A/N: Happy day-after-trailer day? :D My new job starts tomorrow (how did that come around so quickly?! Eep!) so here is an offering before I begin...

My continued thanks for all your lovely support, and especially to those who've helped this chapter on the way - you're darlings and I love you!

Enjoy...!

Chapter Fourteen

Sleep had not brought Mary any comfort. What it had brought, however, was a strengthened determination to act without distraction. Forgoing the ordeal of a family breakfast, considering what they now knew of her, she rang Anna for a tray and dressed quickly, with purpose. In the pale light of morning Mary looked long and hard at herself in the mirror, appraising the image she presented. Though the dress and coat had not been worn since before her wedding, she thought that quite fitting, and when fixed up with a brooch and scarf the result was rather pleasing. She looked younger, fresher, more confident, somehow. Mary wondered how much of that was to do with the clothes, or whether her own attitude and Anna's expertise were more to thank.

"Will I do, Anna, do you think?" She tucked a stray hair into place and took a final dab of perfume, straightening her back.

"I think you look very smart, milady, and very sure of yourself. So yes, I do."

Mary turned and smiled. "Well it's all down to you, so thank you. I suppose I mustn't put it off any longer, and really, it's about time."

"If you've been unhappy, milady, then yes I think it is," Anna said seriously. Mary had told her the essentials of what had happened, and why, and wasn't surprised to find her old companion both understanding and sympathetic. She'd also been assured by the maid that Carson had put a firm stop to any gossiping amongst the servants, and though she doubted the success of his efforts, she was touched by the gesture. Warmth nestled around her heart at the sense of home she felt here, back where she belonged, in contrast to the coldness she'd always felt at Haxby in the stiff, professional politeness of their staff. Of course Richard had always preferred it that way.

She shivered, and tightened her coat a little around herself. "Well, I'm going. Wish me luck!"

"Good luck, milady," Anna smiled then added a little more cautiously, "Will you... be seeing Mr. Crawley on your way out? I did see Mrs. Crawley while I was doing the rooms this morning, but she said he hadn't woken yet after a few times in the night."

Her brave smile wavered. "No, I thought perhaps not. If I had to own up to where I'm going, he'd throw up all sorts of a fuss, and I don't want him worried."

"If you think that's best, then," Anna said, nodding to herself, her opinion reserved. Mary watched her for a moment, the carefully neutral expression that offered support without judgement, and dismissed any last traces of doubt. Of course she wanted Matthew's support, as he'd so earnestly promised to give, but after what had happened that promise was simply not possible to uphold. Perhaps it was for the best anyway. Matthew wouldn't think so. He would insist that she wait or would try to come along and of course he couldn't, and then he'd only fret the morning away, upsetting his recovery. No, it was safer to not risk seeing him at all until she was back and it was dealt with.

Even so, as she made to leave with quick, determined steps, she wavered a moment outside the door of the bedroom he'd been taken to the evening before. It was slightly ajar, and she angled herself just enough to glimpse the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and his hand resting by his side, fingers flexing in his sleep. Fondly, she remembered them doing the same while she'd lain by his side during their stolen night together.

She left the house with a small, comforted smile gracing her lips.

The drive to Haxby seemed long. It had always seemed a long, arduous journey, to return to the unfeeling house. Today it seemed to take longer than ever before, as coldness settled like a weight in her chest.

She felt Violet's eyes on her, watchful as always, and turned.

"Yes?" she sighed, ready for only one argument today. What was to come with Richard would be ordeal enough.

"I presume you have a plan of attack," Violet probed. "You know him better than I, of course, but even I know your husband won't be put off easily."

"Not easily at all." She stared out of the window, at the familiar trees and landscape that passed, sights she had called her home, though it had never felt as such. "But I hope I know him well enough to convince him that divorce is in his best interests, not just Matthew's and mine."

Violet's lip quirked. "You're not appealing to his better nature, then? My, what a surprise."

"It's not... that he doesn't have one," Mary shook her head. "I just know it wouldn't be nearly so effective as appealing to his pride."

She glanced to her side, and saw Violet nod approvingly. Though it was what they had wounded the most, she could only hope now that it was Richard's pride that would save them. She desperately hoped that it would.

She held her breath as she pulled the bell, overshadowed by the forbidding doorway. It felt as though she'd always held her breath, returning here, but the promise of this being the last time was enough to drive her onward. Only when Barrow pulled back the door did she exhale, slowly, her expression carefully schooled against their butler's own flinch of surprise.

