Detrimental 13

Onesmartcookie78

Summary: Even psycho teenagers with god-complexes deserve somebody. Too bad for Yagami Light that I ruined everything. Light/OC. Includes Beyond Birthday and plenty of strawberry jam! Psychological-thriller piece with mentions of mental disease, romance, and murder.

A/N: Trigger warning: Mentions of rape. Sorry for being late :(

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, only my OCs. All references to abridged Death Note videos on YouTube is intentional, though they do not belong to me either.

"One choice can transform you—or it can destroy you. But every choice has consequences."

― Veronica Roth, Divergent

As soon as we were out of his family's view, Light's hand on my wrist tightened enough that I could see his knuckles turning white. I winced and attempted to rip my hand out of his grip; obviously, I was going to follow him. I'd come willingly. Light glanced at me and loosed his hold slightly.

He shoved me lightly into his room, closing and locking the door behind himself and leaning on it, relieved, a sigh escaping his lips. I watched as the shadows bathed his face in darkness, admiring, once again, the way the shading highlighted his most attractive features, thinking, not for the first time, that this darkness, this evil, looked remarkably good on him. It fit him like a tailored Armani, and I knew that it shouldn't entice me. I knew it was wrong. I knew I should look to the light, that I shouldn't be so easily seduced by evil, but I couldn't help it. There was something too entirely enticing about Light, and it wasn't his natural charisma or anything, because the same darkness was just as attractive in Beyond, and he was a freak. It was me. It was something that was wrong with me.

My moment was disrupted by Light switching on the lights and Ryuuk laughing.

"Well, well. Not only do they know you're in Kanto, they know you're a student," Ryuuk commented, cackling.

I shot Ryuuk a look. "You know Light well enough by now. Shouldn't you know that the police wouldn't know that unless Light wanted it that way?"

"What happened to 'Yagami-san'?" Light wondered, shit-eating grin in place.

"Fuck you," I muttered. Truthfully, it was my fault. I had confused myself by referring to him as Light in my head and trying to remember to call him a less-familiar title to his face.

"Subconsciously, you'd like to," Light agreed, shrugging. "I don't see the appeal."

"In yourself?" I asked, snickering. "I can't imagine why."

Light's eyebrows raised. "Are you admitting that you're attracted to me, Ellery? Oh, and don't worry, we can call each other whatever we want behind closed doors."

My jaw dropped. "Is this you trying to seduce me onto your side?"

Light gave me a smirk. "Depends– is it working?"

Now where had I heard that before? "No," I said flatly.

Oh, right. Him.

"Regardless," Light said, "the Death Note says: 'If you write down the reason of death within forty human seconds after the person's name, the person will die in that manner. If you do not specify the conditions for the death, the person will die from a heart attack. Once you start to write out the condition, you have six minutes and forty seconds longer to finish describing it."

I tapped my finger on my chin and thought for a second. I'd always wondered why it was six minutes and forty seconds. That was a very specific period of time. What was the significance? Well, six minutes was equal to three hundred sixty seconds. Three hundred sixty plus forty was four hundred seconds. The number four meant "death" in Japan... Ohhh, that did make sense. How had I not realised that before?

I was so distracted, I missed the rest of what Light was saying to Ryuuk.

December 11, 2003

Today marked the day that Light got creative with the Death Note and killed twenty-three more criminals, one at every hour of the day. I knew that he had done it yesterday, too, but I didn't care if he killed criminals. I only cared if it was L or Raye or Naomi. Or Beyond. I had to stop him from killing Beyond, didn't I? Anyway, tomorrow was the important day; tomorrow, L would likely contact me because he'd realise that it's possible for Kira to control time of death.

And today marked the day I was going to get laid. I had it all planned out; I had asked a bloke from my class over to the house around one in the morning. Tamiki hadn't questioned the time when I'd told him the address and how to climb up to my window.

I wasn't well acquainted with the bloke, and that made me feel slightly queasy, but at this point, I was past caring. I really didn't care that he was a stranger, I needed teh secks. But I still had doubts. And I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a bad, bad idea.

Honestly, I will never be able to forget the following sequence of events. Because they were ridiculously terrifying, but completely expected– mostly.

Tamiki showed up as expected, right on time. Things happened, but when I kissed him, I could only compare it to Light. Every barely there experience that I'd had with Light was more charged than the sex I was supposed to be having with Tamiki. And that just wouldn't do.

