A/N I have always been quite fond of the idea that when we die, our soul becomes a star (I think its an Aboriginal belief)

Chapter 13

Limbo: Part 2, Pleasantness and Hairpins

There were a few things about this world, that indicated it wasn't Overland. The first being the sky. Not only did it not have a sun, but also it was much lower than the usual Overland sky. Alice could even see it curving downwards to meet the horizon beyond the copy of her house; making a large dome shape. She felt as if she were trapped in a snow globe. The second factor being Alice's clothes. Although her dress, and the rest of Alice, was semitransparent, it was still the same dress she had been wearing in Underland. When she had first returned to Overland from Underland on the Frabjous day, she had come back wearing her blue dress, (that she was certain had been ripped to shreds by an overindulgence of upelkuchen), and not the champion's silver suit of armour. Therefore the likelihood that this was Overland grew slimmer. The third and most persuasive, was the freestanding mirror in the middle of the garden; who's reflection claimed to be Alice's unpleasant traits. Something Alice had never come across in Overland. Also something Alice did not accept to be true, but understood to a certain degree; as she made her way over to lawn, to meet with her Pleasantness.

But if this wasn't Underland or Overland, then where was it? More worryingly, what was Alice? One would think she was alive because she could walk, but dead because she didn't have a fully visible body. She was see-through as ghosts are presumed to be. You may also conclude she was alive because she could hear and speak, but dead because she couldn't breathe. And dead because she couldn't feel the emotions she was obliged to feel. The feelings she wanted more than anything to feel. She wanted to miss the Hatter, with every bone in her translucent body. Never had she craved longing and misery more. The shame twisted her insides round tightly, so that there was no way she could ignore it. She didn't want to ignore it, for Alice knew that the Hatter would be weeping in her absence. Maybe even blaming himself for her… for her death. Alice had been dying, she knew that much, which wasn't much at all. Then she had seen an obscenely bright light, that seemed to take over everything about her, and then she… Alice came to an abrupt halt in her families court yard, as the one conclusion stared her adamantly in the face. She was dead. There was no escaping it. No other answer to her questions. Almost every single one of them could be answered with that one simple fact.

Denial yelled persistently in Alice's ears, whilst she stood as still as the garden ornaments surrounding her. Denial had a very loud voice, but it was easy enough to block out. Curiosity however, is much more persuasive. Alice had yet to see her own semitransparent body in a mirror. But now as she stood beside an unmoving pond in the centre of the courtyard, she couldn't help but want to look at herself on its reflective surface. Succumbing to curiosity, Alice took a step closer to the water - only to see she had no reflection. Feeling disappointed, and yet more convinced she was dead, Alice continued on her way up to what looked like her home.

As Alice drew closer to the house's steps, she could make out the wooden outline of a full length mirror, fixed to the outside wall of the house, next to the back door. Its shining glass stood apart from the dull brick of the wall it was mounted on. Decorating its maple wood frame were carved flowers, that gleamed fiery colours in the meagre light of the suppressed sun. The mirror's glass was quite a bit wider than the first had been, and somehow seemed a lot more welcoming. As Alice ascended the stairs, her reflection did the same. Yet again, the reflection looked nothing like Alice looked now. The reflection was a child, and quite a bit shorter than Alice herself. Wearing a plain white night gown and a warm expression, it smiled up at her. Remembering family photo albums, Alice was almost certain that this reflection was a duplicate of her seven year old self. If the Hatter was there, he would confirm it. His memories of Alice were some of his clearest and dearest.

Yes, this reflection looked exactly like a seven year old Alice. It had her wide and curious eyes, that Alice had lost at some point during puberty. But Alice still retained some of her childhood features; such as the long flaxen hair and full pink lips. Alice crouched down to sit on her knees and draw level with the child's height.

"Are you my Pleasantness?" asked Alice, in the tone that adults use when they are approaching a child they think is lost.

"Yes, I am." it replied softly, with the voice of an adult Alice.

Shocked, Alice could not refrain from gawping, but tried to all the same. "My Unpleasantness told me to come and speak to you." Alice explained, hoping that this reflection would be more helpful than the first.

"I had hoped she would, she can be quite unreliable." replied the reflection, as if it were the wiser half of the conversation. "I'm sure you have many questions, so please don't be afraid to ask them." she told Alice, with the endearing openness that is rarely possessed by adults.

