Notes: I almost lost track of the Glee half of the timeline, so I had to watch a few episodes to jog my memory. And I've probably fudged things up at least a little, so apologies for any incongruities.
Also, finding out the title for the second episode FREAKED ME OUT. "I Am Unicorn?" RIB, I DID IT FIRST. Of course, my fears were assuaged by the fact that it bears no resemblance to my story aside from Kurt and Brittany being compared to unicorns. And how ridiculously awesome those posters were.
Please note that what happens here is due to my watching "It Takes a Thief." Sorry in advance for making you guys paranoid.
If she had not been dreaming of home, she would surely have roused at the sound of wheels and jingling coming closer through the night, even though the wheels were muffled in rags and the bells wrapped in wool. But she was very far away, farther than the soft bells could go, and she did not wake.
Kurt can't take trips to Westerville as often as he'd like anymore, what with the stupid oil prices, the general bad economy, and the oil spill dumping about a kazillion gallons' worth of gas into the ocean instead of his Navigator, where it should be. So this is his first visit to Dalton after about three weeks, and the Warblers typically turn this into an excuse for an after-school-party-in-all-but-name in Blaine and Wes' dorm. "A celebration for little old me? You're too kind," he tells them jokingly.
"You were our countertenor for half a year," David tells him. "You get a fucking party. Now give us a minute." So Blaine and Kurt are a little surprised when he shuts the door on them.
"Remember, guys," David says. "No alcohol, drugs, or weed." The last one is emphasized with a look in Nick's direction.
"Weed is a drug," Nick points out.
"Yeah, but you're in particular need of reminders," Thad tells him amidst the reluctant groans of the others.
"And guys, remember Blaine's problem?" Wes goes on. "He gets even stupider when he's drunk, and there's no telling what might happen if we lose track of him."
The reluctance turns to remembrance. "Oh god - if he makes out with one of us, he won't even have the wrong-gender excuse!" Martin says. "Kurt's gonna kill him if that happens! Or he's gonna cry!"
Wes facepalms. "No, the other problem."
"Oh - creepy stalking creepster! Right," Nick recalls. "Wait, he's out there alone!"
"No, he's with Kurt," David assures them. "Kurt's smart. He won't let either of them get kidnapped or raped or murdered."
"So, why did we get locked out of our own party?" Kurt asks. "It's kind of hard to be the guest of honor if I'm stuck in the hallway."
"Eh... the Council's probably warning them not to let the party get too crazy. They'll be a couple more minutes." Blaine sits down, with Kurt following suit, but they stand back up when a delivery guy comes up with a package. He's quite a bit taller than either of them, and though they can't see his hair through the baseball cap, his skin is very tan; he looks either nervous or merely frazzled. The guy spots the crest on Blaine's shirt and homes in on him gratefully.
"Hi," Blaine says. "Are you looking for someone?"
"Is your name Blaine? Because the office said he should be in this dorm and - you know." He holds the package up in explanation, though he shifts it back into the crook of his Blaine clearly doesn't recognize the package.
Blaine frowns. "That's weird - the only thing I ordered is pizza, and that was ten minutes ago."
"And that's not pizza." Kurt points out, eying the package: It is a standard five-pound shipping box that doesn't look like it holds any kind of food, much less a flat and round pizza. "Unless it comes in a can now."
The delivery guy chuckles and shifts around. "Sorry, I'm even more lost."
"Oh, hang on! The office might have mixed me up with Blaine Bakir," Blaine realizes, and they hear someone open the door to let them in. "Just turn the corner - his door's the third one on the right."
"Okay, thank you." The guy says, heading off with a grateful smile.
David's face is either appalled or confused - it's really hard to tell with the hallway lights set to their dim night-setting. If Kurt wasn't preoccupied with the impromptu party, he'd wonder more about it. "Blaine, who was that?"
"Delivery guy," he answers. "The package was for Muslim Blaine and the office mixed things up by accident. So, can we come inside?"
"Right now," David says tightly. The other two look at him in concern.