"Sorry, Tamiki," I said, pushing him away and panting. It wasn't that Tamiki was bad at anything, per se, it was just that I wasn't feeling it. Meaningless sex with a stranger apparently didn't work for Ellery, because all I could think of was that I'd much rather be with Light. I didn't even understand it; he was an evil, murderous character from a manga. My life sucks.

Tamiki, unfortunately didn't take my rejection well. "We can't just stop! Not when you've got me so worked up!"

He was, indeed very... aroused. Shite. How does one get away from a turned on bloke who's starting to get very aggressive and won't get off, ohmygod, he's going to rape me. No. I wouldn't let him. I had training in self-defence. He wasn't allowed to take advantage of me. No one was allowed to take advantage of me.

"Get off," I said as calmly as I could. When Tamiki kept kissing my neck, I added, murder promised in my voice: "Now."

Tamiki smirked at me. "I'm pretty comfortable here. And you promised me sex, you whore," he sneered.

I know what you're thinking; this is cliche. The cliched, contrived rape scene that you don't want to read. But it's the best I can do. I can't describe it without being at least a little bit comical, or else it's too much. It's difficult to think about. It's harder to describe. And I really don't want to talk about it. I don't want to relive it. So it's easier for me to do so if I pretend that that Ellery isn't me, and that it was a funny almost-rape, one worthy of a B-rated movie. It's easier if I don't think about how terrified I was, how I froze up and let him take off my knickers.

It's much easier if I talk about the rescue. I couldn't save myself. I wasn't weak or anything, I was just too shocked. But then Tamiki froze and clutched at his chest, gasping as he collapsed on top of me.

Oh. My. God.

He just had a heart attack.

Light saved me.

No. Kira saved me.

I put my hands over my mouth, a scream lodged in my throat and silent tears tracking down my face. I had been saved from being raped.

I shoved Tamiki off of me, hands shaking, no body shaking. Someone had just died in front of me. Someone had just died, and it was all my fault. My fault for trying to have sex with someone I didn't know. My fault for thinking that I was capable of having feelings for anyone other than Light and Beyond.

I stood, naked, staring at Tamiki for a few minutes. I vaguely registered the door to my room opening, but made no effort to move. A light sigh, followed by a sheet being wrapped around my shoulders, and then my feet were swept out from under me, and I was crying into his chest. I could feel him smirking.

What was that favourite line of his?

'Everything is going according to plan'?

I imagine his expression was just as dark, just as foreboding, just as smug and sinister and menacing as the one he'd worn when he'd killed L. I shuddered violently, but couldn't keep myself from clinging onto him like a life line. He'd planned all of this, incontrovertibly, and he was going to reap the reward. He had me all over him like white on rice, because I was terrified and knew that he didn't mean to defile my body. No, he wasn't after my body. He was after my mind, my soul, my everything. He didn't want to rape me, and at the moment, that was all I needed to know to drape myself over him. The promise that seeking comfort in his touch didn't mean that he was going to try and fuck me.

I could hear him laughing, quietly, under his breath.

"I hate you," I murmured, suddenly feeling tired. His arms tightened as he reached for the knob to his room, then loosened as he lowered me to his bed.

"Look at you," he said, black humour colouring his voice. I didn't bother drawing the sheet over my exposed body. "Weak, defenceless... you need me." His eyes trailed over exposed skin, never lingering, just possessing every inch of me without words, without touch. "You know about the Death Note. Did you sincerely believe I would allow you to be drawn away from me so easily? When you could be such an asset?" he stressed the word, tone more seductive as he leant closer, his face poised directly over mine, intimidating and enthralling all at once. "I'd protect you, you know," he said persuasively, "I'd keep you safe. All you need to do is help me when the time is right." His fingers trailed from my cheekbone to my jawline, skimming down my throat and then my sides, lightly brushing against my breasts.

I shivered, and I can't say that it was completely due to disgust.

Damn him.

I couldn't help but feel like I owed him as much. I wasn't wholeheartedly against Kira. I'd never been. I was only against the fact that he killed law enforcement officers. And here he was, asking for my help... it was impossible to tell if he had orchestrated this entire scenario to convince me to help him, or if he'd just played it to his advantage. Though if not, how had he known Tamiki's name? No, he had plotted this all out. He must have done.

