VKCRACK: Okay, so, I'm updating like a freak going through an amp withdrawal and very bored. So, here's a semi-decent chapter… Okay, okay… It's not that funny. But I will get back into the swing of things. Hopefully things'll come to me tomorrow and I'll be able to get some amp in my system. Who knows. Anyways. Read, review, and have fun.

DISCLAIMER: Take me to your leader…

Chapter 12: Super Barkingweaselman… The Lame Fic

As always, it was an extremely boring day. Class was cancelled, due to some little holiday thing, leaving everyone to do whatever it was their little hearts desired. But for one vampire in particular, it was rather difficult. Nothing seemed to do it for him. Kain was too sick to make out with, having caught some cold. Ichijou was plotting for some holiday called Independence Day, whatever the hell that is. Shiki was trying his hardest to win back Rima's heart after the whole band fiasco. Yuki and Zero were… hmm….

If light bulbs could flicker on over people's heads, he'd not only have one, but it'd be so bright that it would be enough to be the reason why all the glaciers and stuff were melting. Only then would it burn out. Aidou quickly pulled out his laptop and sat up against his pillows. It was time to prove that Super Barkingweaselvamp was amazing!

After the laptop was powered on and what not, he opened up his word document and began his typing.

~~ STORY BEGINS NOW!~~

Once upon a time, there was a lovely little house with a lovely little family that lived inside. There was a Daddy, a goldfish, and two adorable children. One day, it was very rainy and the two children weren't allowed to play outside. So they sat at the window and stared glumly out the window.

"Man… I'm bored," said a young little Zero as he let out yet out another sigh. "If only I could go out and kill some vampires…" A small smile flickered on his lips, but his heart was heavy from the rain.

"If only Kaname-sama were here. He always makes everything so fun. One time he showed me how to decapitate a Level." Yuki snickered at the VERY vivid memory. Her Kaname-sama was just too cool. Little Zero wasn't given a chance to respond as their adoptive Father twirled into room, his eyes all sparkly.

"My lovely little children! Daddy has some good news! This man wants to meet with him to make all his wishes come true!" He pulled the two children, Zero looking dull and disturbed, Yuki confused, in his arms.

"Am I getting another daddy so you aren't lonely?" Yuki question with such innocent that the man couldn't resist in hugging her small frame once more.

"Now, now… Daddy loves girls, not boys. Zero on the hand…" He ruffled Zero's silvery locks and smiled. "It's okay, I'll still love you."

"What the heck are you talking about? Creepster…"

"Anyways! I'm off. No playing outside, no strangers in the house; just sit there and be good. I shall see you two soon!" Cross was almost out of the door when he popped his head back into the room. "Oh and please no messes in any of the rooms. It took me forever to clean up!" With that, he was gone.

Yuki and Zero just looked at each other before looking at Poppers the goldfish.

"Now what do we do, Zero?"

"We sit and wait for the rain to stop…." Silence filled the room as they both let out heavy sighs and watched the continuous downpour. Where was the fun!

Minutes, with thousands of sighs, passed when suddenly Zero let out a small noise. Yuki cocked her head and looked over at her adoptive brother.

"What is it, Zero? Are you okay?"

"I see something approaching… And… It's weird…" Zero leaned forward in his chair to the point his nose was hitting the glass.

"What?! Where?! I wanna see! I wanna see! Show me, Zero! I wanna see too!" Yuki pouted.

"Fine, just shut up." He pointed out the window into the distant. It was none other than a foreign person skipping up towards the door. "This can't be-" At that exact moment, Yuki bounded towards the door and flung it open. "Good…" He got up and followed Yuki. But it was too late. She was already inviting the guy in.

"Who are you? Why are you here? Are you a virgin?" Yuki shot off. The stranger just smiled.

"Go away…" Zero shoved Yuki behind himself and glared at the vampire.

"Now, now, little child! I have lots of candy if you come with me!" The strange vamp flashed them a smile, revealing his sharp fangs. A bit of drool fell from the corner of his lip.

"Uh, no. We don't want-"

"CANDY! YES! I'LL TAKE SOME! I WANT SOME CANDY! I WANT CANDY! CANDY CANDY! I WANT- I WANT- I WANT! GIVE ME! GIVE-"

"STUFF YOU N00BISH CHILD!" He yelled and quickly cleared his throat. "I uh mean, sure. Of course. My name is Rido. And I am a hero!" But Zero had a terrible feeling.

"No… you… you want Yuki, don't you! It's cause she's secretly and incestuous princess who's really Kaname's sister and is in love with him and has magical powers and all that other shit that is supposed to be some fucking plot line but is really just disturbing and weird and makes me sad and want to die because she no longer loves me and runs away with Kaname while I'm stuck doing nothing better with my life and and and…."

"Yeah… whatever, kid. Shut up and follow me and I'll take you to Candy Mountain." Rido grabbed the two children by the wrist and began dragging them to the van. But both had seen Charlie the Unicorn. They knew what would happen….

"NO! NO! NO! NO! I WANT MY KIDNEY! I WANT MY KIDNEY! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! NEVER! NO!!!" Yuki began to scream and fight, but there was no hope! Even Zero wasn't strong enough!

"Let us go you booger head!" He twisted every which way, but was unable to break free. There was no help… no help at all….

Flying lazily in the sky, Super Barkingweaselvamp was bored.

"It's going to be another boring one…" he muttered as he just barely dodged a tree. In that same second, he heard something. He paused in midflight and listened carefully. Screaming children; that was never a good sign!" Super Barkingweaselvamp flew as fast as he could and landed in front of the evil Rido.

"Rido… So, we meet again." Super Barkingweaselvamp smirked as a terrified Rido turned to face the his arch enemy.

"N-no… no! NOOOOO!" He rapidly throw balls of fire at the awesome hero, but to no avail. Super Barkingweaselvamp was just too good with his ice.

"Hahaha… Seems you will be defeated!" Super Barkingweaselvamp formed and icicle and throw at the evil man, decapitating him. He turned towards the two children. "Are you two okay?"

"YOU ARE SO MUCH COOLER THAN KANAME! OMG! I love you! Thank you!" Shouted Yuki with much enthusiasm.

"I'm going now… this is just ridiculous." Zero walked away.

A few seconds later, Kain, who had been making out with Ruka in a nearby bush and saw the whole thing, walked over and picked up the superhero.

"You have captured my heart. Marry me."

"Okay!"

After that, the two lived happily ever after!

~~END STORY~~

Aidou smiled in satisfaction at his story. Once again, Ruka has lost and the world was safe from evil! Oh yeah, he was totally awesome now! He fixed up the small story and posted it on his favorite story-posting website.

"YUS! Now everyone will think I'm so cool!"

~~Elsewhere!!~~

Kain looked through the original stories in the archive of .. They always had some of the best stories. But none were appealing. He refreshed his page and that's when he saw it… He just had to read it!

After a few minutes…. Kain sat there in disbelief. "Stupid idiot…"

VKCRACK: Yeah, so I'm thinking that after I post this, and if I'm still not tired or whatev, then I'm drawing Super Barkingweaselvamp. I mean, how many of you are just dying to know what the hell he looks like? I know I kind of am! Guess I'll be making a deviant art account for this fic or something.

Anyways. Hope you all liked this chapter. So, please review, leaving any questions, comments, flames, or any requests. Whatever you all want, you'll get… depending what it is you want. Anyways! Have fun, stay cool, be awesome, and have a great day, afternoon, night… and see you next time!