Hey guys! So... yeah. Kind of an intense chapter this week.

ellabella300, GiraffePanda2, & Nikki - Aaaah thanks guys I'm glad you liked it! Ben wants to give you hugs. ^.^
Lady Ravanna - Ahaha thank you! The packages reminded me a little bit of the Hunger Games. *casually steals cookie from buffet table*
chalk and cheese and jam - I know right *makes grabby hands at Pan*
Hope Diamond - Your review made me laugh more than it should have.
One-wiTHOut-sOul - You made me combust. That's it, I don't exist anymore. I am just particles of feelings drifting through the atmosphere. I can't really say much on the topic of when smut (Ben whispers "bedroom things") will happen, but I will most likely write some in. Eventually. ;)
Everyone else who reviewed, favorited, and followed - you guys make my day(s). Really.

Enjoy, lovelies!

I wasn't sure what to expect from Pan anymore. Before, I'd at least thought that the one common denominator in his mood swings was his self-restraint to keep me unharmed enough to give him what he wanted. The purpling bruises on my neck served as a dark reminder that I was wrong.

Felix looked surprised when I'd stumbled into camp after dark, eyes red and covering my neck with my hands. He immediately steered me into a part of camp I'd never been in before and stopped in front of a ladder leading up to a treehouse. I slumped on the ground instead of climbing, completely drained of all energy. He pulled me up like a rag doll. I still hadn't let go of my neck.

"What happened?" he asked evenly.

I bit my lip in a feeble attempt to stop my eyes from watering again. Felix inspected my clothes and frowned in confusion upon finding nothing out of place.

His voice remained careful. "What did he do to you?"

I shook my head, vision blurring from gathering tears. I tried to move my hands from my neck, but wasn't able to find the strength to. Felix dropped his gaze to the area, still not quite comprehending why I was hiding it from him.

He exhaled. "You didn't make him angry, did you?"

My tears spilled over. "I – I didn't mean to! I was just so sick of him always telling me that I was his, that I wasn't worth anything else that I just –" I was openly crying now. "Felix, I didn't mean to! I didn't think he would – that he would-"

I sniffed and Felix pulled at one of my hands, letting out a slow breath as soon as he revealed the bruises. His mouth was a thin line and I shook, futilely trying to stop myself from crying.

"You should stay near me. I can't promise anything but I'll do you more good than Ben."

"Thank you, Felix." I choked out through wracking sobs.

He nodded but didn't make any more movements. I didn't expect him to even be this understanding. I was pathetic.

I hiccupped and wrapped my arms around myself. "Why – why are you doing this for me?"

"Peter wants you around, so he'll keep you alive even if he's angry." He frowned. "Sometimes that's worse."

I whimpered. "Oh god."

"You lasted longer than I expected – it would be a shame to see it go to waste." Felix studied my neck again. "He shouldn't hurt you any more, not if you're careful."

I dissolved again. "I tried to be careful, Felix. I tried! This whole fucking time that I've spent on this goddamn island I've been nothing but careful!" I probably just woke up the entire camp, but I didn't care. "And look where that got me!"

The Lost Boy looked like he regretted saying anything but I couldn't stop myself now.

"I just wanted him to stop using my l-last name but then he said that I was a whore and-" I choked, curling in on myself. "And how can he even say that when he's the one so desperate to fuck me and I got mad a-at him so he just – oh god he tried to – to-"

He'd treated me like Eddie. Like I was worthless, like I was- I froze.

Eddie.

Fear slammed into me like the splintering of ice. I was crying. Crying meant weakness.

"Felix?" My voice sounded tiny. "He'll know I've been crying. He'll think I'm weak." Panic shot through my body, propelling me into frantic movement. "Oh god, I don't want to end up like Eddie don't let him kill me Felix oh god don't let him –"

"He won't," Felix said sternly.

I realized that he was holding me by the shoulders to keep me from moving.

"But how can you know that? You're not him, you don't-"

"I just know." He said irately and released his grip. "You should sleep."

