A/N: Hey everyone!
I'm sorry; I know it's taken me forever to finish this chapter! I'm in my second year of university and things have been kind of crazy, with exams and homework and assignments, so I've barely had any time left for writing!
Also, something very crucial happens in this chapter, so I had to make sure I got all the details right! I've even drawn a time line to keep track of everything that has happened in the story so far, which resulted in me having to go back to a couple of previous chapters and make some minor changes in time intervals (so nothing big, really, extremely minor) to make everything fit together the way I wanted it to. Forgot to copy my a/n for the chapters I made changes to, however, so they're sort of gone. /: I'm kinda sad about that.
But I'll stop yabbing now! Here's the chapter, and I do hope you'll enjoy it! This story is still on my WIP list and will definitely continue to be, so I hope I haven't discouraged you all from reading it with the long wait. :) The chapter is slightly longer than usual and I really like some of the stuff in here, so I hope you will too!
Also, thanks for the reviews on my last chapter! They keep my motivation up!
/Yono.
14: Melody of Agony
"Riku!"
The moment Riku crumbled to the floor, Sora was by his chair. Riku was shaking uncontrollably and crying out in pain, though he barely seemed to be conscious. Sora grabbed his shoulders and tried to get him up, but couldn't, and he realized that Riku's skin was burning hot, worse than any fever Sora had ever felt before ...
Then Cloud was there, quickly lifting Riku, and calling out to Tifa at the same time.
"Get our medicines! I'm taking him upstairs!"
She obeyed and ran from the room while for everyone else time seemed to stand still. Every one of them had gotten up, but it was as if they couldn't move, and Cloud figured it was because they were in shock. They had all believed, even him, that the mission had been a complete success, and that they had gotten away with nothing but a couple scratches ... But it seemed they had been wrong. And as he carried the by now unconscious Riku upstairs, Cloud couldn't help but having a really bad feeling about this sudden illness. Had it been any place but the Department they had attacked, he wouldn't have been as worried, but who knew what he might have caught there?
Tifa was in the room only moments after Cloud had put Riku down onto the bed. She was carrying the med kit and a box that had once belonged to Aerith; a box of a brown basket-like weaving that contained their medicine for emergency cases. She placed both on the bed side table and came to Cloud's side. Riku was still gasping with pain as he moved on the bed, unable to stay still.
"Have you ever seen something like it before?" she asked.
Cloud didn't reply. Instead, he went to the box and chose two small bottles of liquid, one of them an almost unbelievably emerald green, the other a strong sun-like orange-yellow. He handed them to Tifa.
"I'll hold him. You make sure he drinks this."
Tifa did as she was told as Cloud grabbed a hold of Riku and forced his body up, enough for Tifa to make him drink. She was careful as she held his head and practically had to force the liquid into the boy's mouth, keeping it closed until his reflexes made him swallow. Then they waited. The potions were made from Aerith's recipes and they only had a few, but they had always worked. If Riku had been poisoned, Remedy would take care of it, and Cure would heal even any inner injuries before they could turn fatal.
For a long moment, it seemed as if nothing happened. Then a sigh escaped Riku's lips and he stopped moving. Gently, Cloud lowered him down onto the bed again and felt his head.
"He's still burning up," he mumbled.
The two exchanged a worried gaze. The two potions combined usually worked their magic very fast. This was a bad sign, and it made Cloud even tenser than he was already. The Shinra Department ... He really hoped he was wrong. Because when and where could Riku have gotten it, anyway? They hadn't exactly stayed there for long! But the symptoms and now Aerith's failed medicines ...
"Is he going to be okay?" a voice sounded.
Neither Tifa nor Cloud had realized that Sora had followed them before. Now he stood in the doorway, his blue eyes reflecting the worry Cloud felt, but somehow even stronger. Again, Tifa and Cloud looked at each other. They didn't know yet what to tell him.
"Hopefully," Tifa said in the end. "We can't know for sure yet, not until we know exactly what's wrong."
"Maybe this can help," Sora replied gravely and held out his hand.
Cloud felt his heart stop at what the kid held. It was a syringe.
Quickly getting himself together, Cloud took off his shirt and in lack of anything better used it to carefully pick up the syringe in Sora's hand.
"You didn't touch the end of it, did you?" he asked.
"No," Sora replied. "At least not enough for it to penetrate my skin. What is it?"
"I'll find out. Tell me what happened. I need to know the details."
