Disclaimer: Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi while Jojo's Bizarre Adventure belongs to Hirohiko Araki. None of the elements used belong to me, even the Stands that appear that Araki has never bothered to create. Feel free to use them.
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Part 6.1: Dark Passion Play
XIII) The Islander
"Why should I fight you?" said Jotaro to Ryoga. Ryoga growled.
"I need to fight you at my house," he snarled. Jotaro caught upon what Ryoga really meant and sighed.
"Would it kill you to just ask me to take you home?" he sighed. Ryoga growled again.
"Shut up and bring me there," he said. "My dog just had pups and I want to see if she is all right."
"Shirokuro?" replied Jotaro. "I remember her. Come on, let's bring you back home."
Ryoga growled but followed Jotaro.
As Jotaro was going back home from where Ryoga lived, he met Akane.
"What are you doing here?" he asked without preamble.
"Well, Ryoga said that his dog had pups and since I've always wanted to see some I decided to come and see them," she answered. "Did you come for the same reason?"
"Not really," said Jotaro. "Ryoga just wanted me to bring him back to his house since his sense of directions is defective. He wasn't very polite about it."
"Tell me about it," sighed Akane. "I almost refused since he is so angry usually."
Jotaro mused for a few seconds before he grinned.
"Want to play a prank on Ryoga?" he asked.
"What do you have in mind?" asked Akane curious.
"Brother?" said Ryoga aghast. "I have a brother?"
"Half brother, actually," replied Akane while stroking a pup. "He learnt about it recently. I don't know the full story but he should be here soon."
The doorbell rang. Ryoga dashed to the door and reached it after taking a few wrong turns. He opened it with trepidation... and fell on the ground when he saw Jotaro who was obviously waiting for him with a basket of fruits in his hands.
"What are you doing here?" he growled.
"Akane didn't tell you?" asked Jotaro seemingly oblivious.
"Tell me what?" said Ryoga irritably. "She just told me that my half-brother was coming." He paused before a look of horror crossed his face. "No... It can't be..."
"Yes, Ryoga," said Jotaro in a monotonous voice. "I'm your half-brother."
"NO!" he screamed. "You're lying!"
"Search you feelings, Ryoga," replied Jotaro intently. "You know it to be true."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" howled Ryoga.
Then he fainted.
Jotaro blinked. He hadn't expected Ryoga to react that badly to his joke. Akane came and noticed Ryoga on the ground.
"What happened?" she asked.
Jotaro told her. Her response was predictable.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed. "That's cruel!"
"No," countered Jotaro. "Were I really cruel, I would leave him here and let him believe that what I said was the truth."
"Let's not be that cruel," giggled Akane. "I've already laughed enough for today. Go away, I'll just tell him."
Jotaro went away and Akane waited till Ryoga woke up before telling him. His curses and death threats towards Jotaro were heard nearly a mile away.
"Stupid technique," muttered Happosai. He continued to grumble while Jotaro and Akane were working on renovating Mousse's restaurant.
"What has gotten into him?" asked Jotaro to Akane.
"He has forgotten how to perform one of his signature techniques," replied Akane. "He wanted to cow the two idiots and threatened them with a Happo-Daikarin."
"Happo Fire Burst?" uttered Jotaro. "Pretty name. What does it do?"
"Don't know, he has forgotten how to do it," answered Akane. "He made them believe that he was merciful and that he wouldn't use it on them this time but it irks him that he has forgotten it. It must be pretty effective, though. Soun and Genma were more terrified than usual when he mentioned it."
"Sounds interesting," replied Jotaro. "I'll ask him later about it."
Once their work was finished, Jotaro asked Happosai to come along at a vacant lot.
"What did you want?" asked Happosai, curious.
"I heard you forgot how to perform your Happo-Daikarin," he said, making Happosai frown and grumble. "Tell me what it does, how you think it works and what you remember about it. Maybe I'll be able to help you recreate it."
Happosai nodded and pulled out his pipe. He sat down and started to explain.
"The Happo-Daikarin is a ki-based technique that aims at compressing an insane amount of ki in a small amount of space and allows it to be sent away before the ki-matrix holding it up unravels," he detailed extremely seriously. "When it unravels, the ki undergoes a violent decompression which translates in an explosion. I shape it like a firework because of the latent time before explosion. It takes all its characteristics, including its size and weight, even its fuse."
"So basically you produce a delayed bomb out of ki," summarized Jotaro. "I can see how useful it could be." He paused. "Why a firework, though?"
"Because this technique is younger than me by only forty years," replied Happosai proudly. "And at that time dynamite hadn't been invented, neither had modern explosive devices. The most efficient time-delayed explosive throwing device was a firework. And since it works so well, I've never seen the use in revamping it. Maybe I should, at least when I remember how to do the damn technique!"
