Caroline sat in Tony's lab on one of the counters. Her legs dangled over gently tapping the metal cabinet behind them. She was screwing something together, her brows furrowed in concentration. Tony glanced up from his work and looked down as her blue tennis shoes made contact with the metal again.
"You know that wasn't annoying for the first ten minutes, but now…" he said sarcastically.
Caroline followed his eye line to her feet and sighed, tucking her feet up underneath her so that she was sitting criss crossed.
"You've been unusually quiet today," Tony mumbled going back to his work.
In the past couple of months, Caroline had finally gone out on missions. It was a nice break from being at headquarters all the time and it made her feel useful, like she was actually part of the team. But now, Bucky was gone, and worse, Steve had taken Nat, Wanda, and Sam too. This was Steve's preferred team, which Caroline tried not to take personally. She was happy to go with Tony, Peter, Rhodey, and Clint. She enjoyed Bruce when he came along, but Vision still freaked her out. When Steve and his team were gone, Caroline spent most of her time in Tony's lab.
"I just miss them," Caroline shrugged.
"Them? All of them? Even Sam?" Tony asked.
"Yes," Caroline laughed, "Even Sam."
"Well that is beyond me," Tony said raising an eyebrow.
Caroline chuckled and went back to her work. She glanced at Tony a few times, then dropped the scrap pieces to her lap.
"Tony can I ask you something?" Caroline asked finally.
"You just did," he grunted.
"Tony for real," Caroline whined.
"Okay, okay, go ahead Caroline," Tony chuckled.
"Please don't take this personally," she warned, "Why does Steve always take Bucky and why do I always go with you?"
"And here I thought you liked my team," Tony sighed.
"Tony," Caroline started.
"I'm just joking Caroline," Tony said waving her down, "There are a few reasons. I mean really what it comes down to is who works best with who. You work really well with Peter and Clint and Barnes works really well with Nat and Sam. We also considered the fact that Barnes might not take direction from me well, not that you take direction from anyone very well," Tony finished narrowing his eyes at her.
"I take direction," Caroline said in protest.
"No, you don't. Actually, I'll take that back, you listen to Rhodey," he said with a shake of his head.
"What can I say, Rhodey has better ideas," she said shrugging her shoulders.
"I'm the leader! You know what…no, I'm not going to argue with you today," said Tony, "Your listening skills are just something we have to work on."
"I'm sorry what?" Caroline asked looking up from her work.
"I said we need to work…oh, funny, very funny, maybe I should call Rhodey down here," Tony said with a laugh.
"Is Rhodey even here?" Caroline asked.
"I dunno, he comes and goes," Tony said waving his hand, "How have you been sleeping?" Tony asked suddenly.
"I haven't been really," Caroline said, "I mean I sleep, and then I wake up, and then I can't go back to sleep."
"Barnes doesn't sleep when we're gone either," Tony nodded.
"I know, he told me," said Caroline.
"Caroline, you know he's in love with you?" Tony asked.
Caroline froze, staring at him wide eyed. She couldn't believe she was having this conversation with anyone let alone Tony.
"I know that, how did you know?" she asked.
"Everyone knows, even you apparently," he said looking up at her.
"Well yeah, we had a weird day out in the city that one time you were all gone. There was a thing with a waitress," Caroline rambled, "What do you mean everyone knows?"
"Did I say everyone?" Tony asked.
"Yes, you did," Caroline nodded.
"Well he isn't very inconspicuous, I mean you know," Tony shrugged, "I think the more important question, the one that's on everyone's mind, is are you in love with him?"
Caroline groaned and leaned back against the wall behind her. She closed her eyes and stayed silent for a long time.
"I don't know Tony," she said finally, "I don't know what that feels like. Neither did he," Caroline mumbled, "I guess that changed. I mean, I don't exactly have healthy relationships with people."
"Hey now, you have a healthy relationship with me, and uh…Steve," Tony replied quickly.
"I treat you like a stand in father, since I don't know if I'll ever talk to mine again. And Steve? How is that relationship healthy? My best friend who I was once falling in love with, until I was brainwashed to hate him, then I meet his best friend who falls in love with me and who I may or may not also have feelings for," she said rapidly.
"Okay, I'm honored," Tony said, Caroline rolled her eyes at him, "And yeah I guess that relationship is pretty fucked up."
"Thanks Tony," Caroline said sarcastically.
"You are welcome my child," Tony said with a nod.
"Boy if my actual dad didn't give me daddy issues, you sure will," said Caroline.
"First of all yikes," said Tony, "Second of all, maybe you should just talk to Barnes," he suggested.
The lights in Tony's workshop flickered rapidly as Caroline's heart rate spiked.
"I can't do that," she said panicked.
"Okay whoa, calm down," Tony said gently, "It was just a suggestion."