I nodded jerkily but my feet wouldn't move. Felix raised his hand to take my arm and I jerked back, adrenaline flaring at the expectation of new pain. He dropped his hand.

"I'll walk you."

"O-okay."

I couldn't sleep on my back. Whenever I rolled over to stare at the ceiling the dull ache in my skull flared into a sharp pain. There was probably blood matted in my hair from the impact against the tree but I was too afraid to raise my hand to find out. I made a sound somewhere between a whine and a cry. I couldn't sleep on my side or stomach either because of the purplish bruising spreading over my throat. Every time I moved the aching pain would return and there wasn't even anything to distract me from it.

I hated Pan. I hated this island.

What gave him the right to treat me like a dumb animal? As far as he was concerned I only had one impulse – sex. Did he seriously think that I would come back to him after all this? Was he really that full of himself?

Or maybe he just thinks I'm that stupid. Though I guess that's a good thing.

The lower his opinion of my intellect, the less suspicious he would be of my plans to get out.

I shifted unconsciously and winced, stopping my hand inches away from my head. Touching it would only make it worse. I wondered how many people heard my little meltdown. Probably a lot. But did Pan?

As if it matters – he'll find out anyway.

I doubted Felix would be the one to tell him, but even if no one approached Pan directly he would still catch wisps of conversation. I wondered if I'd be able to show my face in public tomorrow at all. I didn't know if I wanted to. As long as I stayed in my tent, I had at least some sort of buffer against Pan and the boys. But if I was out there…

Felix did say that he would help me but I wasn't sure how successful he would be against Pan himself. I frowned. Maybe I could use Felix's knowledge of my breakdown as extra leverage… My dignity was long gone, so it wasn't like I had that much more to lose. If I played it up a notch in front of Felix, if I didn't let him know that I'd calmed down in the past two hours, then maybe he would listen to my begging and at least point me in the direction of the WT. He said he knew those of them with access to magic, didn't he? I played out the scenario in my head.

Oh, who was I kidding? I wouldn't need to play up my fear at all. At this rate I might have to actually downplay it to convince him that I was emotionally stable enough to hold negotiations.

I didn't know how much of this was me convincing myself that I was fine.

My head still hurt in the morning. I almost wished that there was alcohol on Neverland because then I could at least try to convince the Lost Boys that I drank too much last night and that's what had caused my hysteria.

Must have been some drinking binge to set off something like that…

I carefully raised my hand to my neck, afraid to test the pain levels there. How was I supposed to hide these bruises? If they were on the side of my neck I could use my hair, but no, they were right on my throat and probably blatantly visible against my white skin. Wincing at my deep breath, I pressed my fingers lightly against my throat only to tear them away with a cry of pain.

No, I would definitely stay inside today. I didn't want the Lost Boys to see. I didn't want Ben to see. I wasn't particularly fond of the idea of Pan noticing his handiwork either, but he probably already knew about the almost finger-painted bruising on my neck. For all of his talk about having his shadow do the dirty work, Pan really liked painting wounds with his own hands. He was a real artist when it came to fear.

My stomach growled and I looked down bitterly, knowing that I would most likely spend today without food. The only way I'd be able to move around camp was if I had something to hide my bruises, but finding that something required me leaving my tent in the first place. The Lost Boys knew about my crying, but they didn't know why it had happened. I intended to keep it that way.

I slumped back onto my side and wrestled my cord off of my wrist to tie another knot. I ran my fingers over it absentmindedly, emotionally exhausted from this rollercoaster of a month. What I wouldn't give to be home and worrying about exams and essays, maybe a boyfriend.

A proper boyfriend.

I snorted. That comparison required Pan to be an improper boyfriend, which was so not the case.

Well he's definitely possessive enough for a twisted version of the title, maybe one out of some horror movie or something.

A horror movie was probably as accurate as any analogy of my situation was going to get.

