Title: Almost
Summary: Elena and Damon have been friends with benefits on and off for several years. What happens when one of them wants more and it's too late?
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this work.
A/N: Thanks so much to Morgan (morvamp) for prereading and beta'ing this chapter! If you haven't already please check out all of her stories! They're pretty much the best in all the fanfics I've read. And she's finally getting some recognition because her story Claiming Hearts and Spaces will be getting its own trailer! Thanks to everyone who made that possible!
I hope this chapter gives some explanation and hope to those of you who have been struggling with the angst in this story. Hope this gives you just enough hope to stick with me…
This going to be a long one so I'll see you down below…
July 1st, 2007…
The feeling of her lips against his neck was enough to drive him wild. His hands grabbed hold of her, pulling her harder against him. Damon just needed her closer. He needed her to melt into him and become part of his soul. He needed to feel her in his bones. She had practically wormed her way into his heart and mind; why not just fully possess him mind, body and soul.
"Is this okay?" she whispered, her voice wavering and unsure.
He hated hearing that tone from her. She was confident and sure in this. Or at least she used to be. A lot of things about them had been fucked up and confusing but she knew what drove him crazy. This wasn't their first time.
He lifted his one hand and gathered up her dark brown hair and forced her to look at him. Even with their faces breaths apart, her eyes stayed downward, refusing to look him in the eye. That had been happening a lot lately. "Elena, look at me."
She took a deep breath and slowly brought those deep brown eyes of hers up to his. Damon could tell she was fighting against the urge to look over his shoulder to the bed of his father's truck. But for this moment she was focused on him and he needed her to understand something.
"You know what drives me wild and I know what makes you scream. We're pros at this. I go insane when you kiss my neck and bite my ear and nip at my jaw. You moan when I bite your lip and slide my hands down your thighs. Just go for whatever feels natural. There's no need to be nervous. We've done this before."
He watched as Elena pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. With the pad of his thumb, he pulled her lip free and watched as her mouth stayed slightly open, her eyes drifting to his bottom lip and her breathing becoming shallow.
"But we haven't since…" she said in a breathy voice.
Damon instantly froze. Whatever high he had been riding before had instantly bottomed out. Elena hadn't finished the sentence but he knew in a heartbeat where the ending of that sentence had been headed. They hadn't done anything since prom weekend. He hadn't kissed or fucked her since she had been with the other guy. The one whose name he refused to say. Those images he had worked so hard to push back came barging into his head demanding to be on replay.
His hands dropped from Elena and he found himself pushing her off his lap as he edged closer to the window. He just couldn't think straight with her in only a bra straddling him and being so close with her scent around him. The whiplash from it all was giving him a headache.
"I'm sorry," Elena whispered. The smallness of her voice made him look at her. She was huddled up on the other side of the backseat, as far away as she could get from him, with her body curled in on itself. She looked tiny and vulnerable. Very much like the girl he had found on Caroline's lap after that asshole ex-boyfriend of hers had nearly broke her door down. Elena was scared and he had never wanted to see her scared of him.
"Stop," Damon said with a sharper edge to his voice than he had meant to give. He tried to soften it and it cracked. "Just stop apologizing."
"I don't know what else to do," she responded. He could hear the beginnings of her sobs attempting to break through.
The truth was: after that talk where they had both admitted they didn't know how to make it work, Damon had been trying. Elena was the one who promised first to not give up on them. She had been the one to reach out and touch him, to keep on touching him, even after he flinched and backed away. He had needed that.
It made him realize how much he had missed her. That despite it all he was still falling in love with her. That this little bump in the road could be something they could overcome. They just had to work at it. And they were.
Since that night they had hung out at every opportunity. They went on drives, saw movies, talked and tried to build back the trust that had been shattered. Besides a hug goodbye and brushes of hands they hadn't really touched. Until tonight.
While Elena had been waiting on the corner of her street for him to pick her up, he had been busy getting ready for a romantic night. His car was in the shop getting tuned up and he had borrowed his Dad's truck. In an effort to try to make the next step, he had made up the bed of the truck with quilts and pillows in the hopes that they could just lay back and relax at the Falls. When she hopped into the car, he had told her that he had a surprise and as he watched her eyes light up with each turn to their destination, he found himself forgetting all about what happened in the past. He just wanted to keep on being the reason behind her smiles.
Then it had started to rain.