"I know," Caroline said taking a deep breath, "I know, I just can't. I can't lose him, and I feel like if we acknowledge his feelings or mine, then I will. And it's funny, because when we were giving advice to Peter, Bucky mentioned Peter losing M.J. , and I told him that wouldn't happen, but I can't stop thinking about it happening to us," she spewed out.
"Aha! So that's who Peter's been pining over," Tony exclaimed, " And I've never lost Pepper and I've done some pretty stupid things," Tony beamed.
Caroline narrowed her eyes at Tony.
"Okay, but I got her back and that is what's important," he said waving his wrench at her, "Now let me see what you've been working on," Tony said grabbing the scrap metal from Caroline's hands.
He turned it over, examining it carefully, then looked up at her.
"Caroline this is just a bunch of scrap that you've haphazardly thrown together," he laughed.
"Yep, that's exactly what it is," she nodded.
"How did you…did you weld this? When did you? We've been sitting here the whole time," he said examining it further.
"Tony," she said showing him her hands.
"Now, see, that could come in handy," Tony said shocked, "You have to tell me about these things Caroline."
Caroline raised her eyebrows and nodded. She wanted to avoid the conversation of things she could do that she hadn't disclosed to Tony. Sometimes, when Bucky would come back from missions, she would heal his cuts and bruises. It was easy to pass off as his accelerated healing. He tried more than once to get her to tell Steve and Tony, but she refused. She wasn't ready. She didn't trust herself fully.
There were footsteps coming from the stairs. Tony and Caroline both looked up to see who was coming down into Tony's lab. Steve descended into the lab, still in his uniform, looking tired and bruised, but otherwise unharmed.
"Steve!" Caroline exclaimed jumping off of Tony's counter.
He winced as she threw herself into him, still, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him.
"Hi Caroline," he smiled resting his cheek on her head, "Bucky is up in the med wing," he started.
Caroline pushed back from him and began sprinting up the stairs.
"He's okay!" Steve called.
"Well why didn't you lead with that?" Caroline said from the top of the stairs.
"Just a cracked rib or two," Steve shrugged.
"Steve Rogers," Caroline exclaimed exasperated.
"What? He's going to be fine!" Steve called as Caroline ran out of the lab.
Steve turned to a beaming Tony and shook his head.
"How was it?" Tony asked.
"Fine, we still can't find him," Steve sighed.
"Shit. How many Hydra bases do we have to turn over before we do?" Tony asked banging his wrench down on the counter.
"I mean, all of them. We can't risk him or his guys finding Caroline again and she's becoming more high profile," said Steve.
"Does Barnes have anymore information on him?" Tony asked.
"No," Steve said pushing back his hair.
"And you trust him, implicitly?" Tony asked delicately.
"Tony, yes. Believe me, he wants this to be over more than anyone, he wants just wants Caroline to be safe," said Steve.
"Well maybe we should bring her on, she might have information we can use," Tony suggested.
"Tony, we can't. She's doing so well, I don't want to worry her," Steve said firmly.
"Okay, Steve, it's your call," Tony nodded, "For the record though, I think it's a bad one," he added.
Caroline pushed through the doors of the med wing, she stormed past Bruce who was patching up Nat, to find Bucky lying on a bed with his eyes closed. His shirt was off, exposing his bruised abdomen. He had a deep cut on his left cheek and there was bruising around his right eye, but Caroline was not focused on that.
He smiled as she approached him, but still didn't open his eyes.
"What are you smiling at Barnes?" she asked grabbing a chair and pulling it up beside his bed.
"You, rushing over here to see me," he smirked.
"They must have you on the good pain meds, I did not rush over here," she lied rolling her eyes.
"Oh you rushed," he said looking at her.
"How did you even know it was me?" she asked.
"I heard you rushing," said Bucky, "Also, you smell nice. None of the people I've been with for the past two and a half weeks smell as nice as you."
"Oh Bucky, they really are giving you the good stuff," Caroline laughed.
She ran her hand through his hair and he closed his eyes against her hand. His breathing was shallow.
"How are you feeling?" she whispered.
"I've been better," he replied, then turned his head to face her, "It's nothing though, a few cracked ribs and a black eye. I'll be healed in three days, tops."
"Well, I can at least fix this," she said placing her hand against his cheek.
She moved her hand away and the cut on his cheek was gone. A small white scar was left in it's place.
"Thank you," he said taking her hand in his, "You want to try one of these ribs?" he asked.
"Bucky no, you know I don't," Caroline said shaking her head, "It's internal, I can't see what I'm doing, I could make it worse."
"I know, I know," Bucky nodded, "Although, you heal bruises all of the time and those are internal."
"Buck," Caroline started.
"No I know, I'm sorry, it just really hurts," Bucky groaned.