'When a poor defenseless college girl found herself stranded on a sinister island, she never expected for the dark and alluring Pan to take an interest in her. Can she bring herself to love this monster before it's too late or will the two destroy each other in their passion?'

That sounded more like a terrible 80s paperback if I was being honest with myself. At least now my appetite was completely gone. I grimaced at the sour taste in my mouth. I had never felt the genuine impulse to inflict real physical pain upon anyone but right now I really wished I could smash my fist into Pan's nose and watch as the blood filled his mouth. That may land me with a broken wrist but at least I had one more to knock some of his teeth out. I imagined kicking him as he curled up in pain, bloody and pleading. A sick satisfaction filled my bones. Imaginary Pan cried out in agony as his ribs cracked. He didn't like pain so much now. Not when he was begging so pathetically for me to stop, whimpering and –

"Starving yourself isn't going to get you anywhere."

I jolted, torn out of my dark imaginings. "Felix?!"

"I have something for you to cover your neck," he said, voice never shifting away from his usual smooth monotone. We could have been talking about the weather for all his tone betrayed.

"Um."

I shook my head, disgusted with myself for what I had been thinking about. I couldn't let myself sink to Pan's level, no matter how satisfying it promised to be. When I opened the flaps of my tent, Felix tossed a scrap of material into my lap. It was soft and light, with a faded design running along the side. I was surprised the Lost Boys even had material of such high quality, old as it was. Was this Pan's from a long time ago?

"Thanks," I said, still surprised that Felix was bothering to do this for me. "It's supposed to be a scarf, right?"

He didn't answer. "How is your neck?"

I tied the scarf carefully and pulled it down so that it covered everything from below my chin to my collarbone. "Better but worse. It hurts a lot when I touch it. And I do mean a lot."

I crawled outside and stood up nervously, looking around to see if any Lost Boys were pointing and whispering about me. Several of them were. I wrapped my arms around myself.

"Is it okay if I shadow you today?" I asked Felix.

"I already answered that question."

Well he might not be a care bear, but given the context of Neverland this was pretty damn close. He led me to the campfire. I belatedly realized that I had a plan to carry out.

"Felix?"

He cast me a curious glance. I fiddled with my newly acquired breakfast and followed him to an empty part of camp. I didn't know what would be worse – acting scared or being honest.

"I'm scared of him, Felix."

He didn't miss a beat. "You should be."

I couldn't believe I ever thought there was a chance that he would be comforting. How was I supposed to show the cracks in my mind without coming apart completely? I hoped I was strong enough.

"I don't – I don't know if I can do this." I let my voice waver slightly. Just slightly. No need to repeat yesterday's dramatic episode that I hated myself for - the ultimate display of weakness.

Felix cast me a careful glance as though suspecting what I was doing. "Yesterday made that quite obvious."

Fuck you.

Anger smashed my plan before it could even get off the ground. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He remained unfazed. "Helping you."

"Helping me?! So what, you're Mr. Nicey-Nice one minute and then some unfeeling bastard the next?" I glared at him, not in control of my emotions enough to stop myself from alienating the one useful ally I had.

"Pan didn't lie when he said he would tie you up if you tried to leave." His next words were almost a command. "Don't think you can outsmart him, princess. You can't."

I deflated. So Felix knew I was trying to get out, then.

"You still didn't have to be such a dick just now," I muttered.

"I had to stop you before you got ahead of yourself."

I picked at my food tiredly. "That's why people have the word 'no,' Felix. Also the phrase 'I know what you're doing and it's not going to work.'"

"I never claimed to be an expert on emotions," he said nonchalantly. "Why do you think I'm second in command with a leader like Pan?"

Because you're the only one who can manipulate him?

"Thank you," I said eventually. "For what you're doing."

"Trying to do."

Sunshine always knew how to be encouraging.

I picked at the last of my breakfast. "You're still trying though. I don't know why you are, but you have no idea how grateful I am for it."

He frowned at me and I wondered if he was allergic to sentimentality.

"Let's make one thing clear," Felix said, voice suddenly firm again. "I won't disobey Pan to protect you. At all."