So did I really owe him for getting me out of the danger he had put me in?

No. No. I owed him nothing.

But my mind was hazy and Light was convincing, and there was something pressing on the back of my mind telling me to accept his offer. Before I knew it, the words were out of my mouth, a promise, sworn allegiance.

What had I done?

Light won.

Light made up some story about Tamiki sneaking in through my window in an effort to rape me, then added that he must've been a criminal, since he'd died before he could succeed. It didn't escape my notice that Tamiki had also died on the hour.

Soichiro called the members of the NPA to deal with the body, since the majority of the police officers who would have dealt with the situation in normal circumstances had quit, and because Tamiki was a Kira victim. To prove that I'd almost been raped, I had to go to the hospital and have pictures taken before being treated for some of the cuts and bruises I'd earned trying to fight back. Sayu and Sachiko came with me, but I refused to talk to them.

When I got home, Sachiko insisted on helping me bathe, while the NPA finished collecting evidence and decontaminating my room (in the end, Sachiko made an executive decision to burn the sheets). Sayu offered to let me sleep in her room, but Light sent his parents one pleading look and Sachiko acquiesced.

And so, I found myself sitting on his bed while he paced the length of his room, hands behind his back and his expression blank. My head and eyes followed the movement, back and forth and back and forth again.

"You're a right bastard," I said quietly.

Light's eyes snapped to mine. "And whose fault would that be? You would've done this regardless of if I tried to stop you. I just set it up so that the situation would benefit me to the fullest," Light said, utterly blasé.

My jaw clenched. "All you had to do was shag me."

Light's eyes rolled as he stopped in front of me. "That's what she's upset about," he muttered, leaning over me appraisingly.

I shook my head at him. "No, this is all your fault. All I wanted was sex, Light. I don't care what you feel towards me –or, rather, what you don't feel– but it was too much to ask for, apparently. Why couldn't you just have fucked me?"

His eyebrows shot up even further. "You should have begged to begin with."

"Prat," I whispered, falling onto my back as his weight settled over me.

"Mmm," Light half-agreed, mouth brushing against mine. I, in turn, gasped, allowing him to sweep his tongue between my parted lips. But no matter how good it felt and how surprisingly gentle he was being, I couldn't erase the memories of Tamiki doing nearly the same thing. Though, he was far more repressive and far less restrained.

I flipped our positions deftly, locking a leg around his hip and anchoring my hands on his shoulders before rolling over and getting off of him. "Not now," I said softly, avoiding his amber eyes.

Light chuckled. "Can't you make up your mind?"

I rolled over to face him. "Fuck you."

Light just pulled me towards him possessively, forcing me to curl up against his chest. "Later, Ellery. For now, sleep."

December 12, 2002

Sachiko was following me around the house while I made homework excuses to get rid of her. Really, I needed to hack into L's server again so that I could intercept the next NPA meeting, but with Sachiko trying to goad me into calling my brother to tell him what had happened, I really couldn't.

"Sachiko-san, I know you're trying to be helpful, but I can't tell my brother. He'll make me come home immediately!" I argued, slamming shut my psychology textbook after jotting down one last sentence in my chapter outline. I had managed to smear ink all over my hands and I'd been stressed enough to scribble the words down in English instead of kanji, like my translator had told me to do.

Sachiko flashed me a small –but poignant– smile. "Well, Ellery-chan, maybe that's for the best– I've said it once, and I'll say it again: it seems like the universe doesn't want you to be in Japan."

And, once again, you would be completely wrong, as it's your son's doing that has landed me in these horrible circumstances.

"Then tell the universe that I don't plan on leaving," I said in exasperation, storming to Light's room, where all of my belongings temporarily resided so that Sachiko could religiously scrub out my own room. Sachiko followed me, as expected.

"It doesn't work like that, dear," Sachiko said sadly, stopping me with a hand on my arm before I could open the door. "Please, just contact your brother."

I shifted my books around in my arms uncomfortably. "Fine. If I promise to shoot him an email, will you leave me alone? As grateful as I am towards you, Sachiko-san, it's difficult to get any work done with you bothering me. And Sayu-chan and Light-kun will be home soon, so we'll have to help her with her work before I can get anything else done."

Sachiko frowned at me, but relented. "Do it today."