"Well, when we left you," Sora said slowly; it had been in the midst of all the confusion and he had still been weak at the time, barely able to keep up the pace that Riku and he had had to set, "we went down some hallways, and then we ran into the guy with the glasses, Professor Hojo. Riku fought him ..."
Cloud bit his lip. Of course it had to be Hojo. He didn't like the sound of that.
"I think the professor stuck him with this. I picked it up before we ran again."
"And what did Hojo do?"
Sora frowned.
"He just sort of ... retreated into the shadows. He didn't even try to follow us. We reached the parking lot safely from there."
His fears almost confirmed, Cloud knew what he had to do now. Convincing himself there might still be hope, he went to the med kit and retrieved a small scalpel, plasters, and two more bottles, empty ones this time. Next, he squatted down next to Riku and lifted the boy's arm, lightly cutting it. Riku was too far away to notice, and as the blood slowly flowed from the cut, Cloud held the bottle just below it. When he was satisfied with the amount of blood in it, he put on the cork and bandaged the wound before labeling the bottle. He could feel both Tifa and Sora's eyes on him.
"I'll need a blood sample from you as well, Sora," he told the youngster. "Better safe than sorry."
As Tifa gently got a sample from Sora, Cloud examined Riku carefully once more. The boy was still unmoving on the bed, but his breathing already seemed to have quickened almost unnoticeably again. When Tifa handed Cloud the small bottle of blood, he finally moved his gaze away from Riku.
"I'll take these with me," he explained, holding up the samples. "I know someone who'll be able to tell us exactly what's in the syringe and whether that's what's in Riku's system too. Until I get back ..."
He took a deep breath.
"... I'll need you to lock the door and keep everyone away from this room. It's important. If you do enter, don't do it alone."
"What?" Sora exclaimed. "So we're just going to leave Riku like that when he's sick?"
"It's a precaution we have to take," Cloud said curtly. "I don't have time to explain right now; just do as I say. I mean it!"
Sora didn't seem especially happy about it, but didn't argue any further. Tifa took a small step forward.
"Cloud ..." As he turned to look at her, she found in his eyes what she had feared she might. "You think it's Darkness."
"I don't know yet," he replied quietly.
"But you suspect it," she declared.
Once more, he couldn't hide anything from her. Instead of trying to prove her wrong when what she said was the truth, he simply nodded. He could see the shock in her eyes when she looked at Riku, then back at Cloud. Shock, and fear. She was afraid. But not of the boy, Cloud could tell. For the boy. Tifa was amazing like that. She had never seemed to truly fear the darkness the way he did.
"I'll be leaving now," Cloud said. "I meant what I said before: Keep the door locked! When I come back, I'll know more about the situation."
When he had made sure that both Tifa and Sora had left Riku and closed the door, Cloud went to put on a new shirt and find something in which to wrap the syringe. Not that it would matter all that much if he touched it, he thought wryly. The damage had already been done.
He met Tifa again on the way out. As he was about to head out the door, she touched his hand.
"Hurry back," she whispered. "And, Cloud ..." Again he met her eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes that still shone with worry. For those eyes alone, he would hurry faster. Her next words just made that decision even firmer.
"I really hope you're wrong."
o0o
Cloud called Cissnei the moment Hollow Bastion was out of sight.
"We need to meet," he told her. "It's important. I have a request for you."
"A personal request?" she wanted to know.
"Yes," he replied, "and you're probably the only one who can help me with this."
She was quiet for a while, long enough that Cloud began to worry about it. Then she finally spoke again.
"Meet me downtown. I'll text you the location."
o0o
Twenty minutes later, Cloud found himself in the seedy corner of an equally seedy bar that he had never been in before. Across the table from him was Cissnei, her cobber red hair as casually framing her face as always. Yet there was a worried frown on her face, something he had only very rarely seen there the times they had met. On the table between them lay the wrapped syringe and the small bottles Cloud had brought.
"You're right," the woman said finally. "I can run some tests. But are you completely certain you want the results? You might not like them."
"I know," Cloud told her. "But it won't do me any good to stay ignorant to it, either. It can't be any worse than what I already suspect it is."
She looked him over, but he knew his face was as unreadable as he could make it. In the end, Cissnei sighed, carefully picked up the three items, and put them in her bag.
"I'll need a couple hours," she told him as she got up. "I'll text you when the test results are ready. You better find something to keep you occupied in the meantime."
