AN: Here you go guys, another new chapter. It gets kinda silly toward the end (hopefully everyone will get the reference) but I still think that it works by itself. I thought it was hilarious but hey, I'm biased. Anyway thanks for all the support and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Gaara's scowl deepened as his malevolent jade eyes continued to burn into those of the blonde. There was something about the boy, something about his presence that made Gaara want to crush the life out of him. Perhaps it was his insufferable grin, his unnecessarily loud clothing, or perhaps it was merely the way he carried himself, but one thing was certain: this boy would die.

Unconsciously, a few tendrils of sand began to pour out from the gourd on his back; reacting to the rising bloodlust within the one whom they called master. Slowly, like a desert viper, the sand slithered through the crowd of Genin towards the grinning boy.

"Why are you smiling, you idiot?" The redhead whispered mockingly as his own face twisted into a grin. "Don't you realize your going to die?"

To his right, Temari took a few steps back. "Are you okay Gaara?"

Her brother didn't even seem to hear her.

"You won't be smiling much longer." The Suna nin hissed. "How will you taste, I wonder. Delicious. Your blood will satisfy mother. Gaara is a good boy, isn't he mother?"

The sand slowly wrapped its way around the boy's leg, but instead of reacting in terror, as Gaara had expected, his grin only seemed to widen. The coil of sand that continued to climb up his leg was all but ignored, forgotten as the boy's eyes once again locked with his own.

It had been a long time since redhead had been afraid. After all, with mother watching over him what use did he have for an emotion like fear? Nothing could hurt him, nothing could stop him. But those eyes, those sinister crimson eyes, inside of them lay something truly scary.

The sand on the boy's leg fell to the ground and disappeared back into the crowd; a fact that went completely unnoticed by the boy as his ruby eyes remained securely on his own. Gaara took a step back, a look of blank horror forming on his face as the boy took a step forward.

"G-Gaara?" Kankuro asked nervously. "What's the matter?"

The puppeteer's blood ran cold. His psychotic little brother wasn't afraid of anything, he couldn't be. After their father, Gaara was the strongest ninja in all of Suna. He'd seen grown men break down in tears at the sight of his brother, he'd seen ninja throw their lives away rather than be paired with Gaara for a mission. What in the name of Kami could possibly be worse than Gaara?

He followed his brother's wide eyed gaze, and instantly wished he hadn't. Fangs barred, eyes alight with wicked intent, the object of Gaara's terror unhurriedly walked closer as the crowd of Genin hurried to get out of his way.

Gaara's mind was a mess of emotions. One part of him screamed for the boy's blood. It yearned to feel his fragile body shatter under the unrelenting pressure of the desert sand; hungered for his body to be coated in the sticky heat of the boy's blood. And yet another part of him railed against the idea. It was like a panicky whisper inside his head, pleading with him to leave this place, leave this boy, and run far far away.

Naruto's eyes glimmered dangerously. 'Such hate and fear in your eyes, little desert rat. I do hope you aren't planning to do something…stupid.'

The scowl on Gaara's face returned as the boy got closer still. "If you take another step, I'll kill you."

The demon child came to a stop. Still grinning, Naruto slowly tilted his head. "Kill me?" he chuckled softly, "Do you think this course of action wise, desert rat?"

Gaara's sand swirled around him angrily. "Who are you?"

Naruto shook his head theatrically. "People are so rude these days. If you want my name, perhaps you should give me yours first."

The Sand nin said nothing.

"So impolite." The demon vessel sighed. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I trust that now you'll tell me yours?"

"Gaara." The boy deadpanned. "Sabaku no Gaara."

"Sabaku no Gaara." Naruto repeated. "Well then Gaara, if you ever try to kill me again I'll make you wish you'd never been born."

The sand on the floor began to move. "Is that a fact?"

Naruto's only response was to extend his claws.

Suddenly a massive cloud of smoke exploded from the front of the room, signaling the arrival of nearly three dozen leaf nin. A muscular man whose face was littered with scars stepped out of the smoke.

