Chapter Fourteen
Axel has Horrible, Horrible Timing
I didn't really plan to be outside at 5 in the morning, but I don't think a lot of teenagers are awake at this time, so my brain doesn't even work properly yet. Plus, I don't see how there is anyway I'd be able to plan for a spontaneous trip with Axel, so that's a bit comforting, especially when I stand here in shorts with nothing but keys and I.D. It's kind of chilly outside, but the sun is on a steady climb, so in a while it'll be burning my flesh, which right now, is something I can't wait for. But once it's hot, I'm sure I'll be complaining, of course.
Axel hops down the front steps and huddles in his old, beat up leather jacket. His jeans are full of tears and his bulky engineer boots are clunking around his thin ankles. I've never really paid attention to Axel's choice of wardrobe, not much after the first day I met him. At first it shocked me but really, it's just a collection of really tight t-shirts, leather and torn denim. The only shoes he owns are clunky engineer boots, red Doc Martins and that's it. I stare down at myself. I'm wearing a white high school sweater, Spirit Wear or whatever, and nylon shorts. I don't even know what my own style is considered. In fact, I don't even know if I have a style.
"Ready?" Axel asks and he looks nervous, I nod my head and we start walking. I wonder just where we are going, because I hear change jingling in Axel's pocket. I don't know if I should have brought some change for the bus, or if we could just drive there. I stop suddenly, realizing that, Hello…I own a fucking Lexus. There is no reason for us to be taking public transit. Ugh, I shudder to think.
"How about I drive us there?" I take my house keys out of the sweater pocket, my car keys attached right to the Key blade (that's what I took to calling it) keychain Axel gave me at Chuck.. Axel looks like he just might kiss my brain for coming up with such genius, and smiles brightly, nodding and turning towards the garage. "Where exactly are we going?" I ask, opening the garage door. My dad has this obsession with the classics, which is why we still have the manual garage door. The heavy ones you unlock and lift up over your head. The ones that are such a pain in the fucking ass. It's a long process taking the car out, parking and going to shut the door but oh well. My dad will never change his mind if you don't have a good argument. I guess that's where I get my stubborn attitude. When I get back to the car, I unlock the doors and watch Axel slide in. I follow suit, starting the car up and leaving the driveway behind.
"Just follow my directions," That's all he says and I just shrug, pulling onto the main street and waiting for some indication on where to do. "Go right, then keep going straight," he looks out the window and I turn the car. There isn't too much traffic and I thank God for that. I've never been too good in traffic, and I usually develop a tiny hint of Road Rage, but just a tiny, tiny bit. "Turn right on Lawrence and Keele," I reach a red light and stop, looking around the main intersection, watching the few people who are out at this ungodly hour, just walking around or waiting for the bus. They could be going anywhere. I realize there are a million places we could go to from here, and I really don't know if I'd be willing to go over each of them in my mind.
After what seems like forever taking directions from Axel, finally going on the highway and taking even more directions, buildings begin growing sparse and people show up few and far between. We're driving on the outskirts of the city, and along side a black iron fence. My stomach flips nervously when I notice we're driving straight towards Cemetery gates. Axel glances at me nervously from the corner of his eye, and when I immediately look at him, he sighs, dropping his head back against the seats. "After a lot of thought today…I realized that hey…you're the closest thing to family I've got…So, if I don't trust yah enough to share this, I don't deserve the chance you're giving me." Axel smiles at me softly and I have to look away before my conscience kills me. I feel horrible for not really giving him a chance, and especially for not trusting him if he trusts me enough to share this with me. I'm not an idiot; I know exactly where we are going.
I bite my bottom lip and park the car, there isn't another soul for miles. We sit in silence for a few seconds until Axel places his hand softly over mine, with a soft squeeze he makes me look up and motions for me to follow. I ignore the butterflies because now isn't their time. I lick my dry lips and unlock the doors, both of us climbing out in silence. I think about how I'd have reacted if Axel would have touched my hand like that when he first arrived. I know I would have freaked out, or as Naminé would say, I would have over reacted. Pfft.