Alice wasn't sure why, but she felt guilty wanting to unload all of her complex questions on someone so young; or at least, someone who looked so young. But there was something about the child's voice, that seemed older than Alice herself. There was more experience there, as if it had dealt with more hardship than her. Almost similar to her mother's voice. Something clicked in Alice's mind, sending memories of her mother, before and after her father died, breezing through her head; just long enough for the guilt to twist Alice's guts a little tighter. Had she been gone long enough for her mother to notice her absence? She sincerely hoped not. Her reflection waited patiently for Alice to respond, her eyes utterly unblinking.

Alice went to take a deep breath, but again there was no air. Alice wanted a breath. She needed a breath. This place was almost maddening.

"Am I dead?" Alice asked, her stress and anxiety gleamed through her eyes, obvious to anyone who looked to see it.

"No, not completely." the child answered confidently, thankful that Alice had spoken "You are only half dead."

"I don't understand." Alice admitted.

"Part of you is still alive." she continued gently. The child spoke slowly, to allow Alice time to get to grips with the idea. "As of yet, you haven't fully passed over to the afterlife."

"Then…" Alice paused. The confirmation that she was dead, or at least halfway there, was rather unsettling. "Then where am I? What's happening to me?" the panic in her voice shook it slightly. Never had Alice felt so powerless or lost. Most of all lost.

"That is such a simple question, and yet it has quite a complicated answer." a small and unintended laugh drifted out on the child's voice, like a stowaway or a hitchhiker. "Isn't that always the way?"

The reflection left the question hanging between them long enough for Alice to answer it, but she didn't. The child continued: "Right now, the place your consciousness is looking at, is a mixture of Limbo and Overland. Limbo doesn't look like this normally, but the Jabberwocky blood in your system perplexed them somewhat."

"Perplexed who?" asked Alice, frustrated by her own lack of understanding.

"The souls that brought you here. But I suppose you think of them as stars, and not souls." the reflection could see that Alice still didn't understand as best she could. But if she were to explain these complexities to her now, they'd run out of time. They were rather short of time, but Alice's Pleasantness didn't want to cause Alice any more aggravation than was necessary. She continued: "The picnic basket on the lawn, is the one you brought out this morning, the exact same one. The house behind me, is your house, just as you remember it. But the sky you can see is not Overland's, but Limbo's. The living residents here see everything as they usually see it. They can't see the mirrors you've been looking into, or the sky that perturbs you so. And you, they can't see you."

These notions appeared blank in front of Alice, and took their time to expand and become clearer, but they still weren't totally comprehensible. Like when a photograph never properly develops.

"It is one of the rarest of situations, for one soul to be spread out between three worlds." acknowledged the child, as she saw Alice's brow come together.

"Three worlds?" Alice uttered, hope rising within her that the third would be Underland.

"Yes, you left two things of yours in Underland. These two things are keeping you tied to that world." said the reflection, as if she had read Alice's mind. "You will notice that Love's counterpart Hate isn't with us." in truth Alice hadn't noticed, but she nodded all the same. "That is because Hate resides within your shadow. She was always too weak to stay in your head. All of our loud voices were just too much for her. She couldn't leave you entirely, she is rather attached to you; she won't admit it but she is. So we decided that your shadow was the best place for her. Just until she regains her strength."

Alice was perplexed again. As soon as she thought she was close to understanding, this place vexed her once more. Her reflection could see this.

"You left your shadow in Underland. Hadn't you noticed it wasn't following you?" asked her reflection, looking a little surprised.

Alice hadn't noticed. She had been rather preoccupied with her transparency. She turned round to check for her shadow, but there was nothing there. Throughout the outstretching garden, Alice could see that everything else had a shadow: The trees, shrubs and garden sculptures all cast long proud shadows, as if they were taunting her. What the child was saying was near preposterous, but it would explain the absence of her shadow. Alice turned back to her reflection, who flashed her a sincerely sweet smile.

"You said two things?" Alice checked. The reflection nodded the sudden and low nod, that all children nod, to confirm it. "What else did I leave in Underland?" Alice asked with a subdued eagerness.

"Ah." started the reflection. "I'm afraid I can't tell you. I'm sorry."

"Do you not know?" she replied empathetically.

"Oh, I do. I simply can't tell you." at the quizzing look in Alice's eye, the reflection elaborated. "I promised Love that she could be the one to tell you. And promises are Love's second least favourite broken thing - her words, not mine."