The moment they pulled up and hopped out to pull back the cover on the truck, the downpour hit them. They both ran to the backseat in an attempt to hide from the rain and found themselves both soaking wet and breathing hard. He took one look at Elena and she pounced. Her mouth was on in him and his hands were holding her. She straddled him and then the past few weeks suddenly evaporated from his mind and there was only this girl that he was still falling for.
That was until they had started removing clothing and it was really headed somewhere. He could tell Elena was becoming unsure of herself. Her kisses weren't as forceful and she had repeatedly asked him if something was okay. Then she brought up Nik and it was like a bucket of cold water had been splashed over both of them.
Now he was trying to pour bleach on his brain and Elena was crying.
So much for a romantic night.
Seeing Elena like this made him feel like an asshole for pushing her away so abruptly. He could've handled it better and she could've put a filter on it, especially when they were mid-make-out-sesh. He just didn't need to be reminded of it. Still, he hadn't meant to recoil once again after they had been working so hard to get past that.
He inched closer towards her and pressed his bare chest against her bare skin, fighting hard to push aside the images his mind was forcing him to see. He placed an arm around her and cradled her into him and she clung to him. It broke his heart.
All this time he had wanted Elena to give him some kind of clue as to what was going on inside of her head and now he was getting flashing neon ones. She may not have said the words but he would have to be a fool not to see.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to push you away," he said as he went to kiss her hair.
She shook her head. "You should not be apologizing to me. I did this."
Damon couldn't handle her taking all the blame. Not when there was someone else who played a bigger part. "Only because Katherine manipulated you to."
"It doesn't excuse it, Damon."
"But it makes it easier for me to see your side of things. We're trying, Elena. It's not going to be perfect. We're going to have bumps in the road."
She lifted her head and looked up at him. "But you're willing to try?"
He grabbed hold of her face; she just looked so fragile. "I said I would." Bringing his hand to her chin, he brought her lips to his and they kissed.
They kissed slowly, relearning something they had done countless times. Where before they had been swept along by tension and chemistry, rushing through it all, this time they took their time and rekindled that flame that they had always had burning between them.
It gave Damon the time to not get lost in her, but rather study her. He relearned her body and her. And the slow pace allowed Elena to not feel as if she had rushed him into something he wasn't ready for. This time when Elena straddled him and their bare chests collided, he took a moment to study the racing beat of her heart. It beat against his chest, matching his own. She was just as nervous and excited as he was.
His fingers clawed at her shoulder blades and Elena's back arched, pushing her body closer to him. Her hips began doing these delicious things to him with their slow, purposeful circles. He was very aware of the little bit of clothing between them. The last time hadn't reached this point.
Damon's hands ghosted down her back and judging by the breaths coming from Elena it was sending chills down her spine. His hands landed on the hem of her white shorts and his fingers danced along to the front, slipping the button free with ease. As his hand slipped inside, the zipper slid open, giving him more room. The pad of his thumb circled her clit and with the rise of her hips, he slipped his fingers inside her.
She welcomed them with a gasp as her nails clawed his shoulders. He let her set the pace, using the rolling of her hips to push his fingers in and out of her. It gave her the control, which was what he had wanted. He needed that confident girl he knew still existed and with each curl of his fingers he saw more and more of her.
"I need you," she breathed after leaving his lips with a bruising kiss.
Elena didn't wait for an answer before lifting up her hips and removing his hands so that she could unbuckle his shorts. She was hurried but pulled him free with purpose. She grabbed hold of him and began to work her hand over him. The feeling of her soft hand on him and the sight of her so focused and determined, lip pulled between teeth and chest heaving, had him ready to come undone right then and there.
But that wasn't at all how he wanted it to go, so he focused himself on kissing her neck and pinching her nipples between his forefinger and thumb. His hands were still wet with her and he brought his mouth down to her breast to get the taste of her on his tongue. Elena nearly lost it then; she squeezed him harder and pumped harder, panting with desire or exertion, he couldn't tell.
With her breast wet, he sent a whisper of his breath on them and Elena visibly shivered, releasing a moan from her now parted mouth. It made him want to kiss it, but now wasn't the time to fulfill that wish. He needed to be inside her. He was hard as fuck and she was dripping wet and it seemed like a goddamn tragedy.
Elena seemed to have a similar thought because she eased her hips up and straightened her legs, the rest of her body bending over him as she eased her shorts down her legs. He helped her get them off and then quickly removed his own before grabbing hold of her waist and bringing her back to him.
