Thank you to my wonderful beat, Fran!
I wanted to talk to Jasper and gain his insight on the situation between JJ and his birth mother. I wasn't sure on the legal factors, and I wasn't about to pay off Renee to leave Bella and her son alone.
Driving back home last night, I could have kicked myself. It wasn't exactly the way I planned on marrying Bella, or even close to a real proposal. When all was said and done, she agreed, and she and JJ would be moving into the main house today. We were going to one town over to get married by a judge. First thing this morning I received a call from Bella who found one who performed ceremonies out of his living room with his wife as a witness.
Jasper was out of town 'till tomorrow morning; he and Alice took a mini vacation before they needed to stay put for a bit and prepare for the baby. The last I saw her she was beginning to show, and eager to tell me they had just entered the second trimester, a milestone to all of us. Each week, hell, each day, would be to the entire family.
I still couldn't figure out how JJ's mother found Renee. If she was looking for Bella, wouldn't she have done it years ago? And still, it should be simple enough to assume she would be here where she grew up or that someone here would at least know where to find her. Something wasn't adding up, there was a puzzle piece missing.
I straightened my bolo tie, pushing up the medallion with the ranch's crest that Bella had given to me our last Christmas together. I had shined my boots after Bella called, leaving yet another message for Jasper to call me. Rose was driving JJ home at eleven, and we would leave soon afterward. If all went according to plan, we'd be married by one and on our way back home a few hours later as husband and wife.
My gut churned, burning with fear. I dry heaved a few times and had to keep dabbing my brow with a kerchief I kept in my pocket. I wasn't sure if it was because Jasper hadn't called me to give me his advice on either marriage or JJ's mother. Or was it because I hadn't told my brother or my best friend, or due to the fact I feared Bella would back out. I tried to shake that last thought, reminding myself I wouldn't care even if she did ... we were marrying for JJ, which also meant she wouldn't run this time no matter what. She would do anything for the kid.
I couldn't stop the bitter thought, wishing she would do the same for me as I was for her. I needed to remind myself that we were moving forward, not back. We were young, we both made mistakes, and I couldn't hold it over her head for the rest of our lives. I was gaining JJ out of this too. The kid had more than warmed up to me and I was honestly excited with the prospect of having him underfoot at all times. We were going to give him a stable home, one that no one would be able to tear him from.
"Edward?" Bella's soft voice came behind me.
I turned my head to the left to find Bella standing in the drive, watching me through the open window with furrowed brows, her hands clasped in front of her nervously fidgeting.
"If you are having second thoughts…"
Was I?
I turned away from her questioning gaze, looking straight ahead blindly. I thought of all the times I dreamed of us marrying when we were young, of the hurt when she left, and the times I still pictured our wedding day in the not so long ago past.
Did I want today to slip through my fingers?
No, not really.
Did I want her marrying me just for JJ?
No.
"Do you really want to get married, Bella?"
"We won't have to stay married, Edward." Once there is no fear of JJ being taken, we can divorce, or get an annulment- whatever you want, and you can go on with life … fall in love and marry."
I snorted, thinking to myself that I had already fallen in love; it wasn't likely I would ever love someone else. Unfortunately, her feelings we obviously not the same. She had mentioned this was only temporary multiple times while we packed up her meager possessions and putting them in the back of her truck. When we unloaded it at the house, she repeated it, and now once again. Before I could respond, we heard the high pitch of Rosalie's horn, the minivan coming to a stop beside my truck.
"Hey, y'all!" She smiled happily, clearly because she found the two of us together. "You stay here last night?" She winked at me, pushing the button to open the sliding door for JJ.
"Something like that." I gruffed, helping JJ down. "Go to your ma, she'll help you get changed."
"'Fer what?" He looked up at me with squinted eyes, his upper lipped curled as the sun blinded him.
"Do what I said." I ordered, nodding at Rose in goodbye.
"Wait a minute … where's Bella's truck?" Forever vigilant. "Why are the two of you so dolled up?"
"We're getting married." I grunted.
"What?" Rosalie screeched, getting out and starting toward the house.
"Let her be, Rose."
"Edward, what the hell is going on?"
The sun burned my neck, yet the cool breeze left me chilled. Taking my hat off I replayed last night for Rose as her blond waves blew across her face, her blue eyes wide and mouth hung open in shock.
"Let me call Emmett, why didn't you tell him?" She rushed out, bending over the driver's seat and retrieving her phone from the cup holder just as Bella emerged from the house with a clean JJ.
She gave a plastic bag that held the clothes he had borrowed to Rose who was jabbering too fast for anyone to understand. Dressed in a long-sleeved, flowy peach gown, I helped her into my truck. I then lifted JJ who now wore black jeans that matched mine, and an emerald green button-up, and buckled him in.
"Wait a minute!" Rose yelled.
"Rose, it's the only way!"
"You haven't talked to Jasper or Emmett, you don't know if Renee is truthful or if this will even work! Marriage isn't somethin' you do just for the hell of it!"