Mary wondered what Richard had told them when she hadn't returned with him last night, or appeared for breakfast this morning. That was assuming he'd returned home at all, on his own and in shame.

"Good morning Barrow," she smiled, standing as tall as she could. "Is Sir Richard in at the moment?"

"I believe he's busy in the morning room, milady, but..." The young butler was obviously not used to inviting a lady into her own home. Mary was almost amused, but the smile on her lips tightened with determination.

"Please, tell him I'm here. I think he'll understand."

Politely she waited as he glanced between her and the Dowager, before a quick nod and he turned on his heel to find Sir Richard. Mary hadn't offered to pass over their coats and hats; it wasn't a social call after all. Beckoning to Violet to follow, she moved into the lofty hall, their footsteps on the marble echoing in sharp clicks to the ceiling high above.

"How cosy," Violet muttered under her breath, and Mary withheld a shiver.

Barely a minute had passed when Barrow reappeared, with a curious frown.

"Please go through, Lady Mary, your Ladyship."

"Thank you." Mary's reply was curt, and both women waited until the butler had reluctantly disappeared before they went in through the open door at the end of the hall.

Inside, Richard stood by the window, his back straight and proud, refusing to acknowledge their presence until the door had clicked firmly closed. Mary fought the urge to roll her eyes. Even in the smallest of ways, he was determined to set his own rules, it seemed, though she found she could hardly blame him.

"Hello Richard," she said, her tone wearied before they had even begun. Her lips parted to say more, but suddenly she found that she didn't know what to say. Was she supposed to apologise for what had happened, or to thank him for seeing her? Breeding and her nature told her to do so, but she couldn't bring herself to comply.

"Lady Mary." He turned slowly, his cold grey eyes glancing across both her and Violet, taking his time before speaking again. "Back to the cold and the careful, I see."

"Don't you think that's best?"

He shrugged. "I suppose so. You've not brought the reinforcements I'd expected. How is Mr. Crawley today?"

There was a tightness behind his words, which Mary realised was driven by fear. Of course, he hadn't seen Matthew regain consciousness. Matthew could be in any state for all he knew, and by his own hand. She drew a smile through thin-pressed lips.

"I haven't seen him this morning, I wouldn't know." She let him consider this for a moment longer before continuing. "But before leaving last night, Doctor Clarkson seemed to think he'd be alright, given time. Thank you for your concern."

He scoffed and turned to Violet, who hadn't yet spoken and so far seemed quite content to listen.

"So Mary has brought you instead; I'm sure you have a great deal of opinion on the private matters of our marriage but-"

"No, no," she held a hand up to quiet him, and he pressed his lips tightly together. "I'm here simply as moral support. Be assured that I do have a great deal of opinion on it indeed, but I'll keep it to myself. Not that there seems any great need to bother about the privacy of your marriage, after your little exhibition last night."

"Granny, please," Mary said quickly as she saw Richard's eyes narrow in distaste. "Let's not make this more difficult than it already is."

"Yes it is all rather difficult for you, isn't it, now that your sordid little affair is out in the open." A cold sneer painted Richard's face, his words, the very air around him, the chill of it bleeding into the room and making Mary shiver. "What a mockery your lover has made of his precious honour. Tell me, Mary, what exactly do you expect to happen now?"

Still he remained standing by the window, his arrogance an attempt to command the situation and making Mary's skin crawl. In defiance she sat down, perching on a stiff, upholstered chair with hands clasped neatly in her lap as Violet followed her example.

"I don't know what I expect to happen." To be forced to an admission was irritating, but she passed it off with a shrug. "What I hope will happen is that you will be reasonable and see that our marriage can't go on."

"Oh it can't, can it?" He leaned toward her, his voice laden with scorn. "Remind me why that is, precisely?"

Her throat was dry. Stay calm. "You know why, Richard."

"Of course," he snapped. "Our marriage must fail because you couldn't control yourself, because you could not resist when Matthew Crawley decided it suited him to have you-"

"Richard."

"My God, Mary, did we ever have a chance?" A sharp edge cut through his bitterness, causing Mary to flinch at the uncomfortable truth.

She could kick herself for it now. For falling prey to his threats, believing that he would destroy her, her own weakness of giving in to what she thought would be security for her future, believing that Matthew had written them off as cursed. Well, hadn't he? Mary sought her resolve. There had been no other choice, but the blame belonged to them all.

