

"What?" Kate asked as she watched Cassidy's lips turn up in a smile, wondering just what Cass had discovered.

"You gave him an answer to that question, didn't you? You suggested he was running away maybe? Maybe you brought up my theory as a way into the conversation?" Cass continued the interrogation, collecting evidence to prove her point.

"What does it matter? He told me he was, I don't really see how anything else matters." Kate continued as she pulled the plug from the sink and watched the water go down. Cassidy grabbed her arm to catch her attention.

"Because he didn't tell you he was running away. He said you wouldn't have worked. That doesn't mean that when he jumped it was because he was scared to find out. That was three years after the fact, when he was with another woman, a woman he had planned on marrying. What did you expect him to say? Honey, he was never going to say anything different. Especially, if he was trying to make good with the future wife. It would only jeopardize what he had going with her." Her voice was earnest and Kate thought maybe she could believe that.

He really wasn't going to risk what he had with Juliet, she didn't blame him or really want him to. Not for her and her selfish need for closure. And he couldn't have known they wouldn't have worked back then, could he? She thought that she had known that, but looking back she realized she hadn't exactly known it, just been too afraid to try it.

"I suppose. But it still doesn't prove anything." Kate said sadly. Because it didn't. Not really. Cassidy hadn't been there, she hadn't seen everything. She didn't know everything. And even if he had jumped to save her because he loved her, when she went back he didn't love her. He loved Juliet, and that had really been the only thing that mattered.

Strange how the things people get caught up on can, in time, grow to mean very little or nothing at all.

Time destroyed everything eventually. The how and why, never mattered much in the end.

"No, you're right, it doesn't. But I have to wonder, if you asked him now, if you'd get a better answer. You told me yourself he had basically asked you to play house with him before you left the island. You ran from him first, before he ever had the opportunity to run from you. I think you were right, he didn't jump to get away from you, he jumped to save you." Kate nodded and seemed to think about it for another minute before turning her eyes up at Cassidy.

"How can you know, though?" The emotion held back, the earnest desire—almost desperation—to know in Kate's eyes, all testified to the fact. What Kate really needed was not Cassidy's calming words or advice. It was to sit down with the man in question and talk it out. Though Cass doubted that would happen anytime soon. Not when they were both still living in denial.

"I don't." She answered softly letting go of Kate's arm. Kate grabbed hers instead and Cassidy put a comforting hand on her shoulder before continuing. "But I do know that the old Sawyer would have done anything to stay on that helicopter and save his own skin. He certainly wouldn't have risked his neck for anyone else. I mean, he jumped out of a helicopter and asked you to take care of his daughter. Those aren't the words of a selfish man too afraid to commit. They're the words of a man who didn't know if he would make it or not, but jumped anyway. Something big motivated him off that helicopter, and if you think about it, running from you was really something he could have just as easily done once you got back to civilization. It would have worked out better, really. I mean, you could always go back to the island and hunt him down. He couldn't escape or hide from you there, not really. When you think about it that way, it was really more of an: I'll be here when you're ready to jump."

Maybe that hadn't been his thoughts at the time, Cassidy couldn't really say what was going through his head, but it echoed in his actions now. When they tired of their game of pretend, they would both see that. Part of her wondered if part of him had wanted her to jump after him. If his intentions had been for her to get to safety and come back for him. She knew enough of the story to know that he never stopped looking. Even when he was with Juliet. He kept searching.

He told her once it was because he had nothing better to do, blowing it off like it meant nothing. But she knew that he knew he never belonged there. That's why he kept looking. Even with Juliet.

He had needed closure just as much as Kate had. She wondered if that was what had held him back, if that was what had kept him from proposing.

"Except that he wasn't." Kate let go of Cassidy and stepped away, wrapped her arms around herself with her back toward her friend for a minute before turning around to face her again. "There, I mean. He wasn't there. Not for me."