Then she left. Cloud considered going back to Hollow Bastion, but he had promised he would know more when he did, and so, he ended up simply walking around the city while time seemed to run too slowly. With everything that had happened lately, he caught himself once again thinking of leaving AVALANCHE behind, but if it was true that Riku had been infected with Darkness, he knew he couldn't. The boy was strong, but was he strong enough to withstand it?
Cloud rubbed his temples. He hadn't expected this to happen. In fact, he had to admit that he hadn't even considered it a risk when they decided to break into the Shinra Department. There had been so many scenarios in his head of things going wrong, but never something like this. He hoped Tifa wouldn't see, wouldn't notice ... Cloud had managed to keep his secret for so long now, because he wouldn't be able to bear it if Tifa knew. But with Darkness this close to them ... How could she not find out? Yet another reason to leave, even if he knew he couldn't.
There were so many things on his mind that the vibration in his pocket from his phone receiving a text almost startled him. He quickly took it out and checked Cissnei's message. Glancing at the time as well, he realized that three hours had passed already. No wonder his body was starting to get exhausted; he had barely slept since AVALANCHE had begun to plan their latest mission, and he couldn't keep back a yawn as he turned and headed toward Cissnei's meeting place.
Her frown had disappeared, Cloud noticed as they met in an alley way where they could talk without being overheard. Either she had managed to repress it or she had better news for him than he had expected.
"So I've got some results for you," she said, straight to the point without the need for a greeting first. "But I have to admit they baffle me a bit."
This time, it was Cloud's turn to frown.
"How so?"
She sighed and handed him a piece of paper and the bag with the syringe and bottles as she explained,
"The substance in the syringe isn't Darkness; it's a tranquilizer. It's mainly used as a sort of sedative, to make a subject weak and stop them from struggling. I've seen it mentioned before. But it clearly doesn't fit the symptoms you described at all."
He waited for her to continue. It was clear to him that she wasn't done yet.
"So of course I ran a test of the blood as well. The one you'd labeled S was clean; there was only a trace of something that's already gone. The other sample, however, is another matter. You were right; there is Darkness in the blood, but your friend didn't get it from that syringe. There were traces of the tranquilizerin his blood as well, butare you sure this is the only syringe that's stuck him? Or could he have gotten it somewhere else?"
Cloud was about to reply that he didn't know how else it could have happened, unless Sora's description of what had happened had been wrong and Hojo had had enough time to inject Riku with both things. But then he suddenly remembered the first time they had met the boy: During the mission on Destiny Islands, where they had gone to the military base to try and get to Hojo ... And, as he recalled the details, he knew that it was very likely that the professor would have gotten the chance to inject the Darkness there. For one thing, they had found Riku in the same room as Hojo. Furthermore, if his memory was correct, there had been test tubes in the room as well.
But if it was true that Riku had gotten infected with Darkness already on Destiny Islands, then he had been carrying it in his systems for three months by now. Also, he had somehow managed to keep it dormant all that time. The tranquilizer must have weakened his system and given the Darkness a chance to finally attack ... Well, apparently, Cloud had been wrong about Riku's strength. He might just make it after all.
"I think I know where he got it," Cloud said. "Thanks, Cissnei. I really appreciate your help."
"You're welcome," she replied. "I hope your friend gets better, Cloud. If not ..."
"I'll know how to deal with it," he finished the sentence for her, though he hoped it wouldn't come to that. Cloud didn't like the prospect of what he might have to do if Riku couldn't fight the Darkness in the end.
"Let me know if you need anything else," Cissnei told him. "And ... good luck."
She sent him a small smile as she walked past him and continued out of the alley way. Cloud stayed there for a while, thinking through once more what he had realized. Then he, too, left and headed back to Hollow Bastion. He knew Tifa would be waiting anxiously for an answer.
o0o
The only light on his way back to Hollow Bastion was provided by the dim street lights, and it was that light that allowed Cloud to see the figure standing outside the door, leaned against the wall of the house that had been repaired so many times over. He knew that figure; he would never not recognize it, and he wasn't surprised that Tifa was waiting for him here. In her eyes, he saw the questions she wanted him to answer, yet she didn't speak. She let him break the silence first.
"It's like I feared," he admitted, because he knew that was what she most of all wanted to know, and her worried gaze grew even graver at his words. But still she didn't speak. "Would you gather the others in the living room? I'd like to talk to all of you at once."
