XIV.

Something so daring

Lucy wasn't enjoying herself as much as she hoped she would. It was lovely to see Jonathan among the glittering splendor of his party, but Beni stuck close to her like a constant shadow and insisted on subtly insulting every detail of Jonathan's home, from the architecture to the wallpaper in the guest rooms. Jonathan appeared oblivious to Beni's remarks. He gazed constantly at Lucy, desperate for her approval as he took her from one amusement to the next, keeping up a stream of cheerful babble that did little to lift her spirits when Beni's presence hovered over her at every moment. She had always been aware of Beni's numerous faults, but his bad manners and poor upbringing became glaringly obvious each time he scoffed at the fancy furniture or made some sarcastic little jibe.

She wondered where Rick had gone. He disappeared nearly an hour ago, leaving Lucy to put on a mask of indifference that made her feel more miserable by the second. She couldn't respond to Jonathan's cheer and forced herself to pay him a minimal amount of attention, for fear that Beni would grow suspicious, and she took a tiny amount of comfort knowing that Beni saw Jonathan as a carefree buffoon and nothing more. She intended to keep it that way.

"I could certainly use another drink," Jonathan said, his voice painfully chipper as he took Lucy and Beni down the main staircase, towards the bar area. "It's terribly thirsty work hosting a party, you know. What about you, Lucy? Need anything to wet the dear old whistle?"

"I'm fine," said Lucy, wishing she could escape the big, depressing house full of people whose lives were more fulfilling than her own. She wished she could go home and hide away in her room with nothing but her own broken dreams for company. She didn't dare look over her shoulder where Beni was lurking behind her, or else she might scream her frustration right then and there, and peeked into Jonathan's nervous, smiling face for just a moment before cowardice overtook her. She hated the way his eyes softened every time he looked her way.

"Well, in that case... I'll only be a minute." Jonathan didn't ask Beni if he wanted a drink and strolled off to the bar, where he disappeared in a whirl of brightly colored guests.

"Let's go outside," said Beni, tugging upon Lucy's arm. "I want some air."

"I'm perfectly fine right here," said Lucy.

"It is too crowded. I can hardly breathe in here."

"Can hardly breathe? You smoke like a chimney with all the windows closed at home!"

"That is different," Beni said with a sneer.

"How is it different? You just want to find fault with everything, don't you?"

Beni glared at her, looking ready to retort with something sarcastic, but he happened to look over her shoulder and spotted something that caught his interest. "Maybe I do," he said slowly, the glare disappearing from his face. "If you want to stay here, then fine. I'm going outside."

He didn't seem to care if Lucy joined him outdoors and vanished from her side, walking away so suddenly that Lucy stared after him for a long time, completely baffled by his behavior. Jonathan reappeared shortly, a full glass in one hand, and did a double-take when he saw Lucy standing alone.

"Beni went outside for some air," Lucy explained.

"Oh," said Jonathan. He took a long sip from his drink, then casually added, "Charming fellow."

Lucy gave him a bitter smile. "You get used to him."

For the first time since she arrived in his yard, she and Jonathan were free to speak to one another without Beni's presence keeping them on edge. Jonathan tossed back some more of his drink, betraying his nerves, and took a bold step closer to Lucy. He glanced around the room before allowing his restless gaze to land upon her face.

"You do look marvelous," he said, turning red as the words left his lips. "Absolutely bloody marvelous."

"I did it for you," Lucy said softly. "Not for Beni. Would you like to go back upstairs?"

"Back upstairs? Why, we were just there a few minutes ago."

"Please, Jonathan. I want to go upstairs and find someplace quiet."

Understanding dawned upon his face and he took her by the arm, touching her for the first time since they were reunited in Rick's living room. Neither of them spoke a word and Lucy thrilled at feeling him so close to her, taking the place that Beni had vacated so abruptly. She put Beni's strange behavior out of her mind and felt as light and happy as a girl as Jonathan took her back up the grand staircase, down the second floor hall where aimless chatter filled every nook and cranny, blending into an unintelligible hum that had no meaning in the beautiful little world that Lucy and Jonathan had built around themselves. She didn't care how many guests saw them together; she would likely never see these people again and even if she did, they couldn't spoil the way it felt to walk through the house on Jonathan's arm, as if she belonged there all along.

Jonathan drew a key out of his pocket and grinned at her as he unlocked a random door. His cocktail had somehow disappeared. "My own private parlor," he said in a hushed voice. "Let's go in, shall we?"

Lucy could only nod, her heart pounding in her chest. She hadn't done something so daring since the day she married Beni.

The private parlor was a cozy little room stuffed with velvety furniture and thick, springy rugs that felt heavenly beneath Lucy's heels. Jonathan relocked the door and fidgeted before it, fussing with his tie, his buttons, anything his fretful hands could reach.