She never realized just how much she had wanted him to be. It had hurt when he jumped out of that helicopter, but she could understand it. It hurt more coming back to him and his new girl. Knowing that she wasn't enough to wait for, even if it was an unrealistic expectation.

Because part of her had waited for him. Part of her belonged to him. Despite all her protest, that was why she couldn't work things out with Jack. Because she couldn't let go and he saw right through her.

But she gave up her hold on him long ago, and he had returned the favor. And now they were free to belong to other people. Whenever these other people showed up.

"I think he was." Cassidy whispered. She wasn't blind to the way he looked at her when he thought no one was looking. She could see it in his eyes, and in every line of his body. That was the kind of love that didn't just go away. He would still jump out of helicopters for her, and the more surprising part was that Cassidy thought maybe Kate would jump too this time.

"I think part of him always will be." She continued. "You were what set the wheel in motion, Kate. In so many aspects of his life. You, were what enabled him to jump in the first place. Juliet was just there to finish what you had started. And you are still what enables him to jump. I don't think for one moment that he would have hunted us down, if you hadn't laid the groundwork. I don't think he would be who he is today, without your influence. And it works the other way too, you are who you are today, because of him."

"No. I'm who I am today because of a lot of things. He isn't really one of them." Kate shook her head and grabbed the pile of bowls that Cassidy had dried, hurrying over to the cupboard to put them away. Dismissing the very idea.

"He was the first man who loved you. The first man who knew the real you and loved you despite it." Cassidy paused to let that sink in.

Kate nodded to acknowledge that at least that much was true. He really had been the first and perhaps the only man who loved her without question or demand. Accepted so little from her, and gave so much of himself. She had liked to tell herself back then that he was like that with every girl. But part of her knew better. Cassidy's story only confirmed it.

"Jack tried, I will give him that. But even Jack knew, you loved another man as well. He didn't know how to deal with that, Kate. What man would?" Cassidy finished.

Sawyer hadn't either. Things were good then they would fight over some stupid thing and somehow it always led back to Jack. To running back to Jack. She had thought he was so insecure and stupid for always bringing Jack into the argument. Always saying the wrong thing and blaming everything on Jack.

But she could see now that Jack had always been in the middle. Just as Sawyer had always been in the middle of her relationship with Jack.

The difference was that Sawyer made a choice. He removed her from his life. He started a life with someone new.

Kate rested her hands on the counter in front of her, eyes locked on its dark surface. Not really seeing anything as she braced herself.

"If he loved me, why did he run to her?" Her voice almost broke and Cassidy had to hold herself back from wrapping her arms around her friend. It was so simple, she didn't have to hurt the way she did.

Why couldn't they both just see that?

Kate hadn't been expecting an answer, so when Cassidy stepped up beside her, her shoulder resting lightly against the her own, and spoke; the words surprised her.

"Why did you run to Jack? Why did you keep Aaron?" She questioned. "You can't blame him for trying to move on."

She did and she didn't. It wasn't his fault she wasn't enough. It was hers.

"I blame myself for it, for moving on. What's wrong with me? Why can things never just be enough?" She pushed herself away from the counter, irritated, and Cassidy turned around to face her.

"Don't blame yourself, it's only going to make you miserable. Shit happens. You did what you had to do. So did he. There isn't anything wrong with you, sometimes things just aren't enough. Maybe it's timing, maybe it's just not something that will work out. But that isn't all your fault either. You can't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in this world."

She didn't. Not everything. It was dwelling on the past that made her feel like this. Most days she was fine. Didn't let any of it bother her. But Cassidy had opened a can of worms with her gentle prodding. A painful can of worms best left alone.

"I don't. I just feel... so tired of it all. Helpless... useless. I feel like a fucking failure. I just want to feel like it's right. Like I belong. Like I am enough." She paused. "Just once."

But she'd had just once. With him. And she had blown it. She wasn't going to blow it again.

"This thing... you have with Sawyer now, it makes you feel like that, doesn't it?" Cassidy asked.

"Yeah, it does. There are no expectations, no reason to fail. It's so nice, Cass. I can't even explain it." She tried to explain anyway.

