Chapter Fourteen: Death doesn't end Love.
(Hey guys, warning: feels territory ahead, the doctor prescribes a tub of ice cream and a good cry. Much love.)
They didn't finish their trip; instead they travelled back to America with Riley's body, silence was their loudest companion. The pain demanding to be felt by all, and it was. At the Matthews apartment, they were seated at the dining table about to enjoy a meal when there was a knock at the door. Topanga and Auggie struggled and because of this Cory had to stay strong for them; only Shawn would see his best friend cry, hold him as he broke down at the loss of his daughter, of his little girl. Eric was walking to his office when he was stopped and informed of Riley's death, heartache quickly overcame him and with the aid of Tommy Eric stumbled back to his office, and he sat in his chair staring down at his desk trying to come to terms with this new reality. Alan and Amy were out in the backyard talking to Mr. Feeny when the phone rang. Morgan received a call from Cory on her way home from work; Evelyn Rand was watching the news and overcome with utter disbelief and sadness when the story came up on the television. The church was filled with people who all came to pay their respects and say goodbye to the sweet girl who always smiled, almighty storm clouds blocked out the sun and the rain fell heavily down upon the Earth hiding the many tears that were shed by everyone as they surrounded the gravesite. Standing around wondering how they were going to go on with their lives without her, without Riley in it.
Two weeks after the funeral Topanga, Cory, Katie and Shawn sat at the dining table in the Matthew's home with cups of tea or coffee in front of them and a chocolate cake in the middle of the table. Cory's phone rang and when he answered they fell silent waiting for it to end.
"Okay, I understand, Shawn is here with me right now so we'll go. No, it's not a problem we understand, okay thank you. We'll talk again soon." Cory replied and hung up,
"Who was that?" Topanga inquired as Cory put his phone back in his pocket and stood up.
"Lucas' Mom, she's worried about him, apparently he comes home late if at all and leaves early in the morning, rarely eats or talks. She was wondering if Shawn and I would be able to talk with him." Cory explained, Shawn understood and immediately stood up and grabbed his coat and together they left the apartment and went for a drive. Cory had a strong suspicion of where they would find Lucas, they walked through the cemetery and his' suspicion was right, there Lucas sat in front of Riley's grave simply staring at it. They walked up and stood a few steps behind him either side. "Lucas" Cory softly said,
"Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hunter" Lucas replied plainly,
"Dude, it's Shawn" Shawn reminded,
"What are you doing Lucas?" Cory inquired,
"Just sitting" Lucas replied,
"Well you won't mind if we join you" Shawn insisted as they both went to sit down but Lucas stood up and went to walk away. Shawn put his hand on Lucas' shoulder trying to stop him "Lucas don't walk away from us, we're trying to help" Shawn persisted but Lucas shrugged him off and kept walking but Shawn continued to try and stop him until in a sudden moment of rage Lucas turned around and with a single punch knocked Shawn to the ground.
"Let me go!" Lucas demanded his anger clear on his face,
"Shawn!" Cory yelled as he ran to his side,
"I'm alright Cor!" Shawn insisted as he stood up. "Feel better?" Shawn asked,
"Back off Shawn!" Lucas harshly advised,
"Do you feel strong?" Shawn persisted getting close to Lucas and staring directly in his eyes,
"Back off!" Lucas yelled pushing Shawn back,
"You feeling better Lucas, punching me, pushing me around aye. Did it bring her back, did it bring the girl I loved like a niece back, did it bring Cory's daughter, his baby girl back; did it bring Riley back?" Shawn interrogated, Cory walked up
"Your Mom is worried about you Lucas, we all are." Cory assured him, Lucas looked at him and wiped away the tears on his face with his sleeve.
"Yeah well, she wants me to go back to Austin with her, wants me to run away, so, what good is she?" Lucas snarled,
"You wouldn't be running Lucas, it would be a fresh start away from all of this." Cory explained,
"Away from her, from my friends"
"Lucas you can't keep sitting in front of a grave."
"What else am I meant to do Mr. Matthews? We didn't fight, fall out of love and break up, she died, I loved her and she meant everything to me and she died. Just because she died doesn't mean that my feelings, my love, my heart go with her and all I can do is sit staring at her grave, hoping I can put myself back together, that I can somehow accept that she's gone and that I'm going to somehow put my love for her aside so that I can move on when I don't know how to do that. Unless if you know, then please Mr. Matthews teach me, tell me what to do." Lucas implored him and Cory stood quietly for a short time looking at him with Shawn not to far behind him.
