-Disclaimer- I don't own anything affiliated with the Fifty Shades trilogy. I'm borrowing the characters for a while, and then I'll put them back. Thanks to E.L. James for breathing life into this wonderful fandom! No copyright infringement is intended.

-A/N- Thanks to all the magnificent readers. You all make my day with every review, follow, and favorite. I never thought something I wrote would get this much response. I am eternally grateful to you all! I am updating so quickly because I couldn't leave you all with a cliff hanger. I love you all! Keep reviewing! The reviews have been really motivating to get me writing the next chapter a little bit quicker! Enjoy the chapter. Happy reading to all my lovelies! And review, review, review! Please! P.S. THANK YOU! MUCH LOVE!

Chapter 14: It's Always Darkest before the Dawn

-Christian POV-

The night had ended so much better than I could have ever imagined. Hell, even my wildest daydreams were surpassed in the backseat of her beat up Beetle. Just to think a few short weeks ago, I was too damned scared to even talk to her. I remember the quiet time we shared in the library where I was struggling with the proper adage to even articulate a measure of what I was feeling. It was a fucking transformation, that's for sure. Ana has gusted into my life like a gentle breeze on a summer morning, but the effects she has had on me have rocked my life like a hurricane.

I am so much…more...when I am with her. Ana is the balm for my tortured soul. God help me, but I have fallen in love with her. And by some generous blessing from whatever entity is out there, she loves me too. I never thought something like this could happen to me—the fucked up kid who fought and brawled his way from one school to the next. I was so afraid of any human contact. The crack whore made sure of that when she let her pimp beat and burn me. Any touch I knew was harsh; it was packed with malicious intent and scarred me for life. I am forced to bare my permanent reminders of my past on my chest. The scars are the pinnacle of my pain. But Ana had her own reminders, and that is one of the tethers that connected us in our journey. She knew, really knew, what it was like to have the ones who are supposed to protect you harm you…hurt you…break you. Fuck that…I'm not going back there.

I was so angry at myself that I was letting my mind take me to the dark recesses of my mind. I couldn't handle that. Every time I thought about those dark times, I got the overwhelming urge to strike out…to fight…to brawl. I fucking refused to go back there. Instead, I thought about my sweet Anastasia. She was the most beautiful thing in my life; she was the sunshine that eclipsed the eternal darkness that shrouded my soul. I was so scared to even touch or be touched, and then I encountered my Anastasia. I brushed her hand when she was handing me my backpack, and that electrified me to my very core. It was the first thing that started to break me out of my self-induced captivity from my ivory tower.

I was remembering our sweet time in my bedroom, then in her car. I remembered the way she felt under my wandering fingers as they explored her glorious body, the say she tasted on the tip of my tongue. She was the most amazing girl, and she was all mine. I felt my growing erection, and I nearly groaned. I headed up to my bedroom and quickly changed into plaid lounge pants and a white t-shirt. I plopped down on my bed, and smelled the pillow Ana had been on. Her sweet floral scent was clinging to the cotton on my pillowcase. I felt myself grow harder, and my erection was begging for relief. I had two powerful orgasms, and my body was begging for another one. I wanted nothing more than Ana's hands on me, but I had to make do with my own. I grabbed my cock, and started stroking. I closed my eyes, and I was back in those moments with Ana. I remembered the way her delicate hand squeezed my cock, and then the way her hot mouth encompassed me. "Oh Ana," I moaned softly. I was going faster and faster, and then the visual of Ana writhing under my tongue was my undoing. I came hard, exploding all over my hand. Fucking hell, that was intense. I miss Ana already! My body was coming back down from my high, and I was suddenly tired. My eyes were heavy, and sleep was upon me.

I was dreaming of Ana when my phone buzzed loudly, shattering the silence of the night. What the hell…who could be calling this late? It was nearly after midnight. I grabbed my cell phone, and Ana's name flashed across the screen. I answered it as quickly as I could as a panic began to build in my chest. "Ana? What's up?"

I heard her sobbing hysterically. "My mother Christian, oh God my mother….she's dead…I think she's dead. Why, oh God why?"

"What are you talking about, Ana? Baby, what's wrong?" I asked. My body was nearly frozen with fear. I was already up, frantically changing my clothes. I threw on jeans and was struggling to get my shoes on. I threw on a jacket, grabbed my keys, and was on my way out in two minutes flat.

