Spoilers for the IDW miniseries Spike. Not that big a deal if you haven't read it.

Also many for Season 8. If you haven't read it, Angel and Buffy hook up once, with disastrous consequences for the world (again). Spike shows up after to save the day. Poor, poor Spuffy. And my personal opinion is that I never want to see Spuffy occur in comic cannon, because it can only mean that Joss has something horrible planned for them...

I also firmly believe that Spike never went after Buffy when he got his body back (on Angel) because JM signed on to be on Angel, and it would be hard for him to be on Angel if Spike were off chasing Buffy. That's it, end of story. Therefore Spike had to (in my opinion) act completely OOC... but we have to spin it somehow.

Disclaimer: I'm so glad Joss imagined Buffy and company, so that they could monopolize my own imagination.

Chapter 14

I let my head drop to the ground. Obviously I was either dead or hallucinating, because Spike never talked, other than to say 'Buffy'. I ruled out dead, deciding my body hurt way too much for death to be an option. Hallucinating, then. One too many blows to the head, or maybe the lack of oxygen while I was being crushed caused brain damage.

"Spike! Come back! Spike!" I heard yelling, footsteps pounding closer. It sounded like my son. My eyes snapped back open.

"Over here," Spike growled, and then Billy came skidding around the corner, screeching to a halt in front of Spike with a flabbergasted expression.

Maybe I wasn't hallucinating after all. Billy obviously hadn't expected Spike to talk, either. It was too much to understand. I whimpered in pain.

"Mom!" Billy gasped, bending down to look at me. He turned to Spike, accepting the impossible with the resilience of youth. "Is she going to be alright?"

Spike bent down, scooped me up gently. "Let's just get her home," he replied. I marveled at the sound of his voice, the feel of his arms holding me as he strode confidently forward.

"Spike's back," I whispered, and let myself pass out.

I must have stayed out of it the whole way home, because I was in my bed when I woke up. I kept my eyes closed, and let the sound of Spike's voice wash over me.

"So you're Annie, then," he said.

"I am," I heard her reply. "It's nice to meet the real you, Spike".

"Don' rightly know what that means, but thanks, sweetheart. An' I'm definitely pleased to meet a pretty little snack size like you" Spike said with mock fierceness.

My eyes popped open and focused on the scene. Billy was smiling quietly in the corner. Annie wasn't afraid, just giggling and blushing at the compliment, while she shook Spike's hand.

She saw my open eyes. "Mommy!" she yelped. "Are you ok?" She bounded onto the bed.

I groaned. "Easy, baby. Mommy's good, just sore. Haven't had a proper fight like that in years".

Spike focused intensely on me, the muscle in his jaw twitching. "What were you thinking, Slayer?" he growled at me.

'Slayer', was it? Obviously no joyful reunion in the works for us.

"Just working off some steam before bed, ridding the world of nasty demons". I glared at him.

Spike's eyes never left mine. "We're gonna continue catchin' up, Annie, but right now I want to talk to your mommy, ok, sweetheart?" he said, deceptively kindly. He turned briefly to Billy, and his whole face softened. "You too, son," he continued, his voice lingering lovingly over the word 'son'.

They slipped out, and then it was just us. "What was that about, Buffy? You got a death wish?" I glowered and looked away.

He squeezed my shoulders, and I winced, but didn't reply, and he lost his patience. "You would have died!" he roared. "If I hadn't been there..." he broke off, and pulled me to him, burying his face in my neck.

Tears slipped down my face. "It was a bad day. Nothing more". My hand hovered over his head, hesitating to stroke it. I suddenly felt unbearably shy, as if we were meeting for the first time after years apart. In a sense we were.

"It's over. I'll heal," I reminded him. He pulled back and looked at me, searching my face. I smiled awkwardly. "So, um... here you are, talking and everything".

"Guess so".

"Are you... all normal then? No after-effects? Do you even remember the last 16 years?"

Spike gasped. "Sixteen years?" he stuttered.

"And a half," I added.

"Bloody hell, Buffy. I suppose I should have realized, with Billy being so big'n all, but...". He looked at me closely. "You don't look that much older".

I shrugged. "Slayer perk. Apparently eternal youth is part of the lethal package. Better than the shock you would have gotten if I was all wrinkly".

"Pet, you'll always be beautiful to me, even if you're a walking raisin".

I waved away his compliment in embarrassment. "Bit more interested in you, at the moment. What was it like?"