That was a dose of cold hard reality if I ever heard one. I never really expected any different from him though.

"I know. And I'm not asking you to."

"So we have an understating," he drawled. "Come on."

I sighed and followed him. Anything was better than nothing.

I didn't know what Felix told Ben to keep him from talking to me. I didn't want to risk him coming too close and somehow finding out about my bruises, just in case. He would never go against Pan but I really didn't want to have to deal with anyone else. Either way, the younger boy had kept his distance from me since this morning. I didn't see Pan either, but instead of calming me down, that only made me paranoid. I knew I'd have to talk to him eventually.

Or let him talk atme, most likely. It'll probably be something about how he's better than me and I should be happy that he's even remotely interested.

I wished he wasn't. I was all for attractive guys shoving me against trees but if pain and terror is what I had to pay with then I would much rather sit on the sidelines. I caught myself with my hand raised halfway to my neck and brought it down to fiddle with my sleeve. Felix shot me a glance. I shook my head. He went back to sharpening… whatever it was that he was sharpening.

My curiosity finally got the better of me. "So what did you tell Ben? He keeps shooting me these weird looks."

"You wanted a change of routine."

Right.

"You didn't imply that I had any reason to be upset with him, did you?"

"And make sure you had one less person to trust?"

"Right, sorry. You're the politics master extraordinaire." I frowned and tugged on my cord. "What do the rest of the boys know about, you know. Yesterday?"

Felix shrugged. "Pan is powerful."

I finished the thought for him. "And I'm not."

"They come to their own conclusions."

I felt sick. "That works as a better explanation of why Ben keeps looking at me like that, to be honest."

Felix didn't respond. I watched as the Arrow Trio settled under their usual tree and began passing around knives and arrow shafts. Ben stood on the opposite side of camp talking to another Lost Boy. Pan was walking towards the campfire, saying something to –

Pan?!

"Felix," I poked him frantically. "Code red, dude. Two o'clock."

He opened his mouth to ask what the hell I was talking about when I pointed at the campfire. His eyes landed on Pan and he immediately stood up. I was ready to bolt. We had barely taken two steps away when Pan's voice stopped us in our tracks.

"Felix! Get over here."

I paled, really not wanting to know why Pan was pulling my new guardian away from me.

"Ohhh god." I sighed shakily and edged slowly to my tent, keeping my eyes on Pan and trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

My feet froze to the ground when his eyes locked with mine.

Oh fuck. Oh god.

His eyes dropped to my scarf curiously and he raised an eyebrow. I really wished I could run. He said something to Felix, who nodded and left in the opposite direction.

How fucking convenient.

I stayed still as Pan approached me, feeling like I was waiting in line at the gallows. Ten more steps and it would be my turn. The closer he got, the more I realized that I wasn't ready to face him. I couldn't even force myself to meet his eyes.

Pan stopped in front of me and tilted his head. "It seems you've taken a sudden liking to my second in command, Peters."

I couldn't decipher the tone of his voice. Was he still mad? There was that last name again. I knew I lost our fight yesterday- he didn't need to rub it in. I wrapped my arms around myself to try and ease my fear, not caring that Pan saw. He already knew how much he could scare me if he wanted to, what difference did admitting that make now?

"Have you, then?" He narrowed his eyes, apparently taking my silence as an admission of guilt, before shaking his head and almost laughing. "Not that it matters. Felix may not be many things, but he is obedient."

Wait, what?

Did Pan really pay so little attention to what I did to think that Felix and I had some sort of thing together? Sunshine?

I must have looked really repulsed because Pan raised an eyebrow. "No inclination towards my second in command?"

I jerked my head in a slightly disgusted 'no,' wondering if I should start worrying about Felix. The very idea of us together was so absurd that I almost forgot how thin the ice beneath me was. Almost.

Pan grinned, softening his voice in a pleased and teasing manner. "It's just me, then."

