Fire Emblem: Revenge of the Dan
By DarthMarth
Chapter the Fourteenth-Worlds Collide
"Yes!" Lyn exclaimed as they crested one last hill to come within sight of Badon Port. "We made it with no more attacks!"
"Don't be so sure," Heath said, looking behind him fearfully. "Dan's probably going to try and kill us just before we get there, for effect. Once we're within a few dozen yards, all nine hells will break loose."
Lyn surveyed the distance. "I'd say we are within-" Before she could get further, all nine hells did indeed break loose. Wallace went flying as the Kill-Kill-Blade sprung to action, breaking from its bonds in seconds and flying at Rath, who shrieked and began fighting it again. At the same time, Lucius, Dan, and somehow, Denning entered one end of the mobile camp, ready to cause havoc. "Battle stations!" she yelled, drawing her sword and charging at Dan.
"Where are the battle stations again?" Kent asked, drawing his sword and sprinting to his horse.
"This is a message from Lord Nergal: 'I await you at the Dread Isle.'" As everyone stared at the somehow-resurrected morph, he draw his Silver Bow hastily and fired an arrow--neatly hitting Karilla in the chest; he/she fell soundlessly. Dorcas and Kent moved in to fight him off--again--and the mages confronted the demon-possessed Lucius. Meanwhile, Dan went straight for Lyn.
The evil Tactician drew his evil swords--they pulsed evilly with evil darkness just as they had when he stabbed the not-evil Florina; she couldn't afford to be hit...evil.
"This is your last stand, snorer!" Dan said, charging at Lyn. She was immediately overwhelmed, and lost ground rapidly to his furious and skilled attack. Suddenly, a new swordsman joined the fight...or rather, swordsgirl; if was Florina.
"Florina!' Lyn said, ignoring for now the fact that she was about to die or worse. "You should bei n bed!"
"I heard what was happening, and knew I would never forgive myself if something happened to you while I was just lying around!" Her friend's eyes seemed strangely wide; she had obviously taken some Hyper-Coffee before the battle, and was almost Dan's equal with the Durandel.
Despite the reinforcements, Dan was undaunted. "You foolish, stupid girl! Don't forget that I control you!" He slackened his assault to send the primal command to Florina mentally: kill, kill, kill, kill, kill...
Florina immediately received the message. "Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill," She chanted in a low voice. "Kill DAN!" She went into a frenzy and attacked Dan with furious speed.
"Flurn!" Between the two sword-slashing women, even Dan was outmatched. He began to be the one losing ground. Quickly realizing he couldn't win, Dan appeared to back off and give up, but at the last second hurled one of his swords to strike Lyn in the shoulder.
"No..." Lyn collapsed, knowing that if Karilla died, she had little hope of avoiding losing herself completely to Dan's control.
"LADY LYNDIS!"Florina screamed in a Hyper-Coffee and killing frenzy-induced rage. "You ba...basta...ba...ba-ba...dastard!" She charged at Dan and struck his remaining sword so hard he was knocked off his feet. As she prepared to cleave him in two, he went into monologue mode, magically having enough time to say everything in less than a second like all good anime-style characters do.
"Flurn!" He cursed again. He looked at his allies and saw that Dorcas and Kent had slain Denning, while the mages were casting some kind of spell to seal Raq'Na-Thuk away. "Activate super-emergency-escape spell C!" He recited a quick incantation, and all three of the villains vanished to leave only the Kill-Kill-Blade. After Cerk and Eddie subdued it with another anti-magic spell, the battle was finally over.
"GAAAAAAH!" Florina screamed in rage. "WHERE'D HE GO? WHERE'D HE GO?"
"Calm down, little one," Bartre said, neatly putting her out with a Sleep Staff.
"I-It's over?" Lyn asked, clutching her shoulder.
"Yes..." Cerk replied thoughtfully. "But how did he manage to return Denning to life?"