An ugly sneer came onto the man's face. "Fun's over maggots! Now shut up and form ranks!"

The throng of Chunin hopefuls tore their attention away from the jinchuuriki staring contest and began to quickly get into position.

Naruto smirked and began to walk away. "It seems that you'll have to kill me another time, desert rat."

Gaara's eyes narrowed. "So it seems."

Gradually the ninja in the room began to quiet down.

The large man at the front of the room nodded. "Good. Now then, my name is Morino Ibiki: head of Konoha's torture and interrogation division of ANBU black ops as well as the proctor for the first stage of the Chunin exams."

Ibiki turned to the blackboard and quickly scribbled out a few lines of text. The fist line simply read "Plans built on uncertainty are doomed to failure." The second line read "Everyone breaks eventually."

He placed the chalk back in its tray and turned to face the crowd. "Can anybody tell me what the first line means?"

Sakura was the one to answer. "The first line that you wrote is the 14th rule of shinobi conduct. It means that if you don't have the proper Intel for a situation then you can't develop a sound plan of action."

Ibiki smirked. "Very good. But how do you know if your information is accurate?"

Sakura gave the man a blank look.

"By makin' the enemy tell it to you straight." Replied a gruff voice.

Ibiki turned his attention to the mohawked Cloud nin who answered. "And how are you going to accomplish that?"

"By torturing him."

A few of the Genin squirmed and Ibiki smiled darkly. "That's correct. In the ninja world nothing is more precious than information. The success of the mission, as well as your lives and the lives of your teammates, will often depend on quality of the data that you've been given. With the right knowledge, a man can infiltrate a fortress with no trouble at all. Likewise, if you have no knowledge of a situation or even worse, false knowledge there's a very good chance that your mission will end in failure."

The scarred man again wrote on the board, continuing to speak as he did so. "Assassin, mercenary, saboteur, thief," He paused and circled that last one. "and spy."

"No doubt you all recognize these as the five basic roles of a ninja. This is why information is such a commodity," he tapped the circled word. "Because we're surrounded by liars. Sometimes while you're out in the field you'll be forced to interrogate an enemy in order to come up with a sufficient plan. But here's the kicker, your prisoner is a liar by trade, and you can be damned sure that he's try his best to get you killed. So as ninja, it's absolutely vital that you can differentiate between what is true and what is a lie."

"There is another side to this." Ibiki tapped the second line of text. "If you ever find yourself at the mercy of the enemy this is the only thing that is constant. No matter who you are, no matter what clan you come from, no matter what rank you are, the fact will remain; everyone breaks."

Ibiki caught sight of the still madly grinning Naruto.

'Well almost everyone.'

"If you are captured, your only chance will be to stall until either your allies arrive, or you figure out how to escape. In both cases this must be done quickly. Both the human mind, and the human body are surprisingly fragile."

"Here is the test. Out of every three man squad, one of you will be selected to play the role of the prisoner. The prisoner will be given two pieces of information; the room number in which their interrogator's teammate is being held, and also the room number in which the next stage of the exams take place. In order to pass this portion of the exam you must arrive at the correct location with your missing teammate within one hour of the exam starting. If neither team is able to break their prisoner and discover the room in which their captured teammate is being held, then both teams will fail."

"Let me get this straight," A Grass nin called out. "Someone in our squad is going to be tortured! You can't be serious!"

A murmur of agreement passed through the crowd.

Ibiki smiled. "Oh I'm dead serious, but if you don't like feel free to leave."

He waited for a few seconds but nobody moved.

"Excellent, now it's time for the rules. Rule one: you can't kill your prisoner. Do so and you'll be charged with murder."

"Damn it!" cried a frustrated voice.

A few teams laughed at the outburst but the majority of the Genin looked afraid.

"Rule two: You can't cause any permanent injury to your prisoner. Anything like blinding, crippling, or deforming will also result in an immediate disqualification. You are allowed to give your prisoner a couple of new scars if you like, just nothing that will impede their abilities as a ninja."