"We might have, at one time. Perhaps we didn't, for all sorts of reasons," she said calmly, holding his gaze without fear. "That doesn't matter so much as what happens now - I'm asking for a divorce; surely you see that's best."

Richard laughed, loud and long. Mary watched him, refusing him the satisfaction of a reaction, only glancing beside her to gauge her grandmother's disapproval of his response.

At last his laughter calmed, and he made a show of wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. Mary felt the slap of his mockery but withstood it, her fingers tightly clenched in her lap as he spoke.

"Divorce, and grant you the freedom to marry him? You know me too well for that, Mary."

She smiled, her answer well prepared. "I also know you well enough to know that you couldn't stand the shame of keeping a wife whom everyone knew preferred another. Neither of us could sit through dinner with my family again, or be served by our own staff even, pretending that our marriage is anything more than a sham. Think of how they would pity you."

Richard shook his head, dismissing her. "You misunderstand me. I have no objection to your leaving this house - believe me, the shame of that will be yours and not mine. But, divorce? No. Legally, you will remain bound to me."

"You can't be serious," Mary started, feeling her agitation rise and for the first time, unable to hold it in check, though her tone revealed more panic than anger. She felt her grandmother's warning glance and took a deep breath to steel herself. "If you think that legal detail will keep Matthew and I apart when it hasn't done so already, I'm afraid you're mistaken." Oh, they'd joked about it, passed it off as a hopeless fantasy. But could they really be together in defiance of her marriage like that? The bluff would have to be convincing enough.

"You're forgetting something." The sharpness of his voice had become very low, and dangerous. He sat down at the desk beneath the window, and fixed Mary in his gaze through narrowed eyes. "You gave me the power to destroy you. If you insist upon flaunting a relationship with Crawley, then I will show the world what filth you really are, Lady Mary."

"Oh, I have never forgotten it," Mary said with conviction. His power over her had been the constant companion to her every thought, from the moment she'd told him her secret. As such, his threat bore no surprise, and she straightened her back. "I hope then you will find satisfaction in declaring to the world what a fool you were to marry me, and earning its pity."

His eyes widened and for the first time, and Mary's lips hovered upward into a smile for the small victory she'd claimed, even if it would only amount to having surprised him for a moment. Richard's fingers flexed restlessly upon the polished wood of the desk, nails scratching into the grain.

"I'm afraid Mary is right." Violet affixed him with a look of unforgiving reproof, her voice sharp and stern. "If you expose her for taking Matthew as a lover as well as the unfortunate Mr. Pamuk, you make yourself out to be a naive, idealistic madman unable to let her go. Hardly the impression a respectable newspaper owner wants to give to society. You will have the world's pity but certainly not its sympathy or understanding."

"You suppose of course that I care about society for myself," Richard bit out at last, though the threat of failure now laced his tone.

Recognising his agitation, Mary found herself softening somehow, even as she hardened to press her case. She felt sorry for him, and the helpless position she was forcing him into, though perhaps she had forced him there a long time ago. Hadn't he deserved it, blackmailing her into marriage? Her wedding band seemed cold and tight now. If he hadn't protected her story, she'd have faced scandal long ago, and he had kept his word, treating her well. But he hadn't ever understood her, or even tried. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, remembering his proposal. How little of romance there had been, or of love; it had always been about power between them, the strength of her name and his money, and that was all. They had used each other, and she couldn't be any more sorry for him than she was for herself.

"Let's not pretend otherwise, Richard." She was calmer, now, cooler. Sure of herself once more, and of where they both stood, what they both wanted. There was no point in being angry about it. "You want power to go with your fortune, and there's no shame in that, but you must have respect to go with it. You won't earn that by dragging my name through the dirt like a petty schoolboy."

"But you're asking for a divorce, instead?" His bitter laugh returned, darkening his features with a glowering threat. "Do you suppose you'll escape that without shame, when you must stand up in court and admit what you've done?"

"I will bear it," she said firmly, hoping that she was strong enough to convince him, strong enough to convince herself. She would not give up now, she would not give Matthew up, she could not. "So will Matthew, and so will you. Society will know of the affair whatever happens, but the only way to make it proper for all of us is if you divorce me."

He glared at her, furious, the desire to punish her burning like a flame in his eyes. "I'm not convinced it would be worth it."

"Please," her voice wavered. How she hated to resort to this, to pleading with him, but no more reason would appeal. "For your own sake as much as ours."

