Soli Deo gloria

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own the Host or Divergent. So I'm rereading the Host again, after narrowly saving it from being rain-soaked, and ALL THE DIVERGENT MOVIE STILLS. OH MY GOSH.

Wanda is crazy. Just a bit, anyway. Enough to nearly cut her hand off to save Jamie, who she isn't even related to, today. She doesn't care about risks. That would put her down as Dauntless, too. Maybe a Divergent as well.

There's a lot of yelling, when she and Jared come back with their soul medicines. Christina, of all people, has a go at them for not taking her with them. Jeb stands quietly in the background, watching. I crouch next to Jamie. I've been near him a lot the past three days. When he's tossed around with his fever. When he needs something cool on his head. When he needs someone sane watching him and not Doc, who's mopping up sweat from his brow every few minutes and taking a shot every time he turns away.

Jared and Wanda ignore everyone's shouts of annoyance, especially Ian's, and hand Doc the medicines. Sharon looks at them as if they're poison.

"You're not going to put that on him, are you?" she spits.

"I am," Doc says hestiantly, opening a jar. Wanda takes to Jamie's other side. Squeezes his hand, bites her lip. I stand back, give them room. The entire small cave is crowded with people, half of them yelling at Wanda and Jared.

I walk out.

I was not expecting the two of them to go off and raid a soul clinic. Of all the things, to go out into that world with little security and then steal. Right from under their silver eyes. I'll admit that's clever, though.

I let out a breath as I lean against the gritty wall. I'm dirtying my shirt, but I don't care. Everything is dusty in here. The dust that collects in my hands that I wipe off is mud, mixed with my sweat.

"They're back?" Tobias asks, his voice slightly startling me, making my breath catch.

"Yes. They raided a clinic," I say.

"They did? And they got away with it, no soul inside either of them?"

I let out a chuckle. "Kyle examined their eyes viciously enough when they showed up. Wanda nearly cut off her hand to see it turned better." I buck my head forward. "She's in there now. Watching and making sure Doc's doing it right."

A pause. And then his voice, hard and firm: "That's Dauntless. Tactical, self-sacrificing, brave." Both of us know that Wanda isn't in it for the thrill. She's a quiet soul, always trying to blend into the background instead of being in the center of attention.

I take a deep breath, look to face him. He still has stubble all about his chin, but he's trimmed it, made it fit into him like a puzzle piece. It's almost a part of him now. Makes him look so old. He'll be nineteen in a few months. In March, he had told me.

"At least the souls have one good soul," I say. There's one who actually cares about the humans, whose Earth this is.

"They all should be like that. They're not. All the humans should be like her. We're not," Tobias says, letting out a sigh. "Almost like no matter who or what you are, you're prone to human nature."

Human nature. The nature to threaten another human to stand against a target and throw a knife at their head to prove their bravery. The nature to deceive people by mixing happy drugs into their bread. Their nature to try to comfort with a smile, a pat on the shoulder, the human nature to love, despite everything around us.

I reach out my hand and Tobias takes it. His hand is like an adult's wrapped around my childlike one, encasing it.

"But we're not all that bad," I say, my voice quiet.

He nods. A little smile tugs at his lips as he whispers a couple inches from my ear, making me smile against his warm breath, "I know. And for that, I'm grateful."

Jamie gets better almost immediately, and a new schedule falls on the caves, one that includes not too steady raids but ones that are faster and fatter. It's easy, now, to just take things from the souls. Almost laughably easy. Just send in Wanda to do the shopping and don't get caught by hiding in the dark of the vans.

This puts us in a new position. We get more things that weren't exactly mandatory before. The parties aren't as big. Usually Wanda heads out with Jared, Ian and Uriah, leaving me to bear her burden of existence from Kyle, who I learn to ignore, and talk with Jamie, who is an awful chatterbox. Sometimes I get so worn out from working at the fields that I fall asleep, my head in my arms, at the kitchen table. Jeb says it's because my body is smaller and isn't as tough. Tobias doesn't say anything about it. He knows me, and how I push my body past the limit of pain and endure through it. I've got a determination that he loves, and so I don't mind when he picks me up in his arms and carries me to my cave, lays me down amongst the cool blankets, which I want to have to be warm now that it's winter. I yawn and he brushes the hair out of my face. He doesn't smile while he does this. I know that it's because he's thinking; Jeanine almost had a set face like that, more robotic, though, but one that meant she was thinking all the time.

He studies me, takes me in, and pushes the blankets over me again. He looks like he doesn't want to go, but Christina still shares this room with me. Maybe we can find one small cave in case we find more humans, need them to take this one. Maybe we get one with just one mattress.

He presses a kiss against my forehead. My eyes are closed, but I'm drowsily aware of his words against me as he whispers next to my ear, "I'm glad you're still here, Tris."

That hurts me. To hear him say that, it's as if he still expects to wake up and suddenly find out that I've been inserted with a soul. It's a fear of his now.

I bet he would have five fears if he went through his fearscape.

He turns to leave, but I sit up, alerting him to my awake presence. I can barely see in the dark, but I can see the dark shadows beneath his eyes that isn't the dark playing tricks on me. He doesn't get enough sleep. As if the anxiety of me going out on trips kills him inside, slowly, painfully. And that's strange, to me. I'm to him a fearless little girl that he pushes to the limit. He's been softening to me.