"Wow Bucky, I didn't realize you were such a baby," Caroline teased.
"Don't make me laugh Caroline," Bucky laughed wincing.
"Oh my god, you're so pitiful right now," she said gently as she pulled the curtain around them.
She climbed up on top of him, placing a leg on either side of him. She put her hand gingerly on his chest.
"This is not what I imagined this moment looking like," Bucky mumbled.
"What?" Caroline asked.
"What?" said Bucky.
"Um, okay," Caroline said.
"Remember the lightning?" Bucky asked.
"Of course I remember the lighting," she nodded.
"You just knew that it was coming, you sensed it, maybe you can use that," Bucky muttered.
"Yeah, okay that makes very little sense, but yeah," Caroline said apprehensively.
She ran her fingers across his abdomen and closed her eyes. He was right, her fingertips tingled leading her to the crack in the first rib. She sighed heavily.
"Hey, what's the worst that could happen?" Bucky smiled.
"I break it," Caroline replied shortly.
"And then it heals in a few days and I'm fine," Bucky said placing a hand a hand on her cheek, "It's going to be okay."
She nodded and closed her eyes again. Bucky's skin grew hot underneath her hand, she felt the bone mend. She opened her eyes and let out a relieved laugh.
"See?" Bucky said grinning, "I knew you could do it."
"That was terrifying," she said crumpling a bit.
"Careful," Bucky hissed, "There are still two more."
"Right," she nodded sitting up.
"You want to try again?" he asked.
"Not really," she sighed, "But I will."
She placed her hands on his stomach again and found the second cracked rib. She healed it with a bit more ease than the first one. The third was harder to find, when she did she found that this fracture was bigger than the other two. She was starting to mend the bone, when Bucky hissed. She jumped and there was a distinct cracking noise. Caroline hopped off of him in horror.
"Shit," Bucky groaned clutching his side, "You broke it," he croaked.
"Bucky, I'm so sorry," Caroline said, tears welling up in her eyes.
"No, it's okay, it's fine, it's not that big of a deal, come back," Bucky said reaching his hand out to her.
"Bruce!" Caroline called.
"Yeah what happened, what's wrong?" Bruce said coming in through the curtain,
"It's nothing, I'm fine, I just think one my ribs is maybe broken," Bucky said waving his hand nonchalant.
"I could have sworn they were just cracked," Bruce said pulling a screen over Bucky's abdomen, "Wow, yeah this one is very broken. The other two are fine though, that's odd."
"Great," Bucky sighed, "Where's Caroline."
"She left," said Bruce, "Look I'm going to give you more pain killers, the fractures healed very quickly. Now this is a break, so it's going to take longer, but I wouldn't be surprised if it healed within a day or two."
"Okay," Bucky nodded groggily, "Will you get Steve for me?"
The knock on her door didn't surprise Caroline, it also didn't cause her to get out of bed either. She sat up as Steve opened the door slowly.
"It was unlocked and you didn't yell at me to go away, so I figured it was okay to come in," he said with a small smile.
"Yeah, it's fine," Caroline said, wiping tears from her face.
"I was just with Bucky," he said sitting on her bed.
"Is he okay?" she asked softly.
"Yeah," Steve smiled, "Yeah he's great. He's got all those pain meds coursing through him. He keeps asking for you though."
"What did he tell you?" Caroline asked.
"Can I sit?" said Steve gesturing to the foot of her bed.
Caroline nodded and Steve took a seat. He smiled at her reassuringly.
"Bucky called me all the way up there just to ask me to bring you back. He said that he was afraid that you might have thought that you hurt him and that he needed you to come back," Steve explained.
"He doesn't need me," Caroline laughed bitterly, "He'll probably get the best sleep he's had in years tonight with all of those meds."
"Caroline, what happened? Why are you up here crying?" Steve asked, "You know he's going to be fine."
"I broke his damn rib," Caroline groaned.
"I was there Caroline, it definitely wasn't you," Steve chuckled.
"No, I know, I didn't…Steve," she sighed, "Give me this."
She grabbed his arm, there was a small fresh cut on his forearm. She placed a shaky hand on top of it, she was terrified to hurt him, but cuts like this were almost second nature to her at this point. When she pulled her hand away the cut was gone and Steve was staring at her wide-eyed.
"Caroline," he said breathlessly.
"Bucky knows, he's the only one who knows," Caroline mumbled.
"Why didn't you tell us? And what does this have to do with Bucky's broken rib?" he asked brushing his hair back.
"Bucky asked me to heal him and I tried. I healed two of his ribs, but the third one was really bad and I don't know what happened but it broke. I broke it. Which is exactly why I haven't told anyone. Healing small things is easy, but clearly I don't know what I'm doing beyond that. You and Tony would have pushed it, you would have wanted me to do things that I'm afraid I can't do. I could hurt someone, I did hurt someone," she shaking her head.