"I can, but you won't listen anyway." Cassidy smirked and picked up the stack of plates, returning them to their home.

"I'm not in love with him." Kate denied as she picked up a sponge and wiped the counter clean.

"Did I say that?" Cassidy asked as she gathered the silverware, drying each piece and setting them in a drawer.

"No, but you thought it. You've been thinking it for weeks now. Just like Claire." Kate rinsed out the sponge and set it back on the edge of the sink.

"Well then, I guess I have to give Claire a lot more credit." Cassidy shot back.

"Oh, shut up." Kate rolled her eyes and picked up the placemats.

"You should think about talking to him." Cassidy said as she hung the dish towel on a bar by the sink so it could dry.

"We talk all the time." Kate paused in front of the drawer the placemats went in.

"Alright, I see you are determined to ignore what I'm saying." Cassidy breezed by and took the placemats from Kate's hands and returned them to the drawer. "But he's the only one who can answer your questions. Talk to him or not. I don't care."

"Liar." Kate smiled.

"I expect to be the first to know when he proposes." Cass teased.

"Bite me." Kate smirked.

"I don't know what kinky things you and Sawyer are into, but I'll leave that to him." Cass rejoined with a raised eyebrow.

"And I'm the two year old?"

After Ophelia had been fed, Clem wanted to walk her around the neighborhood. A feat in and of itself. While the dog was usually well behaved, when in a new situation, she was not the most manageable either. Easily excited and distracted by new smells, when Sawyer first brought Ophelia home, she walked him. Her size alone made her hard to stop when she had her mind set on something, and it had taken a few tries on the same route to keep her from dragging him down the road behind her. Even now she still had her days.

Still, he couldn't resist when Clem turned her puppy eyes on him, all cute in her pigtails and beat up Converse shoes.

He often wondered at how all girls seemed born with that endearing trait. Deadly when used in the wrong manner, sweet and heartbreaking, they all knew exactly how to wrap a man around their fingers. His daughter was no exception. All she needed was one look and a well placed, 'Please, Daddy.'

He didn't intend on letting her hold the lead, but she tugged insistently on his sleeve and after a few minutes when it seemed that Ophelia was more eager to stay by Clem's side than run in front of them, he reluctantly handed it over, praying that Ophelia wouldn't get it in her head to run or they'd be chasing the dog all around the neighborhood, and that was only in the best case. It was more likely that poor Clem would be dragged half way down the road before the dog finally broke free, or have her little arm ripped clean off. He tried not to think about how badly it could backfire and walked close enough to be able to react quickly.

They talked about simple things. How did she like her new teacher? Was she making friends at school? She seemed eager to share all about her new teacher and her new classmates. About how her class was going to do a play for Christmas, and could he come down and watch it? He promised to do so and she smiled and gave him a quick hug.

It wasn't until they were nearing Cassidy's house again that she popped the question. The last person he had thought would ask, and the one person who needed a completely honest answer, in its most simple and understandable form. The most important girl in his life.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, Pumpkin?"

"Is Auntie Kate your girlfriend?" Clem asked, her eyes wide, head tilted to one side as they came to a stop. Ophelia sniffing at a patch of grass by his feet.

How did he even go about explaining it to her when he couldn't really explain it to himself. Not in a way that satisfied. No one believed him or Kate, and Clem was more than bright; she understood some remarkably adult concepts.

Clem watched as he stood with his mouth agape. She thought he looked kind of like a fish as his mouth flapped open only to close a moment later. It wasn't a hard question, at least she didn't think so. Just a yes or no answer, but he seemed confused.

"Daddy?" She prodded him on.

"Yeah... No, Auntie Kate is not my girlfriend." He spit out as he scratched the back of his head. He was giving her a weird look so she raised an eyebrow.

He was making a mess of things, he realized. Clem's confusion was written in every line of her face. So he knelt at her feet and place his hands on her shoulders. Ophelia tried to lick his cheek and he turned his head away then ordered the dog to sit. She obeyed reluctantly, sinking to the ground.