"Rule three: There is nothing that prevents the prisoner from trying to escape, in fact this is encouraged. Since the prisoner will be given the room number of his own team and the room number in which the next phase begins, those who escape can easily pass the test."

"Any questions?"

Naruto stepped forward. "You said that it was forbidden to kill the prisoner. If you are the prisoner is it also forbidden to kill your captors?"

Ibiki rubbed his eyes tiredly. "No. If you're the prisoner it is legal to kill your captors."

Many of the faces in the crowd went pale and a few teams walked out of the room.

"Though it is not encouraged it is legal to kill your captors. There will be ninja stationed inside every single room, so if you feel that you are in danger of being killed you are able to forfeit. If you do so the proctor in your room will break up the fight."

"Now if there's nothing else, we will begin pairing the teams."

A Chunin took out a clipboard and began to read a list of names. After a few minutes Naruto's ears perked up.

"Konoha Team 7 will pair with Iwa Team 2. The prisoners will be Uzumaki Naruto and Fabume Nashi. Will the prisoners please step forward?"

Both Kiba and Sasuke watched in disbelief as Naruto walked forward towards the proctor.

"It looks like we lucked out." Kiba whispered to his teammate. "If they're interrogating Naruto we're guaranteed a spot in the second round. He's gonna tear them apart."

Sasuke didn't answer; he just watched as the Chunin whispered the numbers into Naruto's ear before leading the Iwa team off to their deaths.

The proctor finished whispering the numbers into Nashi's ear and gestured at the pair to come over.

Sasuke nudged Kiba's arm. "Let's go mut. This is going to be ugly."

XXXXXX

The Kusa nin found himself in a tiny concrete room shackled to the wall. Glaring down at him were two of the scariest ninja that he'd ever laid eyes on. One of them, the smaller of the two giants, just leaned off in a corner mumbling something about rhymes as he scribbled something down in his note pad. The other one, the one with the mohawk and the beard who'd answered the questions earlier was standing uncomfortably close.

The Chunin proctor took a seat against the far wall and pulled out a stopwatch. "You may begin."

The big one turned to his teammate. "You want dis one Bee? I've done this shit so much it's not even fun anymore."

Killer Bee looked at Tee. Before he was "demoted" back to a Genin, Tee was the head of the Kumo ANBU interrogation unit. It went way beyond unfair for him to use his skills against a Genin. Oh well, life sucks.

"Out in the field I'm the combat king, but interrogation is your thing. I'll just stay out of your way and let you go ahead and play."

"Suit yourself." The behemoth muttered. "You gonna talk?"

The Grass nin said nothing.

Tee sighed. "Man, I pity da foo' who doesn't talk to me."

The Cloud nin's massive mitt clamped down on the boy's head and after a few seconds a fountain of sparks began crackle and fizz. The boy screamed in agony as the lightning chakra began to attack the nerves in his brain, manipulating his nervous system into thinking that his entire body was in excruciating pain.

"I'll talk!" The boy screamed as he writhed against the wall. "Please I-I'll talk!"

Tee stopped channeling electricity through his hand and savagely wrenched the boy's head up by his hair.

"You gonna talk now?"

Tears continued to roll down the boy's cheeks. "The second stage is in room 78. Your partner is being held in room 32."

Tee quirked an eyebrow and sparks began to pour from his free hand. "I think your lying."

The grass nin's eyes went wide. "No! Please don't hurt me again. I'm telling the truth, I swear!"

Tee's hand inched closer. "Why should I believe you?"

His prisoner began howling in terror as tears once again to began to trickle down his face.

"I've got no reason to lie!" he sobbed brokenly.

Tee let go of the boy's hair and turned to Bee. "He's tellin' the truth."

The Kumo jinchuuriki quickly wrote down the rest of his rap before flipping the notebook closed and following his teammate out of the room.

XXXXXX

Shikamaru grunted as again the Taki nin's fist slammed across his face.

"Give us the numbers." The large boy demanded.

The lazy Genin spat a bit of blood onto the floor. "Sorry, but it's too troublesome. I'm more afraid of the beating that I'd receive from Ino than I am of you."