Just as the very tip of him eased into her entrance, they both froze and locked eyes. Elena's were wide as saucers, in complete excitement that after all this time it was finally happening again. He used his free hand to grab hold of her neck and crash her lips to his just as he pushed into her. They both moaned when he had filled her to the hilt, taking a moment to just get used to the feeling of being together once again.
Elena seemed to get antsy because just as he was about to move, her hips lifted up and slammed back down. He grabbed hold of her ass and together they moved in perfect sync. It seemed neither time nor anger could prevent this from being just as amazing as it had been the first time. They just fit.
They teased each other, constantly. Each changing up speed just when the other was reaching that climax. To Damon it was a godsend. The last thing he wanted was to come too early when he wanted to drag this out as long as possible. And he wanted them both to reach it at the exact same time.
When their bodies were slick with sweat and neither could take it any-fucking-more they came together, clinging to each other with the sound of rain hitting the roof of the car. It was the only other sound other than their cries.
"Yes! It's about freaking time!"
Elena laughed. "It was sex, Care. We've done that before."
Caroline plopped down onto Elena's bed beside her in a huff. "No, you do not understand. The sexual tension was driving everyone crazy! You both looked so ready to jump each other's bones yet so afraid to. I couldn't handle the emotional rollercoaster and I sure as shit don't know how either of you did!"
"I don't either. But it's so much more than that. Now that the sex is out of the way…" Elena stopped speaking, staring at the ceiling in thought.
Caroline grabbed hold of her hand from beside her. "What?"
"He told me he was falling in love with me. Are we really going to go back to being fuck buddies?"
The two girls turned towards each other. "What do you want?"
Elena bit her lip—a nervous habit she had been doing all of her life. "I want more."
"Did you tell him that?"
Rolling onto her back, Elena let out a bark of a laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure that would go well." She turned her head towards Caroline. "He just got used to touching me, kissing me, being with me."
"But he isn't really with you. Don't you get it? You're back where you started: not committed. Those same insecurities are going to come right back."
Elena shook her head. "They're not. I'm not going to let them." She sighed. "I can't rush him, Care. I hurt him bad. This may not be what I want but I can wait for him. We're just taking it slow."
It was true. As much as it killed her to be back in the gray area with Damon, unsure of where they stood, unsure of what he was doing when he wasn't with her, she couldn't rush him. She saw what happened when she did. She had made the first move in the car, had gone full steam ahead and hadn't let either of them really grasp it. Elena had to listen to what his body had told her: take it slow.
That's why she hadn't told him she was falling for him. Because saying it would just scare him off. He wasn't ready to hear that yet. She wanted to tell him when the moment was right and they were good. Not when he could push her away.
That rejection would cut a little too deep.
Caroline, ever the best friend and her biggest defender, could only respond with a gentle warning of, "Just be careful."
Just then Elena's phone vibrated from the nightstand. She reached over to open the message.
From Damon: Any plans for the 4th?
She typed back a quick reply as Caroline took one look at her and said, "Judging by that smile, it's Damon."
Just the usual. Town fireworks. Why?
Elena elbowed Caroline in the rib and before her best friend could get her back, the phone alerted her to another message.
I was thinking the beach. You in? We'll make a day of it and after the fireworks head home.
She typed back: Yes :) I've never seen fireworks on the beach.
"Are you two sexting?" Caroline groaned. "Seriously, Elena. I'm right here!"
"No!" Elena blushed. "He's asking me about my 4th of July plans."
"Thank god!"
Elena's phone vibrated with another response.
Do you want Caroline and Stefan to tag along?
Giving her phone to Caroline, Elena asked, "You in?"
"I mean if you're both fine with it. It could be like a double date!" Caroline's carefree tone switched to exciting planning mode in a heartbeat.
Elena only laughed and typed back.
Caroline's already planning out the matching t-shirts lol
Damon's response came right away.
Tell her grey really brings out my eyes.
With a smile, Elena replied: You look good in colors too!
Damon wrote back.
Well there's always red, white, or blue! And Stefan said as long as there's a kitten on them.
Elena barked out a laugh, which had interrupted Caroline's really long sentence on all the things they could do on the boardwalk. Caroline gave her a narrowed glance. "What?"
"Stefan just has an opinion on the matching shirts. He wants a kitten on them."