"Auntie Kate and I are friends." He tried to explain further.

It didn't make sense. She had seen lots of movies with boyfriends and girlfriends. And in every princess movie the prince looked at the princess a lot like her father looked at Aunt Kate. And she liked Aaron, even if he was still kind of a baby, but she didn't want to share her food and drink with him like Aunt Kate did with her dad. Plus, they did that weird thing that her mom and Phil did, they said things without talking. She wondered if that meant that her Aunt Kate was going to know when she misbehaved, even if she didn't see anything, just like her mom, dad, and even Phil knew. Was that just some weird thing that all adults learned how to do? She didn't think so, her teacher didn't know when she got John to give her his lunch money cause he thought she was going to tell on him for looking on Anna's paper. And Mr. Eidelson, her PE teacher, didn't know that she didn't run the whole time he was talking to Miss Hannah, her art teacher, when she was supposed to.

But her dad wouldn't lie to her. Would he?

"But..." She paused and scrunched up her forehead, concentrating on finding words to voice her confusion. "Well, do you like her?" She asked, her voice holding a tint of concern. What if he didn't, and then she never got to see Aaron or Auntie Kate again? What if he got a real girlfriend who didn't like that he was friends with such a pretty girl? Clem thought that Aunt Kate was one of the prettiest grownups that she knew, well besides her mom, and she hoped that one day when she grew up she could be pretty like her.

"Of course I like her. Freckles and I are very close." He assured her.

"And you think she's pretty?" Clem continued to interrogate him.

He chuckled.

"I think she's pretty." He confirmed. "But not as pretty as my girl." He tickled her and she giggled and swatted his hands away.

"Dad, be serious. This is important." She chided him and he bit back his smirk.

"Yes, Dear."

"Do you want to..." Clem blushed then waved her hand in a small gesture as she continued. "... you know." She prompted.

No, he didn't. And she better not be thinking what he was thinking, because if she was he was going to kill someone for putting the idea in her pretty little head.

"Do I want to what?" He asked, concerned that her elementary knowledge of affairs of the heart was not so elementary after all.

"Kiss her. Gosh, Dad." She spit out, like just the thought of it left a sour taste in her mouth. He tried not to laugh in relief. Kissing was mild, and not at all what he had feared she would ask.

Yes, if he was honest, sometimes he did want to kiss her. Very badly. But that was not something she needed to know, or that she was ready to understand. There were some things he was more than happy to protect her from, and confusion over why Kate wasn't his girlfriend when he did want to kiss her and spend time with her, was one of those things.

"Do you want to kiss Aaron?" He asked instead, remembering another conversation about kissing with another kid not too long ago. He was eternally grateful that Kate was not present for this one. The last had been awful enough, he didn't need to worry about Kate's reaction on top of Clem's. Or about finding her lips accidentally pressed to his to silence a persistent child. It had messed with both their heads last time, and he wasn't eager to repeat the process. Well, the confusion part of the process; he didn't much mind the kissing part.

"Eww. No." Clem shook her head violently back and forth to emphasize her thoughts on the matter.

"That's kind of how it is with Aunt Kate and me. We like each other, but we don't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Like you and Aaron. We don't like each other like boyfriends and girlfriends do." He continued.

It was true... Well, mostly.

"Why don't you like her like that? You said you think she's pretty, and you like spending time with her. Mandy says boys like pretty girls. And in Sleeping Beauty, the prince doesn't even really know the princess and he wants to marry her cause she's so pretty and they danced together in the woods." Clem paused to think for a moment, then came back with: " Have you and Aunt Kate danced? Maybe that would help? Or maybe if you sang together, they always sing together in the movies?"

He couldn't help but laugh at her insistence. And she was right about the dancing thing too, he hadn't wanted to take his hands off of her then, but that was hardly something he was going to tell his daughter. Kate couldn't really carry a tune in a bucket either, not for long anyway, even if it was slightly endearing.

