AN: More to read! More to write! Help me write faster with encouragement, honestly reviews make writing exponentially more rewarding. Actually I love writing regardless, so you can do what you want. Enjoy!
I got very little sleep last night, perhaps it was nerves for tomorrow, perhaps it was the ghost of Eric's lips on mine, whatever it was I was tired. But I was awake and running out of time, so I hauled myself out of bed and thanked myself for showering the night before.
I pulled my tanktop over the usual sports bra and paired it with my running shorts. The shorts were just long enough to cover my belt and gun tattoo, but all the others were visible. The tentacles that curled up my calf, the trees that grew across my arm, the cuff design on my other bicep, and lastly the little box, that was only visible because I had pulled my hair off my face into a messy ponytail. There wasn't much length to my hair, it was to my collarbone, but it was easy to manage and that's all I needed.
Leaving the room I ran to the Mess hall and grabbed an orange to take with me to the Sim. room. Today was the final day as an Initiate, my first day as Dauntless. I had nothing to worry about, being first in Initiation had perks, but I didn't want to get too comfortable.
I sprinted to the Sim room, arriving with just enough time, and took a seat peeling my orange.
Four and Eric came in moments later. Well I assumed Four was there; I only had eyes for Eric.
I noticed him scan the room till his eyes found mine, something was hidden there, just for me. But it was fleeting, and he was his usual self again. The epitome of cool and collected, maybe I did need more training from him.
I tried to keep my focus on their words, but my mind was on his lips. How could one person possibly do this to me? Was he feeling this too? If he was he let nothing show. It was only when we all got up that I realized I hadn't heard a word. I was a deer in the headlights, and it must've showed because Eric found me at the back of the group.
"We're going backwards up the board, so you'll go last," He whispered, his lips barely moved.
"It's exactly the same as a regular Sim, but there will be more people watching, and you'll face multiple fears," Then I felt his hand on my back as he pushed me through the doorway and into a large open room. "I'd say good luck, but you don't need it,"
Then he was gone, and I was left with the others, corralled to the sidelines as we watched one brave soul go one by one. The room was mainly glass, giving it an Erudite feel, rather than Dauntless. A large screen showed grotesque images as each Initiate faced their darkest fears. The process reminded me of Candor Initiation, where every Initiate has to take a truth serum and spill their darkest secrets to the faction judges; and the judging faction.
Nerves hit me like a ton of bricks as I stood there, for who knows how long, watching my friends fears amplified across the screen. I watched as Nadia fought her way out of the dark, Halen had to calm his heartbeat by lying still in a pit of snakes, Dhani fared well by blinding the masked men who were after her, Forner had to walk through fire, Geoff was nearly torn apart by Factionless. It was then that I realized the fears I had would be visible to them.
They'd see me with Paul, they'd see me being taken. I suddenly felt sick, my eyes starting to water and and uncomfortable warmth sneaking up my neck. This was what anxious felt like, and I hated it. Levi seemed to feel my discomfort and reached a hand out to me. I took his hand, relishing the calming patterns that his thumb traced along my skin.
"Thank you," I whispered. Feeling the warmth from his calm brown eyes. He'd be a good Amity.
"No problem," He replied, "It's not easy being Dauntless,"
Although it seemed like I was in luck. The Initiates left after their final tests. To where I had no idea, but I wouldn't question it. I was the last to go meaning my Fear landscape would only be viewed by the trainers and leaders. I breathed a sigh of relief, and wondering if this was coincidence or clever planning. I had an inkling that a certain former Erudite had something to do with it. But I didn't have time to dwell on that, I was called up mere seconds later.
"Remember to breathe Reyna," Four said as he sat me down into the chair.
"You'll be fine," Eric gave my shoulder a squeeze before injecting the serum into my neck.
I hoped he was right.
I was in the dark room again, but I didn't want the simulation to go any further so I called out to the blackness. Pushing aside my fear in hopes of getting this over with.
"Where are you," I yelled, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
"I'm right here," Paul's manic voice was right behind me. I was mid turn when he pushed me to the ground. I had to think fast if I wanted to escape this. I reached for the buckle on his pants, pretending I was compliant. Helping him undress.
But as soon as the belt was free I cracked it against the side of his face. Then like before I rolled him off me and held the leather belt tight against his windpipe. It was over before I knew it.