"If it is delayed, people can throw it back to you, provided they have the time," noted Jotaro. Happosai laughed.
"I'd like to see anyone throwing back a ten metre wide firework that weights a few ton," he cackled. Jotaro paused.
"Are you telling me that you can produce the equivalent of several tons of explosives with ki?" he asked only slightly bewildered. He had met Yoshikage Kira after all.
"Yes," replied Happosai happily. "Once, I produced a hundred metre wide crater with a Happo-Daikarin. And I'm not sure I actually reached the limit of the technique. I'm also not sure if there's actually a limit."
"But you never tried because you couldn't produce a really big one and get out of the range of the explosion," deduced Jotaro. "What else can you tell me?"
"Well, I remember doing this," he said while making convoluted gesture with his hand. "But I'm pretty sure it doesn't have any actual use, except maybe as a mnemonic way to remember it once you know. Oh, and I decided to seal this technique twenty years ago after I accidentally burnt a bra with it." Jotaro blinked.
"How is that last piece of information relevant?" he asked while trying to hide a smirk.
"Not at all," answered Happosai. "But given how you're trying not to laugh I'd say it is funny."
"So nothing else you can tell me?" asked Jotaro more serious.
"If I were to try it, it would explode in my hand," said Happosai. "Like this."
He summoned some ki in his hand and an explosion was heard, though not a powerful one.
"So you only have problems with the containment matrix," stated Jotaro.
"That's the gist of it," admitted Happosai. "If you manage to do it, I would be grateful if you told me how to do it. If you manage to gather ki out of your hand, that is."
Jotaro said nothing and held his hand. Soon, a light was emitted from it. Happosai looked in wonder as the ki gathered. Jotaro then compressed it, making the resulting ball as small as a needle's head. Then it exploded, slightly singeing his hand. He grimaced.
"I have no problems with gathering ki and compressing it," he said. "It's the containment that's causing me problems. I'll have to think on it."
Two days after that, Happosai went to Jotaro' house happily. Well his happiness was marred by the fact that Soun and Genma had tried to attack him when they learnt that he didn't know how to use the Happo-Daikarin anymore. It irked him that they thought that he was vulnerable without the technique. He trounced them for good measure, just to prove that you don't teach tricks to an old monkey.
"What do you want, Happosai?" asked Jotaro. "I haven't finished the technique. Or you remembered something else about it?"
"I actually remembered something," answered Happosai. "Something golden. I actually made a manuscript detailing the technique before sealing it. I remembered this morning where it is."
Jotaro got up.
"Is it far?" he asked eagerly despite his emotionless tone.
"One hour from here," replied Happosai.
"Then what are we waiting for?" said Jotaro. They both went out into the forest.
While they were travelling in the forest, Jotaro noticed something and stopped. He motioned to Happosai to rest on his shoulder and to speak in a low voice.
"Did you by chance mention loudly that you had a manuscript of your technique somewhere?" asked Jotaro idly in a low voice.
"I might have," answered Happosai in the same low voice. "I was so happy that I shouted about it."
"That would explain why Soun and Genma are following us," said Jotaro casually. Happosai froze, and then cursed softly.
"Don't worry," continued Jotaro. "You said that it was on an island in the middle of a hot spring. If my hunch is correct, then I have an easy way to deal with them. Just trust me."
They advanced in the forest before Jotaro caught something through the foliage. His eyes were decidedly impressive. He had been right with his hunch.
"Now is the time for some acting," he said in a low voice to Happosai. Then he said extremely loud: "So the parchment for the technique is on the island in the middle of the spring in front of us!"
There was a rustle behind them before Soun and Genma barrelled and passed before them before rushing to the island.
"What's the plan?" asked Happosai calmly. He knew that Jotaro had something planned for them.
"You'll see," answered Jotaro. "It should occur... now."
As Soun and Genma came into the spring and started to dash at the island, several cries were heard in the water.
"EEEEEEEEEEKKKK! PERVERTS!" was all that they heard before being pummelled mercilessly by a horde of naked women who had chosen this spring to bath.
"Wait!" wailed Soun. "You've got it all wrong!"
It obviously didn't matter to the ladies who continued their beating. Jotaro took opportunity of this and reached the island unnoticed. He dug under the lone rock that was there and found a scroll that he put in his Doorspace with a satisfied smirk. Happosai watched him from the opposite bank, clearly impressed.
"I love it when a plan comes together," said Jotaro loud enough to be heard by everyone.
The girls and women turned to him, ready to deliver a harsh beating on the other impudent pervert who had dared to violate their sanctuary. They were immediately stopped when Jotaro's figure literally lit up, enshrouded in purple and black flames. He eyed them emotionless. His eyes bore into them and all the women shivered. Soun and Genma would have shivered too, had they been conscious. Happosai was impressed. He hadn't seen it much but it impressed him, even hidden as he was in the bushes.