Dan, Raq, and Denning materialized in a hastily restored section of the dragon ruins on Valor Isle. Right in front of a bathing Nergal, in fact. The sight was enough to override Denning's internal programming; he cried out in a strange accent.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH! MINE EYESES! Oh, and this is a message from Lord Nergal: 'I await you at the Dread Isle.'"
"We're on the Dread Isle, and I am your Lord Nergal, you fool!" The bathing, not-so-beautiful master of evil said angrily. "Dan, I take it this means you failed?"
"Yes...sir," Dan replied, struggling to keep the frustration of out his voice.
"Idiot! Even after I taught you to harvest quintessence and revive Denning, you fail me again?"
"Lord Nergal, I take absolutely no responsibility for any of this. It totally wasn't my fault. The, like, came at me from behind and stuff."
"Insolent imbecile! You were the one who had to send Florina into a killing frenzy, against yourself! You were the one who failed to ambush them in the middle of the night, instead of when they were making creepily accurate predictions about how you'd attack right then and there! And you were the one who forgot to reapply the control spell to your swords!"
"FLLLLUUUUUUURRRRRN!"
"How is Florina?" Lyn asked the mages outside a hotel they'd rented in Badon to stay the night.
"Don't worry," Eddie reassured her. "Dan tried to control her again, but she was fine, if a little more traumatized, after waking back up."
"Good," Lyn sighed. "And Karilla?"
"Not good," Cerk said sadly. "We estimate he-or-she'll take a few weeks to recover fully from the arrow wound and regain the use of staves-I mean, his arms.
Lyn was outraged. "What? I thought with modern magic, you could heal people instantly!"
"Yes, but Karilla is different. She...uh...she...Eddie, why don't you handle this one? I think my casserole is burning." Cerk swiftly left to enter the inn.
Eddie, unfortunately, was just as speechless. "Uh...um...I'd better go help Cerk." He also left.
"Well, I'm doomed..." Lyn lamented. "I'd better leave for the wilderness so I don't kill anyone when Dan starts controlling me..." She walked off into the night, shedding a few tears of sorrow. "At least my shoulder feels good for now..."
"Denning, next time, clean your accursed practice healing spells off my sword when you're done! You've cost me a minion!"
"This is a message from Lord Nergal: 'I await you at the Dread Isle.'"
"Augh..." Dan turned to Nergal. "Please give me another chance, sir! I can go slash'em all in their sleep!"
"You've failed me for the last time, Dan!" He braced himself for the Dark Druid's wrath. "At least on the mainland. I need you here to organize our final defense of Valor while I prepare to summon my dragons. As for you two..." He turned to Denning. "We can get a bit more fun out of you. Return to the mainland and continue annoying them." He waved his hand and teleported Denning back. "And Raq...Your usefulness here is done."
Very well...I shall return to the land of Magvel. I heard my brother is planning something big there. Without warning, Lucius returned to normal, slumping to the ground unconscious after his levitation. Several Black Fang elite guards quickly removed him. Dan immediately left, relieved to be out of Nergal's intimidating and disturbing presence.
Meanwhile, a long time ago, some time anyway...well, a fortnight (half an hour, Tellius time),in a continent far, far away, Ephraim and L'Arachel were hopelessly lost.
"I suppose civilization is just over that hill, which is exactly the same as all the others," the latter said tiredly.
"Sure it is!" Ephraim said cheerfully. He ran forward, and--fell into a hole directly under him as the ground gave way.
"Ephraim!" She screamed. She ran to the hole and looked down into it; at that moment it opened wider and swallowed her.
When she stopped falling, she was standing next to Ephraim in a bizarre world of stone, metal, and glass. People in strange clothing were everyone, talking into their hands and eating poisonous-looking food.
"Excuse me, good sir," Ephraim said to a passerby, "but where are we?"