Alice felt that they were drifting off of the point some what. The less she heard about this Love character the better. Alice was still reeling from hearing about how Unpleasantness lost her eye. After all, gouging out someone's eye seemed to be quite an unloving thing to do. Alice decided to stir the conversation back on its original course.

"So, why aren't I dead? How come I haven't passed over?" Alice enquired, unsure weather or not she was going to be grateful of the answer.

"You know why you're not dead." replied the child, as if Alice had just asked what her own name was. "The Hatter told you himself. Don't you trust him?"

"Of course I trust him!" Alice answered abruptly; her loyalty for her Hatter surged up inside her, ready to defend its self. "I just don't understand…"

The reflection flashed a disappointed glance at Alice before speaking again; her expression changed to one of pure fondness: "The Hatter told you that you were strong on several occasions, and you didn't believe him." The child looked into Alice's eyes, and captured her with her unblinking gaze. "But you are. You have to believe that now, more than ever. You haven't passed over because you are strong, and that's the only thing that's going to stop you passing over."

Feeling thoroughly put in her place, Alice didn't question the reflection. She had three questions left to ask, but she felt a niggling certainty that she wouldn't get a satisfactory answer.

"How is it I can see you?" she asked. Her determination to understand was clearly visible on her semitransparent face. "Why is it you're all scattered about outside of my head?"

"Well, we're not really scattered outside of you head," replied the reflection, as if the idea amused her. "These are windows into your mind, not mirrors, as you think they are." Alice had been right in her assumption; that answer was far from clear and satisfactory. The child read this in her face and continued: "When a soul comes to Limbo, it is faced with itself, every aspect of itself, as it waits to pass over. When a soul finally understands and accepts who it is, it makes it much easier for it to pass over to the afterlife."

At the confounded expression on Alice's face, the reflection concluded that she hadn't quite grasped it. She sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry, but we don't have much time as is." said the reflection, in a tone not unlike an overworked parent. "In a few minutes you'll have to enter this house, and I have to prepare you for what's inside."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Alice raised her voice slightly to mask the worry she felt inside. The rest of her questions seemed inferior now. "What's in there?" she asked, her eyes scanned the windows of the house for a clue, but her search was fruitless.

"Death, he's Time's brother. Not much of a talker, but indeed he is a very hard worker." the child spoke more briskly now, her expression disconcertingly serious. "But he's rather angry with you; you've been rather troublesome. No one has ever spread themselves across the three worlds before, not even Time or Death. He's jealous. Jealous and angry. He wants rid of you, the only way he knows how. If he sees you, he will come for you, and send you to the Other Side."

"Then why must I go in there?" exclaimed Alice, quickly standing up.

"You don't have to." explained the reflection. "Only if you want to return to Underland and the Hatter."

A light of aspiration and relief was lit in Alice's head. It was possible for her to get back to Underland - but this ray of hope was dimmed slightly by the imposing task ahead.

"Is there no other way?" Alice asked desperately.

"I'm afraid not." replied the child sympathetically, her head bowed ever so slightly. "I'm sorry, but you have to do what I say, if you want to get back."

Alice went to breathe deeply, to calm herself, but once again there was no air. A small whimper escaped her lips. She wanted to breathe. She really wanted to breathe. But she couldn't, this world wouldn't let her. Alice craved more than anything to leave this place, and get back… Back anywhere; Underland, Overland, it didn't matter. She just wanted to breathe again.

To do that, it seemed she had to face a furious Death. Something Alice didn't believe she could do.

But then something unexpected happened. Something wonderful. A wave of Hatter-bestowed optimism came over her. She was strong. If he said she was, then she was. She could do this. After all, she had slain a Jabberwocky, had she not? She had stared the frumious Bandersnatch in its one eye, and survived to tell the tale. To an onlooker, Alice would look like an accomplished Death-dodger. Golden streaming confidence seemed to flow through her veins, as she forgot about breathing, missing suns and shadows. Yes, she could do this.

"What do I have to do?" Alice asked, her voice completely steady.

"You haven't made it easy for yourself, I have to admit." replied the reflection, its tone remained unchanged. "On the morning you left for Underland you brought out no weapons to arm yourself with; there isn't even a butter knife in that picnic basket. So I'm afraid your only weapon is the hair pin your mother gave you."

"I'm sorry?" Alice blinked. This child had to be joking.

"The morning you left for Underland, your mother put your hair back with a hair pin, and you discarded it over there." the reflection re-worded herself, her voice still retained its patience; as she pointed to the grass a few meters away. "It's the only thing in this garden that can help you."