It was his turn to shrug. "Blurry. When I saw you in that demon's grip, everything suddenly snapped into focus. I knew who I was, who you were, and somehow I knew I'd followed you because I needed to protect you... But I had no idea how I got there. No recollection of the past... sixteen an' a half years. Last thing I remember before that is Simone attacking".

"It must have been a surprise".

"Understatement there, luv. But somehow I still knew things. Knew I'd been away from you for a long time. Knew I should be with you n'the children. I don' remember details, though. It's just there". He looked around. "Know my way around this house without askin', but I don' know why".

He peered at me, suddenly confused. "Buffy, where's Dowling? Don' know why, but I feel like he oughtter be here an' he's missin'. You're married to him, aren't you? Annie looks jus' like him".

My breath hitched. "That's a big part of the bad day," I said, not able to tell him. I was suddenly too exhausted to stay awake. "Can we do this later, Spike? I'm going to pass out here".

Spike nodded, concerned. "Yeah pet, you get some kip, get fixed up. Story'll still be the same tomorrow".

I smiled gratefully at him. "I'm sure Billy's dying to talk to you," I told him. "He's been waiting for sixteen years to do it". He nodded again, and left, closing my door softly behind him.

When I woke up, it was early morning. I was still sore, but vastly improved. Slayer healing was a wonderful thing. I crept through the house, found Billy and Annie asleep in their beds, but no sign of Spike. I stood at the foot of the stairs, perplexed. Surely he hadn't left?

Suddenly I remembered the apartment. Spike hadn't been down there in weeks, and I'd forgotten about it. Sure enough, I found him there, passed out on his bed. I pulled the blanket over him, and sat down, watching him sleep.

I still couldn't believe he'd finally recovered. I abruptly worried it was too good to be true, that he'd be lost again when he woke. I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him hard, calling his name.

His eyes flew open. "What, luv?" he asked, sitting up rapidly. "What's wrong?"

I let go of the breath I didn't know I'd been holding, and a grin split my face. "Just checking," I said.

"Bloody hell woman, gave me a heart attack, you did".

"Your heart doesn't beat, Spike," I pointed out.

He rubbed his chest. "I think it might now".

I leaned into him, rested my head on his chest, and listened. "Sorry, still unbeating".

His arms went around me. "Billy told me 'bout Bob," he said. "I'm sorry, luv. Bob was a good man".

"He was," I sniffled. "A good husband". I twisted the ring on my finger.

"Now see, I was right, wasn' I? Told you he'd be good for you". I could hear the satisfied smirk in his voice.

"This is a very wiggy conversation to be having with you," I said, flustered. "I feel like I should apologize to you for being married. For giving up on you".

"Shhh, Buffy, no. Life goes on. S'what I would've wanted for you".

My fingers traced patterns on his chest. "I've missed you so much Spike. You don't know how much. I'm just so... you're really here!"

"I am, pet".

I remembered I'd woken him from a sound sleep. "I'll let you go back to sleeping. Sorry I woke you," I said, getting up to leave.

He grabbed my hand and wouldn't let me leave. "Feel like I've been sleepin' for years. Stay a bit".

I settled back down on the bed. "Do you want me to catch you up to speed?"

"Billy's filled me in on most of the past. What he knows an' remembers, at least".

"He's definitely your son," I blurted out.

His face glowed. "S'like lookin' in a bloody mirror, innit? Sprog said he's a bit stronger and faster n'normal too".

"He is. He and Connor have gotten pretty close. Birds of a feather I guess. Connor's been by a lot. I guess you don't remember him visiting you?" Spike shook his head. "You've had a lot of visitors. You're a pretty popular guy. Lotta people are going to be happy to see you".

He looked down, self-conscious. "Go on then, Slayer. Don't tease a fellow".

I shook my head, laughing. I grabbed his chin, lifted it up, and gave him a kiss. "Definitely missed you".

Spike gazed at me with longing, but to my surprise, didn't return my kiss. "Buff, I was thinkin' 'bout us last night, an' I was wonderin' what you expect to happen now".

"I don't know," I said uneasily. "I haven't really thought much beyond 'Spike's better!' to be honest".

His face was serious. "I'm goin' say something that I don't think you're goin' to like, and I want you to promise not to punch me in the nose, alright?"

"If I'm not going to like it, I don't think I can promise that," I sulked. "What is it?"

"For me, t'was only yesterday we were living together on my ship, waiting for our baby to be born. But for you, s'been years. Lots has happened, mos' importantly, your hubby just died. All I want is to pick up where we left off, but m'pretty sure s'not a good idea right now".

