Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Uther's POV.

You are the hole in my head
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence in between
What I thought and what I said

No Light, No Light - Florence and the Machine

Uther never thought he'd feel so weak, so desperated and miserable again in his life, not after Ygraine's death, but he was wrong. The moment Merlin passed out was the most terrifying moment he could even remember. Even his nightmares seemed to be far more comforting than watching the boy fall limp on his arms, exhausted, cold and pale as a corpse, as if there was no more life in his thin body. The King felt himself gasping breathless for some air, a turmoil of angry emotions that he had kept locked for too long hitting him all at once. It was fear, pure and irrational, numbing his mind and senses, blinding him completely. He could see the soft movements in Merlin's chest, could feel the warm breath against his neck but he couldn't just let go of that feeling that he was about to lose the more important person of his life again.

It couldn't happen.

You deserve it you deserve to suffer for all you've done a little ugly voice whispered in his head but the King just pushed it away, his grip at Merlin's body tightening. The poor boy would have bruises on his arms later, but it didn't matter in the moment. Uther could feel his heart beating too fast against his ribcage, his hands trembling. He barely noticed Leon's weak attempts in getting up, yet he couldn't say he wasn't relieved by the miraculous recovery of his most trusted knight. The only thing that crossed his dizzy mind in that moment was what price would be paid for such a miracle.

And finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Merlin stirred, moaning but the King barely registered the pained noise, relief and happiness washing over his tensed body. He knew it was stupid to worry so much, but he couldn't ignore the overwhelming feeling that some day he'd lose his love and his world would fall apart again. Uther sucked in a shaken breath, fingers brushing away the sweat on Merlin's forehead, and a wave of an almost forgotten yet still too powerful repugnance threatened to drown him, pushing at his guts too painfully, darkening his already shaken senses. It was the sorcery on the boy's body the real cumprit, the only thing to be blamed for Merlin's fragile state.

It was always sorcery, despicable and treacherous, destroying every good thing on its way, slowly corrupting the purest, kindest soul this cursed world would ever meet. It wasn't Merlin's fault, of course - how could he expect the boy to understand something so simple when he'd been blind by such darkness since the very beginning? He couldn't blame the boy, only what was inside of him, poisoning his blood and soul...

And then he felt shame slapping his face at full force. How could he still believe in such old, wrong, stupid fears? Magic had saved his life and his mind. It fixed his broken heart and shattered soul. Magic pulled his second in command back from the dead. Magic was life as much as it was death. As quick as it appeared, Uther pushed those dreadful feelings aside, ignoring that little voice in the back of his head whispering kill it it's just a monster like any other he's tricking you he'll kill you. Merlin, so sweet and caring and innocent, couldn't be a monster, and he had just proved it again and again.

How could Uther even allow himself to think of such disgraceful things?

Merlin whimpered softly under his breath, eyes fluttering open. There were so many emotions dancing on those bright, impossibly blue eyes, so many it was hard to count or even try to name them. And it took the King only a moment to understand that was Merlin, the real magic creature he wouldn't glimpse completely even if he looked for it all his life - a mystery, a question that would never get an answer.

Merlin was clumsy and a complete buffoon at times, but also wise and intelligent.

He was fragile, with a worrisome slender complexion and a very pale skin that most of time resembled a walking corpse. He was the most powerful sorcerer to walk on earth.

Merlin was a scared child. A mighty fighter.

A caring friend, a gentle lover, a frightening enemy, a god.

And even if he pretended not to see it, Uther knew - they loved and loathed each other at the very same intensity. There'd always be doubt and fear and distrust, and there'd always be awe and gratitude and acceptance. That was the dysfunctional way their relationship worked, and if Uther needed to be sincere now, it was just perfect enough for him, for them. That was the only way for Uther to be certain he hadn't fallen for some enchantment that soon would be broken. The only way for Merlin to be sure it wasn't just a trick to get him burned at the stake once they stepped into Camelot.

Uther snapped out of his sturpor as the sharp noise of a sword being unsheathed echoed just too loudly in the quiet woods. Merlin shuddered pathetically on his hands, trying to move away but too weak to do so, eyes wide open now, staring right at the knight he had just saved only a few moments ago. Leon stood close to them, sword in his trembling hand, looking as confused and lost as the warlock, torn between duty and abashed gratitude. He was supposed to follow Camelot's laws, to execute the evil sorcerer that had just saved his life. A sorcerer that was being nestled protectively against the King's chest as if he was no more than a child lost in the woods.

How stupid, pathetic did their situation really look?

"Put your sword down, Leon." Uther finally said, and the knight let out a sigh of relief that lasted for only a second before concern washed over his young features, his grip on the sword tighter than before. "He's harmless."

"Are you sure, my lord?" Leon shifted uncomfortably on his place, his knucles relaxing over the pommel slightly. "He saved me when I was at the brink of death. He's…"

But whatever the knight was trying to say was lost when his eyes met Merlin's.

Hello, my little doves~ I'm so sorry it took so long for me to update but my computer died and I'm just so upset! Ugh! However, thank you so much for your patience and support, it means a lot to me! I really wanted to make this chapter longer, but I'll just split it into two parts. I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I'm still planning in making a sequel or something, so it'd help me a lot if you leave some suggestions!

Thank you so much for taking your time to read, and reviews make me really happy. Love you all!