"Oh really?" The other boy grinned as he pulled out a kunai. "Well I guess we're gonna have to cut it out of you."

'Me and my big mouth.'

"Be careful Mizikai, if you kill him we'll get disqualified." The larger boy warned.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I'm just gonna mess up his face a little bit. Ya know, make it difficult for him to get a date."

The kunai drew closer and closer to Shikamaru's face and the suddenly the steel door swung open.

"Heeey Shikamaru. Are you having a good time with these guys?"

The two Taki nin whipped around, their eyes wide and their mouths agape. They got beaten by a fat guy and a chick! "No way! You guys broke Agamo already!"

Chouji grinned as the proctor released his friend from the restraints. "Well yeah, of course we did. Ino's a mind-reader so figuring out what the numb-"

Ino elbowed him in the stomach. "Honestly Chouji how did you ever become a ninja? C'mon Shikamaru, let's get out of here while we still have some of our secrets intact."

The shadow user rubbed his bruised jaw and began to follow after his team.

'Troublesome girl.'

XXXXXXX

Neji watched dispassionately as Tenten continued to whip senbon into a Kiri shinobi. It had been almost ten minutes since the exam began and in that time the girl had done a pretty good job of turning the ninja into a cactus.

His arms and legs were littered with needles, so many in fact that it was nothing short of a miracle that the boy was still able to stand. Neji winced as one of the senbon came dangerously close to hitting his… to hitting something very painful indeed. If nothing else, the Hyuuga had to admire this idiot's dedication.

"Aw man, I missed." Tenten mumbled. "Maybe if I aim little lower…"

The Mist nin's eyes widened in horror. "Okay, okay! I'll talk."

Neji activated his byakugan and stepped forward. "I'm listening."

"The room where your teammate is being held is room 23, to get to the next phase of the exam you need to go to room 45."

"He's lying." Neji stated.

The Mist nin cried out in pain as a chakra coated finger jammed into the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

"B-but I'm telling the tru-" Again the boy's scream cut off the end of what he was saying.

Neji retracted his fingers. "My eyes are all-seeing so lying will be of no use to you. I also advise you to tell us the real numbers, or else Tenten might make your life very miserable."

The bun-haired girl pulled out a war hammer and winked at the boy.

"Oh fuck this, I'm not getting my balls crushed over a test. The real numbers are 65 and 78. Room 65 is where you teammate is being held."

Neji looked at Tenten. "That was the truth."

The girl pouted as she followed the Hyuuga out of the room. That was actually kinda fun.

XXXXXX

Temari and Kankuro leaned against the wall, patently watching the Rain nin who was affixed to the wall. As soon as the exam had begun Kankuro had injected a hallucinogenic toxin into the girl and now it was time to play the waiting game.

The poison that now flowed through the girl's veins was incredibly dangerous and if left alone it would kill her. The venom's effect was twofold, not only did it attack the nervous system, causing delusions, but it also attacked the muscles, something that was, if the girl's violent twitches were any indication, very painful. Eventually the poison would leave her brain dead but the toxin didn't reach that stage of damage for nearly a week; ample time to keep her from dieing.

The sound of the steel door scraping open suddenly had both them on high alert. Either the Rain team had broken Gaara, unlikely as it may be, or Gaara had broken the Rain team. Literally.

The sickeningly sweet smell of freshly spilled blood told them that it was the latter.

Kankuro got up and injected the girl with the antidote before turning to face his brother.

Other than a few smears of blood on his clothes, Gaara looked completely unchanged.

"Temari, Kankuro, we're leaving." He drawled neutrally.

The pair exchanged an uneasy look before following their brother out of the room.

XXXXXX

Team 8 had been very unlucky. As it was, Hinata had been chosen to be the other team's prisoner, and while the girl was a kindhearted friend, they all knew that she was the weakest member of their team.

It had taken the other team only fifteen minutes to break the girl.