Ours. She saw him flinch, and her breath caught in her throat. They were married, they should be the unit, the us, the team. But they never had been. It had always been Matthew, in her heart, and now she trembled to think of it and claim him so openly. Whatever happened now, she and Matthew would face it together. Whether Richard divorced her or not, she would be with him. Could she be? Sybil... Sybil was happy, Sybil was free, Sybil... had done nothing wrong besides marrying a man of lower class. How could it be the same, to be with Matthew whilst still bound legally to Richard? Could they live that way together? The impossibility of it once more weighed her down, the sting of tears threatening to fall, as her eyes begged him to understand.

"You can hardly expect me to agree to it now," Richard hissed quietly, leaning back in his chair. "You may not believe it but I loved you, Mary. What more could I have done? Not only did I love you but I gave you everything you could possibly want. There was nothing I denied you, nothing I would have denied you. I protected you, I saved you, and your family from scandal, and now you turn and throw it in my face and expect me to set you free? You have no right."

Mary shook her head, becoming more passionate, more sincere. "I am grateful for all that, truly I am. I don't pretend to be innocent in this, and I am sorry, for what it's worth. It was never my intention to injure you."

"But you have done. And what you've done cannot be forgiven."

Her lips parted to plead with him again, but before she was able to, Violet had intervened. Her voice bore the authority that would stand for no argument as she leaned forward in her seat, hands braced neatly atop her cane. She paid no heed to Mary, addressing Richard as if in confidence while the younger woman looked on.

"Perhaps it won't be forgiven, and perhaps it shouldn't be," she said, "certainly not by you. Of course you want their indiscretion punished, you're quite right, they have injured you. But if you want to make them pay for it, you must see that divorce is the way to do it. File for divorce, and have it be on your terms, all charges included, and you will come out of it with far more honour than you would by remaining married to a woman of scandal. Society will understand that."

Mary felt her cheeks colour sharply at her grandmother's words. A woman of scandal, Matthew tarred by the same brush, both of them dishonoured with Richard playing the injured party. Her stomach churned to think of it. It was everything she'd feared, for so long, the very reputation she'd married Richard to avoid! And yet it was not the same. Matthew was not Kemal, Matthew was still alive and loved her, they'd been together and loved each other in spite of her marriage. Somehow, she hoped that would be judged a little more acceptably than an unmarried young woman taking a foreigner into her bed who had the gall to die there.

She swallowed against the bile in her throat and met her husband's eyes, willing him to believe that he could ruin her. If sacrifice to his pride was the price to pay to be free of him, it would be a bitter pill to swallow, but it would be worth it. For a moment as she met Richard's testing gaze, she allowed her mind to drift back to the night she'd spent with Matthew, how happy they had been, how intimately he knew and understood her, how he loved her, despite all their failings in the past. Yes, it would be worth it.

She watched Richard rest his elbows upon the desk, fingers steepled together as he thought. Her grandmother's words had been harsh, but played so well to his pride and ambition, even though it must go against his every inclination to give in to what they wanted. When he spoke at last it was quiet and calculated.

"You put forth a convincing argument, ladies," he said. For a moment, a flicker of hope brightened Mary's eyes. Richard sighed, a show of regret as he shook his head. "But I'm afraid it isn't a decision I can jump to lightly. I think it's best if you leave now, and when I've considered the matter some more I will inform you of what I intend to do."

The hope faded as quickly as it had appeared, crushed and scattered, broken, like their marriage. His frown was set firm, unrelenting, and Mary's heart sank under the weight of defeat as she knew they would get no further today. Any more argument would only set him more staunchly against their aim, she was sure.

Slowly, she stood up, tightly clasping her purse to steady her limbs, denying him the satisfaction of seeing her disappointment.

"I'll be staying at the Abbey; you can reach me there."

"Very well. Give my regards to Mr. Crawley, won't you." He raised his eyebrows in a thin, mocking smile, moving to ring the bell for Barrow. The butler appeared within moments, and as Richard requested that the ladies' car be brought to the front of the house, Violet rose from her seat as well.

While Mary had followed Barrow out into the hall without a further word of goodbye to her husband, the Dowager Countess lingered a moment more, lowering her voice to Richard.

"I do advise you to think carefully, Sir Richard, about what you might gain from each course of action. It is a messy business of course, but I'm quite sure that whatever you do won't prevent them from being together, which is naturally where your objection lies. All you can do now is try to come out of the mess as clean as you can for yourself - rather than trying to muddy Mary's name more. I trust you will see that divorce is the only way to salvage your own reputation from it, if you look into the matter properly."

