A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.
Calm
"Jasper, can you take the car home?" I saw his answer in my mind before I heard the words escape his lips. He had plans for Alice, and taking the car home would fit perfectly into those plans. I could feel his sudden desire seeping out in a circle, enfolding Alice in his desire and brushing against Bella and I. Without the familiarity of Jasper's gift, the mood must have felt to Bella as if she were suddenly sexually awake all on her own. A small, sharp gasp escaped her mouth as she looked up at me with hungry eyes. I worried I'd never get her in the front door of her house. "Jasper, could you… wait for us to leave the car?"
Sorry, Edward. "Sure, Edward. Have a good night," he said, opening the back door as I climbed out the front. Bella stood as Alice opened her door. Bella smiled, the sex blush now explained for her.
"It was wonderful to get to know you a little, Bella," Alice said as she slid into the passenger seat. "Now, when I see you, your path will be that much clearer! We'll have to do something again soon." She turned to me. "Edward, I'll see you at home." You and I should talk. I gave a quick nod.
Bella looked down at Alice and smiled before glancing up at me. "Uh, sure. Soon," she said, closing the door. The Volvo purred into life before either Bella or I could move, the sexual heat dissipating as it sped away. Even so, I held out my hand to her, eager for the warmth in my palm. She looked up to me from under her lashes, her face bright with some inner excitement.
"What?" I asked, chuckling a little, my hand still outstretched. I was suddenly concerned Bella's extraordinary perception picked up something I wasn't expecting or I'd missed something altogether. There was no cloud of worry about her; I felt sure she hadn't picked up on my brief communication with Alice, but I just didn't know what was in her mind.
She reached for my hand and grasping it, said, "Edward, I loved that." Her face was still brimming with light and I realized she was simply happy.
I smiled, bringing her fingers to my lips. I laid a small kiss across her knuckles, looking into her deep brown eyes. "What did you love, my Bella?"
"The concert, meeting your family… everything. It was just, I don't know how to say it! It was wonderful!" She pulled my hand to her side and grabbed my waist with her other arm. "I don't want the day to end. Can we just stay together awhile longer? It's not dark yet."
"Yes, Bella. What would you like to do? Go for a walk?" I was so pleased at her request, she could have asked me for the moon and I would have tried to give it to her.
"A walk would be nice."
The woods behind her house presented us with a perfect getaway, as if the woods knew of our need to be together and found a way to oblige us. As we entered the woods, I felt my own inner darkness rising, trying to strangle my jubilant mood. The air was fresh; the smell of the cedar in the trees sharp, the moss deep and earthy, the bracken green and sweet. Bella's expression was cheerful and satisfied. Her presence added her own delicious scent to the musky, animal aroma of the forest. My thirst rode the tide of my gloom, aroused by the wild, primal aroma filling my senses. I pushed it away, holding it at arm's length. I focused on Bella, trying to allow her happiness strengthen me.
"I love these woods, don't you?" she turned to me as she asked, watching my face for reaction.
"I do," I said, hoping my momentary plague of carnality had escaped her attention. "Especially with you, like this, happy and relaxed." At the expression of cheer, the gloom pushed back at me again, a thief threatening to steal this brief moment of light clouding it with fear, need, and lust.
She stopped, still holding my hand, turning to face me. "Edward, what is it." Her voice was flat and toneless; obviously, I'd need to work on hiding my inner demons from her. She didn't seem angry or worried, but the mild concern she displayed demanded an answer.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't want to spoil the mood. It's just fear, really, and nothing more. The years before you threaten me; now that I've found you, I can't imagine existing without you. It overshadows moments like this when we are simply enjoying each other. The woods," I gestured with my free hand to the treetops blocking the sky, "are beautiful. They also hide those who could take you from me. Sometimes, I'm not the most dangerous thing out here."
"What do you mean?" She took a step towards me laying her hand on my chest, glancing from side to side. "Is there someone else out here now?"
"No, no, not now," I said, scanning the trees one more time. "But there have been others here, recently. Again, it's just my worry, love." She smelled so good. It was as if the earthy musk of the forest combined with the desire and need her scent aroused was inspiring an unquenchable hunger in me. I forced myself to remember who I was, who she was, and what we were together. I took her chin in my hand and lifted it to my mouth. "Just promise me you won't come out here alone, please."
As the plea left my mouth, her lips retuned to mine. Her mouth was warm and sweet, and once again, I inhaled her deeply and sighed. I closed my eyes, holding her close to me, her hand on my chest. Bella's heart beat hard and fast. Holding her in my arms, her pulse began to echo in my own long-still heart. I pulled away, the kiss broken as venom rushed to my mouth, flooding me. I swallowed hard and opened my eyes.
She looked up at me. "Too much?" Wordlessly, I nodded. She stepped back, turning away from me but still holding my hand. "Come here, there's a place I like just up ahead." She sounded even and happy.
Bella wasn't made for the woods. Though I let her pull my hand as if she were leading the way, my grasp on her allowed me to constantly correct her misguided balance and keep her on her feet. We walked a hundred yards or so, coming to a large fallen tree next to a rotten stump.