"Duh, we're in New York, you weirdo" the young man said. He suddenly noticed the lance strapped to Ephraim's back. "Hey, hey, watch that thing! It could, like, impale someone!" he walked off quickly.
"Such disrespect for nobility in this new land..." Ephraim muttered. The man heard him.
"Sure, nobility, and I'm the Duke of Wellington," he chuckled.
Ephraim bowed and took on a tone of respect. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, your lordship."
They walked off in the opposite direction, drawing numerous stares, until a bizarre-looking machine came up noisily as fast as a horse, and a man in strange blue clothes stepped out.
"I understand we have some disturbers of the peace here," he said emotionlessly. "Get in the back."
"Okay, men..." Tactician Pent said, addressing the remainder of the army. "This is our toughest battle yet. You all need to get out there...and buy things!"
Suddenly, Hawkeye cracked up. "I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE!" he screamed, running back inside.
"Good man. Anyway, we'll need several people to go to shops!" Fiora, Heath, and Kent, three of the fastest movers, all volunteered. "Excellent."
"We'll need a team for the arena here," Cerk added. "I can heal; who will fight?" Dorcas silently raised his hand. "Very well. Eddie, Dart, and Bartre, you see about that oil. Everyone else...do-nothing positions! Now, this whole town is closing down in two fortnights, and we need to be done by then!"
"The whole town?" Sainzilla asked skeptically. "Why are they doing that?"
"To make us hurry," Cerk replied simply. "Now, move out!" He and Dorcas dashed for the arena, while the mounted units split up and headed for the shops. Meanwhile, everyone else stood around.
"So what happened to Lyn?" Hectas asked half to himself. "I haven't seen her since yesterday."
"She's probably off doing...Lyn-stuff," Guy replied unspecifically.
The mounted shoppers tore off to the nearest shop to pick up items.
"No line here, at least..." Fiora said, remembering her experience the last time she'd visited a shop.
"Quick, quick, quick, hurry, hurry, hurry!" Heath yelled frantically, vaulting off his wyvern and sprinting inside. He and Fiora were treated to another familiar sign: a .99 off sign.
"It can't fool us twice!" Fiora said, peering at the sign through the checkout line. They began carefully picking things out, each using a third of their budget. Nearly the full hour later, they stood in the checkout line, fervently hoping they'd finish before the town closed.
"Shopping a little light, are we?" asked a middle-class-looking man behind them carrying an incredibly ornate sword and shield that appeared to be gilded with diamonds; they recognized it from a high-end display of weaponry intended for lords. Just as Kent bought everything, he indicated the full sign, which had once again been obscured: 99.99 off.
"That'll be three and seven tenths coins!" the clerk told Kent.
"Hm, excellent prices..." the paladin remarked impressedly, using a newly bought Silver Sword to carefully cut a coin and handing seven tenths of it to the clerk with three others. Fiora and Heath both smacked their foreheads.
Meanwhile, Dorcas stepped into the arena, ignoring the cheering crowds and waiting to meet his opponents.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" shouted the announcer. "This match will be a special two-on-two battle!" Behind Dorcas, several guards rushed Cerk in to fight with him.
"Come on, you two loonies," the man in bizarre blue clothes said, leading them quickly down a hallway. "We have just the thing to deal with all the crazies that pop up."
"And now, on the opposite team..." The announcer paused to read a paper handed to him, squinting at the second name. "Ephraim and Li-Ar...uh, L'Ara...L... Laura!"
"That's Lara!" the Troubador shouted to him, mispronouncing her own name worse than he had.
"Wait a minute!" Ephraim exclaimed. "We're out of crazy-land! This is a regular arena!" He ran up to Dorcas. "Hey, axe-man! I am Lord Ephraim of Renais! I come in pe-" Without warning, the Warrior knocked the unpromoted Ephraim off his feet with a devastating horizontal swing.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"Ephraim!" L'Arachel screamed, running up to the wounded Lord.
"You kill the woman," Cerk said to Dorcas.