Richard smirked, and shook his head, leaning against the mantelpiece as if he couldn't care less. "I assure you, I will do what is best for myself, Lady Grantham. Now, I believe your car will be waiting."

Violet's nose wrinkled to a derisive sniff, and she walked away.

In the car, Mary sat despondently, staring out of the window through glassy, unfocussed eyes. She startled when Violet touched her arm.

"You must have faith," she said gently. "He wasn't very likely to agree to it there and then - a man like Richard must have the last word in his own house. You'll see, he will come round. He's too clever to act otherwise."

Mary chuckled in sad acknowledgement. "I hope you're right. But at what cost, I wonder? A woman of scandal, and Matthew fallen with me? It won't be easy to live with."

"No, it won't, for any of us. But it's the lowest cost you could have hoped for. Society looks upon love affairs more kindly now than in the past, I think. Let's hope so, anyway, my dear."

Mary smiled weakly, turning the phrase over in her mind. A love affair. She hadn't quite thought of it like that, before. Yes, she had been unfaithful, but not because of lust or a wanton disregard for her marriage. She'd been unfaithful because she loved Matthew - a love affair - because the world seemed a little more right when they were together.

Her heart warmed once more at this perception of things, and as the car drew closer to Downton once Violet had been taken home, she felt a flutter of excitement that Matthew was here too, and she could be with him, her lover, her love.

By the time the gravel crunched under tyres at the doorway of Downton as the car came to a halt, Mary's wedding and engagement rings had been consigned with determination to her purse, her finger freed of their tight, binding hold. Richard might or might not agree to divorce her, she thought, almost trembling at the step she had taken, but their marriage was over. Of that, she had no doubt.

Her steps felt lighter as her heels clicked into the hall, and she took off her hat, feeling the freedom of her shorter hair as her fingers ran through it.

"Mary, is that you?" She heard her mother's voice before she saw her, coming out of the drawing room with a nervous smile lighting her features. "We wondered where you'd been."

"Hello, Mama." Mary kissed her cheek. "Granny and I went to see Richard."

"To... salvage things? I'm sure if you could explain that it was a mistake, he'd be reasonable and-"

"Are you mad? Heavens, no! I have made many mistakes in my life, but being with Matthew was not one of them. There is nothing with Richard to salvage, Mama."

"But, Mary..." Cora frowned, soothing, coercing. "You can't be thinking of divorce? There'd be such a fuss, and what would people think? I know we haven't always got on with Sir Richard but he has protected you. Or at least, I had begun to assume that was why you married him, and he has kept his word so far."

Hot frustration coursed through Mary at her mother's lack of understanding. Even now, when she knew the hold Richard had over her, she would make her sacrifice her happiness to go on with it? Once, Mary would have done so too, but not any more. Not now.

"I'm sorry, truly I am, for the scandal it will no doubt bring." Mary's voice trembled with determined sincerity, and reluctant acceptance began to dawn in Cora's eyes. "But it will die down, and I will not stay married to a man who I can't stand. Not when Matthew and I might have a chance, now. Please, understand that, Mama."

It was some time before Cora nodded, clasping her daughter's hand in a gentle, comforting reassurance. "Well, my darling. Give it some time, we'll see what happens."

"Thank you," Mary sighed, hesitantly returning her embrace. In time, her family would see, that this was her only way forward. It had to be with Matthew, whatever may come. "How is Matthew? Has Clarkson been again?"

"Yes, just half an hour ago. Isobel's returned home too, they seemed to be pleased he's improving as expected."

"Oh, good. I'd better go and see him, and tell him how I got on this morning if he's up to it." If Isobel had felt able to leave him, Mary supposed that must be a good sign - but improving as expected might mean anything at all.

"Mary-" Cora made to stop her.

"What?"

"It's just that... Well, your Papa is speaking with Matthew just now."

The caution was clearly a warning, but Mary just shrugged her shoulders, tired of succumbing to the whim and direction of others.

"Well as it seems likely they'll be talking about me, I don't think my interruption should matter too much." However Matthew was feeling, she was quite sure her father's temper wasn't something he should be facing yet, so soon after such an injury to his head.

She hurried up the stairs, without care for the propriety or not of going to his bedroom, eager to see him and stave off any argument.

TBC

A/N: There we are, and thank you so much for reading! To those who've mentioned concern that the story may be ending soon since Mary's marriage is over - never fear, if people would like, there's an awful lot more I could explore before wrapping up. Do let me know, and as ever I'd love to know what you thought! Thank you!