Alex parked the car and deftly switched the engine off and dropped the keys into her purse. She turned to her girlfriend seated in the passenger seat and grinned widely. "Ready, darling?" she asked. Olivia returned the grin, albeit a little palely, and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She twisted the seatbelt in her fingers and nodded determinedly but broke their eye contact with a jerk of her head. Alex reached and grasped Olivia's fingers in her own to still their restless fidgeting. She squeezed reassuringly and then unbuckled her own seatbelt and climbed gracefully from the car.
She unfolded the wheelchair from the trunk with an ease that clearly revealed her experience. She pushed it to the passenger side of the car and opened the door as wide as possible. With practiced movements, she helped the brunette get settled in the chair. She set a tote containing a pair of tennis shoes carefully into Olivia's lap before turning and heading for the door of the clinic.
The past few weeks had passed with Olivia making slow progress. It was two steps forward and one step back on the best days and, on the worst, nothing Alex did seemed to ease her girlfriend's suffering. She remained firm, however, tirelessly rubbing Olivia's back with the massage oil given to her by Huang, holding the brunette tightly when she woke screaming in fear or pain. Sometimes, after Olivia had fallen asleep, Alex fell to her knees on the bathroom tile and hugged herself desperately, muffling her sobs as best she could in a thick towel. When it got too bad, she turned on the fan to mask her voice and dialed Huang's number. His voice was soothing, even over the phone, and sharing her fears and stresses with him eased her burden enough for her to return to Olivia's side. She knew that at some point she would need to see an outside therapist rather than simply pouring out her pain between sobs to their close friend and colleague. However, she preferred to stick it out a little longer and be Olivia's solid support until she was well enough to stand on her own for a little while.
Alex smiled at the image, despite the twinge of sadness that nagged at her. They were finally here to help Olivia take her first steps since her attack and Alex was focused on her high hopes for this day. The doctors at Olivia's previous check-up had smilingly informed her that her casts would come off in just one week's time and that day had come at last. The two women sat, somewhat impatiently, in the now all too familiar waiting room. Olivia's hands had resumed their anxious fiddling, now picking at a loose thread in the hem of her blouse. Alex made no efforts to still her, acknowledging that she herself felt nervous and Olivia certainly had the right to express her own emotions. After all, they had both been waiting for this moment for weeks.
The nurse stepped into the nearly empty waiting room and called Olivia's name. Both women started at the sudden interruption of their respective thoughts. Alex stood quickly and pushed Olivia's chair through the door, following the nurse into a small examination room. The friendly, blonde nurse grinned at them and said, "The doctor will be with you in just a moment, Ms. Benson."
The door shut quietly behind her and Alex grasped Olivia's hand, gripping firmly in an effort to imbue her girlfriend with the excitement and confidence she was feeling. Releasing Olivia's hand, Alex picked up the gown that the nurse had left on the exam table and knelt near the wheelchair. She gently helped the brunette slip off the cotton drawstring pants she wore and tossed them across the arm of a nearby chair. She stood and bent to unbutton her girlfriend's shirt and ease Olivia's bent arms through the sleeves. With skillful movements, she re-dressed Olivia in the hospital gown, tying it securely at the base of her neck. They had done this many times before, but Alex knew that Olivia was still skittish about feeling exposed. Olivia was already nervous about having her casts removed and Alex wanted to make her feel as safe as possible. She straightened up and, picking up her long jacket, draped it over Olivia's legs to cover her more completely and keep her from getting cold in the slightly chilly office.
They waited in silence until a soft rap came at the door and Dr. Messer stepped in. "All ready, ladies?" he quipped, knowing that, in all probability, both had been more than ready for a long time. "Ms. Benson," he continued. "I'm going to use this tool to cut through the casts on each side and then I can lift it off in two halves. It's a little like a saw; the blade is round, but it vibrates back and forth very quickly. I need you to hold still while I do this, but, don't worry, you're not my first. I promise you won't feel a thing." He smiled confidently at his patient, pausing to give her an opportunity to ask any question she might want answered, before dropping to one knee to begin with Olivia's right leg. Olivia responded with a small, silent nod and set her jaw, preparing herself to finally be released from the uncomfortable, itchy casts.
Olivia flinched when the doctor moved the jacket aside and laid a hand on her knee to steady it. Though she had seen him several times before, her experience did not change the fact that a stranger's touch still caused her throat to contract in fear. However, she forced herself to remain perfectly still in order to get through this as quickly as possible. Alex was here, she reminded herself. Nothing could happen while they were together.