"When I got home…Oh God, was it because I was late? Was it because I threw Steven in her face? My mom…she, she, s-she…oh Christian…she overdosed. She's not moving. She is so cold Christian…so cold," Ana's voice dropped below a harsh whisper.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I was brought back to the time when I was four years old. Mommy's cold. Here mommy, here's my blanky. It'll keep you warm. Mommy, I'm hungry. Can you make macaroni and cheese please? Mommy, are you tired? I'm sleepy too. We can take a nap together. Mommy, I'm really hungry now. I love you mommy…when you wake up, can I braid your hair again? FUCK! I started crying, and I could not stop. Not again, I couldn't remember this again. Fuck me…fuck everything.

"Ana, call an ambulance, I'm on my way," I sobbed. Fuck, get it together Christian. Ana needs you.

"I did. They'll be here soon. God, I can't do this. Not again. Why us, Christian? Why do we have these things happen to us? Why mommy, why? God, please wake up. Don't leave me…not again. Please, mom," Ana screams. "I can't get ahold of Ray. I need my dad. I need you, Christian."

"I'm on my way baby," I said. I heard my mother's office door open, and she came out, worried.

"Christian, honey? What's wrong?" my mom asked frantically.

"Ana…I need to go to Ana," I whispered. I still had the phone to my ear, and Ana's screams were echoing in my head. It was a sound I would never forget, and I never wanted to hear them again. FUCK!

"Christian, why? It's so late. What's wrong, son?" my mother asked again. She was panicking, and I couldn't even speak without sobbing.

"Ana's mom…mom…she overdosed. She's dying, or dead. I don't know. Mom, I have to go to her. I can't leave Ana alone. Not like I was left alone. Mom, please," I begged her.

"Let me get my keys. You're in no condition to drive. Where does she live?" She asked me as she was gathering her things.

"Ana, I'm on my way. Please hold on," I said.

"The ambulance and police are here. She's alive…Oh Christian, she's alive," Ana cried out. "I'm on my way to the hospital. I'm riding in the ambulance."

"We'll meet you there," I said.

"Stay on the phone with me," Ana pleaded.

"Oh baby, I will. Hold on, my mom's driving me," I said. I looked at my mom, and told her we had to go to the hospital. We were out of the door, and on our way. My mom was speeding in and out of traffic, and I was trying to soothe my sobbing Ana. God how my heart ached for her.

I knew this pain…boy, did I know this fucking pain. My mother died the same way. What the fuck did Ana and I do to have our own mother's go out this way? Ana didn't deserve this. My sweet Anastasia didn't fucking deserve any of this. Fuck everything. Christ, this was out of control. I fucking hated feeling out of control. I had so little control over my life, and now my Ana's life was the same way. Fuck! I can't handle this anymore. I kept crying, and Ana was so quiet. I heard the beeping of machines in the background, so I knew she was still in the ambulance.

"Ana, we're close. Talk to me," I said quietly.

"Why would she do it, Christian? Is it my fault? Is it because I yelled at her about Steven?" Ana asked. Her voice was bleached with a numbness that radiated through my heart.

I sighed. I didn't have the fucking answer. "No Ana. It's not your fault. Your mom had her own demons, just like mine did. It's not your fault. It was her decision. This had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the hell she's still trapped in. We're just kids, Ana. We shouldn't be caught up in all this bullshit. We don't deserve this. Your mom…she has issues Ana. She needs help. You've done what you can, but she can't be helped unless she chooses it. You can't save her, baby. She has to do that herself."

I heard Ana sobbing harder. "Am I not worth it?"

"Not worth what, Ana?" I asked, confused at the context of her question.

"Am I not worth living for?" She whispered. Fucking hell—that ripped right through my heart. Those words have been repeating in my head since my mom died all those years ago. I was supposed to be the center of her universe, but the drugs and addiction and shit that festered in our lives were the center of her world. I was barely a blip on her fucking radar. She was more worried about where her next fix was coming from or whose dick she had to suck to get her fucking crack. Fuck you, crack whore. Fuck you! Not this shit again! I was crying again. The bold pain from my childhood was circulating with my heartbreak for Ana. I took in a deep, sobbing breath and the tears started again. FUCK! I didn't do this…I didn't cry. The only time I remember crying is when I realized the crack whore was dead.

My mom reached over to my seat and grabbed my hand. I was still crying, but my mother's gesture helped calm me down greatly. "Of course you're worth living for Ana. You're worth it for me. I love you, and you're the center of my world now Ana. My day begins with thoughts of you, and it sets with visions of you dancing in my head. You've made my life so much better, Ana. I was on a path set in self-destruction, but you rescued me. You make my life worth living. Don't worry about anyone else. I know she's your mother, but she has her own shit to sort out. If you ever feel worthless, please just remember how much I love you and how much you're worth to me. Please baby, remember that."

