. . . . .
Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper when I got home from school.
"Dad, is it ok if I spend the night at the Cullens'? Everyone is out of town except for Alice and she doesn't like to be home alone."
He didn't even look up from his paper. "Sure, Bells. I've got a lot of work to do this weekend, and Billy's coming over tomorrow afternoon to watch the big game. You'd probably be on your own most of the weekend anyway."
"Great. I'll make supper and then head over, unless you had plans."
He put down the paper and shook his head. "You go on over whenever you want. I have to go back to the station anyway to finish some paperwork on that break-in case I just wrapped up today, so I'll just stop by the diner on my way in."
I kissed the top of his head and took the stairs two at a time. I didn't get a lot of one-on-one time with Alice, and I wanted to make the most of it. I needed a little girl-time.
. . . . .
We were sitting on the plush living room couch, sunk down into the deep cushions. I had a blanket on my lap and was drinking a steaming cup of tea. Alice was making a scarf out of the thinnest silk I'd ever seen, her tiny hands weaving the fine thread as deftly as any machine could.
"You're awfully quiet, Bella. What's up?" She eyed me sideways.
"Oh, Alice. You probably already know." I was having second thoughts about telling her. What if Edward read her mind?
"I think it has to do with Edward, probably. But that's just a guess." She put her scarf down and set her hand on my knee. "You can tell me. I'll keep your secrets."
"It's just… Things are—different." I didn't know how to say it now, or even if I should. "Sometimes I wonder if this is really the right thing. For both of us."
Alice's eyes looked down, and then she put on a brave smile.
"You have to do what's right for you, Bella." Her perfect eyebrow shifted up an inch. "Are you saying you don't love Edward anymore?"
"Ugh. No, it's not that. It's… I don't know. It's so complicated. I still love Edward. A lot. But I've been hearing all of this advice—general life advice, but it fits—about not making decisions that are bigger than where I am right now. I'm worried that I'm rushing into things. I mean, I'm 17. There's just so much pressure to make the decision right now."
"Is Edward pressuring you?" Alice looked concerned.
"No. He's a perfect gentleman. Too perfect in some ways. I'm the one putting all the pressure on me. I know he'll never change, never age. But I'm getting older every minute. I'm worried that if I make the wrong decision, or take too long to make the right one, that I will have wasted time. That maybe it will slip by altogether. Besides, I don't want to wait until I'm 40 and then have Edward stuck with an old woman for the rest of forever." I slammed my palms into my forehead. "Aaaah! This is impossible!"
Alice scooted closer.
"Does this have something to do with that mutt you hang out with?" Her voice was quiet and she didn't look pleased, but she didn't look as offended as she usually did when she brought up Jake.
"No. Yes. I—I don't know. We've always been close, and we got so much closer after Edward left. And we still hang out a lot. Maybe more recently. He just… he's what I need sometimes. He fills in those little spots in my heart that no one else can." I threw my head back against the headrest of the couch. "Maybe that's part of the problem. I know that no one can ever replace him and I'm terrified to lose him. Alice—what will I do without him?"
Tears threatened to spill and Alice folded me into a hug, my tea sloshing onto the couch. "Bella, Edward just wants you to be happy."
"I know that. But sometimes it feels like he's giving up. Like he doesn't love me anymore. Like he's not fighting for me."
She looked stricken. "Bella… He does love you. More than anything. But sometimes fighting and giving up look a lot like the same thing—especially if one is fighting for what's right for someone else instead of their own interests."
I couldn't quite process what she had said, and we sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Alice bounded off of the couch.
"I know what will lighten the mood!"
She zipped out of the room, and came back holding a big black case. "Let me do your makeup?"
I groaned and laughed. If there was one thing I could count on, it was that Alice never changed. And as annoying as that could be, it was also comforting.
. . . . .
A/N: So, what do you guys think so far? Are you enjoying the story?
I'd love to get more feedback about whether or not you like it.