"I don't believe in gentlemanliness," warned Jotaro. "Attack me and I will respond a hundredfold. You have been warned. Besides I'll be going now."
He dispelled the Neko-ken and prepared to jump away. A woman noticed something strange. Jotaro had never ogled them, he had always looked at them in the eyes. He was a far cry from a pervert.
"You're not a pervert," she stated. "You didn't ogle us."
All the other women turned in surprise towards her. Jotaro eyed her impassively.
"Why would I?" he asked rhetorically. "I don't know you. I only ogle people I know. Ogling someone you don't know is like marvelling at the wrapping of a present: it's essentially useless to me."
The women were impressed at his integrity. Not many men could be among naked women and remain completely impassive.
"I'll be going now," he said. And cleared the spring with just one jump, impressing the women even more. He grabbed Happosai and went away. The women blinked and noticed that Soun and Genma were waking up. They readied themselves for another beating.
It was a painful evening for Soun and Genma.
Happosai was reading the scroll Jotaro had brought back. He frowned.
"Anything interesting?" asked Jotaro. He hadn't read the scroll yet. Happosai sighed.
"It's unreadable," replied Happosai piteously. "I don't even remember how to read my pathetic writing."
"You've got to be kidding me," said Jotaro flatly.
"I wish," whined Happosai. "I can't even decipher the first kanji. It's old Chinese and I can't remember it."
"Show me," said Jotaro. Happosai gave him the scroll and Jotaro read it. Or at least tried to. Happosai was right, it was unreadable.
"Are you sure you didn't write it in a language that you're the only one to master?" asked Jotaro. "The only kanji I recognize are "threads" and "woven". I don't recognize anything else."
Jotaro turned to Happosai and noticed that he had stilled himself. Then he jumped in the air happily.
"Eureka!" he shouted. "I remember! And it's all thanks to you!"
"What have I done?" asked Jotaro curiously.
"The key to the matrix is woven with threads of ki," replied Happosai. "Watch and learn."
Soun and Genma were trying to follow Happosai and had come near the lot where he and Jotaro had stopped. They saw him and tried to sneak on him. Then a firework appeared in his hand. Genma and Soun swore. He had recreated the Happo-Daikarin. They were screwed.
Jotaro heard them and acted. He caught the Happo-Daikarin and threw it where he guessed the sound had come from. The fuse terminated when it was above them. The Happo-Daikarin burst, catching Soun and Genma in the explosion. They were blown away and fell in front of Happosai and Jotaro, covered in soot.
"I think I know how to do it," said Jotaro. "Let's try it."
He put his hand in front of him, slightly closed, and concentrated. Light coalesced into the hollowed delimited by his finger and was compressed into a small ball. Then a metal casing appeared, composed of small scales. Soon, Jotaro had a hand grenade in his hand. He took the pin off and threw it at Soun and Genma. Genma's eyes widened.
"Grenade!" he screamed girlishly. The grenade rolled on the ground and stopped in front of the idiotic duo. Soun screamed in fear.
The grenade exploded with more force than the Happo-Daikarin had. Genma and Soun were blown away from where they had lain. They crashed into the wood fence around the lot and fell heavily on the ground.
"Not bad," commented Happosai idly. "Powerful too. You should call it the Kujo Grenade Burst."
"Good name," replied Jotaro. "I have another idea for the technique."
He put his hand in the same position but at his side and palm facing down the earth this time. The ki coalesced once again but this time the casing took the shape of a rocket.
"Fire in the hole!" he shouted. And the rocket flew away.
Soun and Genma shrieked and scampered away. The rocket exploded on the fence, totally destroying it with a deafening explosion, more powerful than the grenade had been. Happosai looked at the splinters with awe.
"I think I'll call it the Jotaro Rocket Strike," said Jotaro evenly.
"You really impress me, Jotaro," said Happosai truthfully. "You performed the technique after seeing it once and you improved it on the spot. You're a monster at ki manipulation."
"It was vital energy this time," explained Jotaro. "Otherwise, with ki, the rocket would have lacked propulsion and wouldn't have exploded. It's a technique you can't learn old man. Not without a dozen years of learning. Sorry."
"I don't exactly care," replied Happosai. "I can do the Kujo Grenade Burst, I'm sure of it, and that's enough for me. We should write down the techniques on scrolls."
"Legibly this time," said Jotaro with a smirk.
"Laugh it up, you smartass," replied Happosai with annoyance.
"You can't learn the Happo-Daikarin, Akane," said Happosai sadly. Akane fumed and prepared a scathing retort.