Then he wouldn't have to tell the news four times in one night. This was serious, and it would be a waste of time - time he needed to consider exactly how to deal with this situation. Even if he had been working on scenarios and possible solutions in his mind all the way back from the city center, he still hadn't come any closer to what might be best. All he was sure of was that it would first and foremost be Riku's fight, not his own, though somehow he wasn't sure that the thought comforted him.
Tifa nodded at his request and went inside. He followed her after a moment, taking a deep breath before entering the living room. It seemed she didn't have to go far to gather everyone; it was likely they had not moved from the room at all since Cloud's departure. Cid was in an arm chair, Barret occupied the couch with Sora next to him, the boy looking very small compared to Barret's big body. Tifa hadn't sat down; she was standing near the window, lightly fingering the curtain, but she let go of it and turned around to face Cloud when he entered. Still he could see that deep worry in her hazel eyes. He wished he could do something to relieve it, but knew it was impossible.
How was he going to start this explanation? How could he tell them about Darkness without revealing too much? There was so much at stake here, yet the things he would rather leave unsaid had to be partly said, which unnerved him. Still his face was as unreadable as he could possibly make it. Only Tifa might see through it, like she often could, and she was the one from whom he wanted to hide it the most. But he had to speak now. Riku's illness had left him no choice.
"I don't know how much Tifa and Sora told you about what we know for sure happened to Riku during our break-in at the Shinra Department," he began slowly, feeling his way with the words as he spoke, "but in a fight with Professor Hojo, Hojo managed to inject Riku with a fluid. As far as we could guess, that's what caused his attack back here."
So far, so good. Everyone were listening attentively. Sora was on the edge of his seat, blue eyes betraying how nervous he felt, for the sake of his friend.
"I had my contact run some tests on the blood samples we collected from Riku, and from Sora. Sora's was clean, except for traces of something that seems to have already left his system. No traces of Darkness. But Riku's got it."
From the looks the others exchanged, Cloud could tell that Tifa had already filled them in on their suspicions. Cid, he suddenly noticed, was holding the stump of a cigarette in his hand. He had been smoking just recently, but there was no trace of smoke. It was likely he hadn't even noticed he was still carrying the stump.
"So that's it, then?" Barret said quietly. "We've lost him? Just like that? I ain't gonna accept that! I ain't gonna ..."
His voice trailed off and he looked down. There was an atmosphere of hopelessness in the entire room, because everyone knew what Darkness did to people, what they had seen it do. They were all afraid Riku would become like the victims, the lab rats that they had seen before. This was where it got difficult. Cloud took a small breath before he continued.
"No," he replied. "We haven't lost him yet."
Barret and Cid looked up in surprise, Sora's eyes widened and a smile started to form on his face. Tifa met Cloud's gaze and waited. He couldn't tell what she was thinking.
"Darkness can be fought," Cloud declared. "It's not easy, but I've seen it done. And Riku has been fighting it, longer than any of us have known. I doubt he even knew it himself."
"What do you mean?" Cid frowned.
"The blood test," Cloud explained, "showed Darkness. But the substance in the syringe didn't; that was simply a tranquilizer used to weaken the power of Hojo's victims so they won't fight back. Remember where we first found Riku?"
Tifa's eyes widened. She, at least, had understood what he was getting at.
"When we went to Destiny Islands, it was to capture the professor," he continued. "We found Riku in the same room as him. I think, based on the evidence, that Hojo must have already injected him with the Darkness back then."
"But ..." The space between Barret's eyebrows grew shorter as he thought this over, "... then wouldn' we have known? Darkness ain't somethin' to keep itself hidden, far as we've seen."
"No," Cloud agreed. "Riku's body must have been fighting it all that time. I suppose it's somehow been dormant, until Hojo's tranquilizer entered Riku's system and tipped the scale. That's the only explanation I can find that's plausible. And if he's already fought it subconsciously, then he can do it consciously too. He just needs to keep his head level, because the Darkness isn't easy to suppress, from what I know."
This was it. The decisivemoment. This was when he would either pass or lose. If he failed now, they would all know, and everything would change. He couldn't look at Tifa as he went on,
"It messes with a person's mind as well as with their body. First, there's the pain you all saw hit him. Then, when it's left you weakened and out if it, the Darkness brings up images, of everything that ever made you angry or made you feel hate. It lets you experience hallucinations as well, horrible ones where you lose everything you care about. In the end, when a person has reached a point where all he wants is to let go of the pain, that's when the Darkness takes over. The people we've met so far have run from the pain. They lost the fight, but not everyone does. Someone I once knew never did."
