CHAPTER 14 : CAVES REVISTED
Arthur woke early. The sky was orange and the morning promised to be fine and the falcons would fly.
He turned on his side, watching Merlin carefully; his face was relaxed seeming as if he had not a care in the world. Arthur knew otherwise and he was sad to think that the closer they would get to the castle then Merlin would reappear with a more watchful and guarded demeanor. His Merlin was carefree and open. He wished him to be like that continually not only when confined to their chambers but it wasn't to be. Once their chamber door was unlocked, their castle lifestyle would come into effect. No physical contact, no soft glances and secret smiles, no behaviour which would alert anyone not in the know, that their relationship was more than the normal one between a prince and his trusted manservant, personal but not loving.
There were days when Arthur's body screamed for even a fleeting touch but for either of them to act on it would be disastrous. It was not just a workplace relationship which would be frowned upon and might even result in dismissal of one of the parties, their relationship would be punishable by death.
He memorized again every feature of the man lying beside him, he couldn't understand how that fleeting glance as a ten year old had exploded into this mind consuming passion for another. He wanted to waken him so he could see his eyes when they first made contact with his but he refrained. Merlin was on holiday and he could wait until he woke by himself and gave Arthur that smile which said more than words could ever express,
But, he couldn't wait, he didn't have the inner strength so he softly blew in his face and waited. Nothing happened, no unsettled head, furrowed brow, fluttered eyelids, relaxed lips. Nothing!
Arthur was surprised, usually that was enough to waken him especially when they were away. He leant in and ran the back of his finger along his cheek and over his lips, half expecting to have Merlin's mouth open and for the finger to be grabbed. Nothing!
He pushed himself up on one elbow and gazed down at his sleeping partner. Was Merlin playing or was he really asleep? He leant over to kiss him and he was imprisoned by a pair of strong arms and legs.
He was rolled over onto his back and looked up to see Merlin's eyes smiling sexily.
"You took so long to make up your mind that I thought I had better take control," he said. "What is it with you Arthur, you can make such snap decisions on the battlefield when it involves the life of the knights and yet in bed you..."
"You're on holiday and I didn't want to disturb you..."
Merlin looked through half lidded eyes and said huskily, "Well, what I intend to do will hopefully be disturbing but in a non-alarming manner!"
Arthur lifted his head for a kiss and marveled that after more than five years, Merlin's taking control could still make his heart skip a beat and his body, react instantly. Why couldn't they be like this forever?
The sky was blue by the time they breakfasted. Merlin stood behind the seated Arthur and put his arms around him, leant over and said softly, "Thank you!"
Arthur murmured, "Il n'y a pas de quoi!"
"Arthur, speak English, I feel that I might be missing out on something important."
"Merlin, you never miss out on anything important is just means, 'You're welcome'!"
"Like something I might say to the King the next time he glares at me?"
Arthur laughed, "I wouldn't recommend that, I think maybe, 'C'était toute ma faute...' might be a better choice of words."
The merlins were exceptional. Lady's Imelda's stock with an infusion of blood from the Camelot birds, had increased their vigor and so doing had perfected their natural desire to hunt. Merlin always felt touched that a captive bird could be given its freedom and would willingly return to the leather gauntlet. Everyday, as Arthur left their chamber, he gave him his freedom and every day their love drew him back to him. He smiled, Arthur released him and like all of his merlins, he too returned of his own free will.
A packed lunch had been prepared so Merlin and Arthur took the horses to retrace the path through the caves behind the waterfall. It had been Merlin's idea which surprised Arthur. Merlin seldom spoke about Cave Two but he could tell when it was on his mind.
"Are you sure, Merlin?"
"Please Arthur, it's an easy ride and I need to do it."
They left in the direction of Threnody Tor and climbed until they reached the boulders and the track to Curtain Falls. Merlin pushed Gidun into the lead. He had to prove something if not to Arthur at least to himself. They both did the same thing as they walked behind the water fall, holding their hands out to pierce the curtain of water, letting their hands be pushed down by the force of it. The sun shining through it made streaked patterns; again the noise of the water drowned out all sounds; the world suddenly felt alien although not unfriendly.
Slowly the trees gave way to boulders and rocks and they entered a gorge. It was protected from the wind. Merlin remembered that soon the caves would start. The rock mass began to tower over their heads. Arthur watched Gidun carefully, through his actions he would be able to tell how Merlin was managing.
As the path widened Arthur rode up beside Merlin. He was coping but the tension and stress were apparent on his face. He hated seeing him this way. He should never have agreed to taking this ride as he knew that they had many caves still ahead of them.
"So...you want to ride double not on Iago but I could get up behind you on Gidun?"
"No, I have to do this but it's harder than I thought. I still have the feeling that they are going to be waiting in the next cave. Why can't I forget it? Gaius said that one day, it will be a distant memory, unpleasant but not upsetting as it still is. I'm alright in the gorges and fine in the open air but it is just the rock face feels as if it is closing in and will imprison me and that man will..."
"Should we turn back?"
"No, I'd rather keep going. We can take breaks in each gorge and then go through the next cave."