He reached forward to tug on my hair and I flinched away from him. It was a gesture that I was more than accustomed to but the memory of last night still hung in my mind like a noose. Nothing he ever did was safe for me. His hand hovered inches from the waves of my hair when I reacted and his eyes dropped to my scarf. Pan's hand followed his gaze, fingers brushing lightly against the material. Fear crept like frost up my back. I stayed as still as possible, praying he wouldn't want to finish what he started.

"Take it off," he murmured.

His words took several seconds to register.

What? No!

Pan's eyes hardened, voice sounding so much like a command that I flinched again. "Take it off."

I reached up to the back of my neck, fingers slipping against the knot in the scarf. Why did my hands have to shake? Every second that I wasted was another second that Pan's irritation could increase. After irritation came anger, and after anger… I bit down on my lip to draw my attention away from my thoughts, hating the way my eyes were starting to water again. Localized pain was better than outright panic, especially in front of him. The knot finally came undone and I pulled the soft material away from my neck, wrapping it around my hand fretfully. I was almost too scared to look up and watch Pan's reaction.

Something in his eyes sparked as he took in the bruises. His hand still hovered close to my neck and he extended two fingers to carefully press them against the purpled skin. I whimpered in pain. The corner of his mouth quirked upwards and he caught my eyes, his own glowing with fascination. I was too afraid to plead, 'don't.'

"Aw," he pulled his hand away and pouted. "Did I scare my little Lost Girl?"

I didn't move, terrified that anything I did would set him off again. My tears threatened to brim over and I bit my tongue, looking down at the ground so Pan wouldn't see my eyes. He watched me as I tried not to cry, helpless and horribly aware of the blossoming bruises on my neck.

He frowned slightly as I turned away from him. "It seems I have."

He raised his hand to my exposed neck again and I jerked back, but Pan quickly caught my wrist to stop me from escaping him. I whimpered, my mind rising steadily towards hysteria as he lifted his hand again, slowly this time. He covered the bruises with his palm, his poisonously gentle touch full of false warmth. I stood stock still, waiting for him to close his hand over my throat. Pan released my neck but kept his hand up, stroking my bruises lightly.

I didn't feel any pain. Why didn't I feel any pain?

Did he cast a numbing spell? No, I frowned. I could still feel the soft caress of his fingertips.

"All better now," he murmured.

Better?

I stared at him in terrified confusion, still unable to make my mouth form words.

The corner of his lips twitched upwards. "I guess you could say I have a healing touch."

He- did he-

"What?" I didn't know my voice could sound this small.

"I must admit I overestimated you," he said. "Most people here aren't quite so fragile."

I didn't know if he was talking about my body or my emotions, and that only made me feel worse. His fingertips slid up to my chin and he tilted it upwards, leaning in to press his lips to mine in a soft kiss. I supposed it was meant to be soothing, but I didn't feel anything as he tried to coax a response from me. Maybe I was too afraid, or maybe Pan just didn't know what real emotions were. It made no difference to me anyway.

He pulled away with a frown. "You still won't touch me." There was a hint of a hard edge to his voice.

No, I wouldn't. I didn't know if I could even bring myself to look at him anymore. Did he think that just because he healed his own handiwork that I would no longer be so disgusted by him?

He still held my chin and tried to decipher what I was thinking, but the sharpest sting of my fear had settled into a sour apathy. Pan had terrified me into complacency and all that was left for me was to let him take what he wanted and try to find some sort of peace when he left me alone. I was too afraid of the potential harshness of his touch to even think about anything gentle.

"I suppose I'll have to give you some space, then," he said with a sigh.

I frowned as Pan let go of me and took a step back, immediately suspicious of him. What the fuck did he think he was doing? I wasn't putting up a fight – he could easily take what he wanted and even find the means to justify himself. Why the acting? Why did he suddenly need me to think that he was being all gallant about this?

"Felix knows where to find me if you… well. If you come around."