He took in my stricken face. "You need to grieve, luv. You need to grieve, an' get your feelings all straightened out before I step in and muck 'em up". Spike took a deep breath, eyed me warily, and grabbed both my hands in his. "Tha's why I think I should leave for a little while". He tightened his grip on my hands so I couldn't punch him.

I head butted him instead.

"Bloody hell! You're a soddin' menace," he snarled, cradling his nose.

I shrugged. "Not my fault you're awake for less than a day and you're already pissing me off beyond belief." I felt bad about his nose, but I wasn't about to let him know. "So, another Angel speech? You have to leave me for my own good?"

"Wish you'd quit comparing me to that wanker," he grumbled.

"Then quit acting like him. I really wanna know, do you call him up, ask him for advice on how to give 'let's leave Buffy' speeches? Because you're both really good at it". After a beat, I added, "Although in this case, you might possibly be a little bit right".

Spike looked at me incredulously.

"I've waited for this day for so long, Spike. But like usual, we have really bad timing". I moved away, to distance myself from him, even though I didn't want to.

"Right now, I do need to grieve for Bob. I really loved him," I admit, "and I think I would feel all kinds of guilty if I suddenly started being with you so soon after his death. You don't know how long it took before I stopped feeling like I was betraying you every time Bob and I made lo-"

Spike cut me off. "Don' think I wanna hear 'bout that part," he scowled.

I snickered, remembering Spike's reaction to our noisy lovemaking not so long ago. "No, I guess you wouldn't". He scowled more, but didn't comment.

"Anyhow, thanks for being brave enough to suggest it. I want to do this right".

"Don' really want to leave, but... Seems right".

"Where will you go?" I asked.

"Think I'll go look up these friends you say missed me. Give 'em a bit of a surprise". He got an evil glint in his eyes. "An' I've got years of insulting Angel 've missed out on. 'Spect Captain Forehead will be thrilled to see me".

Before leaving for his 'grand tour' as he called it, Spike wanted to spend some time bonding with Billy and Annie.

He took to Annie in the same way he'd taken to Dawn as a child. She, for her part, told him she was glad he was better, but she missed his sniffy hugs. Spike cocked an eyebrow, and we demonstrated for him.

His eyes widened, and he turned to me panicked. "An' I did that with everybody? Nuzzled their necks like a bloody poofter?"

"Oh, yes," I told him, trying desperately to keep a straight face. "Xander, Dawn, Andrew... and especially Angel! You'd curl up like that with him for hours!" He was so distraught at the thought that I couldn't take it anymore and burst out laughing hysterically.

"You're an evil wench," he glowered.

"Just us," Annie assured him, giggling. "Me and Billy and Mom and Dad. And Auntie Dawn too. But Daddy didn't seem to like it as much".

"Little Bit s'ok, but Dowling?" he muttered to himself, shaking his head at the indignity of it.

When Dawn brought Xander and the kids over later, she ran to give Spike a hug, baring her neck to him in the way we'd all become accustomed to doing. He became so flustered he couldn't talk, and ended up stepping back quickly and patting her on the back with a stiff arm.

While Spike and Xander exchanged manly insults, I quietly whispered in her ear what was wrong. Dawn grabbed Spike's arm and pulled him into the other room, then returned minutes later with him following sheepishly behind.

"I explained to him how happy it made me to know I had a way to connect with him. How it made me feel like he was really in there, and he still knew me and loved me even if he couldn't say it," she whispered to me. "Especially since he'd only do it to me and your family. He got over himself then".

I looked at her in admiration. "One of these days I'll get used to you being so much wiser than me. I only teased him about it and made him feel worse".

"Eh, you've got other ways to make him feel good," she kidded.

I blushed, and eyed him appreciatively as he bent down to talk to Dawn's girls. "Someday, I hope, but not yet".

Dawn nodded understandingly and put her arm around me. "It's too soon, I know. You'll get there though. You guys have never had it easy, but, Buffy, it's really romantic".

"I don't like your kind of romantic," I groused, thinking of all the heartache we'd endured.

"No, it really is, because in the end, you always find each other".

I've been living on Spike's ship for over a month now, and except for some heated kisses, he has yet to touch me like I want him to. As I stroke my barely swelling belly, I tell him it's a bit late to protect my virtue. He counters that he doesn't want to hurt the sprog. Growing up in Victorian England has ingrained all kinds of outdated ideas about pregnant women in him.