"At least not yet," interrupted Jotaro, who was in her female form. "If we focused on ki manipulation at the exclusion of everything else, you could probably learn it in a year and a half. With your regular training and school, it should take five years before you learn it, and two more years for you to become really proficient with it."
"I would have said a bit longer," added Happosai. "Two more years at least."
"She knows how to harness her ki since she knows the Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken," replied Jotaro. "She thus has good bases in ki manipulation, although the hard part comes later. So I think she could use it in five years. Don't forget, Akane," she said to her, "that although we practice this technique with casual ease, it is a very difficult one which implies ki manipulation beyond your current level. So all in all, don't be impatient. There are other techniques you need to learn before that one."
Akane had calmed throughout Jotaro's explanation. She was strangely satisfied despite not being allowed to learn the technique now. One reason was that she would learn it, only later and after learning other things meanwhile. The other one was that they estimated that she could do it, even if not now. It made her happier than anything else. Her father had always shirked training her in advanced techniques, never giving her the hope of ever learning anything remotely dangerous. Her sensei and Jotaro had all but promised to take care of this problem and didn't treat her like a doll. It definitely made her happy.
"I have altered the technique in another way," suddenly said Jotaro. "I can create landmines out of it. I put them on the ground and they are triggered when something or someone steps on it. You could do it too, Happosai."
"Really?" said Happosai. "Could you show me?"
Jotaro nodded and produced a landmine out of ki. Happosai watched her intently so as to be able to reproduce it. Akane looked at it too and had to admit that such a ki-construct was way beyond her level. Jotaro put the mine on the ground and a 'click' was heard.
"Now it is armed," said Jotaro. "And it can't be stepped on without exploding."
"Impressive," said Happosai wonderingly. "However, it was probably a bad idea to arm it inside of your house."
"Don't worry," said Mikoto as she came from the kitchen with tea. "Jotaro learned to dissipate them harmlessly."
That caught Happosai's attention. Jotaro put her hands on the mine and concentrated for a minute. She reabsorbed the ki compressed in the mine, effectively disarming it. The containment matrix fell apart and vanished into wisps in the air. Happosai was suitably impressed.
"Impressive," he said awed. "I didn't know it could be done."
"It can also be done with a Happo-Daikarin," supplied Jotaro helpfully. "However, since it takes time, you have to lengthen the fuse at the same time to prevent it from exploding, so it's more difficult to achieve. It doesn't work with the Kujo Grenade Burst, though. I'm trying to find a way to defuse it. I'll probably have to release the ki in the atmosphere instead of reabsorbing it."
"It's more than enough," countered Happosai. "I thought I was the sensei and you're showing me things I have to learn like a student. Soon you'll be the only sensei and Akane and I will be your students."
"I wouldn't count on it," replied Jotaro. "There is much I have yet to learn."
At that moment the doorbell rang. Jotaro detected Shampoo behind it and went to open it. She summoned Star Platinum as a safety measure.
"Xian-Pu," she started. "What can I do..?"
She never finished her phrase as Shampoo threw something at her mouth. Jotaro used a Time Stop and time froze just as the item was about to enter her mouth. She stepped back and noticed that it was a mushroom that she knew. The Amazons used it to condition people to execute an order with a chosen noise. Cologne had probably sent her great-granddaughter to take back artefacts from her with this. Too bad it wouldn't have worked. Star Platinum conditioned the access to the Doorspace where Jotaro stored said artefacts and wouldn't have just handed them like that. That didn't prevent Jotaro from severely disliking the old ghoul's method and she decided to take revenge.
As the Time Stop was released, Jotaro caught the mushroom in her mouth but didn't swallow it. Shampoo let out a cry of victory and Jotaro acted. She spit the mushroom directly in Shampoo's mouth. Shampoo wasn't prepared for such a counter and swallowed it.
"Give a French kiss to the closest old person in the vicinity," she said while snapping her fingers.
Shampoo froze in horror before rushing into the house where Happosai, Akane and Mikoto were waiting.
"Shampoo, what are you doing here?" asked Akane.
Shampoo didn't listen. She rushed at Happosai and gave him a kiss full on his lips, putting her tongue inside his mouth. Happosai was so shocked he didn't react while Akane and Mikoto eyed the scene with wonder. After three seconds, Shampoo stopped and shrieked incoherently. She then gagged and dashed to the kitchen to throw up in the sink. Jotaro snorted.
"Even more effective than I thought," she said with a smirk.
"Not that I minded being kissed at all but what happened?" asked Happosai.
Jotaro told them about the mushroom. Soon, Akane was doubled over in laughter. Mikoto giggled while Happosai had a smirk on his face.
"You shouldn't giggle, Mikoto," he said happily. "Had you been closer, she would have kissed you."