Arthur was impressed. Merlin and Gidun kept up a steady pace and they reached what Arthur recognised as the last but one cave. It was huge, the ceiling lofty and high enough that it distorted their voices. Gidun slowed to a halt; Merlin dismounted; Arthur immediately slipped off Iago to stand beside him.
"Hold me!" was all Merlin needed to say and Arthur wrapped his arms protectively around him telling him how brave he was, even braver than Gawaine. Arthur felt him chuckle into his chest so he pulled back and reached for his lips and kissed him. Merlin was as a man on a mission, begging, pleading, imploring and Arthur and he slowly sank to their knees on the dry sand...
Some time later, Iago, a reformed character followed Gidun and Merlin out of the final cave and into the gorge which lead to the hillside from which they could see Manor Farm below them.
Merlin dismounted and grinned happily at Arthur. He unbuckled the saddle bags and sitting against the same rocks as on their previous expedition, he laid out lunch. "Are you hungry, Sire? He said, his head held low but Arthur could see the grin on his face.
"Ravenous!"
"Had a good work out then?" Merlin cheekily enquired.
"Merlin, you continue to amaze me with your ability to..."
"I needed you to dispel all the negativity that surrounded me in a cave. It's gone, my last time in a cave from now on will be behind the Curtain Falls. You and me and the horses...like old times, eh Arthur?"
Arthur slid down next to the food and reached for Merlin's hand, he kissed it and said, "Always, Merlin My Love!"
They slowly made their way back to the manor house, tonight would be their last night. Tomorrow afternoon would see them in Camelot. Arthur told the groom that they would be making an early start after breakfast.
They left him with the horses and walked across to the manor. The building looked lovely in the late afternoon sun, the stones were golden and the windows had also caught the light but in a darker tone.
"I should think, Arthur, that it looks lovely when there is snow. A warm yellow home surrounded by firs and the grey of the bare chestnuts and oaks. I wonder if Geoffrey ever sketched it in winter."
"I bet he did. You know, he's leaving me all his sketches so I'll ask him if he has one of Yewdene in winter."
Merlin's mind flashed back to Gaius who had told him of the sketches which Geoffrey had done of the baby and which he intended to give him at Christmas. Merlin had seen the one of Gaius with the baby on his lap and it had taken his breath away and he had cried.
Gaius had said, "Merlin, he was so loved, don't cry for him. I wanted you to know about it because you will be with Arthur when he first sees them and you will give him the support he needs. He'll be heartbroken but in time, will really appreciate Geoffrey's kindness and thoughtfulness."
"Are you ready to pack?" brought Merlin back to earth and he realised that Arthur was talking to him.
"Yes, let's do it now, so that tomorrow morning, we won't be rushed. You choose what you want to wear tomorrow and I'll get the trunks."
It was a good way to spend the time until dinner. Merlin was still a little flustered from their ride and keeping busy was a good way to push what had happened back in his mind. Soon two chests were packed, Merlin helped Arthur with his dressing gown and when he bent to tie the belt, Arthur leant over and kissed the back of his neck, making little purring noises. Merlin smiled as it sent pleasurable shivers down his spine.
Checking to see that everything was packed except personal grooming items and tomorrow's clothes, he joined Arthur in front of the fire and sat watching the flames destroy the caves in the embers. Caves no longer held any fear for him; Arthur had successfully chased away the demons. He got up and put two more logs on the fire.
Humphrey tapped on the door and entered accompanied by a manservant and a maid with food platters, wine pitchers and goblets. Before he left, he commented on the chests and Arthur told him that he would like to leave after breakfast to arrive in Camelot early afternoon.
Once supper was finished, Merlin took the platters and placed them in the main corridor for the staff to collect.
He locked the door to the antechamber and returned to Arthur, who was at the table putting aside gratuities for the staff. "I'm going to leave something for the family at Home Farm, they are always so welcoming."
Merlin laughed, "You just want to ensure that the next time you are here, they will have more goodies for you! Bessie said that she would make some for our trip home tomorrow. She's a good soul."
"Well, remember that although the way to a man's heart might be through his stomach, I already have possession of your heart so don't encourage anyone else to vie for that position."
Merlin smiled, he felt so secure and safe with Arthur. He hoped that he would be able to do the same for him, should the need ever arrive. He only wanted to keep him safe and protect him from as much pain as possible.
"Are you ready to turn in? How is your back after today's riding? Any pain?" Merlin was worried as they had almost four hours riding tomorrow and even though Iago was now behaving like a gentleman, it could be a strain on his shoulders."
Arthur looked across at him and said, "No everything seems to be fine but...it was good that it was sandy!"
Merlin scrunched up his face not understanding what Arthur was referring to but then suddenly he blushed and grinned at him... "I want to return to Camelot and stand on the king's balcony and yell for all to hear, 'I love Prince Arthur'!"
"In other words, you have a death wish and you want to see me imprisoned?"
"Never! That is why I will keep it a secret even though sometimes I want to run across the training field and hug you and when you are jousting yell at the top of my voice, 'He's mine, all mine!' I want to share it with the world that Prince Arthur loves his manservant and that's me!"