"Dad," Cory said,
"What?" Lucas asked confused,
"I thought you were going to start calling me Dad," Cory pointed out and Lucas was caught off guard for a moment and went to say something but Cory continued "Lucas in all honesty I don't know, I don't have a lesson to teach you. Because while I have experienced loss before, it wasn't like this, she was my daughter, my baby girl; I forgot what it was like to fall in love at a young age because I grew up. I didn't look at you and Riley as Topanga and I because I'm her father, I thought I was the only man in her life that could make her laugh, smile, make her happy and protect her. Then at a young age one day she falls into your lap and we all know how the story goes, but that doesn't change the fact that I've come to love you all as my own and yes Riley is gone but that doesn't change this. We're a family Lucas, and we're there for one another so you tell us what and where you need of us, and we'll be there; but I don't have all the answers but I know where to find them, so we're going to pack you a bag, then Shawn, then myself because we are going on a little trip." Cory assured him and Lucas looked at him, comforted but also curious as to where they'd be going. As was Shawn, but he was mostly excited more than curious. They packed their bags and were on a plane out of the city, and also the country. They travelled back to Sydney Australia, and after giving themselves a couple of days to rest they drove down to Wollongong the home of their old friend Murray. Cory had organised with Shannon to met them at Murray's old high school, firstly though Lucas insisted they had to stop in at Michael's pub and that they did, and as Michael promised he welcomed the three of them, they talked of Riley only for a moment as Michael apologised for their loss. Afterwards they made their way to the high school, they parked outside and quietly walked up the path into the school grounds, the memory of walking this path with Riley played in Lucas' mind. As they walked towards Abby's Memorial Lucas saw Shannon standing there looking down at it, she looked up at them and smiled walking over to greet them,
"Hello Shannon" Cory politely said,
"Afternoon Cory, Lucas, Shawn I presume?" Shannon replied and Shawn nodded,
"I don't understand, what are we doing here?" Lucas inquired,
"I heard what happened to Riley, heard you didn't know what to do and that Cory didn't have the answers. Then we both agreed that somebody probably did and wrote them down." Shannon answered turning and looking at the story Murray wrote for Abby sealed in a glass case, "it's unlocked, I hope you're able to find some answers, some comfort in what Murray has too say. After the loss of Abby he spent his life helping everyone else, helped you, Riley and your friends so I'm sure he wouldn't mind you reading this, and being of help one last time." Shannon insisted as she walked over to a small sitting area.
"We'll be right over there if you need us!" Cory assured Lucas patting him on the back before following Shannon, Shawn smiled at Lucas as he walked passed before Lucas walked over to a bench, opening the glass case and taking out the pages before sitting down.
"Dear Abby, though I'm still only young I find myself looking back on my life, thinking about the first time I met you. Although it feels like a lifetime ago and there is so much to look back on, I remember how in the beginning I didn't like you at all, you were bossy and mean, always called me a girl because I had nipples and apparently only girls had nipples. Then painfully, and over time you grew on me, and I decided you weren't so bad, at the start of high school we drifted again until that one night your boyfriend dumped you; I saw you climb out your window and up onto the roof of your house, you cried for an hour before I built up the courage to climb up and check on you. And we talked, something we did and would do so much every time we climbed up there, we'd always talk about what was on our mind, about our feelings and you could always tell when I was lying. Which means I guess I can't say now that I'm fine, because I'm not. If I'm to speak my mind, well, my mind has plagued me with a question, if I told you that I loved you; could I have saved you, if I held your hand and kept you close, would you have stayed? I guess I could really use one of our rooftop talks, but now you're gone and I'm left with the memory of you, I never thought you'd become that to me, a memory. I still painfully though have my love for you, I didn't love you because you were attractive, or because you were beautiful, I loved you because we smiled, laughed and were happy, you helped me step outside the box, outside my comfort zone. I remember you'd climb through my window, throw the blankets off of me and order me to sneak out. Oh the adventures we had, I was weird and you didn't mind, but something I'm starting to realize is that, truly loving someone means so much more. Perfection is something we all seek but it's something we will never acquire, not alone, because we are all imperfect, we are all broken, faulty, and so we search for someone who makes up for what is broken in us and together we make our own version of perfection. You made up for all that was broken in me, I wonder if I was the same for you? I guess now we shall never know aye Abs, but that's okay I always liked a bit of mystery, I know this turned out more of a letter then a story, in truth I didn't plan it that way to begin with, but I guess this is a story, it's ours and this, well this is how it ends. I won't say goodbye Abs, I know you hate goodbyes so I guess I'll simply say, until we meet again. Yeah I like that, a nice way to leave it, opens it up to be continued, and I know you that we will find each other again, but I'll make you wait, because I guess I have too live now, for the both of us.
And now to you, the Reader; what, confused; Abby won't ever read this and I know my friends and family wont out of respect for her and myself. Unless something happens, and something did happen didn't it, did you loose someone close to you? Loss is a part of life, in the wise words of Gandalf: Death is another path, one that we all must take. Loss is hard to bear; we whom remain are often left standing around wondering how we're going to go on with our lives without them in it. But I have this feeling that the loss you've felt is a tad closer to mine, I'm not stupid and I know the people that will watch over my final words to Abby, in all honesty loss is loss, it sucks and it leaves you empty, sad and in pain, that pain demands to be felt, but here is the part you are never warned about. Death doesn't end love; it doesn't end how you feel about something, someone once said that death ends a life, not a relationship. Those feelings are still there and you can't simply let go of them, I don't think I will be able too, but I don't think that will be a bad thing, because I found and came to love Abby as I did, and as Humans it is in our nature to love, to seek it out, so I'm sure I will search for it. While I'm content in knowing that I may never find the love I felt for Abby, I know that a day will come where I shall find love in other things, for other people. If I do someday find this sort of love again, and through it am able to fill the void left by the loss of Abby I shall be happy I know it, but for now I shall live my life helping and loving others, to try and fill this hole, to satisfy the love in my heart, to make the world a better place. I know that's what Abby would've wanted and in all honesty it doesn't sound like too bad of a life, perhaps I will write another story along the way. But Reader in the mean time, there are going to be tough times ahead, but know that you're never alone, know that we're all stories in the end and while the chapter might be bad, have hope because that doesn't mean the story is, so live, laugh, smile. Write a beautiful story, not only for yourself but for the one you loss and one day, when you meet them again, tell it to them when you meet as old friends. I'm okay; I hope you are, love always, Murray Farring."