"Something wrong?"
"Yeah, fine," he says, letting out his breath. "But keeping track of twenty-two people in a ten-by-twenty-foot room is surprisingly stressful."
Kurt laughs in sympathy. "Oh, David, you'd die at McKinley. Twenty people is the smallest class you can get there."
As the two of them head to an unoccupied patch of the couch, David pulls out his phone and sends a text to the other two council members, who jolt or stop mid-sentence. Bastard knows where Blaine SLEEPS now!
Mass text the others? from Thad, and David nods across the room.
Staff? from Wes. David sends an all-caps "YES" while Thad sends the mass-text. In moments, yelps or jolts of surprise signal a cacophony of ringtones. Blaine looks at them in confusion. "Thad, why did you text two-thirds of the Warblers when everyone's already here?"
"Force of habit," he tells Blaine sheepishly. "And I was just warning people to stay on the buddy system."
"The what system?" Kurt asks.
"There's this guy wandering around campus," David explains. "Security told us to watch out for anyone suspicious and not to walk alone too much."
Blaine's forehead creases. "So why didn't I get a text about the system?"
"Because you and Kurt are joined at the hip for the next fifty hours," Nick cuts in on his way to the soda. "Putting Blaine on the system when he's already got his boyfriend? That's like saying a shark needs more teeth."
In the emergency staff meeting fifteen minutes later, Sarah sighs as they discuss the email from campus security. "It never ends with Blaine, does it?"
"How did he get past the office staff?" Anita Warren demands. "We have everyone show their IDs before they can go further! Fake IDs don't show up on the system, and doctored IDs would have been caught!"
"He probably did use his actual card," Sarah points out. "Remember, we didn't know his name for a while and none of the Warblers could get a good look at him."
"Why would he use his real ID, though?" The dean Roger Dunham asks.
"Because that marks him as law-abiding, which means he can hide in plain sight," Sarah tells him. "Real thieves wouldn't charge through your front door with a crowbar and a duffel bag - not if they can help it. They'll pretend to be a delivery guy or the mailman, knock at the door or ask the neighbors, and then leave when they find out nobody's there or they have the wrong address. Then they come back later in a different car and a different outfit, and break in through the back door."
"And he still might have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time," Bob adds. "We can't start refusing access to every tall man with blond or brown hair, even if we explain the situation. People can dye their hair, you know."
"Wait," Officer Rick Travis cuts in while he checks the camera monitor. "He said he had a package for Blaine Anderson to the staff, but look here."
"- office said he should be in this dorm and - you know." The man holds up the package, but sticks it under his arm again when Blaine looks confused.
"That's weird - the only thing I ordered is pizza, and that was ten minutes ago."
"And that's not pizza," Kurt points out. "Unless it comes in a can now."
The delivery guy chuckles and shifts around. "Sorry, I'm even more lost."
"Oh, hang on! The office might have mixed me up with Blaine Bakir," Blaine realizes. David opens the door to let them in, and looks as horrified as the teachers feel to see the man walking away. "Just turn the corner - his door's the first one on the right."
That makes everyone go quiet. After a moment, Sarah groans and puts her head on the table. "Blaine didn't even ask to see the name on the package."
"Wait, that's it?" Edgar Stahl asks. "As glad as I am that nothing happened, Blaine was right there."
"So was Kurt," Bob reminds them. "And even if Kurt wasn't there, it's pretty obvious that there are a lot of potential witnesses right on the other side of the door."
Anita goes for the door. "We need to tell him that he's -"
"Wait!" Sarah and Bob reach the door first and block it.
"We're still not sure if it's just a really unlucky coincidence!" Bob reminds them. "Blaine was already outside and he was wearing the Dalton logo. Rick, play the rest of the tape."
The man rounds the corner, throws the package in the nearest trash can, and writes something down on a notepad.
"Okay, go," Bob tells Anita, who makes a beeline to the dorms.
Sarah facepalms. "Bastard knows where Blaine sleeps now."