"Why does it matter so much?" He questioned as he tugged on a pigtail. Clem swatted his hand away.

"Cause... Well, what if you get a girlfriend who doesn't like Aunt Kate?"

"Then, I won't like the girlfriend. Aunt Kate is in my life to stay." He tried to comfort her, but she still shifted from side to side not quite certain of something. He thought it was sweet that she didn't want to lose her honorary aunt again, he would have to share that with Kate later. He knew she would be touched, she loved his little girl almost as much as he did, and it would mean the world to her to know what Clem thought.

"Kay... but what if... Well, I really like Aunt Kate, can't you just marry her?" Clem bit her bottom lip, worried it between her teeth.

"People don't just get married, Clem. They have to love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Like Phil and your mom." He explained softly, confused at what could have brought this on.

"But Anna, from school, just got a new step-mom who is really mean. She says that she never gets to see her dad anymore because her new step-mom doesn't like her, and doesn't want her around. She says that her new step-mom always says they want to be alone. Aunt Kate would never do that." Clem insisted.

Sawyer smiled to himself, he was pretty sure why they always wanted to be alone. But Clem was entirely too young to be told about the birds and the bees, and newlyweds. He hoped they could wait until she was at least thirty before going into that, then when she was thirty-five they could talk about her dating. But he could see that it was really bothering her, not that he had any prospects on the horizon.

"Honey, I'm not sure I will ever get married. I don't think you need to worry about that. Besides, who wouldn't love you? It's just not possible." He grabbed his daughter around the waist and pulled her into his arms for what was meant to be a quick hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and held on.

"...but..."

"Not gonna happen, Baby. You're my girl, no one is gonna mess with that." He comforted her, his hand rubbing her back. "What brought this on?" He asked.

"Mom was talking to Phil about how you had a date with someone, and then Anna was talking about her mean step-mom, and I was afraid that you would find someone to be my step-mom. I don't think I want a step-mom, but I thought if it was Aunt Kate I could be okay with sharing you. She's fun and she likes me already." Sawyer leaned back so he could make eye contact with his daughter.

"Phil's not so bad. is he? Don't you think I would pick a good step-mom for you?" He asked honestly.

"Phil is ok. But he's not as good as you. And you didn't marry Mom, and she is the best. So I don't know who you would pick to be my step-mom." Of course she would doubt his ability to choose, in her eyes no one could be better than her own mother, and he had already let her down on that one.

"You might have a point. How about if I give you the final say then? If I find someone who I want to marry, you get to say if we can or not. That way if you don't like her, she won't be your step-mom." He offered. It wasn't like the women were lining up, and even if they were, he wasn't sure he would really want any of them. Maybe he just wasn't meant to be married.

"Promise?" Clem asked, those big doe eyes making her impossible to deny.

"Cross my heart." He whispered. She smiled.

"Ok, then."

"Good, we ok then?" He asked as he climbed back to his feet, realizing that perhaps he was getting to old to kneel on the hard sidewalk for very long. He wondered when that had happened.

"Yup." She chirped. Ophelia yawned, her big drooping eyes following their movements.

"What do you say we go back to the house? Looks like Ophelia is falling asleep, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to carry her back." Sawyer gestured toward the dog, who had closed her eyes and seemed quite comfortable on the grass next to the sidewalk. Clem placed her hands on her hips, the lead wrapped around her little wrist, as if studying the best way to move the beast.

If she found one, she would have to tell him. So far he'd had little luck moving the animal when she had no desire to be moved.

"She's too big." Clementine stated quite obviously.

"Yup." Sawyer mimicked her earlier attitude.

"Come on, girl." Clem prodded by tugging on the lead a few times, a yawn escaped passed her own lips in the process. The excitement and afternoon sun starting to take its toll on the little girl as well. "It's time for your nap." Clem murmured and yanked again on the lead.

Ophelia slowly came to her feet and stretched for a moment before returning to her full height.

