The one with the rude parrot
The atmosphere was pretty boring one Tuesday morning in the timelord's apartment, Eleven had popped out to do a bit of shopping, Ten was in the kitchen, doing a fry up, Nine was sat in the living room, trying to read the newspaper but was finding it quite impossible to concentrate when the Master was continuously making popping noises in his ear hole.
"Can't you see I am trying to read the news paper?" he said in a very annoyed tone.
"Yes" the Master replied then continuing to make annoying popping noises until Nine shut his newspaper and walked into the kitchen.
"What's up with you?" Ten asked when he saw that Nine was looking really annoyed and bored.
"I was trying to read the newspaper, but I couldn't because a certain room-mate of ours was making annoying popping noises in my ear hole" he replied just as the Master entered the kitchen at sat down at the table.
"Are you two talking about me?" he asked "what have I done now?" Ten sighed as he put the contents of his fry up on his plate and joined the other timelords at the table.
"Nine told me that you was bugging him when he was trying to read the news paper " Ten told the Master who just put his hands up in defence and told Ten that he was bored. A couple of hours later, Eleven came back from shopping and the first thing the other three noticed was the bright green parrot on his shoulder.
"What the hell is that?" Nine asked, pointing at the parrot.
"It's a parrot, I have a parrot now, parrots are cool" Eleven replied "plus, I have also bought him a cage." He took out a large birdcage and put the parrot inside before putting it on the living room shelf.
"So, does it have a name?" Ten asked, looking at the parrot with deep interest.
"Yes, it's called DJ" Eleven replied with a grin. Nine looked at Eleven with confusion and asked him what it was short for.
"Doctor junior" Eleven replied "But I call Him DJ for short."
"Bow ties are cool, bow ties are cool" DJ squawked in his parrot voice. The other three turned to look at Eleven with confused expressions.
"Oh I taught him to say that on the way back" he replied "maybe I should pop down to the pet shop tomorrow and see if they sell bow ties for parrots."
"Maybe I'll get myself and call it Master junior" the Master suggested "MJ for short." Nine rolled his eyes and whispered to Ten that if he did go out and buy a pet, he'd probably come back with a Dinosaur or something.
"Now how can I get a Dinosaur if they don't exist any more?" the Master asked.
"Well, you could probably time travel to the Dinosaur times and then come back with a bloody T-rex on a leash and collar" Nine replied. The Master grinned in a sinister manner said pointed out that it wouldn't be such a bad idea.
"Don't even think about it" Ten told him in a warning tone "I think the parrot will be enough for now."
That night, the timelords were woken up by DJ squawking something which sounded like "your mom is a gallifreyan slapper." They all ran out of their rooms to find the parrot flapping it's wing and yelling "Daleks are stupid ass holes."
"Who's been teaching DJ to say those things?" Eleven asked just as DJ screamed out something which sounded like "coswollop."
"Well one of us must have been teaching it to say those things" Ten pointed out "and I don't think it would have heard the words gallifreyan slapper heard in the pet shop." They all looked at DJ who was now cleaning his feathers before telling them to "get bent." The three Doctors didn't look to impressed at what the parrot had just said, but the Master was finding it hilarious, causing Ten to look at him suspiciously.
"Hey, why are you looking at me like that?" he asked "what have I done?"
"Did you teach the parrot to say those things?" Ten asked, raising his left eyebrow.
"OK fine, I did" the Master admitted "it's just really boring sitting there, so I decided to teach it a few words."
"You've made it into a potty mouth" Eleven said in shock "what else did you teach him it to say?"
"Eat my gallifreyan shorts, stupid dumbass and skanky timelady" the Master replied with a grin "but that's all I have so far." Ten looked at him with disapprovement and told him not to teach DJ the parrot to say any more rude phrases.
When the three Doctors woke up the next morning, the first thing they saw was the Master stood in front of DJ's cage and teaching him to say some more rude phrases.