The sound of Shampoo brushing her mouth fanatically was heard.
"Why would I mind?" replied Mikoto. And she snapped her fingers.
Shampoo immediately dashed from the kitchen and kissed Mikoto hungrily. When she stopped she shrieked again.
"What do you know," mused Happosai. "It does work. Who knew Khu Lon's great-granddaughter would be such a hungry kisser?"
Shampoo made a plaintive noise. She didn't even notice when Jotaro searched in her pockets and took away more mushrooms. She put them into Doorspace for future use and stuck a small loud-speaker on her collar. The loud-speaker produced a snapping sound. Shampoo's eyes widened in horror and she kissed Happosai again. She then wailed pathetically and fled the house.
"The loud-speaker I put on her activates every three minutes," said Jotaro with a broad smile. "I wonder how long it will be before she notices it."
All the other started laughing.
Shampoo was becoming extremely angry. She hadn't found the source of the snapping sounds and it had taken four hours for the effect of the mushroom to stop. She had kissed at least five old people on her way to the Nekohanten. And once inside, she had kissed at least two more before Cologne took her away and closed the restaurant. But to her horror, the effects hadn't stopped.
Cologne sighed as she crushed the loud-speaker she had found on Shampoo's collar. The plan to take artefacts back from Jotaro had backfired spectacularly. And she had spent a horrible night as retaliation. Being French-kissed by her great-granddaughter repeatedly for nearly four hours wasn't her idea of a pleasant evening. She dreaded what Jotaro could do to them with the mushrooms she had stolen, all the ones she possessed in fact. She didn't like the possibilities, not at all.
"Hercules' noodles?" asked Akane.
"I managed to get some," said Happosai. "They give supernatural strength to the person who eats them."
"I'm sensing a "but" there," interrupted Jotaro. "Otherwise you would have eaten them."
"There are two inconvenient side-effects," confirmed Happosai. "I have actually eaten them, but one of these side-effects obliged me to take the antidote."
"What are the side-effects?" asked Akane.
"The least bothersome one is that it increases the production of male hormones," explained Happosai. "It isn't bothersome to males but it causes the apparition of a moustache on females, as well as a loss of breasts."
Akane shuddered.
"It's a good reason not to take it," noted Jotaro. "It could even affect my girl form. I'm not sure I want to know the bothersome effect."
"It grants you power but no control," explained Happosai. "I couldn't hold a glass without breaking it and I accidentally destroyed several doors. I couldn't touch anything without breaking it. That's why I took the antidote. Power without control is useless and dangerous."
"How right you are," stated Jotaro. "You can always keep you Hercules' noodles to play a prank on an unsuspecting female, let's say Khu Lon."
Happosai grinned.
"Have I told you that I like the way you think?" he asked candidly.
"The principal is coming back from what I heard among the staff," said Jotaro to the vice-principal. "What I would like to know is why they were so terrified about it."
'What I would like to know is how you got into this room while the doors and windows were closed,' thought the vice-principal. He sighed.
"Our principal is a lunatic," he finally replied. "There's no nice way to put it. He's been at Hawaii for the last three years, so the students don't remember, but the staff does. He obliges them to enforce weird laws, lest they be sacked. I don't have this problem but there's little I can do to counter him."
"What do you imply by 'lunatic'?" asked Jotaro.
"He has a weird fetish for shaved heads," sighed the vice-principal. "He wants all the girls to have short hair and all the guys to be shaven bald. He doesn't hesitate to cut hair himself by surprise. He also is a sticker for the uniform and once stripped a girl in front of everybody because she didn't have one. And he inflicts weird punishments to students for things he perceives as an offence, even when they actually aren't. He doesn't hesitate to enforce his rules violently."
"Sounds a bit over the top to me," said Jotaro scornfully.
The vice-principal eyed him carefully and mulled over something.
"You might be able to do something," said the vice-principal eventually.
"How so?" asked Jotaro.
"You stand out the most among our students," answered the vice-principal, "so he will most assuredly target you first. However, you are the best pupil of the country. So he can't expel you without losing his support in high places and would be sacked if he did. Thus you are in position to retaliate without consequences. I ask you to do so. It might divert his attention from the other students and if you beat him at his own game he might stop his antics. Just remember that I never told you that. You are just too headstrong to obey such a madman and that's all there is to it."
Jotaro understood that the man was shirking responsibility for this and expected him to solve the problem. But he had been honest about it and he risked his place if their conversation became known. Besides, he had helped him and Jotaro had nothing to lose in helping him. At worst he'd effectively be expelled but it would cause problems to the principal and he could integrate whatever high school he wanted with his perfect grades. So he had no problems with the 'mission' he had been saddled with. He would probably have done it all the same even if the vice-principal had forbidden him to do so.