"Caroline I'm so sorry," Steve said reaching out and lifting her chin, "I'm sorry that you couldn't tell me, and I'm sorry that I let you believe that we would have used you."
"I'm right though, aren't I?" she asked.
Steve sighed and dropped his hand from her chin.
"You're right," he nodded solemnly, "We probably would have asked more of you than you were able to give."
"I don't want that Steve, I don't," she said tearfully, "If I could heal everyone who was on the brink of death I would, of course I would. But imagine if me trying to heal someone meant I didn't save them at all, but the opposite. I couldn't live with myself."
Steve wrapped her in his arms and pulled her into his lap. She cried into his chest as he gently stroked her hair.
"That's not going to happen," he said softly, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You don't even have to go on missions anymore if you don't want to."
Caroline pulled back and shook her head. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and looked up at Steve.
"No, Tony needs me," she said with a small smile, "Thank you Steve."
Steve laughed and nodded. Caroline's phone buzzed on her bedside table and she crawled out of Steve's lap to grab it. She sighed as a picture of a smiling Bucky popped up on her phone. She showed it to Steve, who chuckled.
"Where did you get that picture?" he asked as she slid to answer the call.
"Hi, Bucky, hold on I have to tell Steve a story," she said hitting the speaker button, "All I had were pictures of Bucky pouting, he would never smile when I asked him to. So I caught him off guard. We were sitting in my room and I was pretending to read him stupid jokes from the internet, when actually I had my camera on him. Finally one made him kind of laugh, except I think it was a pity laugh because he wanted me to stop, and he looked up at me and smiled and I caught it," she said proudly.
"Wrong," Bucky said over the phone, "You told me possibly the worst joke I'd heard in my life and immediately burst into a fit of laughter, I was laughing at you, not the joke."
"It's a good picture Buck," Steve laughed.
"It wasn't supposed to be seen by anyone," he grunted, "Caroline, will you please come back now?"
Steve raised his eyebrows at Caroline, trying to hide a grin. Caroline rolled her eyes at him and clicked Bucky off speaker, she put the phone up to her ear. Steve suddenly became very interested in a loose thread on Caroline's comforter.
"Bucky, you need to sleep," she said into the phone, "Yes you can, no you do not need me, I'm the reason you're there, yes I am, Bucky yes I am. Bucky you're not walking up here. No you cannot rip out your IV, that's dangerous. Bucky…Bucky, oh my god fine," she snapped hanging up the phone.
"Stubborn isn't he?" Steve asked.
"I have to go," she sighed.
"I figured, I'll walk you," Steve smiled.
The med wing was dark by the time Caroline and Steve arrived. It was late and everyone else was either in bed or watching a movie in the sitting room. Steve stopped at the door in front of Caroline.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Better, I'm glad you know," she nodded, "Just…don't tell Tony. Or anyone else."
"I won't," he said giving her shoulders a squeeze.
"Thank you," she said smiling.
"Goodnight Caroline," said Steve.
"Are you not coming in?" she asked.
"I don't think so, he's probably sick of me at this point," Steve laughed.
"Alright, goodnight Steve," Caroline said pushing the door open.
She walked down to where Bucky was lying, still shirtless, still bruised, his eyes still closed. She made her way to the chair by his bed, he smiled again hearing her re-enter the room.
"Hi Caroline," he said through his smile.
"Bucky, I'm so sorry," Caroline said dropping her head on his bed.
Bucky sighed heavily and slowly moved over, then patted the space beside him for her to join him.
"No, Bucky, I don't want to hurt you anymore," Caroline shook her head.
"Caroline, please," he grunted.
She tried to argue, but he turned to look at her, raising his eyebrows at her. She climbed into the bed next to him and curled up using his arm as a pillow.
"I don't want to hear you apologize again," he said softly.
"Bucky, I literally broke your rib," she groaned.
"Stop," he said, his eyes closed, "I pushed you. It's my fault. I pushed you even after you explicitly told me no. I was wrong. I am the one that should be sorry," he said brushing her hair back.
"Buck," Caroline whispered.
"Caroline," he said looking down at her, "I am so sorry. I will never ask you to do something that you aren't comfortable with again."
"Thank you Bucky," she said digging her head gently into his arm, "How is it feeling?" she asked placing her hand softly on his chest.
"Uh, it hurts, but it's healing. I'm accelerated remember?" he grinned.
"Ah yes, just not as accelerated as Steve," Caroline giggled.
"Okay...that's enough of that," Bucky said putting his hand over her face, "I'm supposed to be asleep."
"Alright Bucky, go to sleep," she whispered.
She stroked his hair lightly, until his breathing was even and she knew he was finally asleep.