Alex saw her lover's sudden tense posture and was moving to hold her hand and comfort her when the buzzing of the saw interrupted her. Olivia started violently at the clattering sound and gasped audibly. Her eyes were wide in sudden terror and she snapped her head to the side, leaning as far away from the doctor as was possible in her chair. Alex dropped to her knees, quickly folding one of Olivia's hands in her own and using the other to grasp the doctor's arm, silently instructing him to switch the saw off.
"Hey, darling, you're alright. I'm here," she murmured, leaning in to encourage at least a semblance of intimacy. Olivia's jaw shook faintly as she closed her eyes tightly and returned Alex's grasp on her hand. After a few deep breaths, Olivia opened her eyes to meet Alex's gaze and nodded tentatively. Alex understood and turned to the doctor, reaching out to invite him closer. He knelt slowly and calmly resumed his position, hand on Olivia's knee and saw poised at Olivia's foot. Alex nodded and he once again switched the saw on. Olivia started but otherwise remained still though she tightened her grip on Alex's hand.
A few tense moments later and Dr. Messer turned the saw off and set it aside. He gripped the cast, his fingers finding the newly created slits in the rough material. With a smooth motion, he split the cast in two and gently freed Olivia's leg. He set the halves on the floor nearby and settled her leg back on to the wheelchair's footrest. Alex rubbed her thumbs along the back of Olivia's hands to congratulate Olivia on her accomplishment while Dr. Messer re-positioned himself on her other side to repeat the process.
Soon, both of Olivia's legs were free of their casts and Alex tenderly rested one slender hand on her girlfriend's shin. She smiled up from her kneeling position and Olivia smiled back weakly, quickly becoming exhausted. "Ready to keep going or do you want a break, sweetie?" she asked. Olivia simply shook her head, a firm expression on her face. Dr. Messer nodded in response and picked up the saw, setting it against Olivia's left arm. He had been in this business for nearly twenty years and had seen many families supporting children with broken arms or husbands recovering from car accidents. Nevertheless, he remained impressed by Alex's ability to comfort and by Olivia's undeniable strength.
Olivia kept her eyes closed and her grip on Alex's hand tight until the entire procedure was finished, her limbs unencumbered by casts at last. Dr. Messer put the saw away and gathered up the remains of the casts. Straightening, he smiled reassuringly at the women. "You did great, Ms. Benson. I'm going to get rid of these and give you a moment to get dressed. When I get back, I'll do a final check to make sure everything's okay and then we'll see you take a few steps."
Once Dr. Messer had left, Alex stood and bent down to gather Olivia in as warm a hug as she could, given the awkwardness of their positions. She then helped Olivia dress, discarding the hated gown and slipping on the comfortable clothing she had worn in to the office, a process made instantly simpler by the absence of the stiff casts. Alex tugged a pair of white socks onto Olivia's bare feet with slightly shaking hands. The tennis shoes would have to wait until after the doctor's exam, but she could at least accomplish this small task. It was one that Alex had been looking forward to for several days.
Dr. Messer knocked softly before opening the door and stepping into the room. "Okay, Ms. Benson, I'm just going to examine you for a few moments. I need to feel your legs and arms to check that the bones have knitted properly. Is that all right?" he asked gently. Upon receiving Olivia's permission, he sat on his rolling stool and carefully took each thin limb into his hands, pressing deftly and keeping his expression professionally neutral. When he finally replaced Olivia's arm in her lap, he looked up and nodded assuredly at the silent brunette. "Looks like everything's fine, Ms. Benson. Would you like to try to take a few steps now?"
Olivia nodded rapidly, a small smile finally lighting her face. Dr. Messer waved for Alex to come and stand in front of Olivia's wheelchair. At the doctor's encouragement, Alex wrapped her arm under Olivia's armpit, resting her hand on the back of the brunette's shoulder as she had been taught in order to help her girlfriend out of the chair. She slowly lifted and Olivia's arms instinctively tightened around Alex's waist, searching for support. Finally, Olivia stood on her weakened legs and Alex shifted her arms to enfold her lover in a tight embrace, the first such since Olivia's kidnapping.
They stood like that for a moment and Alex's tears began to well from her eyes, wetting her face and the strands of Olivia's short hair where Alex rested her cheek. She successfully fought back the sobs that were threatening to come though tears still dripped on to her cheeks. Gradually, she loosened her grip around Olivia's waist and took a small step backwards. She let her hands slide around Olivia's rib cage and then down Olivia's painfully thin arms until she held both of the brunette's hands in her own.
Alex smiled through her tears and saw that Olivia was fighting tears of her own. She took another step back and, breaking eye contact only to blink back tears, whispered, "Come on, baby." Hesitantly, Olivia bent her right knee and shuffled a small step towards the blonde. Regaining her shaky balance, she took a second step and then a third and soon the pair had walked several feet together.