He stared at her; she reminded him of his wife. "No, you; I'm married."
"I'm married too." Cerk retorted. "You do it."
"You." Dorcas casually slashed again at Ephraim, who had been healed and was approaching them. L'Arachel screamed and healed him again.
"You."
"You. Dorcas continued striking Ephraim down every few seconds.
"You."
Ephraim managed to get a few words in before he was hit. "Gentlemean we-AIEEE!"
"You."
"You."
Ephraim was healed again. "-mean you no harm! AIEE-OOOOWWWW!"
"Wait," Dorcas said. "No harm? Terribly sorry."
Ephraim climbed back to his feet after being healed yet again from a mortal wound. "Ugh...don't mention it."
"I beg your pardon," Cerk said, "but what are you doing in an arena if you don't want to fight?"
"Well, we fell down a hole..." Ephraim began.
"And then found outselves in a strange land beyond imagination..." continued L'Arachel.
"And then a strange man said we were 'disturbing the peas' and took us here."
"A pea-worshipping civilization?" remarked Cerk. "Interesting. I'm Cerk, by the way."
"Dorcas," the Warrior said brusquely.
"I am Ephraim, Prince of Renais."
"And I am L'Arachel, beautiful, evil-banishing princess of Rausten!"
The two lord waited for their opponents to give them the necessary respect, but nothing happened. "
"...sorry, never heard of them."
Both of them, especially L'Arachel, were taken aback. "WHAT? How can you never have heard of the great theocracy of Rausten?"
"Or Renais?" Ephraim added. "Is this even Magvel...or Tellius?"
"Uh...I have no idea where those places are you mentioned, but this is Elibe," Cerk said.
"Elibe..." Ephraim suddenly remembered. "Hey, Wil used to talk about that place!"
Cerk and Dorcas both jumped at hearing their vanished friend's name mentioned by complete strangers. "Wil? Have you seen him?"
"Sure," Ephraim told them. "He appeared on the Davros with us around two weeks ago. Terrible bed-wetter, too. He may have been a prepromote Sniper, but he could sure fight!"
"That's our Wil, and the day he disappeared," Cerk confirmed. "Quick, come with us. You should speak to our tacticians about this." They all exited the arena hurriedly, leaving a disappointed crowd behind.
The announcer struggled to keep control. "Uh...um...great battle, huh?" He turned to his guards and said a command under his breath. "Get me out of here!"
"This is the place, all right!" Dart told the mages in his crazy prospector voice.
"Please stop talking like that," Eddie said, rubbing his forehead. Dart entered without knocking and led them through a lab filled with glass apparatuses to the back yard.
Dart greeted his grandpa in the voice. "Grand pappy, I brought some friends, hee hee heh heh!"
Much to Eddie annoyance, the old man responded in a more authentic version of it. "Oh, some more crazy young'uns! I suppose you're here for oil?"
"Yes," Eddie said curtly, anxious to be away from them. "We need five liters."
"That'll be...twenty thousand gold!" The mages were surprised.
"Why so high?" Bartre asked before Eddie could respond rudely.
"You know, foreign wars, hurricane tensions, hostile market, the usual..." Everyone stared blankly with no idea what he meant.
"Those people at the shop had better be saving some for us..." Eddie said under his breath, forking over the necessary money.
"What do these do?" Bartre asked, looking interestedly at several metal contraptions.
The man looked happy to talk about his invention. "That ones my internal combustion engine! Hee hee heh heh! It runs on oil!" He poured some of the stuff in, then yanked a cord on the side hard. The engine made a tremendous amount of noise and shook slightly, chugging with a sound unlike any they'd heard. Dart and Eddie jumped slightly at the sight.
"...what does it do?" Bartre continued.
"Just that," he said sadly. "Better than my external combustion engine." He indicated a section of the yard that appeared to have been scorched and blasted by a fiery explosion.
"...let's get out of here," Eddie said nervously. "Like, right now."
