* I'm so unbelievably happy that you guys liked my Burke drabble. Yay! I really wanted to get him right. He was one tough cookie to crack. Any-who, thank you jetflight girl and Fire Kunai for your reviews! You guys are so sweet. ;) Hopefully this installment won't disappoint.
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It would be my luck to fall in love with a man incapable of loving me in return. For all my knowledge of the world, of science, my heart was still capable of overruling my brain. If only there was a way to stop its beating without stopping one's ability to live. . .if only. Yet, there are no ifs only certainties in life: like how I will continue to care for James, even nineteen years since the day he abandoned the project. Since the day he abandoned me. . . .
I cannot help myself. As soon as I saw his face again all the old feelings resurfaced. The hurt, pain, longing, and giddiness returned to me (or perhaps they never really left). No, dulled perhaps but never lost. It's a fools paradise for those whom honestly believe that time heals all wounds. Ha! It cannot heal what cannot be repaired; indeed, some things are beyond fixing.
I wonder if he knows my feelings for him? If he did would he have embraced me so upon seeing me? I scarcely know. I do know that when he enveloped me in a hug I felt as if I were dying inside. It was a reminder to me that he will never love me nor be mine. . . .He will always be hers.
Out of all the people James could've fallen for he had to fall for the one person I could never hate----Catherine, my dearest friend. I tried to tell myself that my love for him would diminish; that soon it would be but a vague memory whispering at the corners of my mind, and nothing more. This became my mantra, "Soon I will forget." I never forgot. I only loved him more.
My insufferable heart just kept on beating for him. It is as if I am tethered to him forever. The only person to blame is myself. I was the one that ran away from my emotions instead of taking a chance on happiness. It was I, and no other soul, but I, that did this. It's ironic, by avoiding my love for James I caused myself more pain than if I had simply told him how I felt. . .
But, I remained ever silent about what my heart most desired----him. In the end, this silence cost me my one chance at happiness. The man I loved married someone else . . .he married Catherine. He wedded not only my best friend, but the one person I loved as much as him. It was pathetic. They thought I was crying on that day because I was so happy for them when, in fact, I was sobbing for myself.
God, James! Why did you have to come back? Why? And why did you ask for me? You betrayed me when you left. After Catherine died you fled with your child and fled from everything you believed in---or once believed in. I guess when a man's wife dies he loses faith in the world.
Well, James by your leaving I too lost faith. . . .I lost my faith in you. Sure, you can beg all you want for me to join you, but I won't. I will not. Even if my heart hasn't moved on the rest of me has. I have a new life now, and it doesn't involve you. . . .No matter how much I might want it to.
Good luck James and good-bye, for it is my turn to abandon you. Blame it all on my heart. It can't bear the sight of you anymore; it simply burns me up.