"Well," he said with a chuckle, straightening his collar. "Alone at last."

"Yes," said Lucy. She turned herself around in a slow circle, looking around the quiet sanctuary that had stayed empty just for them. "I think that out of all the rooms in your house, I like this one best of all."

"Do you really?"

"Parlors are such lovely things," she said, seating herself down on a sofa. "And that party was giving me a headache. Why do you throw these parties, anyway?"

He continued to stand by the door, watching her as she fished a cigarette out of her handbag. "Well, if you really must know... I, ah, started throwing these parties hoping you would turn up out of the blue."

The cigarette dropped from her hand and fell to the carpet. "You did?"

"Bit silly of me, really. Evy certainly thinks so. The poor old girl thinks I'm a right fool, lavishing all my money on these mad extravagences, but you know how Evy is. All practicality and no romance, bless her heart." Jonathan quickly ceased babbling and made his awkward way towards her sofa, stooping down to retrieve her cigarette. "Er, let me get that for you..."

"What do you want from me, Jonathan?" Lucy's voice was so quiet that she was afraid he didn't hear her.

He straightened up, cigarette in hand, and peered down at her in befuddlement. "I beg your pardon?"

"Sit down," said Lucy. She patted the empty spot beside her.

Jonathan took a seat and didn't look at her for once, preferring to focus on the cigarette that he kept in his hand, rolling it around in his fingers like it was some absurd toy.

"What exactly do you want from me?" Lucy asked again.

"You ought to know what I want, Lucy. I want to repeat the past, set everything to rights just the way it was before. The whole blessed thing."

"That's impossible. We haven't even seen each other in five years."

"And I spent every blasted day thinking of you. I thought I would have a heart attack when I found out you were right here in Cairo." Jonathan let the cigarette roll out of his fingers and took both her hands in his own, looking into her eyes so beseechingly that her last bit of strength flew away. "Don't you want to live the good old days again? We were both so happy."

She wanted to tell him that no, she couldn't possibly do as he asked. She was married. She had made a vow to a man who would never truly love her, and all the heartfelt pleas in the world couldn't change that. She wanted to pull her hands away and do the sensible thing, but she also wanted Jonathan, and she wasn't going to let him slip away from her a second time.

"Oh, Jonathan," she murmured. "I'm not happy anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'll never be happy again."

"If that awful little fellow who calls himself your husband is hurting you, I'll — well, I'll alert the police. You mark my words."

"He isn't hurting me. He's just... I've done a lot of foolish things since I moved to Egypt. Marrying Beni was the most foolish of all."

"Then leave the miserable blighter if you're unhappy. People might talk for a little while, but they'll move on with their sorry lives and everything will be right as rain." Jonathan gave her hands a reassuring squeeze and released them with a smile. "You'll see."

"It's not that simple, I'm afraid. Beni will never let me divorce him."

"Why not?"

"It's the most ridiculous thing. My family is terribly old-fashioned and detest Beni, but they dislike divorce even more and made it perfectly clear that if I ever divorce him, I'll be cut off without a cent. The same goes for Beni, of course." For nearly two long years Lucy had tolerated her husband, too afraid of poverty to make any attempt to discard him, and now she looked around the parlor with new eyes, taking in the value of every item in the room. "But I suppose it wouldn't be so bad, losing everything," she added, scooting a little closer to Jonathan. "Not when you've got such a big, magnificent house. The two of us could bribe Beni with some outrageous sum, do anything to make him agree to a divorce. I'm so tired, Jonathan."

For a moment she was frightened by the panicked look in Jonathan's eyes, but his gentle laughter took the place of his alarm and he looked away from her, smoothing a wrinkle in his trousers. "Yes, of course," he said. "Of course that's what we'll do. Money makes the world go round, as they say!"

"And I'll come and see you whenever I can," she said eagerly. "But no more parties, Jonathan. I don't think I could bear seeing your house again with all those people in it."

"No more parties," Jonathan promised. "Just the way you like it."

She smiled, looking forward to the days when she would have Jonathan all to herself, without anybody intruding on the small bit of happiness that shone through the darkness. She looked past Jonathan, wondering if there was a clock so she could check the time, when she noticed a second door that she had overlooked earlier.

"Where does that door lead?" she asked, pointing.

Jonathan followed her gaze, then looked back at her sheepishly. "That's where I, uh... sleep."

A thrill ran through Lucy, reminding her that she could do as she pleased and have whatever she wished, if she was only bold enough to take it. She rested her hand on top of Jonathan's, her eyes locked onto his. "Would you mind showing it to me?"

"No," he said, taking her hand once more. "No, I wouldn't mind at all."