CHAPTER 14

Emma

"Live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive."

-Matt Cameron

Neal was rarely at the apartment since he was still catching up with things at work, so time with him was often minimal and rarely romantic.

Since I told him about my lack of affection, he began to sleep in the guest bedroom, even if I insisted he didn't need to.

After some time, I decided to just let my husband give me the space he felt I needed. He was beginning to understand that our marriage was falling apart, and there wasn't much either one of us could do about it.

As for Henry, I was lucky if I could even muster two words out of his mouth during the day.

He had a basic routine: Wake up for school, catch the bus, come back in the afternoon, do his homework, play a few video games, and finally, go to bed.

In the meantime, he'd possibly say "Hi," "Goodbye," and maybe "Good night" throughout the day.

But even that was a stretch.

One day, a blizzard came through the small sleepy town, blanketing the hills with a sparkling iridescent white coverage that stretched for miles.

I no longer needed a cane to walk, and my strength was slowly returning thanks to hours of physical therapy I endured.

"Hey, Henry."

He had his back to me in his eccentric bedroom plastered with nerdy posters showing off his favorite Marvel Comics and TV shows such as The Walking Dead and Stranger Things.

"So, it snowed a lot today."

He continued to stare at his phone with his back facing me.

"I was thinking that we could go sledding or something. Or maybe even a little skating?"

He shifted his head in my direction. "I'm good for now. Besides, sledding is for kids."

I shrugged. "I think sledding is fun no matter how old you are. Just like roller skating or jumping on trampolines."

He finally turned around with a scowl drawn on his face. "I said I'm fine."

There was a moment of silence as my temper has finally reached its peak, and everything was revealed in a matter of a couple of words.

"You know what? Fine. If you just wanna wallow here all day and ignore me that's fine. I'm not gonna stop you. I understand that I've changed. A lot. Believe me, I get it. And I'm truly sorry for that. But you're also my son, and even though I don't remember much, I do remember that unconditional love that every mother has. I can imagine how it felt to feel my tummy and know that you were coming into the world, and the joy I felt when I wrapped you in my arms for the first time. I'm so sorry that your father and I don't treat each other the same, and how distant we are. I really really am. I tried really hard to fall in love with him again. But with you, even with everything, I still have that little voice in my head that tells me you're special in my life. You're not something that I can just erase. You're my son. You are everything to me. I love you so much. And I'm so sorry if it hasn't seemed like that these past few months. But please don't shut me out. You're the only thing left in my life that feels normal right now."

He finally turned all the way around to look at me, tears welled up in his sockets.

"Mom I-"

But I was already out of the apartment and speed walking to Killian and Liam's apartment.

After hammering their door with knocks, Liam finally answered the door.

"Liam is Killian-"

I gasped when I saw his sudden deteriorated condition.

He had large bags under his eyes, his skin was pale as a ghost, and his hair had bald spots where hair had begun to fall out from chemo.

"Hey, Emma. Killian is in his bedroom."

He didn't say anything else as he went back to lie down on the couch.

As I walked into Killian's bedroom, I was startled to see him completely shirtless as he turned around to face me.

"Hey, love."

I pretended to divert my eyes away from his rugged chest, but couldn't help sneaking a peek a few times.

"You seem tired," I said acknowledging his constant yawning and puffy eyes.

"Who, me? Yeah. Liam had radiation today."

I bowed my head. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that... I've heard radiation is a bitch."

He chuckled to himself. "Yeah. He's not feeling good. What brings you here?"

I was beginning to walk out the door. "Oh, nothing. I was just checking in..."

"No, come on, Ems. I know that look of yours by now. Something's up."

I diverted my eyes from his bare, muscular chest back up to his face.

"Henry and I had another fight today. I just... needed to get away. I guess you were the first person I thought of. I'm so sorry for intruding..."

I was about to turn around but was startled when Killian gently grabbed my hand and pulled me closer, to the point that I could feel the heat radiating off his chest.

"Maybe we both need to get away." He whispered, staring deeply and intensely into my eyes.

I imagined our lips coming together, locked in an embrace of love, healing, and understanding...

But instead, all he did was pull himself from his stare and put on a sweatshirt, grabbing his winter jacket from his coat hanger.

"Let me take you somewhere."

I followed him closely behind, staring ahead in shame as I attempted to wipe my feelings for him from my mind.

We walked a few blocks away from the apartment building, past the nearby shops, and down the hills where the harbor was empty for the season.

He brought me down to where the docks would be if they hadn't already been taken out for the winter and stared ahead.

"Killian... Is everything ok?"

He didn't answer as he simply grabbed my hand and pulled me closer next to his hip.

"There are a lot of things I need to tell you eventually."

I was waiting for him to say something else, but instead, I found myself entranced by the seemingly endless Atlantic.

"It really is beautiful out here."

We both stared out at the frozen wasteland for a few more minutes, when I all of a sudden felt my hand enclosed in his.

"Everything's going to be ok, Emma. Someday."

We watched as the sun reflected off the luminescent ice, and the various ice fishers drilling into the frozen waters.

The world stood still as we waited for the nightmares inside our minds to end, and the possibility of a new, better day waiting for us beyond the horizon.

"I should get back to check on Liam."

I looked at him even though he didn't move his gaze an inch.

"Yeah. I'm sure Neal and Henry are wondering where I am by now."

We ripped our hands apart and walked back together without another word.

I dropped him off at his apartment, hugged him, and started walking down the hallway back to my place.

"Hey, Emma?"

I turned around and looked into his crystal blue eyes.

"Just hang in there, ok? Henry will always love you. He just needs some time to get his head wrapped around everything that's happened. But soon enough, he'll come around."

I nodded. "Thanks, Killian."

And with that, I walked back into my apartment, with Henry standing at the door waiting for me.

"Hey, mom."

I smiled. "I'll give you some space."

He shook his head. "No, no, no. I've given you enough space. I never realized just how much I hurt you until today. I've been really immature with you lately, and I'm here to tell you I'm sorry. I just miss you and the way things used to be that's all. But I do still love you, and I shouldn't have given up on you."

We both smiled as we embraced each other.

"I'm sorry too. For everything."

I kissed his forehead and pulled away.

"Now how about we make your dad some dinner?"

He nodded in agreement and helped me pull out the pots and pans.

I thought back to what Killian said to me moments before, and started to wonder if meeting Killian was destiny...

I liked Killian. A lot. That much was certain.

But the way he shrugged me off all the time and kept friend zoning me was strange to me... it was almost like something was holding him back.

There was so much to him that I thought I knew, but yet a whole other side that was like a puzzle that I was still putting together.

He was a mystery unsolved.

What was the secret that would unlock everything?