I didn't have time to rest. The room around me flashed blinding white, and I knew I had to pick up the gun. My vision cleared and like last time I picked up the gun. I wasted no time in pointing it towards me, but then I caught the figures eyes. Each one held somthing different. My mother's eyes were full of shock and pity. The stranger had wide eyes, that would turn away as soon as I pulled the trigger. But the blue eyes were what stopped me. They were angry and distressed, I didn't want to hurt them. I didn't want to leave them. But bravery wasn't taking the easy way out, taking someone's life. It was sacrifice and love. Without another thought I pulled the trigger.
Instead of pain I felt myself falling, into the dark, deep water. I held my breath as water rushed up my nose, but pushed discomfort and fear aside. I needed to swim. I needed to swim fast. Each stroke took me closer to the platform and I willed myself to keep going. If I stopped it would get me. If I stopped I died. The thought motivated me, and helped keep my mind off the unnerving black water around me. I was at the platform and pulling myself up, when I felt it grab me. It dragged me until my hands left the metal, and then further still. I was losing breath and desperate when the thought of salvation came to me. I bent myself over my ankle and bit viciously into the tentacle that had me. It let go and I took the time I'd gained myself to propel to the surface. Sucking in a breath and clambering up to the platform.
The platform closed in around me, and I found myself in a box. No; not a box, a closet. Which made my heart race and my mind go blank despite me facing it before. It was closing in on me fast and I was being squished by all four walls and the ceiling. I had no time to find the hanger, so I braced my back against the walls and kicked out. It took three tries, but I finally managed to break the door and tumble out into a foreign room.
The room was sterile and white, but I could see clearly. It was the medic centre back in Candor, but it had an eerily Erudite feel to it. This was new to me. But I wasn't alone in the room. I was with a doctor, he was Erudite in a blue lab coat and thick glasses. And he was telling me something,
"You seem to be in your nineteenth week. It's perfectly healthy," He was still speaking, but I understood what was going on. I was pregnant. With child. And I knew exactly why this was a fear.
I didn't want to end up like my mother, stuck with a fatherless child who you silently hated. Alone dealing with such an important task, failing. I didn't want that, it was too much pressure. I would never have kids, I could never accept that responsibility.
"The serum is painless but it only works for the first twenty weeks," the thick rimmed glasses made his inquisitive eyes huge, "Have you made your choice,"
I could only nod, tears welling my eyes as the needle sunk through my skin below my belly button. It was over then.
I wiped my eyes to find the familiar and soothing sight of my old Candor home. My father was still alive, I knew because the house smelled like coffee and pen ink. Also the living room was warm and chaotic. Something my mother would never stand for. There were flowers in a vase, Sunflowers, my favourite. And for the first time I wasn't afraid. Until I saw the calendar.
It was the sixth of June; the day my father was murdered. I rushed out the door, onto our green lawn, seeing my father walking up the sidewalk. Unaware of the Factionless man close behind him. My mother was watering the flowers, her green eyes weren't ever cold till this day. Four year old me was playing between her legs. I felt the helplessness sneak up my throat, choking down the scream I had. Sobs silently wracking my body as the Factionless man stuck his knife deep in my father's side.
My mother's scream was piercing. It was the sound that would keep me up at night for years to come. But the blood was what really haunted me. Back then I was held in my mother's arms, watching him bleed when no one else would.
But this time I ran to him and scooped him into my arms, clutching his starched white shirt and wishing the crimson that soaked it would vanish; but I knew how this ended. It ended with the light fading from his grey eyes and the love fading from the family he left behind. It ended with me dressed in all black for the first time in my life and deciding that I never wanted to feel helpless again. I wanted to feel brave.
With one last watery look to my father, I closed his eyes. So that four year old me wouldn't have to see the blank stare they held. I closed them and said my goodbyes, into his ear for only him to know. I felt empty, but I wasn't afraid. I was done with being afraid.
The world slipped away around me and I found myself in the glass room again. Sitting up I faced the crowds around me, but wanting to see no one. I'd been in there nearly twenty minutes, it felt like a lifetime, and I'd faced seven fears. Seven.
"Good job Reyna," Four said clapping me on my back as I stood shakily from the chair.
