I know I'm a day late, I'm sorry. I was busy yesterday and I didn't have time to update.

Ukdramafan asked why they didn't let a facial recognition program run over the CCTV from Newport: During the first series they use facial recognition but they first search manually for the CCTV footage they want to use. I don't think they are able to automatically check all the CCTV with a recognition program. They have to do it manually which takes too much time and judging by the fact that in the series Ianto had to check which of the suspects they had found using they program was the thief, I don't think it's always very reliable. Sorry for any confusion about why I didn't use automatic facial recognition in this story. I thought I'd explained it in one of the previous chapters, but when I was looking it up I saw I'd forgotten, sorry.

Anyway, have fun reading the next chapter.

Dafydd was happy. Over the last few weeks he and Rhona had gone out a couple of times. He felt comfortable around her. She made him feel like he could be himself around her. The feeling inside him that there still was something missing was something he ignored. It was probably a feeling from his past and it wouldn't do any good to dwell on it.

When he had told Rhona about the missing years in his life she had been shocked. He didn't blame her for that, he would have been too if someone told him they were missing four years of their life. And as soon as the shock was over she had offered her help in case he wanted to remember some things or if he wanted to search for some answers for some things. She made it possible for him to talk to someone about his problems without feeling pitied.

They'd both agreed to take it slow, in case it turned out that they worked as friends but not as a couple, but if things stayed like they were now Dafydd knew he would ask her out one day as his girlfriend.

"Jack can we talk?"

Jack looked up when he heard Owen talking to him. He expected to see Owen on his own but to his surprise he saw Toshiko standing next to him. He knew they'd grown closer the last few months and he wondered what they wanted to discuss. Suddenly Jack realised what day it was today and he felt himself growing pale.

His blood froze in his veins. "please, no." He begged. "Please, I'll find him. Just give me more time, please."

It scared Tosh to see Jack like that. Normally Jack was the strongest out of the entire team. To see Jack begging was something she'd never wanted or expected to see. Quickly she crouched down next to him.

"We don't want to stop searching for Ianto either, but we can't continue to search for him forever. It's been half a year today, maybe it's time to let him go." Jack looked so defeated that Tosh's heart broke at the sight of him. "I'm sorry, Jack."

"I need to find him." Jack had never felt this desperate in his entire long life. He needed to find Ianto. To tell him that he loves him, to hold him, to beg for forgiveness and most importantly to take care of him and to love him. "please."

"We know you need to find him, Jack." This time it was Owen who tried to persuade Jack to stop." But we simply don't know where else to look. We've tried everything we know to get him back and it didn't work. Like Tosh said, we can't keep searching forever. We have to admit defeat eventually and if we don't stop now we'll never stop. Please Jack, let Ianto be."

"Retcon me." Owen had to suppress a shiver when he heard Jack. He sounded almost happy to the idea of being Retconned. Jack hated Retcon, especially when it was used on him. "If you Retcon me enough to lose two years, I won't remember Ianto."

Tosh looked nervously between the two men. She could understand where Jack was coming from but the idea of another colleague being Retconned frightened her. Jack probably wouldn't leave Torchwood but they would never be able to talk again about the good times the four of them had. 'Please Owen, convince him to let Ianto go without taking Retcon.' She silently pleaded.

Meanwhile Owen looked apologetic to Jack. "I'm sorry Jack. It wouldn't work. You've always been resistant to big doses of Retcon. And even if you weren't it wouldn't work. There are too many memories of Ianto around here. You would break the Retcon within an hour. Plus if you forget the last two years you would forget hiring Gwen and you would forget Suzie's death as well."

"I don't care about Gwen." Jack tried stubbornly. Purposely not mentioning the part about Suzie.

"Jack please. Two months ago we agreed that we would continue until he would be gone for exactly half a year. It's been six months today. Let him live his life in peace Jack. If you find him now than you'll have to rip his entire world away again before he would be able to be with you and work here again. Please see reason."

"I don't want to." Tears started to run down Jack's cheeks.

"Neither do we Jack but we can't keep doing this. Please tell you understand that." Tosh pleaded.

Jack just nodded at Tosh's request. "yeah, I do"

"So you'll let Ianto go and let him live his own life?"

Again, Jack nodded. He didn't having the energy and the will to speak. He probably wouldn't even be able to give them a real answer judging by the way he was feeling at the moment. It felt like his chest was getting crushed. As if there was a lorry driving over him. If he would try to talk at the moment he would probably and up crying.

Tosh and Owen shared a look and quickly left the office, not wanting to be around while Jack was breaking down like that. Stepping out of the office they were immediately confronted by Gwen.

"Owen, Toshiko is everything alright with Jack?"

Knowing that they wouldn't be able to keep it from Gwen anyway, Owen decided it would be better to tell Gwen what was going on now, rather than trying to avoid it all together which would probably end up with Gwen demanding Jack to tell her what had happened and he doubted Jack would be up for that. "We're going to stop searching for Ianto."

"Oh poor Jack. I know he wanted to find him. Maybe I should go to his office to cheer him up. He will probably feel a lot better when he has someone to talk to." She stared wishfully to Jack's office. What she didn't see was the expressiono n Tosh's face, so she was completely taken by surprise when she got smacked a few seconds later.

"Don't you have any decency!" Tosh cried out. "Jack is mourning because he just lost the man he loves and the first thing you try to do is get into his pants! I thought that one month ago you had finally given up on Jack!"

"Oh please I was just waiting until you all realised that this thing between Jack and Ianto was only going to end up in tears."

"Whatever, just stay away from Jack!"

Owen looked admiring to Tosh. Over the last few months he had got to known her quite well. He knew you had to be careful if she got really angry, but he'd never expected her to hit Gwen and then continue to yell at her. when he saw Gwen making a hasty escape to the cogwheel he embraced her.

"Calm down, love. She's not worth getting upset over." He mumbled in her hair.

"I know but Ianto is my best friend. I hate the fact that I'll probably never see him again and even if by some miracle I'll see him he won't recognise me. To hear Gwen being so happy with losing him..." She sobbed.

"I know. Why don't we both go home and I'll run you a bath. Jack wants to be alone at the moment and there is not a lot we can do anyway." Owen suggested. Tosh needed to calm down and he knew that the Hub want the best place for that at the moment. "Come on." He said while he gave her a soft pull on her arm to get her to the door.

Jack saw his team leave, first Gwen and a few minutes later Owen and Tosh. Sighing he turned the computer on. He needed to get his thoughts sorted. Normally he would go to the one of the highest rooftops in Cardiff, but he knew that wans't going to work today. He needed to see what he was thinking and the only way he could see that happening was if he wrote everything down.

6th of July 2008, Cardiff

I really lost Ianto now. After 6 months of searching we're not any closer to finding him. Toshiko and Owen told me today I need to stop searching for him. I didn't want to but eventually I gave in and agreed with them to let Ianto go.

How could I've been so blind and not see how he was hurting all those months ago. He was always there for me, even if I didn't ask him to, but I was never there for him when it really mattered. He needed to hear that I love him but I was too afraid of losing him to say it. Now he has left me because he believed I didn't love him, because I didn't say it.

I sometimes dream about us reuniting with each other. In my dreams I tell him that I love him, we are able to work everything out and at the end of my dream we're together again. It looks like after today that that dream will never be reality.

I love you Ianto, forever. No matter where you are or what you do.
Jack

I know, I'm a horrible person. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. The next chapter is really exciting and I'll try to put it up on Wednesday (in Europe). See you all in a few days.