...Lights will guide you home...

Fix You- Coldplay

Kate found Jack, shook him awake, and tried to forget her encounter with Sawyer.

"Whaaat?" Jack mumbled disoriented. "God... Jules don't you ever..." His grinned and Kate blushed as his hand came down on her knee.

"Uh, Jack." Kate hesitated and Jack's eyes flew open.

"Kate... uh... sorry about that." He stammered as he removed his hand and Kate nodded uncomfortably. Sitting up quickly, Jack pulled back a little, to give them both some space to recover from the awkward moment.

"What's wrong?" He asked after they'd both gotten over the unpleasant feeling and he noticed the distress on her face. It was still dark out and he wondered what time it was and why she was waking him up.

"There's no easy way to say this... uh... Ben is dead. Locke killed him."

"What!" Jack shot up and Kate grabbed his arm to stop him from running out into the jungle. "Sawyer was supposed to be watching him!"

The shock kept him from realizing that at this point there was nothing he could do. Kate's firm grip kept him from running off to try and fix it.

"Don't blame, Sawyer. Locke would have found a way." She didn't know why she was defending him, it just happened. He was the last person who she should stick up for, especially with the way he had been treating her, but she didn't want Jack running off to yell at him.

He was hurting, and it was her fault. She knew he believed she had something going on with Jack, it had always been his worst fear, and she wasn't blind. Yet, she'd done nothing to dissuade him from believing what he did. In fact, she'd done everything in her power to make him believe it, because she was angry and hurting and in the back of her mind she thought he'd be better off for it.

But he didn't need Jack breathing down his neck as well. And she figured he'd suffered enough.

"Where was he, Kate? Why wasn't he watching Ben? Don't get me wrong, no one else would be happier for you two if you... but you could have picked a better time."

Kate punched in him in the arm.

"Ouch."

"Not that it's any of your business, but I don't know where he was. I found him after, where he proceeded to tell me to go to hell." Jack gave her a compassionate look, and gently squeezed her shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well he's a dick sometimes. Everyone knows that. It isn't important." It was important, but as always, it was going to have to wait until she had more time to deal with it. Locke had to be their priority now. "Something happened to Locke, Jack. He's not... I'm worried about what he'll do."

"Where is he now?"

"I left him there. God, Jack it was... He saw me and then he apologized not for killing him, but for me finding it. It was like it didn't bother him at all."

Not for the first time, Jack wished that Juliet had come with them. She would have had a better idea of what was going on, because something was going on. Something just under the surface that he couldn't see because he didn't known them. Locke had changed, or been changed by something. And this Jacob that everyone whispered about but no one had seen? He had a feeling that if she was here, then he could get someone to talk, but without her, he was just the stranger from the other side of the island.

Not to mention he missed her. The way the corner of her mouth would turn up in a sarcastic smirk. He felt more steady around her, more in control. He never should have listened to Ben. They hadn't gained anything from it, on the contrary if anything they'd lost things from it. And though he knew they'd have to deal with Locke sooner or later, he was voting for later.

"It probably didn't. He thinks what he's doing is right, Kate. We'll leave as soon as it gets light out, and I'll go talk to him. There isn't much we can do about it now."

Kate nodded, Jack was right. Unless they decided to have an all out war against Locke and his followers, because it was certain his people would do whatever he wanted them to do, they had to live with him. The best course of action was to get as far away as possible before Locke decided they needed to follow Ben. And hopefully they'd be getting off the island soon anyway.

"Things will be better, when we get back to camp." Jack offered weakly to Kate's frown, then left her sitting by the fire.

She wanted that to be true, more than anything she wanted that to be true, but she didn't know how they could. Sure, Locke wouldn't be such a pressing matter, but she didn't doubt that they'd have to set up a watch, just to be safe. Maybe she could sneak away when everyone was asleep and sit with Sawyer when it was his turn.

Maybe she could convince him to talk to her again, he had to miss her a little bit. She was going nuts over him. Maybe things could get better... Maybe she just had to have a little more faith.

Fire licked at the logs in front of her, sparked and crackled in the quiet of the early morning, and Kate found her eyes growing heavy, but was uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping when no one else was around. No one else she trusted that is.

Jack had taken Sayid with him when he left earlier, and Sawyer had yet to come back from his wandering.

She worried about that as the wind shook the leaves in the trees on the other side of the ridge, she could hear it whisper down and echo in the crater before being picked up again and swept away. Worried that he was out there alone.

"Kate, I don't think we've met before..." Kate whipped her head around to see a man approach her and sit on the log next to her. He'd been so quiet she hadn't heard his approach, which was more than creepy. No one should be able to move with that stealth.

