Insert usual disclaimer here. I'm only doing this for fun – that's enough of a reward.
NAME: Giselle and Scarlet
LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Rooms number 3 and 4 of Madame Michelle's Pirate Leisure Centre on the lovely holiday island Tortuga.
FAVORITE PASTIME: Playing backgammon and slapping Jack Sparrow. The latter is even more fun than the former, especially since he's always deserved it!
FAVORITE BOOK: "One Hand Slapping" by Elizabeth I of England. (1)
THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD IS: Seeing that little Turner whelp's face when we told him to say Hello to Jack from us…
THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD IS: Discovering that make-up looks far better on a certain pirate than it does on yourself! That's really depressing…
FAVORITE SMELLS: That new pirate aftershave everybody has these days – "Marooned" by Alexander Selkirk. (2)
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING: If you slap a pirate in the woods, and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
FAVORITE FOODS: "Turtle Nuggets" with sweet-sour sauce from the sail-in down in the harbour.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: Whatever that is, we don't do that! You pervert! (slap!)
STORMS, COOL OR SCARY: Cool, because that's the best time to go out and scare old Gibbs, the superstitious sailor poster boy.
FAVORITE DRINK: The lovely rum cocktail they serve down at the bar – rum with a dash of rum and some rum for the taste. And a funny little paper umbrella with a Jolly Roger printed on it.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE: For – ahem – obvious reasons it would be great if all the sailors in the world had more money and more shore leave!
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: An additional arm so we can slap both sides of Jack's face at once would be nice!
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: Not really in love, but we both have a soft spot for dear Blackbeard. We LOVE wild-eyed, barking-mad men who braid smoldering slow-match into their beards…very sexy!
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: If Jack Sparrow buys us a drink, it had better be more than just half full, or there'll be trouble!
WHAT'S IN YOUR ANXIETY CLOSET: Finding out that Jack Sparrow has stolen not only our make-up, but our parasols as well!
WHAT'S YOUR LOFTIEST DREAM: Slapping Cutler Beckett repeatedly! Unfortunately, there's a long queue of people in front of his door already…it's a good thing Giselle brought two chairs!
WHAT'S YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE: Jack Sparrow and all the others following Bartholomew Roberts' example and becoming strict teetotallers – especially now that Madame Michelle has just invested a lot of money in a new roof! Stupid hurricane season...
WHAT DO YOU WISH PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT YOU THAT YOU FEEL THEY DON'T: We never slap people unless they've really deserved it!
(1) Queen Elizabeth I was known, among other things, for having a really short fuse with courtiers who annoyed her, and slapping them or throwing shoes at them…
(2) Alexander Selkirk's story became the inspiration for "Robinson Crusoe". I can't post any links here, but Wikipedia has a good article about him.