Tuesday was a tutoring-free day; which was fine by Lexa. Her and Clarke's last session hadn't exactly ended on the best of terms: a hyperventilating brunette had made a run for it as soon as the grip of soothing hands had released her body. In hindsight, maybe she should have at least come up with an excuse for retreating—it felt like something old Lexa would do, to simply leave without a word—yet she was sure she couldn't have conjured up any at that moment. Even a day later, she still had no idea what she could have said, or what she should say now. Suffice to say, they hadn't spoken since what Lexa dubbed as "the new incident"—she hoped she wasn't going to make a habit of them—but the repentant girl knew her classmate well enough to know no words could help at that point. She would have to suck it up and go on with her life, hoping one day the blonde would forgive her, and that the fire that had been roaring in the pit of her stomach for the past day would die down eventually.
On Wednesday, Clarke walked right past her on her way to chemistry class. She didn't even shove Lexa or throw her one of her "drop dead" glares, which worried her tutor beyond measure. Was Clarke really done with her this time? She spent the class replaying all of their encounters: she was two Lexas at once; the old one who didn't know any better and antagonized her sky princess at every turn; and the new and improved one who would push the old ignorant version aside and correct each of her mistakes. If only she could rewrite history the same way.
"Well you can't." It was the first time Anya had talked to her in weeks. "You made your debut in the real world, knowing its rules and regulations. You might not have thought it would be this hard, but guess what? It's hard on everyone. So either you fully transition into this new Lexa you're so proud of, or you go back to the safety of your kingdom."
Anya was right; her kingdom was safe. It was predictable and monotonous; everything Lexa valued. However, it didn't have heavenly creatures who challenged her and gave her transcendental hugs and magically got her to open up; maybe it was time for the Commander to retire. The bell pulled her out of her serious thoughts. Classes were over for the day. Clarke was supposed to head to the library for their session. Lexa felt herself go after her, through no effort of her own. She was having an out-of-body experience. She stealthily followed Clarke, until it was clear that her pupil was leaving the premises. Lexa was suddenly running past Clarke, past the main gate, to the bus stop. Once there, she took a moment to catch her breath, then slowly started walking back toward the school. A few meters ahead, she spotted the blonde heading her way. She locked eyes with her, determination flashing in hers while Clarke's showed nothing but confusion—with a hint of anger.
Lexa still wasn't fully aware of what she was doing. The last time her body had betrayed her suddenly flashed in her mind: her father was drawing a gun at her mother and a much younger Lexa, and the child couldn't refrain from wetting herself. The memory shook her to the core, but she was still walking; it was too late to back down now. It took her mere seconds to reach Clarke, and close her arms around her classmate who resisted for a moment before relaxing into the hug. Lexa was squeezing way too hard and had positioned her arms very awkwardly; somewhere between Clarke's shoulders and hips. The desperate hugger could feel herself sweating, her heart beating twice as fast as Clarke's—so close to hers that the recipient of her embrace was surely feeling it as well. She couldn't bring herself to relax and savor the moment. But for once, she was certain it wouldn't be their last moment of intimacy. So instead of beating herself up over her lack of hugging skills, she vowed to better them for the future physical displays of affection she was going to share with the precious girl in her arms.
"Lexa," Clarke cried out in a strangled voice. "You're sorta suffocating me."
There was amusement and tenderness in her tone; yet Lexa immediately felt mortified. She pulled back and started mumbling "I'm sorry" when the blonde put her right index to the brunette's lips.
"I didn't say stop hugging me. Maybe just don't hug me like you want to grind my bones and feed them to Louie. Gosh you're such an extremist! Get back here."
"And you have a more vivid imagination than mine; you're just better at hiding it," said a much less embarrassed Lexa, diving back into Clarke's arms.
"Well maybe if you're good, and don't revert back to being a bot, I'll teach you how to get a better handle on yours!"
"How about for now, I teach you chemistry?"
Clarke rolled her eyes, grabbed Lexa's hand and made her way to the library, where the two girls spent the afternoon mostly studying, yet still sneaking in small smiles and appreciative glances here and there.
Before they parted ways, Clarke summed up their situation so accurately that Lexa couldn't help but emit a small guttural sound that she guessed was laughter.
"It's only our second session, and you've already broken up with me twice. At this rate we'll be divorced by graduation!"
We would have to get married first, Lexa thought, surprisingly excited at the idea. But she didn't dare say it out loud. She sensed it wouldn't sound as funny as Clarke's observation; maybe because the prospect of marrying her sky princess didn't seem funny to Lexa—far from it. It seemed right. The thought terrified her, much like Clarke's letter had. However, this time, she pushed the feeling aside, gave Clarke a brief peck on the cheek, and wished her a pleasant evening.
"May we meet again," whispered Clarke, bringing her hand up to touch her cheek where Lexa's breath still lingered. For reasons unknown, she was scared; more than she would care to admit. Still, for the first time, she believed what her friends had been saying: the elusive girl liked her. Clarke grinned all the way back home.