Ah, there was that self-satisfied grin I was expecting. Pan left and I stared at his back, wondering what the hell he was playing at. I wrapped my arms around myself and wished he didn't make me feel so small and defenseless. I didn't even have anyone to turn to if I wanted support, not really – not that I even should. I could deal with this on my own. I could show everyone that I wasn't weak.

I needed to hold on to this morning's anger. Pan may be able to control me through fear, but not if I was angry enough at him to overpower the memories of – of that night. I didn't have to act strong; I just had to feel like it. Pan could think what he wanted of me – I just needed to survive. Anger was a rebellious emotion; fear was an obedient one. He could make me follow his orders, but he would never have my mind. The amount of anger I was thinking about was dangerous to keep bottled up, I knew – but what was the alternative? The answer to that was obvious: there was no alternative.

One day down, many more to go. Forcing anger was harder than I anticipated – not because I didn't hate Pan; rather because he scared the fight out of me. If even petty resistance landed me with this mess then what would anger do? I shook my head. I had to stop thinking like that. Anger was the only measure of independence I had and I would not waste my time thinking about when that would be gone, too.

"Hey, um. Are you alright?"

"Huh?" I turned around in surprise and found myself face to face with Ben. "Yeah, as much as I can be around here. Why?"

He looked slightly upset. "Felix said you were too busy to talk to me yesterday. I didn't do anything, did I?"

I stared at him. "What? No! Why would you think that?"

Ben looked slightly embarrassed. "Well you didn't say anything about shadowing him for a day, so I thought maybe I upset you or something."

"Christ, Ben, no."

Hang on. Didn't he hear me crying two nights ago? This was going to be uncomfortable.

"You know that scarf I had the other day?"

"What about it?"

"Do you know why I had it?"

He frowned. "Should I?"

Okay, next step.

"Did you hear anything the other night? After dark, maybe?"

Ben seemed to think about this. "No, I don't think so." Suddenly his eyes went wide and he stared at my neck as if searching for something, his face turning beet red. "You and Pan."

Yeah, the two of us have a problem. Wait, why's he blushing?

"Yeah we had a bit of an… issue." I couldn't plan for weakness, I reminded myself again. I needed to focus on the anger. "Why are you blushing?"

"You two did – oh man. That's why you were asking – I did not just need to imagine that."

Imagine what? What is he –

Embarrassment stained my face with red as I realized why Ben was so uncomfortable.

"No!" I yelped immediately. "No, we didn't! That's not why I was asking! Oh my god, Ben. Get your mind out of the gutter!"

Oh my god. He thinks that we – that Pan and I – oh Jesus Christ.

He stared at me in disbelief. "But you're blushing."

I would have been offended by his assumptions had the situation not been so bizarrely laughable.

"We didn't do 'bedroom things', Ben. I promise."

"…If you say so." He still looked like he didn't believe me. "And are ya really going to keep teasing me about that?"

I ignored him, the cheerfulness of the moment passing over me like a cloud in front of the sun. "He did something else, Ben."

"What?" His eyes fell to my neck again. "I can't see anything."

"It isn't important," I muttered. "But he scared me and – and I cried that night. A lot. I was just wondering if you heard."

Ben's eyes were wide as he repeated himself. "What?"

One white lie wouldn't hurt. "I stayed with Felix yesterday because he's the only one who'd never ask if I was okay, no matter how shitty I look."

"Oh." He frowned. "Don't girls like feelings?"

I resisted rolling my eyes. He's such a child.

"Not when they're trying to ignore them, Ben."

"I won't ask anything. Promise."

I gave him a small smile. "I'll let you know when that ban is lifted."

He shook his head. "Girls are complicated."

"Not girls, Ben. Pan. Actually, no – he is a girl." In the stereotypically sexist sense of the word.

Ben snorted. "Don't let him hear you say that."

"What's he gonna do," I muttered. "Kill me?"

I looked at Ben. He wasn't laughing.

Sorry if I made you sad on a Saturday. (Also Felix is now Sunshine the Care Bear, apparently)

Opinons? Grievances? Come talk to me in the review box! ^.^