"It's been too long since you've touched me, Spike," I complain. "Except for the one night neither of us can remember. Being this close to you all day, sleeping with you every night, it's driving me crazy". It feels weird to have to be the one begging him.

I channel my inner Anya. "Being pregnant gives a girl certain urges, you know. Since you're the one who did this to me in the first place, the least you can do is give me orgasms".

His eyes glaze over with lust. "I want to, pet. Believe me, I want to. I've waited so long, never thinking it would happen, never thinking I'd have the opportunity to show you how much I love you...".

I put my hands on my hips, suddenly furious. "Whose fault is that, Spike? Let's talk about that! After Sunnydale, I thought you were dead - I mourned for you! And then suddenly, I find out over a year later that you're not - and not only that, but you've been alive and prancing around LA for months without calling me? And all I want is you, but obviously you don't want me. Which is okay because I'm busy with this army of girls, but I miss you so desperately. And I have to wonder why you don't care enough to at least let me know you're alive". All my feelings about being abandoned by the one who I thought would never leave me come pouring out.

My voice rises steadily, cutting off any protests he tries to make. "After years of not seeing you, you just show up on some bug ship out of the blue! And I want is to tell you how happy I am to see you, except we're fighting for our lives, and you barely even spare me a glance. And then you almost burn up! Again! No idea if you're ok or dead, no idea if you've left or where you've gone, nobody knows, everything's gone to hell and I can't find you!" I'm screaming now, barely coherent.

"But, big surprise, suddenly you're back again, and still making it obvious that I don't mean anything to you any longer. Just showing up with the snarky, and leaving again, kissing girls right in front of me, and what was I supposed to think? It's like you were trying to torture me with how you didn't love me anymore, and oh God! You stupid, selfish...". I sink to the ground and break down sobbing, shoulders heaving.

Spike is thoroughly alarmed. "Hey, hey, Buffy, I...". He stops, unsure of what to say. He tries to hold me, but I flail at him and beat his chest with my fists, the pregnancy hormones leaving me screaming and crying uncontrollably. At least, that's what I'm blaming it on. Finally, he gets his arms around me and holds me tight, rocking and shushing me like a small child. Eventually I quiet, hiccupping and whimpering.

He tries again, speaking into my hair. "I never meant to hurt you. Didn' know you if still felt anything for me, didn' think you did," is all he can come up with.

I glare at him. "You didn't know? How could you? You never came around to find out! Prick! Why, Spike? Why didn't you tell me you were alive and in LA?"

"I wanted to, had my ticket, ready to head out and find you, but then... I got scared". He laughs mirthlessly. "I'll admit it, I was a coward. Didn' think you really loved me, figured you were well shut of me. The big poof kept telling me he was your one true love, and I couldn't very well deny it, could I? Didn't think I could take it if I went to you and you didn't want me after all. Was easier to stay in LA...".

I want to interrupt, but Spike goes on quickly. "And there was the Shanshu buggerboo. Thought I'd try out being noble for myself. Wanted to see what that poufter got out of it. Hadn't put much thought into being on the side of good just for the sake of it before. Figured I'd been brought back for a reason, thought that might be it... When you'd called me a champion, made me feel good, you know?"

His face twists sadly as he goes on, "Then we went to Rome and you were with that ponce, the Immortal, so I figured you'd moved on right quick enough, didn't need me". He shrugs apologetically.

"Lame!" I sputter, throwing my hands up. "Just - lame! If you'd asked me - at least told me you were alive - I could have told you how I felt. How I needed you. And you do know I was never in Rome, right? That it was a decoy?"

"Found out later, too late. Andrew put on a good show. Stupid wanker, I could have ripped his throat out when I found out. But by then I was bit busy in Vegas -"

"Which I only know about because you called Willow!" I interject.

"- and I'd heard the rumblings of something too big to ignore. Had to fight the good fight and all that".

Spike narrows his eyes at me, suddenly indignant. "I'll have you know, when I'd taken care of business with those Wolfram and Hart pillocks, I came to look you up, see where things stood, 'cause the little witch had made me think you might want me. Instead you're busy giving Angel a happy and destroying the world again!"

I gasp. No one ever says that name to me, or directly mentions what happened with him. No one.

Spike ignores my shock, goes on. He was never one to let me hide from the truth. "You got on my ship, I could smell him on you right through the demon stink. You were still bloody glowing, Buffy! So yeah, when the fight was done I left to mop up your mess. You had your one true love, figured I'd just be a third wheel, getting in the way. Not my idea of fun!"