"Well, as far as everybody else knows, I never even came to see you," replied Jotaro. "They don't need to know."
He prepared to leave. The vice-principal was obviously grateful.
"Just remember not to play his games and, knowing you, you should be fine," he said to him.
Jotaro nodded respectfully and disappeared from view.
"Are my eyes deceiving me or is there a snowman attacking students and trying to cut their hair?" asked Akane bewildered.
"You're not dreaming," replied Jotaro. "The worst part about it is that, if my information is accurate, this snowman is actually our principal in disguise."
"I know this town is strange but this is pushing it," stated Akane. "I'll start blaming you for the weirdness."
"Can't blame this one on me," replied Jotaro. "He was already like that three years ago."
At that moment the snowman came behind Jotaro and grabbed his pigtail, trying to cut it. However, Jotaro was faster.
The scissors it held were thrown away as Jotaro performed a mawashigeri, a rotating kick. The scissors embedded themselves into a wall, only their handle pointing out of it. Jotaro then took the snowman's head and ripped it off, revealing a tanned man with sunglasses and a palm top on his head. He had an unnaturally large smile. He took off the rest of his disguise, revealing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and a ukulele that shouldn't have been concealed into a disguise.
"Aloha keiki," he said happily. "I be da principal, Big Kahuna."
The students eyed him in disbelief, except for Jotaro. The principal's gaze fell on Jotaro.
"You dere," he shouted. "Dat uniform isn't regular. What is your name, keiki?"
"Jotaro Kujo," replied Jotaro while eyeing the principal with a neutral gaze. "I also happen to be the best student of the nation according to the last mock exam. I'm allowed a certain leeway thanks to that. Pleased to meet you."
The principal paused. He was insane but even he understood that he could hardly mess with a student of this calibre. He would be in no end of trouble if he punished him too much or expelled him. He would have to break the little upstart himself.
"Aw, such an honour to have a student dat good in my school," he said with a big smile. "Take dis as a present."
He threw a pineapple at Jotaro. However, Jotaro had spotted a fuse coming from it. He caught it and sent it back at its sender. The principal caught it as it exploded, singeing him.
"Pathetic," stated Jotaro. "Let's wait for him in the hall, he probably has a speech to deliver to us."
A while later, the whole school was in the great hall waiting for the principal's speech. Almost all of them were gossiping on the new principal and what had occurred between him and Jotaro. The principal came on the scene with bandages, thanks to the explosion he had previously sustained. The room grew silent. No one noticed Jotaro transferring an item from Doorspace to Hidden Weapon space. However, everyone noticed that the staff was very nervous.
"Aloha, keiki," shouted the principal happily. "Is good to finally be back. I bring a present for you."
"A free pass for one grade?" asked one student eagerly.
"Better," replied the principal with a big smile. "A new rule concerning haircuts. Dese be the new regular haircut."
He brought down a panel. The panel showed a girl's head and a boy's head. The girl had really short hair while the boy had a shaven head. The students protested as a whole. The principal's smile grew wider.
"Dese be the new haircuts," he said with a sadistic gleam in his eyes. "It's da rule. You must have same haircuts as da panel says."
"Which means that the rule is nullified if there's no panel anymore," said Jotaro calmly but loudly enough to be heard from everybody.
He then threw an item on the panel. When it touched it, the item vanished in a ball of flames. The flames instantly consumed the wooden panel before dying out. The students looked at Jotaro with wonder, impressed that he had had the balls to bring and use an incendiary grenade at school and wondering where he actually got it. The principal looked at his former panel with shock, his smile having vanished.
"Mah panel!" he cried. "How could you?"
"You shouldn't try to enforce stupid rules," Jotaro shot back. "You wouldn't like the consequences."
The principal trembled before jumping of the scene, grabbing a flummoxed Akane and going back on the scene with her. He then put his scissors near her hair.
"You being a bad keiki," he said at Jotaro. "You shave your head or Big Kahuna shave hers."
Akane didn't appreciate being manhandled. She propelled her foot into the principal's groin. The man released his scissors while groaning before folding on himself, releasing Akane who got off the scene.
"I think the rule isn't about to be applied," she said.
"Not so fast keiki," said the principal while standing up unnaturally fast after the blow he had received. "You have to take dis coconut from da Big Kahuna to annul da rule. It contains a slip of permission in it dat allows you not to respect da rule."
He then went away, not noticing that Jotaro had been close to his escape way. Meanwhile the student had regrouped to discuss how to gain the coconut. Kuno had put his pride away for once and was discussing with them. He had bad memories of shaven heads. His father had done that to him when he was younger and he hadn't liked it.
"We have to fight him to get this coconut," he said.
"You mean this coconut?" asked Jotaro idly.