After his revelation, there was complete silence in the room. Cloud had expected Sora to look confused, but there was only a grave stubbornness in his blue eyes. Tifa must have explained to him about the Darkness, or he might have learned about it already during his time as one of Hojo's subjects. Cid and Barret both frowned, taking in the information, but he couldn't tell what Tifa was thinking. She wasn't looking at him.
"So what you're sayin' is," Cid finally said, slowly, "that this person you knew was injected with Darkness and didn't go crazy, because he learned how to fight it?"
"Yes."
"And ye think the kid could do the same?"
Cloud nodded.
Cid straightened with a sound of agreement, though Cloud could tell the man wasn't completely certain of whether or not he should believe that Riku really could overcome the Darkness. Cloud didn't blame him, but he felt at least a small hope that the kid might. He wasn't losing another member of their group, and at least this time Cloud would be able to do something before it was too late. It was a change he welcomed.
"If it's a matter of fighting," Sora spoke for the first time since Cloud's arrival, "then it's already settled: Riku's going to win. He's always been stronger than me. I used to hate that fact. But turns out it's a good thing. Him losing isn't even an option. I'm not going to worry."
And with those words, he settled back in the couch and put his hands behind his head. That he wasn't worried wasn't entirely true, Cloud could tell, but at least he did a show of convincing everyone that things would work out in the end. Sora seemed to have an aura of hope around him that Cloud somehow couldn't help but admire, and somehow also couldn't help but envy. He wished he could share in that perfect optimism, but reality was different. Riku had a tough battle ahead of him, but with Sora's faith in him, he might just be able to pull through and win in the end.
"I'm going to check on Riku." Cloud turned and left the living room. Through the corner of his eye, he noticed that Tifa followed. His heart suddenly beating faster, Cloud walked down the hallway, far enough away that they could not be seen from the living room, before he stopped and faced her.
At first, she just stood there, silently looking at him, and still he couldn't tell what she was thinking. For a moment, he let himself hope, badly, that she had not figured it out, that she didn't know ... But then he met her eyes and his hopes were crushed.
"Those symptoms you described ..." she finally said. "I've seen them before. Half a year ago. And there's no use pretending, because we both know what I'm talking about."
And he did know, of course he did. Half a year ago was when she had found him, back when he had still been a mess, shortly after Zack's death. The Darkness had still had a hold of him then; he had only just begun to move in the world around him, slowly finding his way because Zack had told him to live for both of them, to be his living legacy. It hurt just to think about it. Tifa had helped him get back on his feet. And now she knew the one thing he had never wanted her to find out. Yet, in her eyes there was no fear, no disgust and horror, he realized. What he found there instead was hurt. In those deep, hazel eyes was a hurt that he suddenly understood that he had inflicted, and he found himself lost for words as it hit him.
"You know ..." Tifa's voice was quiet. "I always figured that when you were ready, you'd tell me what happened to you during our years apart. But you never seemed to be. And maybe it was stupid of me, to keep waiting, maybe I should have just asked you. But ..." She hesitated for a while, lowering her eyes as to not look at him. "... I guess I was hoping that someday you would feel safe enough about us to confide in me."
Cloud did not know what to reply. The hurt in her eyes had left him almost paralyzed, unable to even think. When she turned around and left, he wanted so badly to pursue her, to break the wall between them. Yet somehow, he still did not know how. What could he possibly say to make her feel better? She had every right to feel hurt, but the reason he had kept this part of his past from her was the one thing he didn't know if she would be able to understand.
So instead, Cloud chose to run from the confrontation and turn to deal with their other problem instead. Riku might be awake by now, and the kid would need to know whatwas happening to him.
o0o
Riku was sitting up in bed when Cloud unlocked the door and entered. The boy was still pale, his breathing slightly heavier than usual, but at least his eyes were clear. It seemed Aerith's medicines had worked after all, though Cloud knew better than anyone that it couldn't cure the Darkness entirely. It might give Riku a break, but they didn't have enough of it to keep using it. He would have to learn to fight the matter under any circumstances.
"It's Darkness, isn't it?" Riku asked before Cloud had a chance to speak. "I heard you talk about it, earlier. It's like ... I could hear everything you were saying, but I was unable to respond at all. Like my body wasn't mine ..."