"Good thing, you don't drink as I could see a problem in the offing. Remember the saying, Loose Lips Sink Ships."
"Arthur, what's a ship?"
"I don't know but it means careless chatter can cause major disasters especially in Camelot."
Arthur stood and made his way to the bed, slipping off his dressing gown and letting it drop to the floor.
"Slob!"
"I heard that Merlin..."
"When I retire, you are going to have trouble breaking in a new manservant as he would spend one day with you and hand in his notice."
"He couldn't, because I make the decisions."
"Alright, Mighty Decision Maker, do I leave the candles lit?"
"Yes, all the better to see you with my dear!"
"That sounds rather ominous, Arthur, where did you get it?"
"From a French tale that my Nanny What's-Her-Name used to tell me."
"Tell me it, Arthur, I'm not tired."
...and Arthur began, "Once upon a time, there was a little girl whose grandmother lived in a forest and..."
The red cloaks were fluttering in the breeze, the atmosphere was charged.
Gielbert climbed the stairs and took his hand...
Friends united for all to see...
He smiled up at Arthur who watched with a face of stone.
Friends united for all to see...
Flames, smoke, heat...he yelled for Arthur...
Arthur face broke as he yelled, "No...!
Friends united for all to see...
Merlin screamed...
Arthur almost fell out of bed at the sound of Merlin's scream. He was confused...where was he? Why wasn't his chamber window in the right place? He looked around, the body in the bed sobbing was Merlin so he reached for him but he fought him.
Night terrors, a step up from nightmares! He decided to just talk softly and wait it out. Merlin's sobbing became less hysterical and Arthur reached for his hand. He tried to pull it back then had second thoughts and allowed Arthur to hold it rubbing his thumb across the palm.
"It was bad. It was so frightening. I'm afraid to go back to Camelot."
"Merlin, it was a dream. You've had them before and nothing happens. Come closer to me and I'll keep you safe."
Merlin cuddled into Arthur who pulled him to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. His mind wouldn't rest and suddenly he remembered the omens from the night that the princess died. He wondered, 'Where these also omens...what did they mean? He really needed Gaius.'
Finally, his heartbeat returned to normal and he fell asleep. Arthur relaxed his arms and thought, 'Merlin, what am I going to do with you?"
By the time Arthur fell asleep, he had heard the chorus at false dawn and the sun was beginning to paint the eastern sky.
When Merlin woke him for breakfast, he had a headache and was tired.
"I'm sorry about last night. Honestly, Arthur, I couldn't help it. It was so real." Merlin looked sheepishly and said in a whisper, "I was really frightened."
"That's why you are with me, so that I can take care of you and watch over you, when scary things happen. It's alright."
"But, Arthur, my job is to look after you. No one expects a prince to look after his manservant."
"Well, this one does because his manservant also happens to be his friend and lover. Merlin, believe me, I would never desert you, regardless of what you might do, even keeping me awake all night!"
"Arthur I promise that once we get back to Camelot, I'll get a bath ready for you and you can soak for a while and then, I'll get you ready for bed and you can go to sleep, even if it is only early afternoon...and I won't disturb you at all..." Then he couldn't help adding '...unless that is...you wanted me to!"
Arthur grinned, "I'll keep you to that!"
Their return home was effortless, Merlin's little talk to Iago had done wonders and he happily walked, trotted and cantered not only beside Gidun but with the other horses, with no show of animosity or challenging behaviour. It allowed Arthur and Merlin to ride in close proximity, continually exchanging words.
They stopped midway to water and rest the horses and Arthur leant back against a tree reviewing the last couple of days and feeling as if he had been away from the stress and tensions of Camelot for at least a month.
He decided that he would suggest that Gaius also take a few days off as he was always on the job and he wasn't getting any younger. He deserved a couple of days without being pestered by mother's with sick babies, knights with broken limbs and Merlin wanting to discuss with him any problems which he was having with yours truly. He laughed aloud.
Merlin glanced up. He smiled back at the quizzical look on his face and said, "Just thinking, nothing to worry about." He watched Merlin and wondered if maybe he too deserved a holiday away from his job. He was worried about the night terrors, he's check with Gaius. Would he benefit from a few days apart? He looked at him, sitting on a log, playing with a salamander which was climbing over his hands and realised that as nice as that might be for Merlin, it would be excruciating for him. He never did well when Merlin wasn't around. He knew he was being selfish, but no, he couldn't offer him anytime off.
He realised that his father should also have a couple of days break but he couldn't see him being willing to relinquish his iron rule over Camelot even for such a short time.
The riders were ready to be on their way again and girths were tightened and horses mounted. Their next stop was the hill overlooking the valley with the towers and turrets of the castle visible in the distance. The horses picked up that they were close to home and with visions of stables and food in their mind quickened their pace and soon Gidun and Iago had outdistanced the others and were approaching home.
Across the meadows, Camelot looked welcoming, Arthur shook his head thinking of all the problems and stress which lay within its serene exterior. It was a fairytale palace but he knew that inside, it was often devoid of acceptance, trust and love.
Merlin and he were met in the lower meadow by a contingent of guards to escort them to Camelot.