The students all turned to him. He was indeed holding the coconut. He opened it and took a piece of paper in it.
"No Follow Da Rules," he read aloud. He then turned to Kuno. "Your father is a real piece of work, Tatewaki."
All the students paused and looked at Kuno, who had frozen.
"Thou lie," he said. "That madman cannot be my father. I don't believe it."
"His last name is Kuno," enumerated Jotaro. "He was the principal here three years ago. He knows some hair cutting techniques that belong to your family and that you should remember since he used them on you. Lastly, his son's name is Tatewaki."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Kuno in anguish. For once the students sympathized with him. Kuno was a nutcase but even he didn't deserve a father like that.
"HEY! Where is dat coconut?" was heard from under the school.
"You mean the one with the "No Follow Da Rules" paper in it? I've got it here, in the great hall," shouted Jotaro.
The school was treated to several cries of pain and explosions. The principal had obviously booby-trapped his escape route and hadn't expected to take it in reverse. He came from where he had disappeared, slightly singed and his clothes in a poor state. Jotaro waived the very recognizable slip of paper.
"You lose, fool," he said. He then paused before adding: "Upon reflection, you're not a fool. It would be insulting to fools to say so."
The principal hung his head low in defeat.
"You win, keiki," he said sadly. "I no enforce haircut rules." He then brightened. "I have new rule: samurai haircut for boys and geisha haircut for girls. What do you think?"
He was treated to the sight of a gun between his eyes and started to sweat. What student would be crazy enough to take a gun to school? He had to be crazier than him or have balls of brass. The gun then lowered before targeting his groin and he sweated more.
"How about you forget any rules about haircut and I don't blow your balls off?" asked Jotaro threateningly.
"Okay," squealed the principal. Jotaro put the gun back in Doorspace.
"Glad you approve," he said neutrally. "People with burst balls always howl like pigs. I don't really like that."
He then went away. The students gave him a wide berth. They knew he was dangerous but they didn't know he had the balls to bring a gun at school. And the things he said about balls... It implied that he had already done it!
Jotaro went away without a care. He had completed his mission and had tamed the principal. Nothing else mattered to him.
"It was extreme," said the vice-principal later that day to Jotaro. "But it worked. However, he is likeable to call the police on you for illegal gun possession."
"It will only discredit him more," replied Jotaro. "You think I would have drawn this gun in his presence if I didn't have a foolproof way to hide it?"
"And how do you hide it?" asked the vice-principal.
Jotaro made a pass and the gun appeared in his hand. He made another one and the gun disappeared.
"I turn into a girl with water," he said simply. "How do you think I make it disappear?"
"Magic?" asked the vice-principal rhetorically.
"Close enough," replied Jotaro. There was nothing more to add.
The next day, as Jotaro was coming to school, he saw a few traps on the road. He jumped over them, wondering who was dumb enough to think he would fall for such obvious traps. He had his answer a few metres from school when an explosive pineapple came onto him. He avoided it and looked at the school's wall. The principal was at it. He wondered what brought that on.
"Dere's a new rule," he shouted. "All the late students have to clean da toilets for a week."
"And what makes you think that I'll be late?" asked Jotaro.
"Ah'm working on it," said the principal before launching several explosive pineapples at Jotaro.
Jotaro grabbed each and every pineapple and threw them back at the principal. One of them exploded, triggering the explosion of all the others. The principal was engulfed in a large explosion. He came out of it completely singed. Jotaro came into the school and grabbed him by what remained of the collar of his shirt.
"You shouldn't mess with me," he said. He then released him and took several steps back. "My turn."
Two rockets formed in his hands before launching themselves at the principal. He shrieked like a girl as the rockets exploded and propelled him out of the school. The bell rang.
"According to your new rule," stated Jotaro idly to the downed and groaning form of the principal, "you have toilet duty for the rest of the week. Have fun."
He went to class as the principal grumbled some more.
"Why is the principal blocking the boy's toilets?" asked Akane.
"According to a rule he invented and that I turned against him, he has toilet duty for the rest of the week," answered Jotaro. "It's probably his retaliation."
"Not much of a revenge," noted Akane.
Two police officers came to Jotaro, who stopped and eyed them curiously.
"Jotaro Kujo?" asked one of them while sighing.
"Yes?" responded Jotaro.
"Sorry to bother you but we have to search you for explosives," said the other one. "We know that you helped us a lot but we have to follow the rules and search you since the principal accused you of carrying explosive devices and a gun."
"Sure," replied Jotaro. "Do it."
The police officers were a bit stunned at his willingness and searched him. They didn't find anything. The principal, who had gleefully come to assist at the scene, eyed Jotaro with disbelief.
"Everything is in order," said one of the policemen. "It seems that we were lied to."