I gave her a serious nod, like I hadn't just lied to her, and walked into Light's room. I glanced at his digital clock quickly, seeing that I had a half an hour until he came home. Based on something that Soichiro had mentioned briefly, the meeting probably wouldn't take place until late tonight, but I still had at least an hour's worth of code to write before I could even be on the same server as L.

I'd made my backdoor exceedingly difficult to enter, but it was completely untraceable and that was important. I couldn't have L figuring out who I was. Not yet.

I logged into my laptop and brought up the program that I'd stolen from my brother's work laptop. Yeah. When he wasn't looking, I'd copied it onto my flash drive, erased any history of me having done so, and downloaded it onto my own laptop. It'd taken me a few months to crack the firewall that he'd put in place in case anyone tried to do exactly what I'd done, but it was worth it, now. Before, all I'd been able to use it for was stealing wifi when I had none.

I put in the code faster than I'd ever done before, glad that I'd been able to find the time during the one class I'd had today to work on it. I never would've finished before Light came home if I hadn't. As it was, the last few lines of my code were sloppy, but that wouldn't affect the flow of information.

Finally, I pulled up L's desktop information (after finding out which computer he used through the Interpol website I was able to transmit a bug that tethered his data to mine, a sort of one-way door open only on his side) and found that he was simply leafing through files on the murder cases.

Hello, L. When does the meeting begin? I typed out, bringing up a little textbox and depositing it directly over the picture he'd been looking at.

I assume this is Beyond's handler? came his measured reply. I have said already that I will only speak with Beyond.

I glared at the computer screen childishly. Well that's unfortunate, I typed out sarcastically. L was being a total bitch. Why can't I just act out Beyond better, I wondered bitterly. Is my impression really that bad?

I could only imagine Beyond's voice in my head, assuring me that yes I was a terrible actress, and I made an especially bad version of him. Beyond was a jerk.

I waited (im)patiently for L to respond, but he apparently thought he was Queen Bitch or something, and didn't. I know more than Beyond does, and whatever information you give me will be relayed to him.

Though, you know, I was borrowing Beyond's name to give you information before, and you didn't seem to mind then.

I wasn't sure if it was because L felt particularly desperate – did he even feel emotions? – or if he was simply becoming annoyed with my attitude, or if he realised that there was no way he was going to be able to talk to Beyond, but he finally replied with: Tell me what you know of Kira.

Now I was stuck; what to say, what would change things...You're the detective, you tell me what you know and I'll fill in holes.

This isn't a game. People have died. I thought that if L had said that to my face, it would certainly sound fake.

For you and Kira, it is. I disagreed. Don't tell me you don't think of this as some grand puzzle you, and only you, can solve.

L didn't reply, and I could only assume that meant he didn't want to argue what was clearly the truth. Although, Near was the one who liked puzzles... L just didn't like to lose – which meant he liked games, too, I supposed.

Kira is able to get information from headquarters, and is able to manipulate the time of death... His use of an ellipsis surprised me. But he only showed this ability around the time that we began to suspect that he was a student, as though to say: "What are you going to do about it?"

I snickered at the way L phrased that; really? But Light was totally: 'You don't know me, you don't know my life!' about everything, so that sort of made sense, I supposed.

And what areyou going to do about it?

Why do you think I contacted you?

To exchange information.

Then give me information.

Kira needs a name and a face to kill, I told him. This was the information L was missing. The data that he would have gathered from the Lind L. Tailor test had limbo-Light not possessed me and made me help Light.

How do you know this?

How to explain this without telling you that I'm from an alternate reality where all of this is only an anime and that I still suspect I might be in some sort of injury-induced coma. Maybe I even died? I'm not dreaming, I know that now. You can't read in your dreams...

And I can't exactly say that I know because Kira lives with me, now can I?

You'll have to wait until Beyond returns. I settled on; I can't make up lies on my own, apparently.

When will that be?

I thought of Beyond's vague timeline. Hadn't he said 'a little while', or something similar? Yeah, I had no clue. Whenever he does.

One last thing, Miss Lawrence.

Oh. My. God. What the fuck? How does he know my name? What –?!

You'll have to stay with the Yagamis for a little longer. I'm afraid your brother will be busy.

All at once, my world had crumbled.

No, Light, I thought, you didn't win this round. L definitely topped you... because my brother is my only weakness.