"Can you say Doctor dumbass?" he asked the parrot "come on, I know you can." He was then caught off guard when Ten placed his hand on his shoulder.
"Oh hello, I wasn't expecting you" the Master replied with a grin "so, what's the breakfast then Doc?"
"I thought I told you not to teach the parrot to say rude phrases" Ten said " now, will you please stop..." he was cut off by the loud squawking of the parrot who was now saying "Doctor dumbass, Doctor dumbass."
"I think he's talking to you" the Master said, only to get a stern look from Ten "OK, I'll just be in the kitchen if you need me." he then went into the kitchen and Ten turned to look at DJ who was just stood on his perch, staring at Ten who slowly made his way towards the cage.
"Does polly want a cracker?" he asked.
"Polly says get bent" the parrot relied, almost knocking Ten right out of his socks.
Later that morning, Nine was sat on the sofa reading the newspaper when all of a sudden he heard "Big eared Twit, big eared twit." He looked up and realize that it was DJ who was saying it whilst flapping it's wings about, so he got up and walked towards the bird cage.
"Were you just talking to me?" he asked the parrot who started squawking the words "big eared twit" again. Grumbling, Nine sat back down on the sofa and picked up his newspaper just as the Master entered and sat next to him.
"What's up with you, you've got a face like a smacked backside" he pointed out when he noticed that Nine was in a grump.
"That...bird just called me a big eared twit" Nine replied in frustration before continuing to read his newspaper.
"Oh yeah, I taught him to say it earlier" the Master replied, feeling proud of himself. Nine slowly put the newspaper down and looked at the Master, dangerously.
"What did you say?" he asked in a dangerous tone.
"I taught the parrot to call you a big eared twit" the Master replied, smiling. Slowly, Nine got up from his seat and walked towards the troublesome timelord who also stood up and began to back away.
"Nine, what are you doing?" the Master asked as Nine backed him into the kitchen "don't do something you might regret." They were circling each other around the kitchen table and Nine still had that dangerous look on his face.
"Come on, it was only a joke" the Master explained "wow, you really are pissed off aren't you."
"I do not like it when my ears are insulted" Nine replied, throwing a dish cloth at the Master who managed to duck in time.
"Well, you do have large ears" he replied before dodging a pair of oven mittens " I mean, come on, look at them." Another dish cloth came flying in his direction and he managed to duck again.
"No one makes fun of my ears" Nine said. He was about to throw an egg when Ten walked in and saw what was going on.
"What's going on here then?" he asked. Nine put the egg down and explained to Ten that the Master had taught DJ to call him a big eared twit.
"Well I don't think throwing eggs about will solve the matter" Ten replied "now, go in the room and read your newspaper." Nine nodded and walked back into the living room.
"And you" Ten said to the Master "can't you stop tormenting him for at least five minutes?" The Master grinned and shook his head. Ten sighed in annoyance and rubbed the side of his head before telling him that teaching the parrot rude phrases had to stop now.
"But it's less boring if it's squawking out words like that" the Master replied "and it's hilarious."
Ten rolled his eyes and walked out of the kitchen.
A couple of days had passed by and not one rude phrase was heard from DJ the parrot apart from the odd "bow ties are cool" that Eleven had taught him when he first bought him back to the apartment.
"So, why aren't we hearing any more rude phrases from the parrot?" Nine asked.
"Oh, I ran out of some new rude phrases so I decided to give up" the Master replied "but I think I'll stick to tormenting it with a piece of cracker." He then proceeded to do so while the other three talked about other pets.
"What pet do you think we should get next?" Eleven asked "how about a dog or a cat or maybe a hamster."
"How about an Elephant" the Master suggested "it could join Nine's big eared fan club." Nine looked annoyed by this.
"Oi, watch it or I will throw that egg at you" he replied in frustration.
"Woah, take it easy, I was kidding" the Master replied, throwing his arms up in defence before continuing to tease DJ the parrot.
Coming up next, the timelords time travel to when the first Harry potter movie came out and go to see it at the cinema, that's all to come next.