The blonde rolled her eyes. "As if I would let matching shirts interfere with my Independence Day outfit." She paused. "We need to find you something to wear!" And dashed to Elena's closet to start pulling out outfits.
Elena just shook her head and typed out a text to Damon.
That's a negative on the kittens. It'll interfere with her outfit.
Damon typed back: Boo :(
With a huge grin, Elena typed back.
I'm sure you're really upset about the lack of American flag bearing kittens in your attire.
A response didn't come, so Elena had to be Caroline's dress up doll as her best friend thrusted outfit after outfit at her and made Elena hold it against herself to test them out. Half of her closet and most of the contents of her dressers had been emptied on to her bed in an effort to find, in Caroline's words: "the perfect outfit". It had taken awhile but eventually they, or rather Caroline, had settled on a navy bikini with a white cover-up and red flip flops. And because one outfit is never enough, a red tank top and white capris were thrown into her day bag. As Caroline started rambling on the possible bikini choices to go under her own clothes, Elena's phone vibrated with a new text from Damon.
Is it cool if this girl Charlotte joins us? She's an upcoming Junior. She said she knows Caroline.
Elena's brow furrowed as she sat down on the bed, still rereading the text. Charlotte? Who was Charlotte? And why was Damon asking her to tag along on what Caroline had deemed as a double date? There was only way for her to get answers. "Uh, Care?"
"Yeah, E?" Caroline replied, distracted and smiling to herself as she texted Stefan.
"Who's Charlotte? Damon says she's a junior and that you know her."
Caroline's smile instantly fell. "Why?"
Elena let out a huff. "Well, it seems Damon wants her to join us."
Pushing aside some of the clothes, Caroline took a seat beside her. "Do you remember when I was dating that soccer player Enzo?"
Elena nodded. "The asshole who cheated on you at that party the girls' soccer team threw."
"Well," Caroline's shoulders dropped, "Charlotte is the girl he hooked up with."
With her jaw dropped and her eyes widened Elena muttered, "And she had the nerve to say she knows you? Like you're best buds?"
"I don't really blame Charlotte. When I confronted her, she said Enzo had never told her he was dating someone. And I believed her. Enzo was a scumbag."
"I don't know, Care. A girl will say anything to avoid a fight. She'll live in complete denial to not get caught or to protect the guy she was helping cheat."
Caroline gave her an arched brow. "You speak as if from experience."
Elena shook her head. "No. Cheating is disgusting."
"Agreed," Caroline said, bumping her shoulder into Elena's. "But I believe her. She was a freshman and naïve and Enzo can be quite the sweet-talker."
"So is Damon."
Caroline sighed. "What happened to not letting those insecurities bubble up?"
"He's the one inviting her to tag along," Elena balked. "There has to be a reason. Either she'll be the fifth wheel or me."
"Why don't you do what you didn't do last time and ask him?"
She had a point there. Elena had learned from the mistakes of prom weekend and that meant before jumping to conclusions she had to confront people about it. So instead of dwelling on it and coming up with her own conclusions, she wrote to Damon.
Why? And how do you know Charlotte?
It took a while, but eventually Damon responded.
We're friends. We've just been talking since your graduation. She's a cool girl and since I'm leaving the day after Independence Day for my cousins wedding in Texas I thought I would say goodbye to everyone at once.
Elena had almost forgotten that Damon would be gone for two weeks. She definitely forgot it was so soon. And though she felt that inklings of jealously and anger creeping up in her, she decided to type out one last thing.
What about Ric and Mason? Why aren't they coming?
Damon wrote back.
Because they're busy. I asked. So are you cool with her coming or not?
It was Caroline who stopped her from reading the message for the sixth time. "So what did he say?"
"That they're friends and that his other friends aren't coming because they're busy." She fell back onto her pile of clothes. "It's just awkward. I don't want her there. He's going to be gone for two weeks afterwards. I want time with him. We're already on shaky ground."
Her best friend was silent for a moment before she finally said, "Tell him I don't want her there. Tell him it would be awkward for me."
Elena jolted upright. "What? Caroline, you don't have to do that."
"It's nothing. I want you two to get back on track. Plus," she leaned in and tapped Elena's nose, "I only ordered four matching shirts and we don't want Charlotte to be the odd one out," she joked.
That made Elena smile. She had truly hit the jackpot in the best friend's category. Embracing Caroline in a huge hug, Elena stated, "Thank you. I owe you one."