There's a soft breeze blowing the branches and I try not to be creeped out by the eerie silence of the place. I know it's quiet because well, what else can I expect a cemetery to be? But still, it's this strangely calm feeling that the place seems to be engulfed in. The feeling of souls at rest. Axel just walks quickly, his boots crushing lush green grass under their soles, I guess he doesn't feel too great in this place and I wonder if it's where they buried his mother. I feel like I'm tainting the serene atmosphere when I walk and a twig snaps under my foot, the sound seeming to echo out and spread into every crevice. Axel just looks back and smiles at me while I try and calm my pounding heart. His eyes are glossy, and the smile just doesn't light up his face like I know it could. I hurry up, falling in step with Axel and something makes me reach out and hold his arm. I'm not scared…it's just I don't feel comfortable stepping on dead people.
Finally Axel stops, under a tree with pink blossoms growing on it and pale leaves. I stare at the tree, wondering just what kind it is, but before I have time to think anymore, Axel is talking. "This is it…Kairi's grave. She uhm, wanted to be buried next to my mum. Something she asked me a few months after we found out she was sick," I look up at him and he stares out at nothing, I ask quietly what she had and his voice becomes tight. He keeps talking though, even if it sounds like he's choking. "…She had pancreatic cancer, which was a big reason I stayed in the gang, I bought her whatever medicine I could…not like I'm looking for excuses to justify everythin' I did," I look down at the grass, my heart finishes breaking when I see the name plates side by side on the ground.
Athina Black, loving mother and caring sister.
Kairi Black, Beloved Sister.
Axel sniffles from somewhere off to the side and I look over at him as he wipes his nose on his sleeve much too roughly. It's slowly turning red, and his cheeks are a little flushed. I still think his nose is adorable, especially all irritated. What he told me registers and I feel even worse, if that's possible. On top of everything, Kairi was sick? How much sadness could one person stand? I feel my eyes getting teary, the urge to cry for Axel getting really strong. I fight it tooth and nail though, because I just can't cry. I don't know, it feels odd.
The sun is shinning through the leaves, casting little rays of warmth to fall on separate parts of my body and the breeze is still swirling around quietly. I'm just really thinking all this because I have nothing to say and I don't want to concentrate on the horrible feeling settling in my stomach. I was wrong to doubt Axel. I feel terrible as I turn and pull him over to me by the sleeve. He comes over with little resistance and stays at my side, staring blankly down at the golden plates, his tears rolling down his cheeks. I fight the urge to wrap my arms around him and stroke his hair, much like my mom used to do to me when I was younger and crying. Something tells me no one had ever done that for Axel. "She was the one that taught me to bake. It was because she wanted to calm me down after Reno and I fought…and we fought a lot. He was our older brother. It was so…weird…I met him the same day as my mother's funeral. We hadn't even known he existed." I listen quietly, not working up the guts to tell Axel that I know a whole lot about his life that he didn't tell me but instead I swallow it and say nothing. I decide that since he's sharing so much with me, I might as well share something with him. Something deep and personal. I take in a deep breath, summoning the courage.
"I feel like I should share something secret with you," I say quietly after a few minutes of silence go by unnoticed by Axel. His head snaps up and he looks at me in shock, almost like he doesn't believe it was me who just spoke. I smile, the blush working its way across my cheeks. "Yeah, it's something I've only told Sora and a few others…" I swallow, looking away and Axel stays quiet. "Uh…I'm gay," I shut my eyes and wait for something. I don't know what I expect Axel to say, but I'm scared. This is probably the weirdest way to come out to anyone, after they share their sad life story. My life has actually no sadness in it. The worst thing that ever happened to me was Axel's adoption, and now, I don't even see it as something bad. My skeleton is shaking in my skin, causing my entire being to tremble. After too much time and not enough words are present, I turn and peel my eyelids back. Axel is just grinning at me.
"Yeah, I sorta knew it…but thanks Blondie, for trustin' me 'nough to say it out loud," Axel's smile is so wide, I think his cheeks are going to be sore for days, and I have so much blood rushing into mine, I just might collapse. I blink dumbly before asking how he knew. He winks, pointing an imaginary pistol at his temple. "T'was so obvious…that and Sora told me," He laughs loudly when I gasp, my eyes widening. He wipes the last stray tears off his cheeks as his wide, glowing smile dims into a soft one. I try and ignore the way he's looking at me. It's like I'm all he sees. Like I'm just the best person ever. "Thank you Roxas…this means so much to me. Yanno, sharin' this uh…pain, with someone. Not havin' to deal with it all alone." I nod and look down, feeling soft and gooey on the inside. It's a strange feeling, and I'll admit it's something I haven't felt in what seems like forever. I'm torn between liking the feeling and hating it with every thing I've got.