Soon, however, Alex could see beads of perspiration forming just below the brunette's hairline and could feel the increasingly intense trembling in her girlfriend's hands. Alex glanced at Dr. Messer and he pushed the wheelchair quickly towards them. With Alex's steadying presence, Olivia sank gratefully back into the chair. Her quick exhaustion was disappointing to her but that hardly tarnished the intense relief and hope washing over her both emotionally and physically. She closed her eyes and brushed the remaining tears from her cheeks with a hand thankfully mobile after so long.
Alex bent down to slip the tennis shoes onto Olivia's feet, carefully pretending not to notice her girlfriend's frail legs. They would be healthy soon enough. For now, Alex could hardly restrain herself from falling to her knees and burying her head on Olivia's lap to weep in joy. She figured that she could wait to do so until later, preferring to take her girlfriend home for a congratulatory lunch and a much needed rest. With some luck and hard work, Alex planned to have them slow dancing in the living room to Olivia's favorite mix of corny love songs as soon as possible.
Alex and Olivia ate their lunch of turkey sandwiches and pasta salad in comfortable silence, lost in their own thoughts. With each bite, Olivia relished lifting her fork and sipping her tea on her own. For so long, she had been unable to perform even the smallest task for herself. Alex had patiently cared for her, tenderly spooning her soup, dressing her and even helping her to use the bathroom. Olivia was a cop. She spent her days running down perps and staring down stony-faced humps in the interview room. In a matter of a few days, she had been reduced to a baby, requiring complete care. Now, however, she rejoiced these small steps towards reclaiming her former life and she smiled to herself each time she lifted her glass to her lips.
Olivia finally pushed her plate away though she had only finished half of her sandwich. Alex glanced worriedly at her girlfriend and the remains of her sandwich, but decided that this would be a topic best left to another day. As far as she was concerned, nothing could go wrong today. Olivia had made a big step forward today and Alex just wanted to relax with her lover as they used to.
Alex cleared away their plates and returned to sit at the table with Olivia. "Well, darling, we have the rest of the day. What do you want to do?"
Olivia met her girlfriend's eyes with a sly smile. "Alex, I want to take a bath. A long one."
Alex laughed, the mirth lightening her spirits like so little had done in the past weeks. "Your wish is my command, sweetie," she chuckled, standing to help Olivia rise and escort her to their bathroom.
As Olivia carefully pulled off her shirt and soft pants, Alex perched on the edge of the tub, waving her fingers under the faucet in order to test the water's temperature. Once it was just right, she stopped the drain and turned to face her girlfriend. Olivia was naked but for the towel wrapped around her body. With surprise, Alex noticed that she wore an anxious expression. "What's wrong, Liv?"
"Uh, I don't … Can we turn the lights off, Alex?" she murmured, staring at the tile floor. Alex hesitated for a moment and then forced a smile despite her sinking heart. The tightly wrapped towel and Olivia's desperate grip on the cloth's edge were glaring signs in Alex's eyes. Alex had dated the brunette for a year and she had never known Olivia to be uncomfortable in her own skin. In fact, Olivia had loved to tease Alex about the blonde's shyness. But now she sat on their toilet, wrapped as completely as possible in a towel, asking Alex to shut off the lights because she was unable to look at her own body.
"Sure, honey," Alex responded. "Just a minute." Alex left the bathroom and walked to the kitchen, retrieving a scented candle and a book of matches. Returning to the warm, humid bathroom, Alex lit the candle and set it on the edge of the sink. She flipped the light switch and turned to Olivia. "How's this, Liv?"
Olivia nodded slowly and then looked at Alex in the dim, gently flickering light. "It's okay, Alex. But would you, maybe…" Olivia gestured vaguely towards the now full bathtub.
"Oh," Alex said. "Let me help you in." She reached for Olivia's hands but was rebuffed.
"No, Alex," said Olivia. "I mean, uh…" She trailed off again but reached to rest her right hand against Alex's collarbone, tugging shyly at the top button of Alex's shirt. Realization dawned on Alex and she enfolded Olivia's hand in her own.
"Are you sure, Olivia?" she asked. Olivia simply nodded timidly. "Alright, honey, just let me get undressed." Alex made quick work of her blouse and jeans, discarding them in a heap on the tile. She stepped into the tub, shivering in pleasure as her feet sunk into the warm water. She turned and held out her hands to Olivia. She replaced the brunette's grip on the towel with her own hands and eased it from Olivia's body, dropping it near the tub. Alex couldn't help noticing that Olivia kept her eyes upturned, avoiding any possible sight of her own skin, even in the shadowy room.