"Oh Christian, I l-love you too," Ana sniffed. "We're here. They're making me go in the emergency room waiting room. Please hurry."

"Christian, we're two minutes from the hospital. I'm going to drop you off at the ER department, and then I am going to hurry up and see where they took Ana's mother. What is her name?" My mother asked me.

"Ana, what's your mom's name?" I asked.

"Carla. Carla Adams," she replied. I told my mother and kept trying to talk to Ana softly.

My mom hurried up and dropped me off at the emergency room door, and I leaned over and kiss her cheek. I bolted out of the door like there was a fire on my tail. "Ana, I'm here. Where are—" I started to ask her, but I saw my beautiful Ana. I hung up the phone, and then she was in my arms. I can't remember how I got to her so fast, but I know she was where she belonged. I held onto her, and for a precious moment, all was right in our fucked up world.

"It's okay Ana, I'm here now," I said. I sat down on the ugly green couch and pulled her into my lap. The emergency room was only about half full. I took a survey of the surroundings. There was an older man sitting in a wheel chair with oxygen. There was a baby who was fussy; his nose was runny and cheeks were flushed. There was a young girl who was favoring her right wrist. I shifted my attentions back to Ana, and she still did not say a word.

"My mom's going to be in there. She'll make sure they do everything for her," I said softly. Ana's head just snuggled deeper into my chest.

"I need to try to call Ray again," she murmured. I just tightened my grip on her.

"Give me the number, I'll call him. Just stay where you are, baby," I said. I dug out my phone and dialed as Ana rattled off the number. The phone rang five times before it hit the voicemail. I hung up; Ray didn't need to heart his over voicemail.

"She'll be okay, Ana," I said.

"Thanks for being here Christian. I needed you, and you came. You didn't hesitate. You came here, for me," she muttered almost under her breath.

"I'll always be here for you, Ana. I. Love. You. You're my girlfriend, and as your boyfriend, it's my duty to love, protect, and cherish you. When you need me, I'm here. You would have done the same for me in a moment's notice," I said as I kissed her forehead.

"I've only been with you a short time, but you've been there more for me than my own mother. When I needed her, she retreated into her own head, leaving me on my own with that bastard to do with as he pleased. And here you are with me. You're not expecting anything in return, you're just…here. Oh Christian, I love you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming to me. I couldn't do this without you. You mean so much to me. I love you," Ana whispered. She looked up at me, and tears were spilling from her beautiful blue eyes. I used the pad of my thumb to wipe the tears away.

She threw her arms around my neck, and started sobbing more. I pulled a handkerchief out my pocket and let her use it. Ana just sat there in my lap, and she was crying as her body was shaking with sobs. Eventually, the crying halted to mere sniffles. I sat there, just holding her. It was all I could do at this moment. This time it was out of both of our control; fate's hands had intervened, and this was up to whatever celestial body was out there guiding the universe. This was the perpetual darkness that invaded my soul, and I did not want Ana to experience it. We got to Ana's mother in time, so I prayed that this was the darkness before the dawn. I needed the sun to rise for Ana; I couldn't lose her to the darkness.

"I love you Christian," Ana said softly before closing her eyes. She was dozing off; she was exhausted from all the crying and stress.

"I love you too, Anastasia. Sleep now," I said. With one last kiss, she finally fell asleep. I waited for what felt like forever. Finally, I saw my mother and another doctor come through the doors.

"Ana, wake up, the doctors are here," I said trying to wake her up. She blinked the last remnants of sleep from her eyes, and jolted up. The solemn expression in her eyes was heavy on my soul, and she just grabbed my hand.

"Ana, Christian. She's alive," my mother said. With that, Ana collapsed next to me, and thankfully I had fast enough reflexes to catch her.

"Oh thank God," Ana said. I hoisted her up, and was clutching her for dear life.

"But this isn't the end. This is the beginning of a very long journey. Your mother needs help Ana," my mother said.

"I know. Thank you so much. I can't even begin to thank you enough," Ana said. Tears were springing to her eyes, but I think they were tears of happiness this time.

"She is asking to see you Ana. But she is also asking for a Steven as well," my mother said.

Ana's face went completely white. She took in a sharp intake of breath, and began hyperventilating. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and she fainted. Thankfully I was holding on to her, so I could catch her again. "ANA! Oh Ana, wake up!" I yelled. Not Steven…not that fucker. What the fuck is going on?