Great news! I finally figured out what's going to happen between now and the end of the story – just needs a bit of tweaking. Oh, and sorry for the long, long, LONG delay—currently, I'm in America on holiday, so I've been busy with … uh, holiday stuff. :) Please enjoy!

My Lapse In Judgment
My Admission

You know how, when I get worked up, my voice goes so high that it reaches a decibel that only dogs can hear? Well, it turns out that this is a billion times worse when I'm pregnant.

"CARLA! IneedyourhelpJDtoldmehelovedmeandIdon'tknowwhattododoIlovehimbutI'mpregnantwithsomeoneelse'sbabyandIdon'twannahurthimbutIdon'tthinkIlovehimand I don't know what to dooooo!"

Turk and Carla are silent for a few minutes after my tirade, wide eyes watching me fearfully, before Turk blinks and says, "I'm sorry, what?"

"JDTOLDME—!"

"Calm, Elliot. Slowly."

I take a deep breath, flapping my hands to cool myself off slightly, before trying again, "JD told me he loved me."

"WHAT?!?!"

"TURK!"

"STOP YELLING!"

"YOU STARTED IT!"

"Maybe you should both stop yelling," Carla snaps, glaring at Turk, before turning back to me, "JD told you he loved you?"

I nod miserably, "He said the reason he's been acting so weirdly is because he's jealous o-of me and Per—Dr. Cox."

Carla looks stunned, but Turk just looks like he was expecting this. My eyes widen, and I point accusingly at JD's best friend, "You knew!"

He frowns, genuinely confused, "Knew what?"

"You knew JD liked me again! He tells you everything!"

"He didn't say anything!" Turk insists, shying away from my and his wife's condemning glares, "Honestly! This is just what you guys always do! Whenever you start to show the tiniest signs of moving on, it's always I love you! I love you too! No, wait, no I don't! We were on a break! No, we—"

"That's Friends," Carla interrupts, while I fume, resisting the urge to tell Turk that my voice does not sound like that.

"Oh yeah," Turk smiles sheepishly, before sobering up, "I just didn't expect him to actually do it, you know? But the point is, he does love you, and you gotta decide how you feel about him. And it's not just you guys to consider—there's the kid too, and the kid's father."

"You mean Dr. C—"

"Don't remind me, cos I do not want those images in my head."

I don't say anything, absorbed in what Turk just said. He's right, it isn't just JD and I; there's Perry, and the baby. But why shouldn't I love JD? Sure, our attempts at a relationship in the past have proved unsuccessful, but I always assumed that, at the end of the day, he would be the one I wound up with—not Dr. Cox. After all, we have been dancing this same dance for years now, so it only seemed inevitable. So why, now that I have the chance to get back together with him, am I so reluctant?

"What do you think?" Carla presses, anxiously, "Do you love him?"

I hesitate, stammering, "I—I don't—I mean—should I?"

"That's up to you, Elliot; it's your life," she wisely tells me. I swallow, fiddling with my coat for a second. Getting back with JD seems like the natural, obvious thing—the right thing—to do … but, what if I don't want to be right?

"I don't know," I decide finally, "I don't know. I mean … I need to think; this is huge! I need t-to think about this."

Carla nods understandingly, and rubs my shoulder. I'm just about to leave the cafeteria, when Turk begins to speak again.

"You know what I think?"

"Turk," Carla smiles, its malice thinly veiled, warning him against trying to influence my decision, "She just said she needs to think—"

"I know, baby, but I'll just say," he replies, before looking up at me, "Maybe you should also talk to Dr. Cox. If you do get back together with JD, you need to know he doesn't have a problem with it. I mean, his opinion does count; after all, he is your kid's …" he trails off, looking disgusted, before grudgingly finishing, "… father."

I purse my lips, considering this advice, before nodding, "You're right—you're really right. Thanks, Turk!"

I don't miss Turk's victorious look at his put out wife, before I turn on my heel, striding purposefully in the direction of Perry's office.

"Perry, I need to talk to you!" I exclaim, as I burst into the room.

"Not now. Very busy," he mutters, staring intently at his computer screen.

"What are you doing?"

"… playing a game?"

I scowl, "Perry, please?"

Perry drops the mouse and leans back, "Is it the baby?"

A part of me cheers that that's the first thing he thought of, but … "No."

"Then I'm not interested."

"Perry," I persevere, "Would you have a problem if I were to … date?"

"Date?!" he repeats, eyebrows shooting up.

"Yeah; you know, going out. Getting a boyfriend. Sex."

At the last word, he cringes, "Please tell me this is one of those crazy hormone thingies."

"Nooooo," I reply, sighing; I'd better cut to the chase, "I'm considering getting back together with JD."

His face remains carefully expressionless, but I can see the shock in his eyes, "Carol?!"

"Mmm, yeah. But it's JD."