"They've seen Wil?" Bartre said interestedly (and slightly louder to be heard over the cacophony of the frantically closing town). "Fascinating...Dan must have changed his location the night he vanished. Wait..." He turned to Fiora, who was carrying the modest bundle of staves she'd bought and pulled a Rescue Staff from it. "With the Rescue Staff Fiora--with whom I AM disappointed for spending so little--bought, perhaps we can actually return him." He held the Rescue Staff up and concentrated.
"So, one more issue..." Will summarized, back in the capitol with the rest of the group. "Finding Ephraim and L'Arachel."
"Gwa-ha-ha!" Laughed Dozla, as usual. "I shall swim to the bottom of the ocean in search of Princess L'Arachel!"
"Okay, Dozla: Ocean." Danielle checked something off on an old-fashioned clipboard. "Everyone else: get searching in the mainland! Start in the capitol! Move out!"
Everyone split up and started canvassing the palace, then slowly leaving to search the city. Wil and Astrid, who had been whispering to each other throughout the whole speech, stuck together as they walked through the empty halls.
"Astrid..." Wil said to her as they entered a new room.
"Yes, Wil?"
"This is the room we first met in, you know." He glanced over at the portrait he'd shot, which now had a gaping hole over its right eye. (His right, Wil's left, he remembered) "Astrid, I've been thinking. A lot. Which I don't usually do. And I wanted to ask you... Will you..."
Astrid grew excited as she realized what he was about to say. "Yes...?"
"...help me fix that painting? They might get me in trouble a second time if they saw it."
Her face fell. "Well...I suppose. But first, will you..."
Now Wil became excited. "Yes?"
"...please kiss me? I've wanted to for days..."
Wil was surprised, this time pleasantly. "Oh!" Hot dog! I thought she wanted me to take the painting off the wall! "Okay!" Remembering all the sappy stories he'd been told about love, he took Astrid in his arms, looked her deeply in the eyes, then closed his and moved closer... He felt a wave of light wash over him. This must be what true love feels like...
Rolf couldn't bear to watch from the shadows anymore. This is disgusting! I have to break those two lovebirds up! He ran out and tried to tackle Wil...
In a blinding flash, Wil appeared in front of Bartre, his arms creepily around the larger man's waist. Without hesitation, he kissed him passionately on the lips. Everyone watched in stunned, horrified silence.
Slowly, he opened his eyes. "Astrid, did...As...trid?" He looked around and realized where he was, then fell to his knees and screamed with his usual melodrama. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Eew! Gross! Get off me!" Hearing's eyes snapped open upon hearing the new voice. She saw that she had somehow kissed Rolf, of all people, instead (on the cheek, luckily). "Wil? WIL?"
"Wil, don't worry, it's all right," Hectas reassured him. "You're back in Elibe! All the undoubtedly-crazy stuff that happened in 'Magval' and 'Tellus' is over."
"Send me back, send me back!" Wil pleaded, as he had done since they'd returned him.
Hectas turned to Ephraim, his eyes narrowed. "What did you do to him?"
"N-Nothing, I swear! Well, I did try putting a diaper on him once for his condition."
"YOU FREAK!"
"Wil, what happened? Why do you want to go back?" Cerk asked him, trying to get him to stop screaming the same thing.
Suddenly, Wil blurted it all out at once. "I was on this ship and they all thought I wet the bed and I didn't and Dan's separated-at-birth triplet sister Tactician lady called me a prepromote and we had a battle and I was the best and then I took over the ship and wanted to sail it here but it went to Tellius and then we met this weird guy who couldn't talk but was stronger than Dan and a dragon put together and we went to the capitol and met Dan's triplet other thing guy Tactician and then I met the prettiest girl ever and found a secret passage when I almost kissed her and we went to Daein and that guy took the keep for us and then we found a bunch of crazy cults and went back to the capitol and I was about to kiss Astrid again when I was all-of-a-sudden here!" He took a deep, deep breath and turned to Ephraim and L'Arachel. "Oh, and they're all trying to find you two."