"Richard." He offered his hand and Kate shook it, then looked around for an out. He stared at her in amusement at her discomfort. "I swear I don't bite. How is Juliet doing? I'm kind of surprised she didn't come with you."

"Yeah... well... I'm not sure I blame her." His dark eyes laughed and Kate could see that he seemed happy, stable and content, and she wondered just what drew people to this life. In another life, he could have been anyone, why follow not one, but now two, crazy men.

"I think you are mistaken about us. Juliet never believed, she's not one of us, not really. I suppose she wouldn't miss this."

The sun began to peak over the horizon, the sky a brilliant red, as the darkness of night began to flee, offering a new beginning. She wondered if she'd miss this. This still before life woke up. She wished she could share it with someone else.

"She never wanted to involve you, in Ben's misguided attempt..." Richard sighed and shook his head. "I suppose by now, Locke has gotten rid of that problem though. That is why you're awake isn't it?"

Kate froze. The words came out slowly, as if her tongue would trip over them if she spoke any faster.

"You knew... he was going to... Why?.. Did everyone know?"

Richard chuckled again.

"No, not everyone knew. I was probably the only one. Jacob still talks to me on occasion. Though I am sort of surprised that Locke went through with it."

"He's not a killer, or at least... he wasn't." Kate agreed.

"And you would know, wouldn't you?"

Kate hung her head in shame. They all knew about her and what she'd done before the island. But her mind hadn't gone to before the island, that seemed like another life. No, she'd remembered waking up in a medical hatch and being told she'd killed their child.

"He wasn't a good man." Richard spoke gently. "The only good thing your father did, was you."

Kate laughed dryly.

"No, I don't think so."

"You're probably the only one."

They sat quietly for a moment.

"Ben wasn't a good man either. He may have been at one time, but he wasn't anymore. He killed his father too you know, but by that time, he'd already let his actions define him. He'd already given up on being a better person."

Kate turned to face him.

"So what, I'm better because I want to be better?" She turned away again. Just what she needed, to be compared to a mad man.

"James, loves you."

"That remains to be seen."

The world slept around them, the fire burned before them, but Kate was cold and the noise in her head was claustrophobic.

She'd almost given up, given in. It was too hard to fight him. Whatever he wanted. Maybe then she wouldn't feel so consumed with misery. Jack helped lighten the load, but she knew that Sawyer was the only one who could lift it.

She lifted her eyes to the ridge again and saw him standing there. His eyes locked with hers for a moment and Richard watched the two of them exchange a longing look. He wondered, if Kate knew what he'd done. He doubted Sawyer would have told her, and though he couldn't tell her—Jacob would be angry—he could let her figure it out.

Richard felt guilt for handing that folder to Locke. Maybe it was just that periods of transition were always a time of reflection. Maybe he was still upset about Ben. But he didn't like watching Sawyer break eye contact with her and walk away. He didn't like the way she slouched next to him and bit her lip, blinking away the pain that gathered in her eyes.

"There was a man once, also not a good man. He destroyed so many lives and when he ended up on the island, it was a result of one of the men he destroyed. His son..."

Kate turned to face him, confused at the sudden shift in conversation.

"Jacob asks us to sacrifice. It's not always a bad thing. Ben thought that this man's son was supposed to kill his father, he was too close to the matter at hand to see that there was another man on the island..."

Why was it always about blood? Kate didn't want to hear another story about someone dying for this mythical being, who demanded sacrifice.

"I don't care." Kate brushed him off and tried to stand, but Richard grabbed her wrist. She tried to pull it away as words rushed out of Richard's mouth.

"This man didn't deserve to live, Kate. He stole, cheated, and lied his way through life. He conned a kidney out of his son, pushed him out a window and put him in a wheelchair, Ben thought that was enough to turn a man into a killer. But he was wrong."

"Let go of me." Kate threatened.

"When I gave Locke, James' file I knew what would happen."

No.

And suddenly everything seemed so clear she wondered why she hadn't seen it in the first place.

Richard let go of her hand and she plopped down next to him, the strength in her legs suddenly absent.

The hurt in his eyes when he'd come back. The way he'd pushed her away. The cold looks he sent Locke. It all fit together.

"He killed him... the letter... Sawyer?" Her eyes wide with understanding, Richard merely nodded.

She had to find him, talk to him about it.

He never had to tell her, she'd known he'd given up on his quest for vengeance. She knew he was trying to be better, not only for his sake but for hers. She also knew how he reacted when he felt threatened. Or when goaded.