I turn repentant in the face of his tirade. I still don't understand exactly what came over me that day, but thinking about it fills me with shame none-the-less. "Yeah, that was... bad timing. I can't deny... and Angel, he was my first love... there were... circumstances... what with the flying and the mojo the PTB put on us and all. Things got carried away..." I stutter.

"So Angel was right all along, he's your one true love," he says bitterly.

"That is so not what I said! First love. Not one true love". I'm angry again. "And anyhow, where had you been, huh? Gone! Two years and no word from you!

Youleft me without so much as a note to say 'hi, still alive, Buffy, thought you might want to know'. I so do not need more jealous vampire crap," I glower at him.

"M' just wonderin' if there's a reason for me to be jealous. Don' fancy always wonderin' if you might be running off with him someday," Spike counters with a sniff.

"I told you, that day with Angel was a mistake. Not even a mistake. Not real. Right now, I never even want to see Angel again".

I truly don't want to be fighting with Spike, so I try soothe his fears, make him understand how I feel about the other vampire. "I was in love with Angel when I was just a child, playing at a romantic schoolgirl fantasy. I'm all grown up now, and I'm not in love with Angel anymore. That thing with Twilight was... extenuating circumstances".

"Jus' a little more of a hello than the last time, then? Time before, you only kissed him hello. Figured he needed a bit more of a greeting this time?"

I blanch. "You're a pig, Spike". I'd storm off, probably forever after that comment, but the ship is miles off the ground. I settle for storming to another room.

I hear curses and things crashing behind me, and then he runs after me. "M'sorry," he begs. "I jus'... I love you so much, n' I can't ever believe you would actually choose me. It makes me into such an insecure wanker, 'specially 'bout Tall, Dark and Broody".

His face is so miserable, I forgive him. If nothing else, this fight proves how much time we've wasted over the years, wanting each other but screwing it up one way or another. I don't want to waste anymore, so I say hesitantly, "You must have been so hurt, thinking I wanted to be with Angel".

He pouts a little. "Damn right I was".

"Kinda like how I felt when I heard you were hanging out with Drusilla in Vegas?" I ask.

"You know about that?" he splutters, taken aback.

"When Will let slip she'd gone to help you in Vegas, I was devastated" I admit sheepishly. "It took a long time, but I managed to get some bits of the story from her".

I take his hand. "Think of it like this. You helped Drusilla because, despite the fact that she's a murdering lunatic, she was a big part of your life. Un-life, whatever. It doesn't mean you want to be with her though... I hope. Angel was a special part of my life, and I will always care about him - but my past. Yeah?"

"Yeah," he agrees.

I slap him on the chest. "Besides, I'm having

your baby, idiot".

"S'an accident".

"Best accident of my life," I tell him. "I really love you, Spike. I don't think you know how much".

"I hear you say it, but I keep waitin' for you to punch me after," he says. "Seems like things never go right for us, an'm waiting for it to all blow up in my face".

"It's never been easy with us, has it?" He shakes his head fervently. "But this time, nothing's going to happen. We're going to be a family together".

He laughs ecstatically.

"What?" I ask.

"We're a family. A real couple for once".

"And?"

"An' we jus' had our first real fight!"

It's true. Spike has been nothing but sweet to me ever since I moved in. Sweet Spike wigs me out to the point where I sometimes want to shake him and ask where the real Spike is. This is more like us, but still, him being this happy about us fighting is also wiggy.

"Why are you so happy about having a fight?" I ask, confused.

He curls his tongue and leers at me in that way that makes me want to rip all his clothes off. "Because now we get to make up". He kisses me and lays me down on the bed.

For a moment he looks concerned. "You really figure it's safe?"

"All the books even say it's good for me," I promise. Spike chuckles sultrily, and drinks me in with his bedroom eyes.

I glow with happiness as we make love, truly make love to each other for the first time. It has taken us years and so much heartache to get to this point. It hasn't been easy, but it was worth it.

From here on out, nothing can keep us apart.

A few days before Billy's seventeenth birthday, Spike materialized next to me as I was fighting a zompire.

"Slayer," he said casually.

"Spike," I returned just as nonchalantly, as if I'd expected him to show. I staked the zompire, turned to him. "You back then?"

"If you want me". His tone was deceptively light, despite the intense way his eyes focused on me.

"I'll always want you," I answered him, as carelessly as if we were discussing the weather. "I love you. You're my other half".

His only answer was a smile.

I slipped my hand into his, and together we walked home, as if we'd been doing it for years.