Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers!
Please R&R
(Woah, been ages since I updated this hasn't it? Either way, Enjoy!)
===The ARK= Optimus' Office===
"Let me get this straight…" Prowl sighed with such a world weary and exasperated air that Optimus thought his Second in Command was going to just sit down and deny all existence. "You want me, Bluestreak and Sideswipe to attend… Parenting Classes?"
"The humans, some of the more… culturally embracing ones at any rate, want you and the other expecting pairs to attend their classes on what to expect in the… uhh," Optimus paused, returning his gaze to the pamphlet and official letter of the state, "'Joys and Bliss of your new roles in Parenthood'. Also, you are to give a presentation to the attendees of this class after the course is over so that they can learn about our own reproducing habits." The Prime explained, valiantly trying to keep the smile that was threatening to split his faceplate in half from showing.
"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Prowl growled, kneading his data-pad with his servos in frustration, the screen having cracked long ago. The poor, once highly respected technology, reduced to nothing but Prowl's new stress toy.
"Despite my standing as Prime and Leader of this noble faction, may I be the first to say that as soon as you leave this office and after I send those agreement forms back to the Parenting Classes organiser, I'm going to break down in hysterical laughter." Optimus nodded straight-faced, holding back a giggle as the black and white Praxian gave him a withering look that could have felled most of the forest outside the ARK.
"Very well Prime, we shall attend the human's Course." Prowl snapped with a vicious hiss, rising from his chair with his wings flared in their 'I'm going to go blow something up now, don't you dare get in my way' position. With that, the Tactician stomped from the room.
===In the Rec-Room after Prowl blew something up===
"You've got to be joking!" Sideswipe almost shrieked at the black and white mech, earning a loud grumble of protest from Smokescreen as the gambling, carrying Praxian was jostled from his comfortable leaning position against the front liner's shoulder. "No way am I going to any stinking classes!"
"I think it might be fun!" Bluestreak chirped back to his normal cheery self now that he had successfully 'put a bun in Sunstreaker's oven' as Ratchet had so delicately put it. The grey and red mech was currently massaging a purring Sunstreaker's audio fin as the golden twin lay with his helm in the Praxian's lap, stretched out across a few seats at their table, oblivious to anything about him. "Besides, what do any of us know about human reproduction, carrying and birth?"
"Enough to know that the locked channels on the Freeview Box should have remained locked." Sideswipe muttered sourly, his faceplate twisting in disgust, sating Smokescreen's small whine for attention by petting a stray doorwing.
"I told you not to tamper with it." Prowl sighed almost miserably as Jazz sat in his lap, cuddling the living daylights out the crimson chevroned mech, "Anyway, Prime has signed us up regardless of my protests. After our course has finished, we are to give a presentation about Cybertronian Reproduction."
Skyfire scowled down at them in mild annoyance, his mood having been fraying at the seams since Ratchet had gleefully told him that while Starscream was carrying a small shuttle class spark, Skyfire himself was currently carrying a trine. Which was probably why Starscream was now fluxing between aggressive Sire and needy Carrier in his eternal moodswings, thus leaving Skyfire, who had long ago accidently deleted his 'aggressive Sire' protocols, to lament over the furthering complications that just seemed to magically pop up between himself and the screechy Seeker that was in the process of petting one of his wings. "Am I even going to fit into their lecture hall?" Skyfire asked, despite being less than thrilled with the news he would have to attend the class.
"It's going to be done outside for our convenience." Prowl explained, flicking through the screens on his data-pad from over Jazz's helm, the Head of Special Operations purring as he nuzzled closer to the doorwinged mech. "I've got news from the human instructor and the attendants and they are all extremely excited to be… 'helping' us with our lack of parenting knowledge."
"We're doomed…" Sideswipe groaned, letting his helm thump to the table as all of the other, non-protocol obsessed mecha nodded solemnly.
===Dubai===
"Pull."
"Sir, maybe you'd want to stop it now?"
"I said Pull."
"I know, but really, I think they get the point."
"Now, Shockwave, or so help me I will tell everybody that your optic is a button to detach your helm."
"But… fine… Here comes Shiny two hundred and thirty four…" The purple mech sighed as he slotted a nice antique looking silver figurine into the cannon that they had stolen from a local circus and lit the fuse. The other Decepticons watching with a bored air as Megatron blew the attractive silver statue to atoms with his fusion cannon. "So much for a relaxing Vacation." The purple mech muttered sourly as he sat down beside Soundwave and accepting the energon the communication Officer offered him as Motormaster took over firing the cannon. "How do you deal with this?"
"Soundwave: Denial." The cassette master replied blandly. "Seeker: Overreacting."
"Try telling them that." The one opticked, purple mech sighed pointing over to the palm tree where Skywarp was perched on the top, wailing his vocaliser into ruin as Thundercracker tried to coax his trine mate to the ground as another 'Shiny' met its end at the purple coloured blast of Megatron's fusion cannon. It really didn't help that Skywarp could rival Starscream's volume of shrieking when he really tried. It was only peeving Megatron off more.
"Seekers: Deserve it." Soundwave continued after pausing to reprimand his cassettes as they played in the water. "Cause of Shiny Destruction: provoking native life-form of China, known as a 'Panda' into attacking Megatron at Zoo. Cause of Panda Attack: Stealing Bamboo and Shiny rocks from organics den."
The purple Decepticon snickered softly beside his friend as Thundercracker had enough of his mate's distress and leapt to defend his 'Shiny Pile' from more destruction by the Warlord.
Predictably, the grey gunformer went on to rant, scream and curse about 'blasted Mating Protocols' on repeat while the other Decepticons went off to terrorise some locals, or try and play out a scene from a human movie that he had heard Hook call 'King Kong' on one of the numerous skyscrapers, while always handing out leaflets to outraged locals that any damage costs should be sent to the Autobots.
"Query: Shockwave enjoying Vacation away from Cybertron?" Soundwave asked tilting his helm curiously, as Shockwave's lap was chosen as Ravage's snoozing spot.
"Immensely, despite the lunacy," The one opticked mech nodded as Thundercracker wandered past with the remaining pile his nest building materials as Skywarp watched broodingly from his palm tree. "Where is the next destination?"
"Parenting Classes," Soundwave shrugged, unusually being a tad more animated than he usually was, before sending Shockwave the e-mail and digital version of a Parenting Course pamphlet they had received from the humans. "Reason: Megatron ready to blow gasket if Seekers are not controlled/occupied soon.
Megatron: Curious about classes despite denying it.
Intel: Autobot Pairs attending also.
Personal Opinion on Predicted Outcome: LOL"