Everyone was stunned silent as they processed everything Wil had said.
"Wait a sec," Hectas said. "Did you say you found someone stronger than Dan and a dragon put together, who took an entire castle single-handedly?" Wil nodded.
"And did you say Dan is a triplet, and you met his two siblings who are also Tacticians? And one of them isn't a guy or girl?" Cerk continued. Wil nodded again.
"And did you say that giraffes actually like lemons?" Guy said. Wil nodded, then hastily corrected himself and shook his head. "Oh, okay..."
"Anyway, you have to send me back! Send me back to Astrid!"
"Sorry, Wil, but we used up all our Warp Staves."
"Most unfair game of tag ever," Guy added, glaring at Matthew.
"And Bartre has obtained a restraining order from you and all our other staff users are either dead or slowly dying."
"Including Serra?" Wil couldn't help but ask; Cerk nodded. Through superhuman effort, Wil managed to contain his joy and pressed his case. "Well, is there any other way?"
"I doubt it," Cerk said. "But considering the people you mentioned, perhaps we should try to bring your friends here!"
"How?"
"I can try to communicate telepathically with one of their mages, and see about arranging something."
"Ooh, ooh, put me on so I can talk to Astrid!"
"It doesn't work that way," he told the disappointed Sniper. He reached out through Wil's mind and searched for anyone who could hear him...
Soren had stayed with Danielle, Ike, Danske, and Thtupidsh in the capitol, and watched as Danielle comforted a distraught Astrid and Thtupidsh gave Rolf a military-style spanking for making Wil disappear. Suddenly, he felt a buzzing in the back of his mind. Who's there?
A different voice, not his own, actually responded. Don't fear me. My name is Cerk; I'm a fellow mage. You are...Soren?
How do you know that?
Your friend Wil told me. He's with us.
He's with you? Where are you?
In Elibe, Wil's native land. He's mentioned two Tacticians there who are triplets with...someone we know.
Ah, he must mean Danske and Danielle.
I can already notice the resemblance.
On Soren's side, Ike noticed his friend's silence as his group searched. "Soren, what's the matter? You're always distant and silent, but today you're just so...distant and silent."
Soren was annoyed by Ike's intrusion. "Well, I'm currently in a telepathic conversation with someone I've never met in a continent I've never heard of who has Wil, Ephraim, and L'Arachel with him."
"What?"
I know, Wil was asking to be "put on" too, Cerk said as Soren filled him in.
Almost no one truly understands magic... Soren agreed.
Another fortnight later,Thtupidsh ran into the meeting room with the last of the combined army in tow.
"So where's the honor dinner?" Ross asked, walking in. "Thtupidsh clearly promised me one, and...wait."
"Everyone!" Ike said loudly. "Soren has been contacted by a fellow mage who is in the land Wil, Ephraim, and L'Arachel have all ended up in! After conversing with this mage, we've decided to go to this strange land of 'Elibe' and retrieve them. Some of us will be needed in...other things, as well."
"Wait," cautioned Danielle. "Since when did we decide this? No one told me, Danske, Thtupidsh, or anyone else in authority except you! And it's not like the situation here will just resolve itself! How can we leave?"
"Got any more drinking birds, sister?" Danske asked snidely, chuckling at the thought of her plan for Magvel.
"And how would we all even get there?' she continued.
"In order," said Soren, "Ike said so, Zelgius will take control of the army until we return, and I think I can magically 'reorient' the magic tunnel to Daein to take us to Elibe."