I'm not sure why I'm so irritable. Maybe it's because I'm sick of hearing him degrade the man who adores him, or maybe because I want him to really react. Maybe I want him to tell me that I can't date, especially not JD, because that's his kid in there and I'm his…

Or maybe I'm getting carried away.

"He, it's just, he admitted that he likes me again," I continue, "And I'm not sure that I don't like him … soooo, what do you think?"

Perry is silent for a few minutes, his eyes flitting everywhere but at me as he fiddled with a pen on his desk. I wait patiently as he deliberates, unable to relax when I'm so anxious.

After a short while, his face hardens and he frowns up at me, "Why should I care?"

… what the friiick?!

"What?" I squeak.

"It's your life, Barbie," he tells me, shrugging noncommittally as he returns to his computer screen, "I'm not gonna be the one having pasty lesbian sex with Betsy, after all. If you wanna date him … date him."

My jaw drops, "What, that's it?!"

"Yeeeeah, Barbaroo, that's it."

"But … but …!" I can hardly speak, too stunned to. Doesn't he care? I mean, I'm not expecting him to care about what I do (am I?) but I'm still having his kid, "Dr. Cox, I'm pregnant! Doesn't that concern you at all?!"

Perry's eyes flit back up to mine, and we just stare at one another for a minute. Then, abruptly, he jumps to his feet, looking angrier than I think I've ever seen him, "Concern me? CONCERN me?! You don't think I'm a little worried about the mother of my child getting freaky with other men? Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy your and Annie's annual pasty-lesbian-sex parties as much as the next guy, but don't cha think that while you're pregnant with somebody else's kid, it mightbe a re-heally stupid move? Because you and Newbie are just gonna go through the motions and end up hating each other—again—but this time, there's a kid involved. My kid! And though you and Newbie may find your hook-ups exciting, it's beginning to get repetitive, which begs the question: why would you put yourself through that again? Cos believe it or not, Elliot, it wouldn't be fair to me, you, or Newbie, and it damn well won't be fair to our kid."

At the end of his tirade, Perry is red-faced and breathing heavily, while I'm completely speechless. Well … I got what I wanted, didn't I? But why do I still feel unsatisfied—and just a little bit hurt?

"The baby," I begin, furrowing my brow, "You're worried about … the baby."

"Yes!" he exclaims, "Come on; I know I'm not the most emotional guy, but you've gotta believe that I care about my child!"

He doesn't understand. I can already see how devoted he is to this baby, even if he would never admit it in a billion years … but … I was shamelessly fishing for evidence that maybe, he cared a little about me, which I'm obviously not going to get, and which I now feel awful for trying to get.

"Right," I murmur, bowing my head, "You're right. I'm sorry … Dr. Cox."

"Barbie … ?"

"I should go," I say quickly, "Um, thanks, I guess. See ya!"

I turn, and attempt to bolt for the door, but Perry physically steps in my path, grabbing my arms, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's wrong now?"

"Nothing!" I cry, shaking my head furiously. It's strange—I want to cry, I want to start screaming until my voice reaches that impossible decibel; there's even a lump in my throat, but my eyes feel dry, and my voice flows out calmly. Is there such a thing as reverse hormones?

"Well, something's up," he says firmly, planting his hands on his hips, "Now don't mistake this for interest, but you're not leaving till you tell me."

I purse my lips at this rather contradictory statement, but choose not to call him on it; he'd just skirt around the subject again, as he always does, "It's nothing."

"Barbie, you're like an open book. Spill."

Okay, now he's getting on my nerves. Am I really that open, or can he just read me well?

"I don't know," my mouth seems to move of its own accord, words spilling out that I can't stop, "I just thought that … maybe, you … might be more upset about me than the baby."

This takes him by surprise, I see; his eyes widen, his mouth attempts to form words before he eventually splutters out, "What?"

Frick. I shouldn't have said anything. "Seriously, Perry, just leave it … "

"Barbie. What. Is it?"

Once again, the words just blurt out, "It's just … I mean, we're having a baby, and we've been getting so much closer—don't try to deny it, you let me call you Perry—and … well, ever since … that night …" unconsciously, my hand presses protectively to my stomach, "Well, I guess I just, sort of, kinda … like you. I mean, a lot. You know?"

Perhaps it isn't the most eloquent confession in the world, but I think I got my point across. From the way Perry averts his eyes, down towards our feet, I can see that he understands … yet, somehow, I don't imagine I will be getting an admission myself. My face flushes, as I realize the full weight of what I just did. How I put myself out there, only to be doubtlessly shot down. Double frick.

"Barbie …" he begins, but I interrupt him.

"I should go," I repeat quietly, before sidestepping him and striding once again toward the closed office door.

This time, he lets me leave.

… ummmmm … ? Okay, it wasn't the BEST ending … and I'm pretty sure they were OOC (paranoid, I am?) but since it's twenty past two in the morning in America, I'm happy that the words weren't misspelled and the grammar was okay, lol. I need a bedtime. :)

I'm not sure when I can update again, but I promise it'll be quicker than this time. Please review!