"I'm gonna have to kill Sora though," I laugh because I just can't help it. I have all this strange excitement bundled up inside of me and Axel laughs loudly, throwing an arm across my shoulders. I don't shake it off; instead I move a little closer, standing at his side with my arms crossed over my chest.
"Let's go back home so you can't get to it then, huh?" Axel turns, making me walk with him and we leave. It takes me a while to think about something good to say, and when I do, it's still stupid.
"So uhm…this is some intense brotherly bonding huh?" I don't know why I say it, and deep inside, a small part of me hopes Axel doesn't see me as a brother, but as someone attractive…or something, but that's too embarrassing to even think about. So instead, I follow my instinct to venture away from anything that might count as a risky subject or something even close to emotional. The last thing I need is even more awkward tension in our relationship.
"Oh yeah…brotherly heh," I ignore the weird tone of voice his little laugh is, and I don't even work up the guts to look at him. The entire ride back home is silent, even if the ride is a little long.
I unlock the front door and I'm greeted by the sounds of my mother's heels upstairs. Axel's eyes go round and he looks at me, I look at him and shrug. "Mom?" I call out and my father appears from the living room, a trucker hat sitting on his blonde hair, squishing his spikes out the sides. My dad only wears that hat when he's going to barbeque, and we only have barbeque when there's a family reunion. I look at him and watch as my mom appears at the top of the stairs with flip flops and a t-shirt, her blonde hair ties back. Now I'm sure of it, there is going to be some sort of party. "Roxas, Axel! I'm glad you guys are home, I was worried until Sora told us you had left together early this morning." My mom smiles, hurrying down the stairs and I make a mental note to beat Sora. He just seems to be telling the entire world my business.
"So uhm…what's up?" I ask her after she's done hugging Axel and me. She smiles excitedly but is interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Betty!"
"Sara!" My Aunt Betty is so loud when addressing my mother, whose name is Sara. Sara Strife. I watch in horror as Sora's entire family spills into my house. Sora, Riku, Aunt Betty, Uncle Leon and their fucking dog, Tramp. It's a great name no? Yeah, Sora named him. My Uncle Leon greets my mother, and then makes his way towards where my father is and they start their low, mysterious mumbles that no one in the family understands.
Want to know something strange about my family? Uncle Leon is my father's half brother. Both the same mom but different dads. This is why Sora and I share so much similar genes I guess. Aunt Betty and my mom are sisters, and Uncle Leon and my dad are half brothers. To be honest, I do not look forward to having a family reunion, and I know exactly that this is what is going on. Soon, Uncle Zack is going to barge in, along with his annoying daughter Xion and Aunt Aerith who is pregnant…again, then Aunt Larxene is bound to come too, brining along whoever is her boyfriend, and that's just naming the first few annoyances. Sometimes these gatherings are fun, but this is the first one with Axel and Riku, so I'm beyond nervous. Speaking of which, the redhead is standing just behind me, staring at my mother as she explains to him just who is coming to the house, telling him how many family members there are in the family and who is who with short little descriptions. It's a long fucking list, and by the look on his face, he's thinking the same thing.
"Roxas!" Sora bounds over to me, slapping my arm and smiling. To think, just a few hours ago he was here, beating me into Axel-acceptance. This reminds me that I have to kill him for telling the redhead my homosexual secret, and that I have to tell him that I saw Kairi's grave. I decide I should tell Sora soon, because it's a lot easier to talk in secret when the house is empty. You can say good bye to privacy once everyone is piled in here. There will be drunk people everywhere, barging into every room, singing and just being loud and obnoxious. I grip his wrist and tug him away from the tiny crowd in the foyer. The adults all decide to go buy everything for the barbeque a.k.a. booze, and with quick goodbye's they are backing out of the drive way. Riku and Axel wander off, probably going to Axel's room and it's now or never.
"First, before I tell you, I have something for you," I smack Sora, really hard upside the head and he shouts, rubbing the spot that must be really sore. I know it's a hard hit because my hand really fucking stings. I ignore the pain and I glare at him when he pouts at me, his big blue eyes asking me why, why did I hit him! Little bastard probably doesn't even know what he did was wrong. "You told Axel I'm gay! What the hell Sora? I thought I told you to take that to the grave!" He straightens up and the pout gives way to a huge smile.