"Not totally," replied Jotaro. "I did manipulate explosives. I sent back the explosive sent at me by the principal. If you want to find them, search his office."
The two policemen whirled around and eyed the principal pointedly, making him sweat.
"We will have to search your office, sir," said one of the policemen.
"You can't," he shouted. "I was da one to call you."
"And you proclaimed false accusations," countered the other policeman. "We have to ask you to come with us to search your office."
They grabbed him while he tried to flee.
"HEY!" he shouted. "You can't do dat. Dammit keiki, dis is all your fault!"
"A waterproof soap?" asked Jotaro bewildered. "It kind of defeats its purpose."
"I know it sounds retarded," replied Akane. "But it works, if only for a small amount of time, approximately four hours. It prevents a Jusenkyo curse from being activated or deactivated. Genma used it after he snatched it from Ryoga, who took it from Shampoo. Genma was disgusted that the effect lasted only a few hours. He tried using it continuously but he won't have enough for more than a week."
"Sounds interesting," replied Jotaro. "Do you have it?"
"I have better," replied Akane happily. "Happosai managed to snatch the address of its maker from Shampoo and gave it to me. Here it is."
She gave it to Jotaro who put it in his Doorspace for future consideration.
"Where is he, by the way?" asked Jotaro about Happosai.
"Bothering the hell out of Cologne," replied Akane. "Remember the mushroom you gave to him? He managed to make Cologne swallow it and is now making her fondle her customers. Needless to say, most of them have fled her restaurant.
"Serves her right," retorted Jotaro. "Wish I could have seen it."
A.N: The Happo-Daikarin is one of the funniest attacks of the manga, I couldn't pass on that. As for principal Kuno, well, he stays. He is too funny. Next time, something that doens't appear in the manga. We see more of Motoki.
Continuing from last chapter, here are my favourite Stand battles in Part 4.
5th: Rohan Kishibe (Heaven's Door) vs Cheap Trick (no User). A funny Stand, extremely vicious and bothersome. It illustrates Kishibe's resourcefulness and Koichi's dedication to his friends. The end of the battle (with the phantom street) is one of the most intelligent in the whole series.
4th: Rohan Kishibe (Heaven's Door) vs Ken Oyanagi (Boy II Man). Rohan Kishibe in all his splendour against an extremely strange Stand but extremely dangerous since it can steal other Stands. Kishibe has to resort to Shizuka Joestar and her Achtung Baby to win this match. Ken inspires him as a manga character.
3rd: Koichi Hirose (Echoes) and Jotaro Kujo (Star Platinum) vs Yoshikage Kira (Killer Queen and Sheer Heart Attack). One of the most epic fight of the fourth Part, with Jotaro in an extremely precarious position. This fight reveals Koichi's courage and makes him worthy in Jotaro's eyes for the first time. Koichi allows Jotaro enough time to recover and to put Kira in a bad position by antagonizing him even when he is on the verge of death. Kira's escape is also really incredible. Notice that Sheer Heart Attack isn't a Stand by itself, it's just the right hand of Killer Queen and additionally one of the toughest and most ruthless Stand ever.
2nd: Josuke Higashikata (Crazy Diamond) and Hayato Kawajiri (no Stand) vs Yoshikage Kira (Killer Queen), Straycat (User is a plant-cat hybrid, yeah, I know) and Yoshihiro Kira (Atom Heart Father). Hayato reveals himself as a ballsy kid when he sacrifices himself to detonate one of Kira's bombs. He helps Josuke a whole lost, especially when he notices that Straycat is firing air bombs. Josuke manages to use his Stand in smart ways, especially since it doesn't work on him. Okuyasu finally saves him when everything seems lost and neutralizes Straycat. But Koichi and Jotaro eventually prevent Kira from using his Requiem Stand. Kira's death is an anticlimactic one but a fiiting one for such a secretive individual.
1st: Hayato Kawajiri (no Stand) vs Yoshikage Kira (Another One Bites The Dust). Kira's extremely strange and yet extremely powerful Requiem Stand. One of the only fights in the series where one of the fighters isn't a Stand User (not counting the first two seasons). Kira's Stand is terrifying especially when it first appears: Kishibe notices that Hayato can predict the future (albeit unknowingly) and reads about Kira's real identity. At that moment, he reads "Kishibe Rohan got killed". Another One Bites The Dust then appears and kills Kishibe. The Stand then reverses time until Kira discovers who found his identity. It manages to kill Kishibe a second time and to kill Jotaro, Josuke, Koichi and Okuyasu. Time flows back another time but this time, Hayato manages to outsmart Kira in an impressively intelligent way by making him reveal his identity himself to Josuke, thus obliging him to recall his Stand and preventing the deaths. One of the most epic fight of the whole saga.