"What are friends for?" Caroline replied, as she squeezed her tight. "Now tell him."
Elena typed a message to Damon.
Caroline feels kind of awkward about her being there. Apparently when Caroline was dating Enzo he cheated on her with Charlotte. Is it okay if she doesn't come?
Before sending, she showed the message to Caroline who hit send without a second thought.
All Damon said in his reply was: It's fine.
July 4th, 2007
"I can't believe we drove all the way down here and it rained!" Caroline pouted.
Stefan wrapped his arms around her. "But we're still having fun. Aren't we?"
"Yeah, but," Caroline's gave her best puppy dog eyes as if they could change reality with one look, "what's Independence Day without fireworks?"
"A celebration of our Founding Father's breaking free from British control?" Elena offered.
"The celebration of them doing something wrong because they knew it was right?" Damon added.
Elena cocked her head at him. "Did you just paraphrase National Treasure?"
"Maybe," Damon sang, taking hold of her hand and giving her a quick kiss.
"The celebration of the thirteen colonies breaking free of British rule after improper taxation," Stefan stated.
Caroline groaned. "I'm surrounded by history nerds."
"You're a descendent of a Founding Family," Damon said. "How is this not ingrained in your head?"
Caroline shrugged, linking her arm through Stefan's as they walked along the boardwalk. "All I remember is something about tea being dumped into the water. Which come on? Why not just keep it for yourselves."
"Because of the tea tax. And because—" Stefan abruptly stopped speaking and Elena looked and saw it was because Caroline's fingers were currently pressed down on his lips.
"No more history talk. We're here to have fun!"
"Who's up for some boardwalk games?" Elena cheered.
As a group they started making the rounds to play the various games set up on the boardwalk. Damon kicked butt at the water gun chase, Caroline won the biggest prize at knock-the-can, Stefan killed it at the football toss and got a teddy bear for his "Care-Bear", and Elena won a huge stuffed animal by popping some balloons with a dart. Damon and Elena had given their prizes to some lucky kids that happened to be nearby, absolutely making their day.
With the fireworks no longer happening, the day was spent taking tons of silly, ridiculous photos and playing games. They stopped for pizza and caught a new movie that was playing. The night was going by too quickly and knowing Damon would be leaving, tomorrow she didn't want it to end.
Elena had been happy that Caroline had made her pack a second warmer outfit, because with the rain and the wind it was quickly becoming a chilly night. Thankfully, that also meant that Damon stayed close to her to keep her warm.
"Anyone up for the Ferris wheel?" Stefan asked.
With everyone in agreement they all headed over and each couple made sure to get their own seat. The moment Elena hopped in besides Damon, he pulled her in close and she leaned against him, just enjoying the moment.
"I'm really going to miss you, you know," Damon whispered, as they moved so that the ocean appeared endless before them.
"Are you?" she teased, playing with their clasped hands in front of her.
"A lot."
She smiled. "I'm going to really miss you, too."
For a moment, high in the sky with Damon's arms around her and their hands intertwined, they were just Damon and Elena, a boy and a girl navigating this crazy thing called love. The whole day had been amazing. There had been no issues about the past, only the two of them living in the now. It was nice to see the version of themselves that they could've been or rather could be.
She was so thankful that he hadn't brought up the Charlotte situation and instead just embraced being there with her. It was what she had wanted. Because the whole day had shown her that they could really become a couple if they would just give it a chance.
When the ride ended they all decided it was a good time to head out. They had a long drive ahead of them and there was bound to be traffic. So, they all loaded up into Damon's car. Elena and Damon in the front seat and Stefan and Caroline cuddling up in the back.
It all felt bittersweet. Because this whole day had been perfect, but she knew what followed would be miserable. As the radio came upon a familiar song, Damon turned it up just enough for her to hear and squeezed her hand. He looked in the rearview mirror where Caroline and Stefan had fallen asleep on each other and turned to her and whispered, "While I'm away, I want you to listen to this song and think of me."
She listened and may have actually swooned. It may just be two weeks but when you're young two weeks is a lifetime. When she heard the song, she knew it was perfect for this moment and every moment she would be missing him the next two weeks.
Hey there, Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side
Oh it's what you do to me
And the whole ride home Damon didn't let go of her hand.
A/N: We'll be having a bit of a time jump next chapter. Will Damon and Elena be together or still stuck in this stage? Or even worse… Will they not be together at all? What do you think?
Read and review as always xx