Alex helped Olivia step gingerly into the tub and then guided her to sit in the steamy water. Alex lowered herself to sit behind her girlfriend. She wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist and encouraged her to lie back and rest her brown head against the blonde's shoulder. Olivia sighed as she sunk into the water up to her collarbone and her eyes closed softly, her lashes casting long shadows across her cheeks.
Alex ran her fingertips across Olivia's stomach and down over her hips until she grasped Olivia's limp hands. Tenderly, she began to rub Olivia's palms, caressing the brunette's knuckles with her thumbs. Gradually, Alex continued her massage over Olivia's wrists, her forearms and up to her shoulders. Alex focused on the motion and Olivia's slow, even breathing rather than the scars raising and puckering the formerly smooth skin.
Once Olivia seemed completely relaxed, Alex picked up a washcloth and a bottle of vanilla-scented body wash. She drizzled a generous amount of the soap onto the cloth and lathered it between her hands. Lovingly, she lifted Olivia's right arm and ran the soapy cloth up and down its length. She repeated the process on Olivia's other arm before turning her attention to washing the brunette's stomach, dabbing the washcloth over her hips and ribs. Alex rested her cheek against Olivia's temple and whispered into her ear. "I love you, darling."
Olivia moaned in comfort and pleasure and responded, her soft whisper echoing faintly in the bathroom. "I love you, too, Alex," she responded. Alex smiled, her lips caressing Olivia's cheek, and she re-wet the washcloth before beginning to wash the brunette's breast. Olivia jerked, her hand flying to grasp Alex's and push it away. "Alex," she gasped in a shuddering voice.
"Shhhh," Alex said in a soothing voice. "It's alright, it's just me."
Olivia made a small noise deep in her throat but didn't release Alex's hand. "I can't," she finally mumbled, voice high and shaking.
Alex kissed Olivia's temple, letting her lips rest against the delicate skin for a long moment before continuing to speak. "Olivia," she said in a low voice. "You can. I love you and I'm holding you in my arms and I won't let anything happen to you."
Olivia interrupted her girlfriend. "I don't want you to see me." Alex could detect the quiver in her voice signaling that Olivia's tears were threatening. She wrapped her arms securely around Olivia's waist, holding the brunette tightly against her own body.
"I've already seen, darling, and I'm still here. I won't leave just because of a few scars. They don't change anything. I love you, not your skin. I love your toughness, your sense of humor, your passion. Will you try for me?"
Olivia hesitated, a small sob shaking her body, and nodded, her hair brushing Alex's cheek. Alex moved slowly, easing the warm cloth over Olivia's tender flesh, lightly rubbing the cloth to clean her skin. Olivia remained still except for turning her head on Alex's shoulder until her eyelashes brushed the sensitive skin of Alex's throat. Alex's own heartbeat slowed as she continued her ministrations and sensed her lover's breathing become regular and easy.
Alex held Olivia in her arms for a long time, watching Olivia's chest rise and fall, her skin illuminated warmly in the candlelight. When goosebumps began to rise on her skin, Alex hummed softly and moved a hand to stroke Olivia's cheek with the backs of her fingers. Olivia sighed and finally moved from her position in Alex's embrace. Alex stood carefully and stepped onto the bathmat. She grabbed the towel from the tile floor and draped it over her arm. She helped Olivia stand and step out of the tub, wrapping the brunette snugly in the towel before Olivia caught a glimpse of her body. She would look when she was ready, Alex thought to herself.
They dried off, becoming quickly chilled even in the relative warmth of the humid bathroom. Alex offered a steadying hand as Olivia dressed and then quickly pulled on her own jeans. Alex followed Olivia as the brunette padded silently to the living room and sank down onto the sofa. "What now?" Olivia asked, looking up at Alex from below thick lashes.
"How about a movie and a nap?" Alex suggested, heading to the cabinet to survey their choices. Alex turned, case in hand, and grinned at the brunette. "How about Tootsie?" she asked, already knowing Olivia's answer.
The brunette smiled widely, though her eyelids were already drooping sleepily, and nodded enthusiastically. Alex returned her grin; Olivia's love of that movie never ceased to surprise her. She popped the movie into the DVD player and settled onto the sofa next to her girlfriend as the familiar music began to play. She grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and unfolded it, spreading it over their legs. Olivia leaned into her and Alex wrapped an arm around her lover's shoulders, planting a kiss at Olivia's hairline. Both women relaxed as they giggled at familiar lines until Olivia's eyes finally closed and didn't re-open. Alex inhaled the sweet scent of her girlfriend's freshly washed hair and let her own eyes close and her head rest against the cushions.