Meredith was sitting in really old guy's room, when Izzie walked past the door and saw her. She took a few steps back and walked in.
"Hey! What are you doing in really old guy's room? Are you hiding?" she asked, grinning at Meredith.
"I'm not hiding. I just need some peace and quiet," she said, looking at Izzie hoping she would take the hint.
Holding her hands up in fake surrender, she slowly backed out of the room and said "Okay, I get the not-so-subtle hint. Cristina's right. You need sex. Maybe that will help loosen you up."
I did! I had hot, mind-blowing, orgasmic sex and all it did was make me more high-strung.
"Thanks, Iz. I'll take that under advisement," she said, giving her a fake appreciative smile.
"No problem, babe," she said, winking at her. "By the way, we're having dinner together tonight."
"Dinner?" asked Meredith, confused.
"Yes dinner. You know, it's what normal people typically do when they live together. We haven't had dinner together for so long and I'm itching to bake. So, yes we're having dinner. Cristina will be there and it'll be like old times."
"But…" Meredith began to protest, then began to think it may not be such a bad idea. She'd been thinking of ways to get out of her dinner with Derek tonight and this could be her excuse. "Fine. I'll be there."
"Good," she said, pleased with herself. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go tell Cristina she's coming over for dinner."
Meredith left really old guy's room and went searching for Derek. She knew he wasn't going to like that she's canceling their date, but she didn't want to rouse any suspicions with Izzie. It was bad enough that she almost caught them earlier.
Derek was sitting alone in his office. He was flipping through a patient's chart, but his mind was elsewhere. Ever since this afternoon, she was all he could think about. Normally, he liked thinking about her. Thinking about her makes him happy so that even the crappiest day is tolerable. Right now, as he's sitting there thinking about her, he's feeling anything but happy. Instead, he's feeling angry, frustrated, confused, and insecure. The idea of anyone making him feel insecure was completely absurd to him. He's a talented, world-renowned neurosurgeon. People like him don't let petite green-eyed blonds with tiny ineffectual fists get them so frustrated to the point of feeling insecure. Yet here he is, sitting in his semi-dark office absently thumbing through patient charts, letting that exact emotion overwhelm him to near suffocation.
This afternoon when he pulled her into the on-call room, he had every intention of talking to her. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine they'd have sex. Don't get him wrong, the sex was good. Hell, it was damn near explosive. And although he hesitated at first, he gave in because in some sick warped way, he thought that could be the key to convincing her to give them a real chance.
All his hopes were shot to hell when she insisted that no one must know they were married. And to add insult to injury, she made him promise never to say anything. It's no wonder he's feeling confused and insecure.
He let out a long exasperated sigh and reached inside the top drawer of his desk to pull out his wallet. Flipping it open, he reached inside one of the card insert and pulled out the familiar gold band. The same wedding band that bound him to Meredith in holy matrimony. Something caught his eye as he moved to close the wallet. Tucked deep inside the same card insert was a small photo. It was a candid photo taken of him and Addison at their wedding. Taking a closer look at the picture, he couldn't help but smile, remembering how young and in love they were back then.
Sitting back in his chair, he held up the ring in one hand and the picture in the other. He let out a bitter laugh because he was now convinced that Fate hated him. Yes, she must hate him to put him with two women that are so different from one another, yet both still manage to make him feel like a useless piece of shit whose feelings were of no significance to them. His ex-wife screwed with him emotionally by cheating on him with his best friend, while his current wife is just screwing him.
He's not going to allow himself to be used like that. Not ever again. That is why he's going to end it with Meredith. He'll ask her for a divorce as soon as he sees her. Her reaction from this afternoon spoke volumes and told him what he needed to know. It was very obvious that she doesn't want anything beyond the occasional lay and he's not prepared to enter into another emotionless relationship. He tried that with Addison and lived in hell for six long agonizing months. If he stays with Meredith, he will undoubtedly be the one to get hurt. He can't love someone who clearly doesn't love him back.
He placed the ring and photo back inside his wallet and tossed it carelessly into the drawer. Running his hands through his hair, he leaned back against the soft cushion and closed his eyes. He was physically and emotionally drained. His mind is telling him to walk away, while his heart wants to give it another try.