Lucas wiped away his tears and looked turned to the next page. "The Story that was ours by Murray Farring." He read,
"A story for another time perhaps Murray, thank you" Lucas whispered gently laying the paper back in the glass the case, closing the lid and walked over to Shannon, Cory and Shawn.
"Did you find the answers you were looking for?" Shannon asked, and Lucas smiled,
"Yes," Lucas answered, together the four of them walked back over to Abby's Memorial.
"May the road of life you walk be long and happy, one day we shall meet again, either; along the way or, at it's end. Where we shall meet as old friends, each with a story in hand, and a proud smile, at the times we've had, by the journey's end. – Murray Farring" Cory read before turning to Lucas, "Lucas Friar" Cory said and Lucas turned and faced him.
"Yes sir?" Lucas replied, Cory reached into his pocket and pulled out a diary. "Riley's diary?" Lucas stuttered,
"I've been reading it, but sadly there are more blank pages then filled ones, which means that the story is still incomplete, there is still a big wide world out there waiting to be seen. So I ask you to go out and see it, finish writing this story and add it as a chapter to your own." Cory instructed and gently Lucas took the diary from Cory and held it, looking down at it remembering all the times Riley was writing in it. A tear welled up in the corner of his eye and fell onto the front of the diary. He looked Cory in the eyes and saw his gaze drift off, focusing on something behind Lucas, he turned and saw Josh, Maya, Isaiah, Isadora and lastly Farkle all slowly walking up the pathway, the bright sun shine coming in from behind them. Lucas smiled warmly, "I couldn't send you out into the world alone now could I?" Cory insisted and Lucas turned back to him,
"But after all that happened?" Lucas stuttered becoming increasingly emotional.
"Riley would want you all to see the world," Cory answered,
"I, I don't know what to say"
"Say nothing, just promise me one thing,"
"Of course,"
"Promise that, after all your travels, no matter how far you go or where you end up, always remember the road home, and one day find your way back to us, there will always be a seat at my table for you Lucas, and I will want to hear all about your travels." Cory insisted and Lucas stood in utter silence, overwhelmed.
"I, promise," Lucas finally said, going to walk away.
"And there is one last thing" Cory insisted and Lucas stopped in his tracks before Cory tightly, and warmly hugged him,
"I love you, son." Cory lovingly whispered tears welling up in his eyes,
"I, I love you too, Dad." Lucas replied hugging Cory back, "and thank you" he concluded before they let go of each other, and time seemed to have slowed down as Lucas turned and walked towards his friends who patiently waited for him. For a moment Cory could have sworn that he saw Riley, walking right beside him bringing a smile to his face and the tears streamed down his face. Shawn walked up and put his arm around Cory,
"I love me too" Shawn jested and Cory chuckled,
"Funny," Cory insisted,
"I'm glad you're my best friend Cor, I don't think I would have it any other way." Shawn comforted and Cory chuckled again putting his arm around Shawn.
"Me too buddy."
"You know Cor,"
"Yeah Shawnie?"
"While we're here in Australia, we might as well see some sights, you know have some guy time"
"That sounds like a great idea Shawnie, but…" Cory replied before being interrupted,
"Cory, Shawn!" Topanga called out as they walked up the pathway and Shawn angrily look at Cory.
"You told them?" Shawn asked in anger pulling his arm off of Cory and stepping away.
"How could I not? When I told them what was happening they insisted they come over and meet us here, said it would be a nice holiday away." Cory explained innocently,
"Oh, Cornelius A. Matthews how after all these years could you fall for that?" Shawn said and Cory was immediately overwhelmed by shock,
"Cornelius, how do you know that, not even Topanga knows that," Cory stuttered, Shawn proudly stood tall.
"I've got my connections"
"Feeny, it was Feeny wasn't it? Admit it and tell me it was Feeny!"
"Okay it was Feeny"
"I knew it, when we get home its Mr. Feeny's turn for a lecture!" Cory proclaimed before marching down to Topanga and Katie,
"Hey Cor, Cor I don't like this, what's my punishment, a lecture, please say that it's a lecture?" Shawn asked as he ran after Cory fearfully,
"You and I are about to share it for the next few weeks!" Cory concluded as he continued on his way while Shawn followed still complaining.