"Hurry, hurry, let's go!" Astrid sprinted down the tunnel, eager to be reunited with Wil. "When is this tunnel going to-OW!" She rained right into the ending wall as Ike had. (Though because she was a few inches shorter, she managed to escape a concussion on the rungs)
"I've been trying to tell you," Soren said angrily, "I haven't set the tunnel yet!" He closed his eyes and communicated with Cerk for several more seconds, then cast a long spell dictated to by him Cerk, who was himself getting it from Bartre. After at least a minute of tense waiting, he finished. "Go ahead." Astrid didn't need to be told twice; she practically flew past the mage and back down the tunnel. She just ran for a few seconds, but then...
Several people jumped as a person emerged from the magical panel that Bartre had summoned in the air. She had been moving at a great speed, and the switch from darkness to light caused her to fall in disorientation. Wil was at her side in seconds.
"Astrid!" The Sniper helped her up and, while she was in his arms, attempted to get his long-awaited kiss. Unfortunately for him, Ike came through behind in and all three of them fell again. Wil could almost feel his brain frying itself in frustration. Behind Ike, at least a dozen more people emerged just as quickly to add to the pileup. Bartre hastily said a few more words and move the portal to clear ground, tripping the next person to step out. Everyone recognized her as she climbed back to her feet.
"Ahhh! It's Dan!" everyone from Elibe said. "And he grew his hair out! And started...wearing...makeup?" They all stared at the female version of Dan. Before she could respond, Danske came up, remaining standing.
"Ahhh! It's Dan again! And he started looking really, really creepy!"
"Oh, come on now, I'm not that bad," Danske protested. "I'm Dan's eldest triplet, Danske."
"Yeah, Wil mentioned you," Hectas replied. "So are you a guy or a girl?"
"Shut up," Danske said simply.
"And I'm Danielle, not Dan. His younger sister," she added.
"Weird, they're like clones of each other, only not!" Wil exclaimed.
"You just noticed that now?" Danske asked him, feigning being impressed.
"And what's with the 'Ahhh! It's Dan!' stuff? Danielle continued. Do you guys know our brother?"
"Yes...unfortunately," Cerk said. "Wil, didn't you tell them anything?"
"It never seemed like the right time!' Wil complained.
The two triplets were getting confused. "'Unfortunately?' What are you guys talking about? Isn't he your tactician? We're both tacticians."
"Well...he was," Hectas said, trying not to make it sound worse than it did.
"Was? What happened?"
"Well, we kind of...killed him. With high prices," Heath said regretfully. At this, Danielle exploded, and even stoic Danske jumped with shock.
"WHAT? HE'S DEAD?"
"Wait," Danske said exercising considerable self-control. "If he is, then why are you still acting afraid of him?"
"Uh..." Cerk said uncertainly. "That's the thing. He didn't stay dead. The evil Nergal resurrected him as a morph--an artificial being made of human life energy--and now he's hellbent on getting revenge for all the stuff we did to drive him crazy. Oh, and somewhere along the way we figured out how to raise the dead and switch spirits." He pointed to Hectas. "I used to have his body."
Danielle was completely speechless, her mouth hanging open. "...so how exactly did Dan die?" Danske managed.
Another two fortnights later, the Elibians finally finished their story. Danielle still had trouble believing it. "So...now he's basically evil and trying to kill you all?"
"Exactly."
"You sick bas...ba...ba-bast...dastards!" Danielle said angrily. "What's with this place? I should kill you myself for doing this to him!" People recoiled in fear at the thought of another Dan triplet out to kill them.
"No, don't kill us!" Hectas pleaded. "Maybe you two can help us turn him good again! And if that doesn't work... Well, we'll always have this Thtupidsh guy." He stared in awe for a few seconds as Thtupidsh did one handed chin-ups with five new fans hanging onto his legs.
"Quick, everyone, let's get to the ships before they burn them!" Cerk warned. "To the docks!"
"Wait, wait, what about Lyn?" Hectas remembered. "Where is she?"