It wasn't hard to see a man, who didn't care. A man insensitive enough to try and kill his own child, wouldn't care about anyone else's. But Sawyer wouldn't have seen that. He'd have only seen the man who ruined his life. He'd have pulled that letter out and... and been laughed at.

She wanted to hold him and soothe him and tell him.

She wanted to tell him and screw the consequences. He needed her more than ever and she'd pushed him away just as quickly as he'd pushed her.

Well she wouldn't make that mistake twice.

Without a second thought, she stood and quickly began hunting him down. Richard watched her move with purpose as Jack came back from the jungle with Sayid in tow. He tried to stop her by grabbing her wrist but she shook her hand free and with barely a word exchanged and left him standing in her dust.

After his talk with Locke, Sawyer hadn't been eager to get back to the others. Yet he had needed to make sure Kate made it back ok. So he'd slipped back and watched from the ridge as Jack left her sitting by the fire. After that he'd made his way back into the jungle and sat underneath a tree just visible from the edge of the jungle.

When they left he'd join them, but before he'd take some time for himself. It helped that his position, while not so obvious, still afforded him with a view of anyone coming.

And so he'd sat, thinking on what Locke had said until the sun started to rise. He wanted to go find her, pull her aside and sit with her, watching the sun rise together as he tangled his fingers in her hair and brushed kisses across her cheek. Her weight relaxed and comforting in his lap.

He wondered sometimes if she ever had those kinds of random thoughts. If the sunrise made her think of him. If she'd ever be able to use a blanket and not wish he was wrapped up with her. Or sit at a fire and not hear his voice.

There were numerous things he could no longer do without her ghost and he hope she felt the same, but wasn't holding his breath. Instead he decided to head back so they wouldn't have to come looking for him when they were ready to leave.

He'd expected to feel awful, to brood, and regret everything after his conversation with Locke. But he felt oddly peaceful, if slightly sad. The ever present ache was still there, just duller somehow. He wondered if that meant he was finally coming to terms with what he was.

When he reached the ridge he noticed she still sat in front of the fire, this time next to a man he didn't recognize.

Did she never give up?

The ache flared briefly, but when she turned and locked eyes with him it all but vanished. It was almost like he was the only person in her universe, like she revolved around him and his pain was hers. Like all the space between them was only an illusion.

He knew she couldn't make out features, the distance was too great, he knew he was being foolish in thinking she could read his soul from so far away. But he felt stripped in front of her and had to break contact.

As he left her staring after him, Jack called to him from the jungle.

"We're leaving as soon as the sun comes up." He barked shortly, then pulled Locke aside to talk with him. He was mad, but surprisingly enough avoided causing a conflict.

Sayid slipped silently from the jungle and tilted his head to the side, indicating that Sawyer should follow.

"What happened?" Sayid asked when they were out of earshot.

"Didn't Locke tell you?" He brushed it off.

"He did, but I'd like to make sure what he said was what happened. I don't trust him."

"I left him there. What happened after that I don't know." Sawyer sighed, tossed his head to the side in irritation. He didn't want to rehash it.

"Why did you leave him there?"

"Hell, I don't know. The man is good at pushing buttons. It was that or do it myself."

Sayid nodded, keeping any kind of emotional tell in check. Sometimes that really irritated Sawyer. That anyone could have that much control.

"We're going to have to set up a watch, when we get back."

"Yeah, but hey, at least you ain't gotta sit around a damn cage all day."

"Yes. How are you going to avoid Kate now?" Sayid smiled and Sawyer found himself laughing. "She's looking pretty determined right now. What did you do?" Sayid finished and gestured to where Kate had brushed Jack off.

"I don't know. You better get out of here, unless you wanna take my spot?"

"No, thank you. Be nice to her, you never know how long you have." Sawyer nodded and watched Sayid walk away. He pretended to ignore Kate and started back toward the fire where everyone was beginning to gather.

"No. We need to talk." Kate's voice was urgent and despite his desire not to have another five rounds with her, he found himself curious. Still he wasn't going to make it easy on her.

"Now." She grabbed his wrist and started dragging him back to the jungle.

When they reached a relatively secluded spot, she pounced on him.

"You have two options. One: you tell me what's bothering you. Or two: I tell you what's bothering you and we have a nasty fight. I'd prefer option one." She stood with her arms crossed over her chest and gave him her determined look.

"Sound's like you already know. And hell, since you know, maybe you could enlighten the rest of us. Cause I sure don't know what you're talking about."

He had the sinking feeling that maybe she did know. She'd had her own encounter with Locke. Maybe he'd spilled the beans on their little trek from hell.

"I can't do this anymore, Sawyer."

And then she leaned in and kissed him.