He thought about the conversation they had before they were interrupted. Maybe if they had more time, he would have been able to talk to her. They're supposed to go to dinner tonight. He could use the time to gauge whether this relationship is worth pursuing or not and a lot of that will depend on how open she is to trying.
Meredith was about to give up looking for Derek when she walked past his office. She didn't remember seeing his name on the OR board earlier, so she decided to try his office. It was nearing the end of her shift and she didn't want to leave without talking to him first. She was about to knock on the door when it abruptly opened to reveal a disheveled looking Derek standing before her. She noticed that his hair was in disarray and his eyes were red.
"Hi. I've been looking for you," she said, giving him a tentative smile.
Derek wasn't expecting to see her standing at his doorstep so he stood staring at her, momentarily speechless.
"Derek?" Are you okay?" she asked, looking worried.
Clearing his throat, he said "Er, yes I'm fine. Do you need something?"
"What?" she asked, slightly taken aback by the cold tone in his voice.
"You said you were looking for me," he reminded her.
Lowering her eyes from his, she said "I wanted to talk to you about…about our date tonight."
"Oh," he said, softening his voice. "I have a staff meeting with the Chief that I'm already running late to," he said looking at his watch. "I'll call you when I'm done. You pick a place, okay?" He smiled at her and began to walk towards the elevator.
"Actually, I came to tell you I can't make it tonight!" she yelled after him.
Derek stopped in mid-stride and turned to look at her.
"You're canceling our date? Why!" he asked, ignoring the looks from the nurses standing nearby. He was hurt and disappointed and didn't care if everyone knew.
Meredith knew he was angry from the scowl on his face and the way his shoulders had stiffened up. She gave the nurses a sideways glance and walked up to him.
"Please don't be angry," she said, placing a small hand on his forearm.
He yanked his arm away and said "I'm not angry! Why are you canceling?"
"It's Izzie. She made me promise to have dinner with her tonight," she said, lowering her gaze from his. She could feel his eyes burning into hers.
"What about the promise you made me?" he hissed. "We need to talk…about us." His voice was strained and he could barely contain his anger.
"Can't…can't we talk tomorrow?" she asked, almost pleading with him.
"Tomorrow will be too late," he said.
"Why is-- " She was going to ask what he meant by that.
"Nevermind. It's fine. I get it. You have commitments," he said, slowly backing away from her. "Go have dinner with your friend, Meredith. I'm late." Without giving her a chance to respond, he turned and walked away.
Meredith was near tears as she saw him walk toward the elevators. He was so angry with her.
"Derek, wait!" she yelled, running after him as he got onto the elevator. She reached it right as the doors were about to close. Shuffling herself inside, she was thankful that they were alone.
"We're done, Meredith," he said, trying to keep his eyes trained on the display panel and not look at her.
"Done?" she asked, confused by the meaning of that word.
"What do you want, Meredith!" he yelled, turning to look at her.
"What do I want?" she repeated, unable to gather her thoughts.
"Yes! What…do…you…want?!" he yelled again, emphasizing each word. He could see that she was scared and near tears, but he was too angry to care at that point. "I mean, you don't want to be with me. You sure as hell don't want to be married to me, so what do you want?"
Meredith stood watching the rise and fall of his chest, shocked and speechless at how this was turning out.
"I want--," she began to say, but he interrupted her.
"I don't want to be that guy," he said, his anger on the verge of boiling over.
"Guy?" she said, her mind failing her completely.
"Yes, Meredith! The guy you go to when you need to scratch a particular itch. I refuse to be that guy. I want more! Dammit, I want…."
He grabbed her face in his hands, his lips crashing down onto hers. It was an angry kiss. A kiss meant to punish. Meredith tried to pull away, but he grabbed a tighter hold of her hair and continued to kiss her, forcing her lips apart. Suddenly, the kiss changed from anger to desperate need as he let out a moan and softened the kiss, his lips coaxing. Meredith reached up into his hair and pulled him closer to her. The fear she felt earlier was replaced by excitement. Letting out a moan, she opened her mouth further to allow his tongue access. Together they stood kissing and touching each other until the elevator doors opened.
Derek broke the kiss and giving her a sad look he walked outside the elevator and said "Forty-eight hours." He saw the look of confusion flash across her face and continued "That's the longest I'm willing to wait. You have two days to decide."
The doors closed leaving Meredith standing there feeling completely and utterly lost.
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