Our trip to the circle is more eventful then I had expected. There is a lot of darkspawn in the area and we seem to run into more every day. I am almost always covered in their blood, the rotten smell of it burns my nostrils. I think my robe is permanently stained. We managed to rescue some refugees, but they are heading in the opposite direction and will have to fend for themselves from here.
The thought of walking back inside the circle tower is giving me a lot of mixed emotions. A very small part of me is happy, but the rest of me just wants to run the other direction. I keep making detours to look for herbs, thus giving me more time before we arrive at Lake Calenhad. I think my hesitation to return has gained Alistair and Sten's attention, as they keep shooting me concerned glances. Leliana is oblivious, she keeps saying how grand it's going to be for me to return as a fabled grey warden. She keeps forgetting that the majority of Ferelden considers us traitors and would happily turn us in for some coin.
Sten is irritated as I've made us stop and make camp earlier then usual, when we could have pressed on and made it to the lake edge by midnight. I mumble something about it looking like rain, but he doesn't seem to be buying it. Where we've camped is right next to the river, and I'm planning on taking advantage of that later. It's my night to cook, and I manage to get a respectable stew put together. It's not overly flavorful but it's filling. A soft cloud of silence has settled over the camp and I feel no need to break it.
When darkness finally falls I slip away to the river, my arms full with clean small clothes and a blanket to dry myself off with. I've gotten quite good at walking silently in the woods, not even making a rustle as I slip through the bushes near the river. Maybe it's my Dalish blood showing, but I feel very at home amid all the greenery. Moonlight is shafting through the canopy overhead and I stop for a moment to enjoy it's beauty. That's when I hear a splash up ahead. Curious, but on guard I duck and move forward towards where the sound came from. Magic is boiling beneath the surface of my skin, my fingertips tingling in anticipation of having to cast a spell.
The sight that greets me through the parting of the leaves ahead however douses any thought of spell casting. My blood grows hot and I can feel my face flush. Apparently I'm not the only one who thought of washing in the river. Alistair is standing naked, with the water up to just above his belly button, washing himself. I cannot stop staring at his bare flesh, his muscles rippling beneath his skin as he scrubs off the grime from traveling. Maker, words fail me. My mouth has gone dry and I find myself wondering if he'll step into shallower water and... Now he's ducked himself completely under to rinse himself off. He bursts back up to the surface and just one word runs through my head... delicious.
Something in the woods makes a sound and Alistair freezes, eyes searching the woods in front of him. Oh Andraste's ass, what if he sees me? Mortified I wait till he's looking the other way and quickly retreat, only looking back over my shoulder once and catching a glimpse of his decidedly attractive backside. Making a big circle, I find a bit of river upstream that should work for my own bath. All I can think about as I scrub is what I saw earlier. I know part of what I'm feeling is lust, which is to be expected from a repressed mage. However there is a deeper feeling lurking under all that wanting. I let my mind dwell on my feelings while I finish up washing. I finally get out of the water once it has made me cold all the way through. Shivering I dry myself off with the blanket and then pull on my very worn spare small clothes. I shake out my robe and put it on quickly, grateful for it's warmth.
I'm careful not to make eye contact with anyone when I get back to camp. I tuck away my dirty clothes in my pack before hanging the blanket on a tree near the fire to dry. Taking my hairbrush with me, I move to sit next to the fire. I watch the flames dance before me as I brush out my long hair, as I took the time to wash it while in the river. It feels so good to have clean hair again! Time ticks by, my body and mind too tired to do much more then play with my hair as it dries, watching the flames. The firelight makes my brown hair look more like auburn with hints of gold, like how I remember my mother's hair. The thought of her makes me smile, and thinking warm thoughts of her I curl up on my bedroll and for once have a deep and dreamless sleep.
Morning dawns grey and cold, I've slept late but the others have cleaned up the campsite while I slept. Pleasantly surprised I step back onto the road with a happier feeling in my heart. My good mood continues when we find a lead as to where Sten's sword may be, Sten is still doubtful that we will find it, but I know we will. Everyone except Morrigan seems to echo my brighter mood. My dark thoughts about returning to the tower have been replaced by gleeful ones of rubbing my new status in the faces of those who used to treat me badly at the tower.
My good mood has Alistair smiling at me a lot, and I can't help smiling back. I find it so easy to talk to him, and he seems to feel the same way. Morrigan keeps making faces at us as we talk, I could care less. We've dropped back to the back of our group and I feel myself blush with happiness when Alistair takes my hand in his as we walk.
Time heals all wounds. Maybe things won't be so bad when I get there...