I slammed the door and stalked to her, bending low so that my lips were close to her ear.
"Shut up, Rose." I hissed, receiving an indignant gasp in return. "I need this." My stomach gave another roll from my admission, feeling a breakdown coming on if this was somehow stopped. I needed Bella even if I couldn't tell her as much … yet. "Don't you dare repeat this to anyone, either."
She leaned her head back, looking up at me with so much compassion I thought I would be sick.
"This isn't the way to keep her." She whispered.
"I'll tell her, I swear I will when the time is right."
"Shouldn't that be before you marry?" She quirked a brow at me. I turned and walked away instead of answering. "I'm calling Emmett and your brother. This is a mistake!" She screamed over the sound of my truck starting.
"She's pissed," Bella muttered, wrinkling her nose at Rose who had her arms in the air, waving ridiculously.
"She's just worried."
"Where are we goin'? Why do I have to wear this shirt?" JJ called out.
I looked in the mirror, watching him tug at his collar, causing me to snicker.
"Well, Edward asked me to marry him, can you believe it?" Bella widened her eyes, making this sound as if it were a grand event.
"You're gonna marry Mister? Does that mean we're gonna live with him?"
"We moved your things into Jasper's old bedroom already; I think you're gonna love it!"
"It will be like a sleepover every night!" His face lost some of the excitement and squinted at me, his eyes thoughtful. "Do I gotta call you Dad?"
"No way, JJ. You can call me whatever you wanna call me. I will never make you do or say anything you don't want to."
"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not."
"No problem." I winked at him and smiled, showing him there were no hard feelings, causing his bright grin to return and his happy chatter to once again fill the truck.
The ceremony was quick and painless, conducted in a living room with Victorian armchairs on either side of us while JJ swayed happily, munching on snickerdoodles the judge's wife gave him. When asked to kiss the bride, I leaned in and gave her cheek a quick peck, ignoring the curious expression she gave me afterward. We were back into the truck, went through a drive-through for a late lunch, and back home by four.
Jasper and Emmett were sitting at the kitchen table with sour expressions when we walked into the house, earning themselves a dark look from me, as Bella went rushing JJ upstairs to see his new room so he wouldn't witness any arguing.
"Edward, what the hell were you thinkin'? Running off and marrying Bella like a child sneaking outta the house instead of waiting two damn minutes and talking to Jasper and me?"
"I thought you weren't due back 'till tomorrow?" I asked my brother instead of answering Emmett.
"I wasn't 'till I heard all your voicemails and a few from Emmett. I thought it best to head home a bit early rather than calling either of you back."
I turned my back and busied myself making coffee, the heat of their eyes watching me burning holes in my shirt.
"Say what you gotta say."
"Tell me what I'm missing … Renee came around askin' for money to keep JJ's birth mother from finding Bella?"
"She somehow found Renee while lookin' for Bella. She wants JJ back."
"Rose told us his mother left him after giving birth, right?"
"Yes," Bella answered. "JJ found the stash of toy cars you two left behind. He is busy checkin' them all out." Entering the kitchen by way of the back staircase.
"As far as I am concerned, she gave up her parental rights. She could bring you to court and try to fight it, claiming she never signed anything to give you guardianship, but I highly doubt it would hold up. You have nothing to fear from her, and I'll be behind you every step of the way."
"Me too. I'll know if she steps foot in town." Emmett added, reaching out and giving Bella's hand a squeeze.
I finally looked at her face for the first time since we were married, seeing the tears threatening to spill. I took the two steps to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her into my side.
Jasper and Emmett gave me a look before exchanging one with each other and continuing.
"The last thing you need to do is pay off Renee."
"How the hell did JJ's mother-"
"Leah, her name is Leah." Bella interrupted.
"Right, Leah … how did she find Renee instead of Bella if she was looking? I thought Renee basically fell off the face of the earth."
"She wasn't too hard to find at all, never has been if you wanted to find her."
"How do you know this, have you looked for her?"
"Daddy told me about it when you took off without tellin' us where you were going. Renee was pounding on the door sometime after midnight and Daddy tried to send me back to bed before I could see what was goin' on. I guess after he took in Bella she came back multiple times. Even if she couldn't gain custody back, she could make Bella's life a living hell. After a year of being gone, she came back drunk out of her mind, possibly high, he said. She promised to leave if he gave her some money. Once turned into twice, turned into a direct deposit every few months. It stopped coming after Bella left, so she came 'round. After threating to go after her, he said he'd keep sending her money here and there. Checks stopped when he died. You type her name into the computer, and I am positive you would find out where she lived, or at least her previous address - it changes so much."
"Doesn't explain why Leah went lookin' for her instead of going directly to Bella or how she even knew her mother's name."
"We will have to wait till she contacts us herself. No matter what, no money gets exchanged for any promises to Leah or Renee. If they show up, call Emmett and me."
"So, Edward married me for no reason?" Bella looked white, her eyes round and watery.