"Looks like she's not the only one who is tired." Sawyer said softly and Clem started to rub at her eyes.

"I'm not tired. I'm going to stay awake the whole drive to your house." Clem boasted proudly as they started back to the house.

"I bet you are." He answered, knowing that if he got her in the car soon she would be out like a light. And while he loved his little girl to death, five hours in a car with her was never all that much fun. She tended to get cranky after just sitting for awhile. What kid didn't?

"Yup, and Aunt Kate and I are going to play the alphabet game. I'm gonna beat her, cause I'm getting really good at it. Just ask Phil. He always loses when we play." Clem continued, clearly quite proud of her ability to find letters of the alphabet on signs and license plates. One day she was gonna find out that Phil let her win, he didn't want to be there for that explosion. Clem was always very clear that she didn't want to be babied, poor Phil was going to find that out the hard way.

He hoped Kate knew better.

"Do you know what he's writing?" Kate asked as she pulled out a barstool from the island in the middle of the kitchen and climbed on it. She couldn't wait any longer, it had been riding the back of her mind since they had arrived. That slim chance that maybe Cassidy knew what was in that notebook.

"What do you mean?" Cassidy asked as she joined Kate at the counter, sliding her own barstool out and climbing up next to her.

"I mean, he has this notebook, and sometimes I'll catch him scribbling away in it and he won't tell me what he's writing about." Kate explained, her finger tracing a random pattern on the counter, her eyes following the movement of her finger. "I was just wondering if he had said anything to you?" She questioned as she turned her eyes back up to Cassidy.

Cassidy had no clue he had been writing anything. Though it didn't surprise her, Sawyer had always loved the written word. When they were together he would devour books, leaving the bedside lamp on long into the night as she tried to sleep. It had been one of her biggest pet peeves about him.

"We don't really talk about much other than Clementine." Cassidy admitted, then asked: "What do you think he's writing?"

"I don't know. I mean we can talk about pretty much anything. Very few things are off limits. But I make one mention of his notebook and he clams up. Instant frost. It's killing me, not knowing." Kate confessed. It really wasn't all that strange, of course he would want to keep some things to himself. Kate had a sneaking suspicion she already knew what was in the notebook, it had long blond hair and had occupied much of his thoughts for years; it made her stomach sink to think she might be right.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Cassidy asked. Clearly there was something to be done about it.

"There isn't anything I can do about it." Kate shrugged and Cassidy rolled her eyes.

"You shower at his house, and yet you can't find out what's in his notebook? Have I taught you nothing?" She asked.

"I'm not going to go through his things when he isn't looking." Kate objected. It was one thing to notice little things like a picture on his bedside table while otherwise engaged. It was another thing entirely to snoop around his apartment for the answer to a silly question. It was a silly question too.

How much could it really matter?

"I didn't say ransack his house... accidentally bumping it off a table and reading a line or two isn't the same thing." Cassidy suggested slyly.

"Yes, it is." Kate discounted Cassidy's suggestion. "If he doesn't want me to know, he doesn't want me to know." She finished. It was clear that he didn't want to share, with the way he all but fled the room or cut her head off when she even hinted at the topic. The way he was always quick to slam the book shut when she walked in, and never left it out where she could see it or even think of touching it.

She could respect his privacy. He respected hers.

Didn't mean it didn't suck, though.

"So you're just going to let it go?" Cassidy asked in disbelief. There was no way in hell she would be able to just let it go. Hell, now that she knew he was writing she had more than a mild urge to find out just what was in that notebook as well. She wondered how she could convince Kate into some espionage to find out.

"Well, not exactly. I'm hoping that eventually he'll share." Kate admitted. She was far from dropping the subject for good. "But I'm not going to force him to. I mean, I have secrets from him. It wouldn't be right for me to hold him to a higher standard."

"Oh Honey, he knows your secrets." Cassidy laughed at the idea. Kate's face always spilled all her secrets out into the open. It was a wonder the woman had survived at all on the run, and a damn miracle she hadn't ended up behind bars for her crime.