He let the sentence trail off. Cloud calmly took out a chair and sat down next to the bed. Riku was looking down at the sheets, but Cloud could tell that he had something more on his mind and wanted to let him ask his questions before Cloud started answering them. Apparently, the man's silence was enough for Riku to know that the first answer was yes, it was Darkness, because when he finally spoke again, he said, still not looking up,
"So I'm going to end up like the boy at the factory?" His voice was surprisingly matter-of-factly, though Cloud could sense the fear Riku was trying to conceal behind it and decided it was time to speak.
"No." This one word made Riku look up in surprise. "At least there's a chance you won't."
"What do you mean?" he wanted to know, the hint of hope in his voice tinted with doubt. "I thought you said Darkness couldn't be cured."
"It can't," Cloud agreed. "But it can be fought. You've been fighting it for months already."
The boy's brows furrowed and confusion appeared in his eyes.
"Care to explain that?" he said.
"How much do you remember of what happened at the base on Destiny Islands?"
His question resulted in a long silence from Riku as the boy recalled exactly what had happened a bit over three months ago. It was no wonder he couldn't answer right away; what with everything he had experienced since, it must seem like a lifetime ago already.
"I remember sneaking into the base because we were in need of food," he finally replied slowly. "But I was careless and they caught me. When I regained consciousness, I was tied up in the room where you found me."
Realization suddenly lit up his eyes.
"Hojo was in that room when I woke up," he mumbled. "Are you saying he got me already back then? That he injected me with Darkness, even though the soldiers told him I was to be brought to the main land for interrogation?"
Cloud nodded.
"That's my theory, yes."
"But then why haven't I felt anything before now?"
"That's a good question." Cloud was quiet for a moment before he continued, "Apparently, you're stronger than you seem. Maybe you've managed to keep it dormant because of your conviction to protect your friends. You might even have been able to keep it in check for years if Hojo hadn't managed to inject you with a tranquilizer during our rescue mission at the Department. We'll never know. One thing's for sure, though: If you could fight it subconsciously, you can do it consciously too."
"Yeah?" Riku didn't seem convinced. "How so?"
"I don't know how to explain it exactly," Cloud told him honestly, "but you wouldn't be the first one to succeed. It takes a strong mind, and the will to give up on the power that the Darkness can lend you in return for your humanity. It's a tough road to travel, but I believe you might be able to do it."
"It sounds like something you're just telling me to keep me from losing hope," was the tartreply. "Exactly who else do you know who've managed to overcome the Darkness?"
""Overcome" would be the wrong word," Cloud said. ""Suppress" is better. It's still lying in the corners of my mind. But I've done it."
A part of him had hoped he would not have to reveal that fact directly, but in the end, it seemed that to make Riku truly believe that Darkness could be fought, he needed proof, and there really wasn't anything better that Cloud could give him to prove his words wasn't just the words of encouragement they had apparently sounded like to the boy. And now that Cloud had said it out loud, for the first time since he became aware of the Darkness inside him, he found that admitting to it wasn't nearly as terrifying as he had thought it would be.
Riku's eyes widened as he stared at the man and there was another long silence between them. This time, Cloud was the one to break it.
"I was held captive by Shinra for years back when their experiments were still on the early stage, barely aware of my surroundings. The past eight months I've fought to keep it under control. I can still feel it inside, like a constant force that would overthrow me if I ever let it. But I don't. I'm able to suppress it, and that's the whole point. So like I said: It won't be easy - it'll be tough and painful like you've just experienced - but it can be done. You can fight the Darkness, Riku. Only question is, are you ready to?"
Again, their eyes met, and in Riku's teal gaze Cloud could already see the answer clearly.
"That's not even a question," he stated. "I have to be. I've got people to protect."
The boy leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before he continued,
"If Sora's going to have to stay away from me for a while until I get this thing under control, then I at least owe it to him to explain why. I want to talk to him. You can stay and make sure nothing happens, if you need to, or make someone else watch us or whatever. But I need to talk to my friend."
"Of course." Cloud got up. "He's still awake downstairs. I'll go get him."
"Thanks ..." Riku closed his eyes again, visibly exhausted. It wasn't surprising, given what he had just been through, and Cloud knew only all too well that it wouldn't get any better. But hopefully, the boy would get tougher and then it would seem easier, at least.