"See," she called, dropping my hand and stumbling to the rotten stump. She sat down in the middle of the morass, the stump acting as a sort of decaying throne. Her scent mixed with the moss and resin of the forest amplified her delectable appeal. She was unaware of the effect she had on a vampire's appetite or the effect her totality had on me. "I like to come out here to think." That small V of worry darkened her brow and she added, "Or I used to."
"Bella, I –," I started sheepishly, fearing I'd trampled her feelings of independence with my fears and need to keep her safe. The venom flow had receded but threatened to flood me in the blink of an eye, on the lift of a breeze…
"No, it's okay, Edward," she interrupted. "I get it. I don't want to lose you, either." She reached her hand to me, inviting me to join her in her slivering organic chair. I swallowed hard, trying to stuff the fear of loss and loneliness down, away from my mouth. The pitch of my shadow needed barriers to her light. I walked to where she sat and grasped her hand. She inched sideways, scooting to one side to make room for me. She patted the damp stump of the tree. "Sit with me."
"Bella, I don't know how close I should be right now. It's not safe. You're not safe," I took a quick breath, anticipating her rejection of my assessment of her safety. "I'm not safe."
She watched me with large, unblinking eyes as she stood next to me. A new desire that had nothing to do with thirst began to rise in me and I felt the pull of fabric against my cock. It was somewhat embarrassing, needing her so badly; her eyes never left my face as she moved closer to me.
"Edward," she said softly, holding my gaze. "I'm willing to match your pace, whatever that pace may be. When you're dark like this, I don't know what to do. How do I love you? How do I keep you safe?"
She'd misunderstood my words and her danger. It was so Bella. She was so close to me, my chin rested on my chest as I held her gaze. She was impossibly warm; her arousal was obvious. Her aroma was heady, musky, and inspirational. I pushed forward against her and she moaned just a little before she put her hand on my chest and stepped back.
"I think we know we want each other," she said softly. "I need to know how to calm you when you're anxious about, well, me."
Since Bella had come to Forks, I'd spent much of my time alone thinking about her contradictory state: She was beautiful and sensual yet at the same time uncoordinated. Since we'd first kissed in the meadow, I'd decided to reduce her opportunity for injury and risk by spending every moment I could with her, even when she was unaware of my presence. Since the first time she'd touched me intimately and allowed me to touch her the same way, my concerns centered around keeping my caresses from accidentally damaging her.
Now I stood with this young woman, the very essence of frailty, as she tried to make me feel safe. The tables were so abruptly and completely turned, I was stunned, speechless, and calmer than I'd felt since the beginning of our walk.
"Bella, being close to you," I whispered as I stepped toward her, "taking time, going slowly – it calms me more than there are words to express. Thank you."
She moved back into the circle of my arms and I kissed the top of her head. She pulled her head back, looking up at me. "Want to sit and listen to the forest for a minute?" She shot a glance back at the tree, her expression hopeful.
"Only if you'll let me run you back when we're done. It's going to be dark soon and I don't want your father to worry."
"Deal," she said. I dropped my arms as she grabbed my head and pulled me to the stump.
Time with Bella always ran quickly, sifting like sand through my fingers. Running her home through the twilight air felt so natural and right, I wanted the time to stretch into forever.
I stopped running and left her down just outside the line of sight of Charlie's house. She was breathless and a little dizzy; I held her in my arms to steady her. "Are you all right, Bella?"
"Sure," she said, shaking her head a little as she pitched to the left. She didn't fall; I would never let that happen. "I don't know if I'll ever get used to that."
"Having me carry you?"
"No, having you carry me at the speed of light! You are so fast, Edward."
I smiled. Pulling her closer, I whispered softly into her ear. "Bella, I could get used to carrying you forever at any speed." Her sweet floral scent filled my head as I inhaled and I grew hard. A small shiver rolled down her spine and I wasn't sure it was from the cold.
We walked toward the house, hand in hand. I had it all: Bella's warmth in my hands, her scent in my head, and the twilight shining back to me from her eyes. I inhaled deeply as we came upon her driveway. Ahead, I heard background voices that seemed annoyed and angry, but I put it aside to extend an invitation.
"Bella, would you like to spend the day with me tomorrow at my house? We could spend time with my family, if you'd like. I know Alice –"
I broke off as the shouting grew louder and more insistent. My head jerked up, looking to the road to identify the unwelcoming, thunderous complaints hurled in our direction. I realized the noise was not coming at us; it was coming at me.
"Edward, what is it?"
The Black's truck was pulling up the street, forcing a wall of noise filled with curses and obscenities into my head. I turned back to Bella, whose eyes were searching mine. "Complication," I said, nodding my head towards the truck. I pulled her hand to my mouth and kissed her fingers. I inhaled her sweet aroma just once more as a new string of obscenities hurled in my direction. I was out of time, for now, my regret immediate and overwhelming. "I'll come back as soon as I can."
She leaned forward and kissed me ever so softly on my cheek. It was sweet, innocent. It was a tiny moment to treasure and cherish, but only one of the countless experiences that made up the best part of my being - my moments with Bella.