"Seven is a pretty impressive number,"
"Thanks," I smiled pleased that the testing was over. I could bottle those memories away for good now. I didn't want to deal with them.
"You can wait with the others down in the Mess Hall while we set up final scores. But I don't think you'll have anything to worry about,"
I didn't know where Eric was, but I couldn't exactly wait around for him so I left. Leaving through the doors where the others had gone. I followed the hallway down to the Mess Hall where everyone was gathered. I took a seat next to Levi and waited for the verdict.
"How did it go," He asked genuinely, no humour to his voice.
"Twenty minutes, seven fears," I revealed, gauging his reaction. He smiled at me, his dark eyes crinkling at the sides.
"And here I was worried about you! Seven fears, that's amazing," He gave me a sideways hug.
"Thanks Levi," I smiled dropping my head to his shoulder, feeling the tips of his brown hair tickling my face. "You're promoted to best friend," I sighed contentedly
"Does the promotion come with benefits," He asked grinning impishly, causing me to smack him hard on the chest. He pulled an exaggerated pout, making my harsh glare soften.
"No just the satisfaction of being perfectly plutonic," I smiled noticing the laugh he gave me in return.
"Sounds good, Beautiful," He ruffled a palm through my messy curls and I had to redo my tiny ponytail.
As I redid my do, the Dauntless leaders and trainers came into the room. Whatever buzzing
noise there had been in the room ceased immediately. I was on the edge of my seat, and noticed the same from everyone around me. This was it, this was the rest of our lives.
The board was altered and I saw my name staring back at me, still number one. I felt the cheers erupt around me as my fellow Initiates got their ranks. The cheers were Dauntless; we were Dauntless. I found each friend and hugged them tightly. Levi first he lifted and spun me like last time, but refrained from kissing me. Nadia was next, she broke her kiss from Halen to give me a bone crushing hug, then Halen joined in. I left them alone again to find Geoff who gave me an almighty shake. Then Dhani came to me, hugging me and leaning from side to side, leading me to wonder if she'd been drinking. I avoided Paul, but Forner found me and enveloped me in a one armed hug. We were all elated, but I felt something missing as I scanned the crowd of beaming, fresh Dauntless.
The tug on my hand alleviate that feeling. I felt a large, rough palm, and long fingers laced through my own. I didn't have to turn to know it was Eric. He pulled me away, through the unknowing crowd, down an alley, and into a hidden alcove. I started the kiss, like I'd started the last one. I caught his mouth with my own, bringing my hands to his shoulders and found myself disappointed with the shirt that was there. But all thoughts were blown from my mind when I felt his hands against my hips, pulling them towards his own.
I fell into him, close and comfortable, but my heart was anything but calm. His lips against my own were fervent and I met their wanting effortlessly. Kissing never sounded or looked good to me as a child; I used to turn away when I saw grownups kiss one another, but now I knew I'd never turn away from this. Heat rose through my chest and up my neck, causing me to breath in sharply. He pulled away slowly, taking me with him, and I gave him one last peck before he was gone. I returned to my side of the alcove, but kept a hand on his chest; it was their favourite place to be.
I felt his heartbeat, irregular and quick, and smiled to myself noticing the way it matched my own.
"Hello," I whispered the greeting that we'd skipped in our haste. He smirked down at me, his blue eyes amorous.
"How do you feel," He asked. It was an odd question.
"Besides turned on," I laughed, "I feel Dauntless." I grinned wide, I was Dauntless.
"Good," He whispered the alcove amplifying his voice for him. "I thought I was the only one turned on," His smirk was wide as I gave him a playful smack, one he blocked grabbing my arm and pulling me to him. The kiss was short, just a peck before I pulled away again.
"What comes next Eric?" I said, pushing everything else aside. He seemed to understand that the time for joking was over, answering me honestly; as if he read my mind.
"Well now you get an apartment, a job, a few more tattoos," He told me, brushing his thumb across my wrist. The gesture was comforting and I needed that now.
"What kind of jobs can I get?" I asked, "What's your job?" realizing I didn't know.
"I'm the technical support and analyst, but I might be looking at a promotion soon," He looked proud then, Erudite pride. I liked that look on him, but honestly I like all looks on him.