As he walked down the stairs, Riku's words echoed through his mind: "If Sora's going to have to stay away from me, then I at least owe it to him to explain why." Riku wasn't going to go through this alone, and the more Cloud thought about it, the more he realized that they both knew this might actually help him in his fight. After all, having someone to fight for made it worth all the effort and eased all the pain. And as Cloud stepped into the living room, he finally realized that as soon as Riku and Sora had had their conversation, there was someone he himself greatly needed to talk to.
o0o
He found Tifa in her room where she was sitting on her bed, facing the window and the greyness of outside. Cloud stopped for a moment in the doorway, watching her, as he had often done before. Her dark hair, though messy and flat from having been hidden under a wig earlier, still looked beautiful and strong, representing her perfectly. She didn't turn around, though he knew she must have noticed his presence. The thought of her words to him less than an hour ago made it easy for Cloud to understand why she couldn't, wouldn't look at him right now. So instead of forcing her to, he went to the bed and sat down next to her. This made her turn for a moment, enough to meet his gaze before looking out the window again. Though she had clearly composed herself since their conversation, if you could call it that, she still wasn't able to hide her feelings of hurt entirely. Cloud took a deep breath. It was about time he told her the truth. He had delayed it so long he hadn't even realized it might, in the end, be for the better, though he wasn't completely convinced of that idea. But this was what she needed, and he owed it to her. After all, she was the one who had gotten him through the fight so far with his mind intact.
"Four years ago ... No, it's more like five now, isn't it? Five years ago, I was in Nibelheim when Sephiroth went insane. I never told you. Back then, I was too ashamed to face you because I hadn't become the SOLDIER that I had left to become. I was just an infantryman, there to assist SOLDIER 1st class Zack Fair and the legendary Sephiroth. I couldn't admit that, not to you. So I hid behind my helmet and you never knew."
She was listening, he could tell. Her gaze wasn't quite on the window anymore. So he continued.
"When Sephiroth went crazy and destroyed the city ... I thought for a moment that I had lost you. But you were still alive. And I helped Zack Fair face Sephiroth, to make him pay for all the lives he had taken from you and me."
Tifa slowly turned around now so they were facing each other.
"You kept your promise," she whispered. "You saved me when I was in danger."
There were so many emotions in her face then that Cloud could feel his heart beat faster. That promise, made years ago, one night at the well in Nibelheim before he had left to become a SOLDIER that might one day win her heart. She had promised to wait for him, but only if he promised her one thing in return. If you get really famous and I'm ever in a bind, she had said, you'll come save me, all right?
"We didn't win the fight. Not exactly. But Sephiroth disappeared. What happened next ... I don't remember it very clearly. Zack and I were taken to the Shinra Department. We were there for four years, is what I've learned afterwards, but I can't recall much of what they did to us ... I wasn't conscious for much of it. The Darkness experiments were still a new thing back then ..."
This time, he was the one who had to look away. Though it was true that he didn't remember much from the years as one of Hojo's test subjects, the things he did remember weren't good memories. And what happened afterwards didn't make it any better.
"Zack and I were both infused with Darkness. But Zack, being a SOLDIER and used to the synthetic treatment that makes them stronger, broke free of Hojo's hold and took me with him. Zack died protecting me, before I had even recovered enough to help him fight at all ..."
He paused again. The painful memory of Zack's death was still as fresh in his mind as the day it happened. The SOLDIER's words rang through Cloud's mind again; "You'll be my living legacy". Those words was one of the reasons Cloud had kept fighting, even when he had thought he couldn't defeat what had been planted inside him during his time as an experiment. The other reason ... The other reason was sitting right next to him now, silent, not interrupting as he finally shared the only part of his past that she did not already know. The hurt in her eyes had changed now; it wasn't her own hurt they reflected any longer.
"I have been fighting the Darkness ever since. The only good thing about it is that I've learned to control its strength as much as I can, to use it as much as I possibly can without being overrun by it. At least I'm able to use what Hojo turned me into in order to bring him and Shinra down."
He took another deep breath before he finally raised his gaze to meet her hazel eyes.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was afraid of what you would think of me if you knew the truth."
Tifa smiled then, a small smile, but one that made Cloud forget all his doubts about finally letting her know. She didn't speak; instead, she took his hand and moved closer, covering the bit of space that had been between them on the bed, and leaned against him. Slowly, his heart beating faster still, Cloud put an arm around her. As they sat there, just the two of them so close, in that moment Cloud felt the wall between them begin to crack. And that was okay.