"I, uh... I..." Cerk realized his news must have made her leave the group. "She, uh, went ahead. To keep them from burning the ships. Come on, let's hurry!" Everyone followed him to the nearest vessel, the Davros. (The most popular ship name in Elibe and Magvel, by the way)
Lyn continued wandering miserably away from Badon. She's passed from the coastal plains into a dense but scenic forest, with green-tinted light shining through trees filled with birdsong.
Such a shame that I'll have to go insane in such a beautiful place... She thought. She came up to a river and was preparing to cross when she heard echoing, mirthful laughter.
"Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah!" The unseen yet familiar voice drew close; on the other side of the river, Lyn could make out a red-haired figure riding a moose. Wait...
"Eli...wood...?" She said, incredibly confused. It was true; her old friend at atop the moose, wearing what looked like robes made of leaves.
The former lord-turned-slave-turned other slave laughed again as his mount cross the river. "That's right! ...sort of."
"Oh yeah!" she remembered. "We forgot you after that fight with Dan's people! ...sorry about that."
He laughed yet again, although the sound never seemed to get annoying. "Well, no matter! The woodland creatures have crowned me Eliwood, King of the Woods! Or just Eliwoods."
Lyn was silent, too busy questioning Eliwood's sanity to talk.
"...actually, I just made a costume and learned to hypnotize animals," he admitted.
"I should have known. Anyway, I'd better be going. Dan got me in the shoulder, and he's going to do to me what he did to Florina," Lyn looked down, resisting the urge to cry in sorrow at her position. "Any hour now I'll be an evil minion of his."
"In the shoulder, you say?" Eliwoods chuckled. "I see nothing wrong with you!" We rode up closer to Lyn, and she examined her own shoulder and gasped. "You're right, I'm fine!"
"Maybe Dan had some other spell on his swords," Eliwoods suggested.
"So now I have no idea what is going to happen to me," Lyn said glumly. "Still, I have to reunite with my group soon! They said something about Badon closing and they having to leave soon!" She turned to sprint the several miles back to the port town.
"Wait, Lyn! I can take you." With rejuvenated strength, Eliwoods took Lyn's arm and pulled her up behind him on his moose. "Onward, Maurice! Yah!" He cracked some vines he was using as reins, and the giant beast took off as fast as a horse.
They covered the distance back to the port in less than half a fortnight, passing many panicked citizens anxious to flee the city. As they neared the main gate, 'Maurice' lowered his antlers and battered it in relentlessly. Once inside, they thundered to the docks--just in time to see a distant ship vanish over the horizon.
"Flurn!' Lyn swore as the ship disappeared. "They must have left over two fortnights ago!"
"Actually, Lyn, I think they're on that ship." Eliwoods pointed to a large schooner just pulling away from the docks. Without needing to be told, his mount galloped towards it.
"Wait! Wait!' Lyn cried, trying to be heard over the cracking of hooves on cobblestones. Seeing that they couldn't get it to stop, Eliwoods tried a daring jump onto the deck--and came up 15 feet short. With a bizarre cry halfway between a bear and a horse, Maurice plunged into the water.
"Come on, Maurice!" Eliwoods said, staring into the animals eyes. "Use the skills of a salmon!" Placated through the psycho-magic of hypnosis, the moose swam rapidly after the Davros.
"This is a message from Lord Nergal: 'I await you at the Dread Isle.'"
Has Eliwood...er, Eliwoods gone crazy? Does everyone have a crazy definition of a fortnight? Since when do entire cities close? Is every single ship named the Davros? Will Wil and Astrid ever kiss? What strange new land did Ephraim and L'Arachel enter? Is Dart's grandpappy a crazy inventor, or a mad scientist? What's with these crazy discounts? Find out in chapter half-a-fortnight, that it, 15!
Bartre: You do know that a fortnight is two weeks, right?
Shut up, you smart person.
Danielle: We're coming, Dan!
Will: Dan...I've been looking for him too. No idea why.
Dan: Yes, come, you fools! Come into our trap!
Maurice: Rate and review, everyones!