"A hairpin isn't a weapon!" Alice insisted.

"It is quite a long, sharp hairpin." replied the child calmly, as she offered her meagre consolation.

"That's not-" Alice began and then stopped herself; arguing with her reflection was counterproductive. "Can't I get something sharper from the kitchen once I'm inside."

"To be frank, the less time you spend inside this house, the better." replied the reflection. "If you dilly-dally, looking for weapons that won't be of much help in the end, then Death is more likely to find you. Go and get the hairpin, it will help you." The reflection said this with full faith and certainty. Alice wished she could think like that.

Turning on her heel, Alice rushed down the steps and onto the grass. Behind Alice her reflection did the exact same. Her eyes darted about the lawn for a short while, until something silver and glinting caught them. Tangled among a few blades of grass was a simple double pronged hair pin. Its two long thin teeth, curved inwards slightly at the ends, like claws. At the opposite end of the pin, a peach coloured cameo was glued, depicting an unknown French monarch with a harsh expression. Clutching the hairpin tightly in her right hand, Alice ran back to the maple wood mirror. Her reflection mimicked her, as reflections are supposed to.

"Ready?" it asked, as if the two of them were going inside, when Alice knew full well that the child would not follow her in.

Alice nodded and awaited her instructions.

"When you enter the entrance hall, climb the stairs and walk straight to your bedchambers." directed the reflection. "Love's window or mirror, whatever you want to call it, is on your bedroom door. Inside your chambers is your way back to Underland. On your way there, move swiftly but silently, and talk to no one. Death is most likely to disguise himself as one of the living residants in this house; so be wary. Look at no one and do not hover in one spot for too long. When you reach your door, Love will want to talk. Keep the conversation as brief as you can." ordered the reflection with a warning look. "Love does not have your best interests at heart, and will not understand the seriousness of the situation. Just keep asking her to let you through until she opens the door. If any being within this building moves to touch you, stab it with the hairpin, and sing."

"Sing? Why sing?" Alice aked, as she tried to hold all of the information beeing imparted on her.

"Death cannot abide singing, especially songs of jest and happiness." explained the child, with glee playing on her face. "It hurts him terribly to hear any song. So when music playes, he scuttles away, as a woodlouse does from a burning log. No one knows why…"

"Alright." Alice steadied her nerves, and gave the door handle longest of stares. "Thank you for all your help."

Before Alice placed her hand on the handle, her reflection spoke again: "One last thing."

Alice looked into the mirror again. "Yes?"

"Do not insult Love." the child spoke forebodingly, putting equal emphasis on each word. "She is very sensitive and easily offended." the young reflection sighed. "Sometimes I with she was deaf instead of blind; then she wouldn't get hurt so often, or get into half as many arguments. She might even still have two eyes, if she had learned not to listen earlier…" her expression gave way to pensive recollection, oblivious to Alice.

Alice was sorely tempted to ask what had happened between Love and Unpleasantness, but she managed to rein in her inquisitiveness.

Feeling certain that that was all this reflection had to say, Alice went to bid it farewell again: "Thank you for everything."

The reflection snapped out of her daze, and looked up at Alice with large bright eyes. "The pleasure was all mine. I am really very grateful for the head space you've given me." she added politely, as she smiled charmingly up at Alice, who smiled back in return.

As she gripped the garish hairpin, Alice thought that it had to be the most inept weapon she could ever wield against Death. The longest of far cries from the majesty of the Vorpal Sword. She slowly reached out and clasped the door handle. The adrenaline in her see-through body was ready and waiting to start beating, as soon as she opened the door. As Alice gradually turned the handle, she heard the clicks of the unlocked locking mechanism inside the door, ticking down the seconds she had before entering. The door opened ajar, but all Alice could see inside was darkness. Coaxing her bravery to come forth, Alice stepped into the shadowy abyss. Just as she was closing the door after herself, Alice could hear her pleasantness call out: "Fairfarren Alice."

The door snapped shut behind her. The words of farewell the reflection had spoken, forced memories of the Hatter to surface, before Alice's eyes. They pushed her tears forward, as the darkness rendered the sparkling drops of sorrow invisible.

A/N Okay, that was a bit of a long chapter, and I didn't even use any dividers ;) The last two chapters have been accomplished by two days of almost constant writing - It feels really good to get it all out! Dose anyone think they know which song Alice will sing in the next chapter?

Pleeeeeeeeeeeease tell me what you think!