"Not all of them." Kate shot back defiantly.

"He knows the ones that matter and if he asked you, I have a feeling you would crack under the pressure. Maybe not right away, but eventually he'll know everything, it's kind of inevitable with the way the two of you hang on each other's words. It will come out." Kate nodded reluctantly, Cass was probably right. She really didn't have the desire to keep much from him these days. There just didn't seem to be a point to it. Just a waste of time, really.

She had also hit on another point that Kate felt deserved to be visited.

"So, why should I push him to share his? Like you said, eventually it will all come out. Right?" It was her deepest hope. That eventually he would tell her.

"I hope so, for your sake. But you have to remember, he isn't like you. You can't help but broadcast your hurt. Sawyer bottles it up tight and heaven help the poor soul who tries to get it out of him. He's gotten better over the years, but Sweetie, don't hang all your hopes on the fact that one day he might share it with you when the reality is that he probably won't. If he hasn't shared it yet, if he keeps turning you away, that probably isn't going to change." Cassidy had a point there as well. Yet Kate still hoped it was wrong.

"I know. I just hope that one day he'll trust me enough to share it with me. Is that silly?" She asked.

Cassidy put her hand on Kate's where it rested on the table.

"No, I think it's a nice hope and I really hope it comes true." She removed her hand and Kate smiled.

"What comes true?" Sawyer asked as he sauntered into the kitchen and paused beside Kate's barstool, his hand rested lightly on the small of her back. The height of the stool placed his mouth at about ear level. Clem bounded into the kitchen not far behind with Ophelia in tow.

"Nothing." Kate said softly as she angled her face toward him and smiled mischievously.

"Got it. Girl talk." He muttered and rolled his eyes. Clementine demanded her mother's attention for a moment and Cassidy looked away to watch Clem's demonstration of what tricks Ophelia knew, keeping Kate and Sawyer in the corner of her eye.

Sawyer leaned in and murmured softly, directly into Kate's ear. So close, Cassidy thought, that chills would run down her spine had she been in Kate's place. That his lips had to have brushed her ear for just the slightest of seconds.

"We should probably take off before Clem passes out on us. Trust me, five hours of the alphabet game is enough to drive anyone crazy. If we leave soon, she'll be out for most of the ride."

Kate nodded, turned to face him, her lips mere moments from his.

"Ok. Give us a minute?"

He smiled and rubbed her back lightly, affection shining in his eyes.

"Sure."

He murmured then stepped back.

"Come on, Clem, let's get your stuff together." He called out to his daughter and they left the room.

It was a moment before Cassidy turned back to Kate. She didn't know what was more entertaining, the level of raw energy between the two of them, or the fact that not one of them had even noticed just how friendly their interactions were. Neither had even batted an eye at the invasion of personal space, or the obvious affection. It was so effortless and natural for them, as if it was just who they were.

"Now, tell me again why you two aren't together?" She finally asked.

Kate rolled her eyes and, placing a hand on her shoulder, shoved Cassidy clean off the barstool. She caught herself awkwardly before hitting the floor, but then tripped on her own feet as she tried to regain her balance and ended up landing on her ass anyway.

Both women laughed until their stomachs hurt and Sawyer and Clementine returned, bag in hand and dog trailing behind to find Cassidy still sitting on the floor and both women clutching their stomachs.

"What's so funny?" Clementine asked, causing both women to laugh harder.

"Your mom... fell off her stool." Kate gasped out.

"I had help!" Cassidy objected before another fit of laughter escaped.

"Come on, Clem, let's get out of here. I think they've lost their marbles." Sawyer scooped Clem up and tossed her over his shoulder. Clem giggled.

"But, Daddy, shouldn't we help them find their marbles? I didn't know Mom had marbles or Aunt Kate either." She said as they left the room. Ophelia barked at the crazy people as their laughter died down and then trailed after Sawyer and Clem.

Kate and Cassidy shared a look, then burst into laughter again.