Shino cradled the bloodied girl gently as he undid her manacles and set her on the floor. Without another word he moved to the side so that Sakura could begin her work on healing the girl.

"I-I'm r-r-really sorry." Hinata stuttered through tears. "I-I'm a failure."

Sakura wiped a tear from her teammate's eye. "Shhh. Don't worry about it Hinata. I don't blame you for what happened and neither does Shino. Just rest up and concentrate on feeling better."

Hinata gave her a meek nod but still didn't stop crying.

In the grand scheme of things it wasn't that bad. After all, the next exam was only six months away, and at least then they wouldn't have to deal with that psycho Naruto.

XXXXXX

Naruto watched in a sort of detached amusement as the Iwa nin buried a kunai to its hilt in his arm.

"Tell me the numbers!" The ninja screamed, again ramming his blade into the boy's body.

"Oh come now," Naruto jeered. "Surely you can do better that?"

The Stone nin tore the blade out of his prisoner's chest and drove it into the jinchuuriki's groin.

Once more Naruto didn't even flinch.

"How quaint." The boy smirked. "Care to try again?"

His captor cried out in rage as he threw the kunai to the ground. What the fuck was wrong with this kid! They'd been alternating between beating and stabbing him for the past twenty minutes and still the boy showed no sign of telling them the numbers.

A sharp metallic crack drew the Iwa nin's attention. The boy didn't even have time to react before Naruto's claws connected with his head, splitting the Genin's skull into five neatly sliced sections.

The other Stone nin opened his mouth to say something but soon found himself unable, seeing as how the boy's words were quite literally punched back down his throat.

Naruto tore his gore drenched arm out of the Iwa nin's chest, letting the boy's carcass fall haphazardly onto the floor.

He turned to face the now armed Chunin proctor. " No no, don't get up, I'll let myself out."

XXXXXX

Sasuke groaned in frustration as he regarded their prisoner. Within the first few minutes of the exam it had become apparent that Nashi had some kind of kekkei genkai. Kiba had nearly broken his fist when he first punched the boy, and it seemed that not even blades could pierce his rock-hard skin.

They'd had to make due with his minimal knowledge of genjutsu which, even with his sharingan active, had been all but ineffectual.

Door behind him slammed open and in walked their missing teammate.

A small smile came across Kiba's face. "Well I guess we pass. Where's the next stage of the exams being held Nar- I mean, Uzumaki-sama."

A vicious grin spread across the jinchuuriki's face as his eyes settled on the Iwa nin.

"I can't seem to remember." He murmured in a far off manner. "Perhaps I can get him to tell us."

The shackled Stone nin sent Sasuke a confused look. "What's he mean? I thought you guys won."

The Uchiha just shook his head. "Believe me when I say that I'm sorry kid." He took a few steps back. "Have at him Uzumaki-sama."

Naruto walked forward and effortlessly jammed his talons into the boy's arm.

Nashi screamed in pain as the boy slowly retracted the blades from his arm.

"What is the number?"

The sudden loss of blood caused the boy to feel like he was underwater.

"W-what?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "What country are you from?"

Nashi's shook his head in confusion. "What? What do y- What-"

The jinchuuriki slammed his fist through the wall near the boy's head.

"What ain't no county I've ever heard of! They speak English in what!"

The stone nin's eyes darted to the boy's arm. "What?"

Naruto's claws slashed across Nashi's face. "English motherfucker, do you speak it!"

The Stone nin recoiled in pain "Yes! Yes!"

"So you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes!"

Naruto turned and began to walk away. "So perchance you could tell me what the magic number is?"

'Magic number? I thought he wanted to know where I came from.'

The boy's head swung to the side. "What?"

Naruto whipped around, hurling a steel globe at near mach speed toward the Iwa nin. The cannonade missed the boy's head by mere centimeters, all but demolishing the concrete wall behind him.

"Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time!"

"Room 78!" Nashi cried "Room 78 just please leave me alone!"

Naruto turned back to his wide eyed teammates. "Oh silly me, how could I forget, but I guess it doesn't really matter now."

And with that Naruto left the room.