I don't like it.

"Still scared, Tobias?" I say. My voice is sharp.

"That maybe you won't be here someday? Yes, and there's nothing you can do that can decimate that," he says. He turns back to me and kneels next to my side. His eyes are concerned, yet hard. Unrelenting.

His words, as he knows, push at me. Entice me to argue. And I take the bait. "Since when is a soul just going to come waltzing in and snatch me away to some Healing facility? I'll be fine, Tobias. And when I'm on raids, I'm with the others, I'm with you—"

He lets out a breath. "If it can happen to my parents, it can happen to you." His voice is quiet, firm, blunt.

There it is.

His parents, two of the strongest people he knows, who were cold, unyielding, selfish, who shared those traits with him, are souls. They were captured and Healed. And since they were subdued, turned into tiny, serving souls, the same thing can happen to me.

And I don't know how to handle this worry from him. This watchful, protective feeling he has for me. I'm sure other girls would appreciate it. I see it as degrading. Almost.

It shows he cares. But it also shows that he doesn't trust me enough. That he doesn't think me fast enough, strong enough, tough enough.

So I prove him wrong.

I slap him in the face.

His hand doesn't go to his face. He lets the impression of my tiny hand burn pink into his skin. The color feels like the shame I'm feeling. But I don't back down from him.

His hand is slow. I catch it in the corner of my eye. Watch it raise up and then curve to cup my cheek. It feels warm and solid, like him. Despite how broken he can be, he's like a rock to me.

A shaken hiccup escapes me. I know he can feel it. My whole mind is on how I can feel every bit of skin he has against me. How can he be so tender towards me when I'm bitter towards him?

"Don't you trust me?" I whisper.

"It's not a matter of trust. It's a matter of safety. And since you're not going to think about yours, Tris, allow me to do it, then, so at least someone is," Tobias says. He gulps. "I lost my parents twice now. Once to themselves, then another time to the souls. You know the pain, Tris. But you haven't felt it twice over."

And it's that pain that's making him more protective of me. More fearful for my life.

His finger slides across my cheekbone, wiping away a tear I didn't want to escape. "Allow me this one thing, Tris. I still believe you to be really headstrong, and impulsive, and selfless, but allow me to protect you, too."

The words "like I couldn't protect them" can go unspoken. We both know but don't say it.

I lean against my arms, sitting up, searching his face; all drowsiness falls from me. He looks resolute, trying not to crumble. So I'm first; I grip his shoulders with my hands and then he's the one dipping his lips towards mine. They're angled, but fit against mine perfectly.

I instantly tighten my grip on his shoulders, feeling like I need something stable, like he's slipping away from me. I'm pulling him closer, a prickle of fear at the back of my mind. He was in my fearscape. The one human, the one boy, my Tobias, the person I love the most in the world. Isn't strange how love can be so fearful?

But I ignore the fear, because I want to be strong for him. Not his weak girl that needs comforting but his girl that can make him feel comforted and loved. Someone that he can feel love from.

His hand grows tighter around my neck. Not like when he had been strangling me in the Dauntless compound, though. Just supporting my neck as he deepens the kiss, making my head whirl and my grip slacken ever-so-slightly.

He breaks it apart after a moment, though. I look and meet his dark blue eyes, his taste still on my lips. The taste of faded cactus soap mixed with salty sweat and that trace of mint that still stays with him.

He cracks a tiny smile. I treasure it.

"I'm going to go now. Before Christina comes in and starts up gossip," he says quietly, with sincerity. He brushes a hand against the left side of my face. Gives me a soft nod before he turns on his heel and gets out.

I lay back on the blankets, feeling more alive than sleepy now, and the silence is broken by my excited breathing and Christina bounding in, looking all grins and giggles. I'm instantly on edge.

"Are you okay?" I say.

She lets out a guffaw, nearly doubling over with laughter. "Nope—I—you two—his face—like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing—"

My jaw instantly tightens. He's probably had that look on him several times then, from before. When he was growing up in Abnegation. Practically just breathing was an excuse for a punishment. I instantly say, "Can it, Christina," and I close my eyes and try to pretend to be asleep.

"What's with you?" Christina says, slightly startled, though more surprised.

"Nothing," I say.

"Liar," Christina says. She's still got remnants of Candor running through her. That trait has gotten her into many different arguments with Kyle, making him even more angry at her. He still has a wild bruise from her fist.

She looks at it proudly every time she sees him.

She lets out a sigh. "Whatever. Why're you in bed? It's still early; I think Brandt and Wes and Lily are getting out cards to play with."

"I'm tired," I say in reply.

Christina shrugs and leaves.

This is why Tobias isn't one to spill things to people. Christina wouldn't understand if he told her. She'd harden her jaw, remember her sister and mother. She's judgemental, being Candor. And so is everyone else in these caves.

That's why it hits me like a warm flood of understanding. He trusts me enough to show me the most vulnerable parts of him, even more so than when we were in the Candor compound. He's allowed himself to be closer to me than to anyone else, even his friends. He does trust me, to still care for him despite his flaws and buried secrets.

What are y'all's thoughts on the new Divergent stills? I'm still on the, "But . . . she's supposed to be blonde . . ." train, but I'm really happy thus far. THE EPICNESS.

Thanks for reading! Please review!