"Oh yeah! I was trying to get the attraction moving. I thought, if Axel knew you take it, he'd be much quicker to give it, and with confidence!" Oh god, Sora is lucky I'm not very abusive or else I would have beaten him into the tiles.
"Ugh, you're an idiot! Whatever…this isn't that I dragged you in here for," I rub my temple a few times, Sora looks happy to no longer be getting in shit, so I just decide to forget it. He told Axel, but nothing bad really happened. Axel was still grateful that I even told him, so it all worked out.
"You won't believe what happened," I tug him deeper into the kitchen, tossing him onto a bar stool in the corner. His eyes are round and beady, happily staring at me, expecting the gossip of the year. He's such a nosey person.
"You guys fucked didn't you? He gave you some naughty triple x action huh?" Sora is much too excited for this and I'm just thrown off by the question. I shake my head, stopping my hand from lifting and striking him in the face, nice and hard. "I knew telling him what a good idea!" He pelvic thrusts while sitting on the stool, looking like a dog itching its asshole on the carpet. It's really gross and inappropriate.
"What? No! Oh my god, do you have to be so disgusting?" I glare at him and he just laughs, kicking his legs happily and gripping onto the stool. He looks at me again, and this time I know he isn't going to interrupt.
"He took me to his sister's grave," I start and Sora's eyes go wide, his mouth falling open and his hands cover it. I nod my head and continue. "I felt so damn bad…He started to cry…Did you know she had cancer?" I almost let it slip how I wanted to hug him, and I remember this is Sora I'm talking to and if I tell him, half the damn school is going to know I have the hots for my brother from a troubled teens camp. He looks like he's about to cry, yet secretly enjoying the fact that I feel bad for being a jerk and I scratch the back of my head nervously.
"I should have listened when you said he was a good guy," I can't describe how bad I feel, so instead I decide just not to tell Sora and go through the trouble of finding all the words. I don't really like talking about how shitty I feel. I figure he can probably see the guilt on my face anyway. He nods his head, brown hair bobbing and falling into his eyes.
"I told you Roxas, and Riku told you he isn't a liar," I pace, the fact that I have a crush on him burning my tongue but I just can't tell Sora. My cousin clears his throat, and I look at him, he looks smug.
"You know, if you still don't believe Axel's story…", I glare so viciously, I think Sora feels a whip because he winces and stops before finishing his thought. I'm about to yell at him for saying something so stupid, when I hear a clunk. I turn around quickly and come face to face with Axel. The redhead blinks dumbly, and I notice the clunk was a plastic plate with a few snacks, which are now scattered on the floor.
"You…don't believe me? What…you think I'm lying about my sister?" I curse everything on earth that Axel guessed exactly what we were talking about and that he had to walk in right now, of all times, catching Sora in the middle of his idiocy. He looks repulsed, like he's about to punch me in the face and I try and explain that no, that's not it. "You think I'd go so far to get you to like me? I even showed you her grave, I shared that with you Roxas, the only thing I care about…What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you really that…self-centered?" Axel clenches his jaw, looking like he ate something sour but is trying not to make a face. Sora is just sitting there, completely shocked.
"N-no, Axel it's not…" before I can say anything, before I can even explain myself he tells me to shut the fuck up and leaves the kitchen, crushing the plate under his boot and stomping all the way upstairs. I stand there, staring at the emptiness he left behind, at the pieces of broken plate. Darn, it was from the Rainforest Café too. I turn slowly to face Sora and he looks like a beat puppy.
"Shit, Rox, Sorry man…" I'm about to yell at him, but decide it's not his fault. It's no one's fault but my own.
A/N: I wrote this entire chapter out on linned paper, something I haven't done since Grade 8, because when inspirtation hit, I couldn't come on the computer. It's actually just what I wanted, and it brings the climax of Brotherly Love upon you all rather nicely. I'm proud, to say the least. I still hate this rubber Keyboard though _
It's good to know (as selfish as it sounds) that there are others out there who are tortured with bendable keyboards.
May we all unite in our sorrow.
Anyway, I hope this update was fast enough and that it makes up for such long waits in the past.