"You could be almost anything. Tattoo artist, Guard, Simulations Expert, Leadership Aide, Dauntless Representative," I liked the sounds of some of those.
"Do I just apply," I asked wondering how I could be a Simulations Expert.
"You talk to leadership. They'll sort you out,"
"What about an apartment," I asked suddenly filled with nerves at living on my own. Maybe I could find a roommate, Levi or Nadia would be my first choices.
"You'll have first pick, since you're first ranked," He explained and it made sense to me. Suddenly all I wanted was to get my new life started and underway.
"I can't wait," I beamed at him, before leaving the alcove. Taking his hand in mine and hauling him back to the celebration. Before we went through the doors he pulled me to him for a searing kiss, one that would last us till our next encounter, and while he pulled away I planted three more on his lips rapid fire.
"Dauntless suits you Rey," He grinned down at me wickedly. I loved the way his voice caressed my name. I pushed open the doors, letting go of his hand and turned to him before making my way through the crowd.
"I know,"
I met back with Levi and dragged him to where the others were. I saw Paul, who was listening to Geoff and Forner, shrink away from our group to be lost in the crowd. I'd have to keep Levi by my side. The group seemed to like Levi, although he stayed fairly quiet through the introductions he opened up a bit when Dhani fell into him. Thus confirming my suspicions that she'd been drinking. She pulled Levi close and demanded a dance from him. I laughed loudly when they took the floor, and grabbed Nadia to dance with me. So there we were, dancing till past midnight, officially Dauntless.
I fell into my bed at half past two, tired but somehow still jittery. I slept restlessly, but at least I slept. Perhaps my restlessness had something to do with the fact that I'd be sleeping somewhere else tomorrow. I'd have an apartment, hopefully a roommate as well, but for the most part I'd be on my own.
The next morning was the start of my new life. I got up and dressed, taking the time to braid my curls at the crown and leave the rest down in at least some sort of a style. I wore my loose black pants and a tank top and headed down to breakfast.
I grabbed of course an orange and some tea; the Dauntless, like the Candor drink coffee, but I would never leave the comfort of my tea. Peeling the orange I scanned the room, my eyes fixing on the black-clad, blue-eyed, all mine, Eric. I smiled, watching his throat bob as he drank his coffee, thinking about the way I kissed him there.
He looked up, as if he felt my eyes on him, and I saw the ghost of a smirk on his lips. He was sitting with Four and another girl, but that expression was all for me. I popped a piece of orange into my mouth and looked down, the traces of a blush on my cheeks. His eyes were still burning into me, but when I looked back he was back in conversation and I was finishing my breakfast as if nothing happened. But something did happen, something we'd finish later.
The first apartment I saw was light. It had three large windows and a skylight, which gave an unusual amount of light to the Dauntless space. Nadia and I loved it, though she said she wouldn't be moving in with me. She was looking at the small space beside Halen's chosen home. She wanted to be close to him, in case they ever decided to live together. I respected that, but needed a roommate.
Which is why, at two in the afternoon Levi was following me down the hall to look at the large, light, apartment once again. I'd seen three others, but this was the only one I could picture myself living in. And Levi agreed.
"Wow, this is nice Beautiful," He looked around a grin on his face before turning to me, "But do you really want to share it with me," I could tell he wanted me to say yes.
I'd never want to live with anyone I didn't trust and I didn't trust easily, but looking to Levi -standing angelic in the glow of the sky light- I could honestly say I'd trust him forever.
"Of course I do. Lev I need a roommate but I want it to be you," His eyes crinkled in content.
"Alright, I'll pack my things and pick a bedroom,"
"Oh no you won't. I already chose the one at the end of the hall,"
"Damn," He turned to head out the door, giving me one last look.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," I smiled warmly, doing a spin in my new favourite place. I couldn't wait to show Eric.
AN: Alright so this is it for a week, I'm headed on a vacation. Nothing like a rainy beach town to relax the system :D
What do you think? Cute couple? Will Eric like the living arrangements? Will Reyna get a decent job? Review your thoughts, hopes, and maybe some of your other favourite stories (I need some reading material)
Have a lovely couple days, enjoy.
Also y'all are fucking amazing! I love reading your reviews and seeing that you genuinely like the stories I write.
Also Also: Paul will be dealt with, patience my dears.