"Bella-"
"Edward, I am so sorry. No matter how I try, I'm always messin' up your life! Jasper, you can annul it, right? It hasn't even been twenty-four hours."
"We should wait till we know what's goin' to happen." I butted in as soon as Jasper opened his mouth to respond.
"I'm so, so sorry." She whispered before fleeing the kitchen.
"You gonna go after her and explain yourself?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Your dumb ass didn't marry her just to try and stop Leah from getting JJ, you're smarter than that."
"Obviously not that smart." Emmett shook his head with disgust. "You got that girl feeling guilty as hell, and you ain't gonna tell her you love her?"
"Course he loves my Momma!" JJ hopped down the stairs, skipping the last one. "He married her, didn't he?"
"JJ-"
"Tell them! Tell them you love my Momma! We're a family now, and family loves each other!"
"I love her. Always have."
It wasn't till after I said those words and looked up from my boots that I noticed Bella had come after JJ and was halfway down the stairs.
"Bell-"
"Get up those stairs and fix whatever shit storm you created," Emmett grumbled. "Stupid son of a bitch…"
"Come on JJ, let's start the grill. Alice and Rosie are comin' over with the boys with hamburgers and hot dogs we men have to cook." Jasper quickly got to his feet, hurrying JJ along with him out the porch door with an evil glint in his eyes.
"Why's everyone coming over?" I frowned.
"Because we knew you would screw this up." Emmett snapped, following Jasper and JJ. He was obviously unhappy with my rash decisions.
I went up the stairs, ears strained, the creaking of the fourth and eighth step echoing through my head.
"Bella?" I rapped lightly on the half-open door of her old bedroom.
"I heard what you said."
"I need to explain-"
"I get it. We can't just pack our things and move back into the cabin, JJ needs stability, and I can't keep yanking him back and forth between homes, bringing you into his life just to take you back out. I understand you are trying to protect him."
"That's not-"
"I am giving you a way out, Edward."
"What do you mean?"
"We can annul this mockery and not tell JJ. When you get tired of having us here, we can explain it to him better."
"You aren't going anywhere! I want you here, both of you. Bella, I know this isn't how anyone plans on getting married, but-"
"No buts, Edward. We need to stop while we're ahead. I can't bear to hear hollow words right now. We are mending, and I don't want to destroy what ground we've gained."
I wanted to argue with her, to tell her I meant what I said and that they weren't just for JJ's sake, and they were the truth. My heart was ready, but my brain told me to slow down, listen to what she was saying. She was right, we were mending; we were creating a relationship and a new life for JJ and us. I couldn't say or act without thinking it through, there was too much at stake. I needed to prove I wouldn't throw the past back in her face and that I would be there physically and emotionally for her. And she had to show she wouldn't run at the slightest sign of trouble, that she would stay by my side and we would work together to overcome future obstacles. She still needed to say goodbye to both Seth and Daddy.
I loved her, but those words would always be there, the feelings hadn't left in all the years I'd known her, and they wouldn't disappear with her around if they didn't with her gone. We both made mistakes, and it was time to work through them and act rationally. Too much of our life had gone wrong by acting hastily.
We could do this, but we had to do it together. When the time was right, we would both know it.
"We aren't divorcing or annulling the marriage." She looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side. "Let's see what happens. JJ's mother still hasn't shown up, maybe she won't. Maybe she doesn't want custody, but shouldn't we be sure?"
"Jasper said-"
"Please … let's just wait a bit. Let today be the calm before the storm, let all the days be that till the clouds darken."
"What if they don't turn gray?"
"Then we're happy. What's so wrong with that? Can't we be together and happy till we aren't?"
"Are you happy?"
"We can be if we let ourselves."
"What do you want from me?"
"Right now? Your friendship. I want to be a partner to you with raising JJ. Let me be that for you both."
"Is this still just for him?"
"You tell me." I lowered my voice, reaching out to cup her face. "What do you want, Bella?"
"I want to be your calm."
The sound of car doors slamming and kids squealing could be heard in the distance.
"Then let's go back downstairs and join the party. Today is supposed to be a celebration, ain't it?" I gave her a crooked smile, bending and pressing my lips to her forehead before stepping back with her hand in mind, leading her downstairs and outside with the rest of our family.
Later that night, I listened to Bella shut her bedroom door across the hall after settling JJ down for the night. I lay on my back with my hands behind my head, the urge to get up and go to her stronger than I had anticipated. I felt sixteen again with my girl sleeping across the hall, only this time she wasn't mine. I suppose on paper she was, but she was more mine when we were adolescents than she was now as my wife. How was I going to convince her to stay where she was? Rather, how would I encourage her to be here beside me instead of in different beds and to stay put regardless of what happens with JJ's mother and Renee.
It was a waiting game, and I have all the time in the world and the patience to go with it. I'm not sure when the anger and betrayal I had held against her left, but I was glad it no longer burned inside of me.
I felt free for the first time in years, and I wanted to continue to keep moving forward with the both of them by my side.
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